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Abandoned Control by Anonymous58 - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Andro, Apr 13, 2010.

  1. iLost

    iLost Minister of Magic

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    That was lengthy? What about the later books that had upwards of seventy pages? Those were a chore.

    As to the story. Descriptions like black fire coupled with emotion is an amateur move, a bit too exaggerated.

    So are the cliches.

    The action was standard fair, with Dumbledore conveniently showing up.

    Plus side, Bellatrix is nuts.

    Regardless, it's written amazingly well. 4/5
     
  2. deyas

    deyas DA Member

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    A Lurker's Opinion

    Excellent beginning to a story that looks to have great potential. The characterization of both Bellatrix and Tonks is the most accurate that I've ever read. The Azkaban description is also fantastic.

    In my opinion the author takes it just far enough with Harry's power levels, i.e. "The Twilight Flame" for it not to seem, ahh, a bit much, *cough Sword, Defiance, Soul cough* Hopefully this story doesn't fall into epic fail because of the numerous cliches, and the author gets more original in the coming chapters.

    Overall a 4/5. :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2010
  3. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    [​IMG]
     
  4. Synchro

    Synchro High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    Bloody hell!! This is amazing...

    I'll admit I wanted to quit at the beginning, mindscapes, tracking charm on the wand (no Trace) and Dursley violence were strong deterrents. But, in spite of them this story works really, really well.

    I'd say 5/5 but its early days yet. I'll rate the thread after a few more chapters.
     
  5. Onii

    Onii Fifth Year

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    This is a real gem, Hard to find new work this good these days 5/5 from me. God if it gets abandoned i'm going to have to hunt down the author and kill them.

    It was so good i had to go read it all again. That Bella ooh she is perfect, I have never seen such a great Bella.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2010
  6. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    True, but Eye of the World's prologue was worse because it is the first book of the series and I wasn't yet invested in it. The prologues to later books weren't nearly as bad because I was invested in the Wheel of Time series.

    Back to the topic at hand, maybe I will become invested in this story and maybe I won't. As I've previously said, the story does have potential.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2010
  7. Anme

    Anme Professor

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    I'm not really impressed that much. It's got a lot of stuff in it that I don't care about, and the good things don't compensate enough. Writing is very good.

    That said, it has some potential. 3/5 for now.
     
  8. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

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    Cliched though it may be, it is very well written. Need to see more Bella and Tonks interactions before I give a rating though.

    That last fight was epic.
     
  9. Lawyer in Exile

    Lawyer in Exile Second Year

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    It's been ages since I last saw anything near this quality. The style and the characters are both great. Plus, 20K+ words published in 9 days -> just keep this up and keep me happy..

    Downside: occlumency is not the be all and end all of magic.

    4/5 with potential to go both ways.
     
  10. Agnostics Puppet

    Agnostics Puppet Professor

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    ... I cant get over the fact that Harry seems to be a super wizard at the age of 12. TWELVE. Unless Im missing something and the chamber shit happened way after the fact in this reality. Whatever. I didnt like it, beyond Bella.

    2/5
     
  11. Kai Shek

    Kai Shek Supreme Mugwump

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    Harry isn't even close to a super wizard. He admits it himself in Azkaban "Stumbling into killing two Aurors." Having the knowledge to kill his relatives wouldn't take long for a wizard, especially one driven to learn for a year.
     
  12. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    I just read the prologue, and I find it fucking awesome so far. 5/5 from me for right now. I'll rate it again later.
     
  13. Captain Trips

    Captain Trips High Inquisitor

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    I read it, and I loved it five out of five from me
     
  14. Onii

    Onii Fifth Year

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    Best Bella ever!, Go read the new chapter all i can say about it is :awesome.
     
  15. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    Another good chapter. Bella is creepy as fuck. About the only negative is that I can't read the references to 'ebon fire' without laughing after Andro's comment in the OP... EDIT: That now doesn't seem to be there. I didn't hallucinate that did I?
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2010
  16. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Love potion Bella is cliched, but cannibal Bella isn't. More Tonks. Awesome stuff.
     
  17. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

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    ^^ The AN made me giggle.

    I really wonder though, what's gonna be the relationship between Harry-Bella and Harry-Tonks? Tonks could be a romantic interest later on after he gets the world to bow to him, unless she just remains a very good friend despite everything, unlikely as that may seem from what happened before.

    Bella however seems strangely, and pleasantly, maternal. Though that could just be emotions dredged up by the Dementors. I'll be impatiently waiting for them to meet again.

    Definitely 5/5 now and baring any colossal screw-ups it'll stay that way..
     
  18. Alternator

    Alternator Squib

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    Question and comment.

    Question: How far in does this "feel"? I don't like reading anything that isn't complete, and all the comments say I'm going to read this sooner or later. I'm just wondering which it would be.

    Comment: Cliches only become cliches if they work, and are then re-used and over-used. They aren't inherently bad, they are just easy to toss in without thought, and THAT is bad.
     
  19. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    The latest update finished the prologue; I'd say you're in for a lengthy wait if you want it finished before you read.
     
  20. turtle7

    turtle7 Backtraced

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    Me neither but it seems that most of the good fics - hell most of the fics online - are incomplete. So its either stick to high quality shit and read very little as there is not much material that is complete, or read what's there.

    As far as this fic is concerned, it is really great, lots of description and good action tensed writing. I think it has the potential to be a fic of better quality than anything we have seen so far, save for the Psychic Serpent Trilogy, and the Stranger in an Unholy Land trilogy.

    But yeah, I know what you mean about the annoyance of reading an incomplete work... such as Stranger, coincidentally.

    It was just on my mind this morning, and I wonder what happened to the author. And speaking of authors, I think the author of this story is really Stephen King in disguise.

    /kidding

    /not