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Complete Contractual Invalidation by R-dude (Republic) - T

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Shezza, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. Nfactorial

    Nfactorial Squib

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    Giving this a 4/5. Grabbed me from the start because of Harry's portrayal as a much more serious, business minded guy who genuinely wants to try something new. Not sure what Harry's ultimate goal is with the dates, as I'm not able to think of a simple way to wrap this up in however many dates he has left. Characterization of everyone is pretty good, everybody reads as if the author put some time into fleshing out their characters.
     
  2. D. P. Throat

    D. P. Throat Disappeared

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    Giving this a 4.25/5. Gotta say, I really enjoyed it. The one killer for me is how... off, Harry is. He just doesn't seem to act like Harry Potter, Golden Boy, Child of Prophecy and Vanquisher of Voldemort. In truth, he's acting more and more like he went to Slytherin, no Gryffindor. Mind you, that's a purely personal and subjective crit.

    Apart from that, I love the worldbuilding and the unique and fresh perspective that Republic brings to the table. Daphne is extremely well done, from her behavior to her voice; everything is conveyed well and believably Of course, Daphne is pretty much a blank slot thanks to her never showing up in the books, but Rep has created a brilliant portrayal of Daphne Greengrass as I imagined her. The relationship between Daphne and Harry is also very well executed. Apart from Harry's initial actions, it really does seem like something I could see happening.

    Overall, would reccomend.
     
  3. Johnnyseattle

    Johnnyseattle Order Member DLP Supporter

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    This is one of the best written stories in a while, as far as flow, detail, and character-building. The only problem I have with it, and it's significant, is that Daphne is the most unlikeable character I've read in a long, LONG time. I have no idea what would possess Harry to want to associate with her past the second date at all. I told Rep that I trust he has a plan here, but still - what an unbelievable bitch she is.

    Aside of that though, absolutely top-notch writing. I'd read 100 chapters of the guys hanging out and bantering, it's great. The vivid descriptions of the magical world are almost setting the standard.

    Solid 4/5 for me, to be bumped to 4.5+ if he can actually make me like Daphne eventually. :)
     
  4. Lucia

    Lucia First Year

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    I thought it was rather terribly written, right off the bat. Spoilers ahead.

    One of the things I just couldn't get over was that the premise is based on the idea of a marriage contract, one of the most overdone, annoying cliches in HP fanfiction I've ever had the misfortune to come across. It's right up there with harem fics, mpreg, heirdoms to a dozen different titles, &ct.

    But taking aside, for a moment, all my other objections, it's also pretty unrealistic. Why would James Potter, who had a blatant disregard for pureblood customs, and having married a muggleborn, betroth his son to a pureblood? The author supplies some contrived backstory involving life-debts, but I don't buy that James would arrange a betrothal purely to take advantage of that and make his son heir to another pureblood family. Frankly, it sounds more like something Lucius Malfoy would do. And the idea of marriage as an institution that transfers the ownership of a woman from her father to her husband? Barbaric. Not something I can see Lily Potter tolerating, no matter how good a friend she was with Daphne's mother. I can see the author's tried to lampshade this by arguing that she gave Harry a loophole to void the contract, but apparently Daphne was not deserving of the same privilege. Disgusting. A major win for gender equality indeed.

    I also find Harry's suggestion that he would marry a woman against her will simply for her beauty and assets repugnant and out of character. The way he objectifies her goes against all what we know of him in canon. In fact, he's nothing like he is depicted in canon. I would overlook this if his new characterization here was an improvement and I enjoyed it, but, well, I don't. It's clear that Daphne doesn't want to marry him, she doesn't even want to date him - and I don't blame her! - but Harry clearly can't take no for an answer. Obviously, though, Daphne's just as mercenary, so I guess her behaviour's no better.

    On the whole, I find Harry a thoroughly dislikable character, and Daphne only marginally less so. Reading this story's been a chore.

    That the writing is riddled with grammatical errors is icing on the cake.

    1/5.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016
  5. ibskib

    ibskib Second Year

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    I really don't know why some people liked it so much, although technically proficient, most of it was just boring.
    I found myself disliking everything related to the romance, the setup, the weak reasoning as to why Harry isn't just voiding the contract immediately, and as mentioned before just how unlikable Daphne is.
    Feels like the author is running with the icequeen cliche and dialling it up to 11.
    Aside from her being described as beautiful, she didn't came across as having any other attractive qualities, and their interactions just wasn't particularly interesting, apparently this Harry likes a challenge.

    What I disliked just as much was Harry's inner dialogue and the insecurity he's shown when it came to his values compared to the Greengrass family, trying to not judge the purebloods aka. backwards bigoted, not to mention mercenary snobs, for being what they are. There are several mentions of keeping an open mind, if his mind was any more open his brains would fall out. Or perhaps they already have, he certainly acts like it.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016
  6. CleanRag

    CleanRag Groundskeeper

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    It's easily the best Marriage Contract story I've read. It succeeds because it isn't really a romance fic, it is a mystery. Harry having the ability to void the contract but choosing not to do so sucked me in. So rather than bitching about the contrived setup for a pairing, I am always looking for insight into Harry's motivations.

    Personally, I think the entire deal with Daphne is a smokescreen. Harry is investigating a smuggling ring, and Astoria is marrying Draco so the Greengrass' can get at a shipping company. I am having a hard time believing that the Malfoy's are running a legitimate business there.

    4/5 If the ending delivers, and justifies Harry's behavior I could see myself bumping it up. On the other hand, if the ending is lame, and leaves me upset that Harry didn't just void the contract and ask Daphne out, I could easily drop it down to a 3 or even a 2.
     
  7. Grin

    Grin Muggle

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    The primary complaints raised with the story are, as far as I can tell, attacking the premise of the marriage contract that sustains it.

    While some are unsatisfied with the reasoning behind Harry's refusal to void the contract, I personally find that eventually discovering Harry's mysterious motivations is a major reason why I keep on reading. There's nothing wrong with disliking such a suspenseful set-up, but to dismiss it as an overlooked and underdeveloped plot point ("weak reasoning") when the author is clearly deliberately keeping Harry's motivations hidden from the reader is needlessly turning a valid literary criticism into an attack on the author's writing ability.

    That said, the believability of the Potters' attitudes towards the marriage contract is a bit lacking at the moment, and could use some more explanation. Hope there's more of that to come.

    Characterization works just fine for me considering it's been a number of years since the Battle of Hogwarts. It's especially refreshing seeing a new take on old characters, particularly with Harry's open-minded attempt to understand pure-blood beliefs. While a childish division of good and bad worked for Rowling, there's no need for that sort of simplicity in fanfiction.

    The world-building is great! Always awesome to see a magical world beyond Hogwarts, Diagon Alley, the Ministry and the Burrow.

    As the story currently stands, 4/5
     
  8. RedSkys

    RedSkys Squib

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    I was skeptical at first as the marriage contract genre is often executed poorly, however, the premise and technical writing is superb.

    The world building and character development/interactions are so well done. Always good to see more of the magical world, and the banter scenes are a personal highlight for me.

    I'd give this a 4/5 for now, very interested to see how it plays out.
     
  9. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign Prestige

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    I suspended my disbelief for the terrible trope of the marriage contract because it's a fic from a DLP author. I still think it doesn't entirely work, but that's the trope's fault.

    Interesting bits of worldbuilding are introduced relatively quickly (the smuggling ring, Harry's Plan), but are only dangled in front of the reader. I was hoping those elements would eventually take the focus away from the base trope. I still don't know what Harry's plan is beyond getting to date a hot babe for a while.

    The fic is very much character driven and the characters are handled well. The banter between Harry, Ron and Neville is better than interaction between Harry and Daphne. With them, dialogue comes off too stiff in places.

    On the technical side, I definitely think the prose could be improved. It gets too wordy on occasion, other times word choice doesn't quite click. Plot-wise, I'm not sure if this just a trope deconstruction or the beginning of something bigger and it's left me a bit frustrated. I'm left with the impression of a plane rolling for take-off on an infinitely long runway. It's definitely moving and it seems like decent speed, but it's still on the ground.

    I'm rating it 3,5 at the moment, rounded down. At first glance the fic looks like it should score a 4/5 easily, but it's not there yet imo. I'm open to amending the rating based on future updates.
     
  10. Henry Persico

    Henry Persico Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    I really like the way this is going. I've never read anything by Rep before, so it was a nice change from the usual guilty pleasure fics from FFN, and loved how he portrayed Harry and Daphne.

    5/5
     
  11. Shizeon

    Shizeon Squib

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    I'm really suprised how much that Story managed to hook me in considering it's based on a marriage contract. I gave it a shot after seeing it on here and I really enjoyed it.

    The most interesting part of the Story for me certainly is the banter between Daphne and Harry. The worldbuilding and storytelling in general is technically well done.

    4/5
     
  12. Agni

    Agni Third Year

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    Though one can argue that the very premise is contrived, the execution makes it novel.
    The world building is quite interesting.
    What I find jarring is Harry's characterization. Even though he is the head auror and must have experience spanning several years, he is shown out of depth where purebloods are concerned.
    Though overall it is a very interesting read.
     
  13. Anthares

    Anthares Squib

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    - Spoiler alert -

    I'm feeling torn about this fic. I mean, the concept is kind of shaky, the whole mariage contract thing is so unlikely, especially because I don't think the Potters would have accepted such a deal, no matter what backstory the author scrounges up to justify it. So the start is a bit weak. Idem for the blackmailing Daphne into complying - it felt rather unnecessary, and I do wonder how exactly these 5 dates, of which one was a fail in the muggle world, will help him in this mysterious plan.

    That said, there's something so real about Harry experiencing culture shock even more than a decade after integrating the Wizarding world, and being caught off guard by his own intolerance. Daphne's reasoning for her prejudices are also much more developed and understandable than I usually see in fics.

    The banter is on point. I think that's what I might like the most about this fic, it almost takes me back to my days in London.

    Overall, I'd give this a 3,5/5. I might consider upping that if the Plan is worth looking over that shaky start.
     
  14. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

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    4/5 very library worthy.

    My full review can be found here.
     
  15. Eyron

    Eyron Seventh Year

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    Why is this getting so much praise? I got bored quickly.

    World building is nice but everything else is a combination of the more annoyng HP fanfic tropes. Icequeen Daphne, marriage contracts, etc..
    For a head auror, Harry seems pretty inept.
    I cringed when reading some parts. Not a good sign.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2016
  16. Banta

    Banta The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    Like what? Where did you cringe, and why?
     
  17. Eyron

    Eyron Seventh Year

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    Some of the dialogue between Harry and Daphne just feels off to me. Almost like a really bad actor reading a line with a bland tone.
     
  18. Stealthy

    Stealthy Seventh Year

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    Best way I can sum this up is it looks like this is a deconstruction/"do it right" fic of some shitty tropes. It does a solid job of doing that, but it's still hamstrung by those shitty tropes.

    Edit: Just noticed and read the final chapter. Good stuff, and wraps up into a nice payoff for everything.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2016
  19. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign Prestige

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    Having read the last two chapters in WBA, I find myself reiterating the previous rating. While I liked how Harry realized his plan, it could have been set up better. After how secretive he was about it, I was honestly expecting more than
    Harry maneuvering himself into a promotion.

    I liked the dynamic of the relationship, of two people brought together by a ridiculous circumstance, but then on the fourth date the fic went full romantic comedy. I guess I just prefer the kind of Harry/Daphne "romance" that Sesc wrote in Uunatoned.

    The battle scene bored me. Too much focus on particular details killed the pacing.

    Finally, I thought the ending was a bit of a disappointment after the well done climax during the New Year's Party. Daphne's reaction didn't sit well with me. "Oh look, she has feelings and she's upset." I think something like a reunion a few days/weeks later, with Daphne having considered the benefits of dating Harry for real (because that's what I got from her character) would have been more fitting.

    3,5/5 rounded down
     
  20. mdatot

    mdatot First Year

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    Personally I find criticizing a marriage contract fic for being a marriage contract fic to be a bit of a cheap shot. I mean, what did you expect? This particular one does use the plot device to bring the characters together but is otherwise a solid character driven romance. As far as plot devices go it is pretty silly and I've seen a lot of dumb uses of it, but this fic is one of the better takes, I think. You can hardly say you weren't forewarned. The only part of it that really rubs me the wrong way are the physical requirements - it's weirdly sexist and I don't really see why it was necessary. Daphne's insecurities about her scars and her looks would have been easy to believe even without that, I think.

    The characters and the way they interact is what makes or breaks this kind of fic, and in this one I think Harry and Daphne have pretty great chemistry from the start. Their interactions were the best part of the fic, and that's pretty much what sells the entire thing to me. The limited perspective where you only ever see scenes from one character's point of view also works pretty well. Too many romance fics make the mistake of overusing POV switches and telling the reader about the relationship rather than showing it. In this one you have to figure out for yourself what makes the characters tick, and I like that. Grow Young With Me didn't really work for me at all, but this does.

    I really do think it could've been a bit longer, though. Not necessarily in words, but the relationship did feel like it progressed a bit too fast at times, especially around chapter 3 and 3.5. Then again, it's a fine line to walk and I've dropped romance fics for progressing too slow before.

    A solid 4/5 for me, and I'm looking forward to the promised further adventures of Harry and Daphne - again, their interactions are great and I'd like to see more of that.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2016