I was just looking at some of those funny quotes many of you guys have in your signatures, and thinking: Why not open up a thread where you could post more of them?

So, if you saw some very cool or funny or incredibly stupid part while reading fanfiction, please quote it here.

 

This one is pretty cool, great writting.

Anderson was a new Death Eater recruit, and so far he had to say that he loved every second of it. There was just something about teaching mudbloods their place in the world that got to him.
...
He turned his head slightly, just in time to see a set of brilliant gleaming emerald eyes and a flash of grey, before his aspirations and dreams of world terror and dominations were cut short.

Harry Potter and the Stargate by Shezza88

 

Great idea.

for funny quotes, please see the entire thread Here

 

Yea, I've already read it. Too bad you scared that guy away, he was fun to bash.

 

This one made me laugh a lot.

Code:

Grabbing a piece of chocolate, Harry opened the door of the balcony and leaned on the rail. The wind in his hair, the lights of the city, could his life get any more better.

"Diaieieeeeeee."

Harry watched in shock as several death eaters appeared in front of him and then plumeted to their deaths. After taking a suspicious sniff of the piece of chocolate that he had been eating, Harry leaned over the rail to look at the pile of broken death eaters littering the ground in front of the hotel. Wondering why these things always happened to him and resisting the urge to cry Harry turned around and walked sadly back into his hotel room.


Make a Wish by Rorschach's Blot
Chapter 10

 

I thought most of Make A Wish was funny. Harry isn't doing anything, and yet everyone thinks he's all powerful. He has horrible luck.

 

Eppy the house elf...

nuff said boi, werd!

 

Eppy is god.

 

Harry Potter and the Stargate by Shezza88

 

Few parts from The New Trio by henriette. Not the best story in the world, but damn cool parts. This is from chapter 8.

 

These ones are from nonjon's one-shot "Birth of a Name".

“Oh posh, Minnie. Don’t mind Marv.” Myrtle interrupts. “He’s just irritable. Though you might be too, if your name was Rom Tiddle.”

I just grumble at the annoying witch with a capital B. Just you wait! Someday, I’m going to be the ruler of the world and then… then, I’ll kill all y’all. Then we’ll see who’s irritable. Myrtle’s looking at me funny now. “And quit looking at my parchment.”

Another good one...

That’s it. That is my breaking point. My instincts kick in and I whip my wand around faster than anything she’s ever seen. I hiss out the spell, certain this will nail her flush across the shoulder. “Rictusempra.”

“Tee-hee-hee,” she laughs as she rubs her shoulder. “Stop that. It tickles.”

God, I can’t wait until I can use Cruciatus whenever I want to.

 

This is from nonjon's new one-shot "Therapeutic Discussion"

Harry shrugged. “I cried a fair amount when Professor Dumbledore died. But mainly because he forced me to watch helplessly as he idiotically sacrificed himself for no reason.”

“No reason?” The doctor repeated.

“No good reason at least.” Harry sighed. “I suppose you could argue he saved a pretentious arrogant git from becoming a pretentious arrogant reluctantly loyal Death Eater git.”

...Another one...

...But in an ideal world ‘Severus’ would only ever be a word used to describe the bacteria you have to rinse off the clamps down in laundry for the eco-friendly reusable colostomy bags. Where Jorge on his second day of the job would walk up to his supervisor and point to his hand, ‘I got this rash growing.’ To which, the supervisor would take one look at all the oozing puss and spores and say, ‘Woo! Careful there. You got a bad case of Severus. Come on, I got some Snape Oil Ointment in the trailer.’ And then Jorge would-”

Dr. Nonjon interrupted, “You are aware of the extent of your hostility towards the man?”

Harry nodded cheerfully.

 

Quoting your own and self-promotion is seriously classless and wrong.

Two characteristics that describe me frequently.

So, for what it's worth, and considering I've been quoted a few times here already, this is one of my favorite quotes from my own fics, that ended up getting a little dissected when finally posted. It's a small soliloquy from Harry to Luna's delectable little bum:

I want to pinch it and squeeze it.
I want to cuddle and snuggle with it.
I want caress it and hold it lovingly after rubbing it raw.
I want to see it, hear it, smell it, feel it, and taste it.
I want to lick it, nibble it, nip at it and full on open-mouth kiss it.
I want to relax and settle my face in between its warm full mounds of pale cream colored rosy-tinted flesh and whisper sweet nothings to it.
I want to name the left cheek Velma and the right cheek Daphne.
I want Daphne to be jealous of the extra attention I pay to Velma. Even though Daphne is the more classically beautiful one, its Velma’s imperfections and individuality that make me love her more.
I want to be a caterpillar so that it could be my cocoon.
I want it bronzed so the world will forever remember it.
I want it stuffed and mounted on the wall staring down on me and judging me.
I want it to find me worthy, and hate me for it.

 

............................................. :shock: ........... :arrow:.......... :lol:

 

This is from "Once Upon a Freakin' Time" by Evadne (chapter 7).

(Voldemort "While the Ministry is distracted trying to find you, Snape and I will storm the Ministry offices and take the Minister of Magic hostage. They’ll be forced to turn control of the magical world over to me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!”

“But, what if…” started Lucius.

“…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!”

“Um…My Lord?” asked Wormtail.

“MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Voldemort, snap out of it!” shouted Snape.

“HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!”

Snape, Lucius and Wormtail just stared at Voldemort. “Maybe if we wait a second,” muttered Wormtail.

“BWAHAHA! BWAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“I don’t think he’s stopping anytime soon,” hissed Lucius.

“HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!”

“Oh, for godssake,” said Snape. And they left.

“AHAHAHAHAHA…ahahahahaha…aha…aha…ha.” Voldemort looked around as the echo of his manic laughter died down.

“Hey, where did everyone go?”

 

This is from "Learning Incentives" chapter 2, by Loralee

Bellatrix's head snapped around and cut Sirius off, "A sex magick book, aren't you the lucky boy. Perhaps we should demonstrate the techniques." Then she stalked toward Sirius and grabbed him by the shirt as if to pull him out of the veil.

Harry sputtered "Ewww! You're cousins"

"Oh that's ok, we're purebloods you know."

 

This one made me laugh, it's from ishtar's Harry Potter and the Junior Year Abroad


Many of the letters contained pictures of the senders, which Harry had found himself unwilling to dispose of, so in his trunk he now had hidden a collection of pictures of young witches, most smiling or waving shyly, but also including two rather disturbing ones of older witches. One of them was doing something unusual with a broomstick. Those he had put back in the original envelopes and stuffed way, way at the bottom of his trunk. They gave him strange feelings that he wasn't quite ready to examine yet.

 

This is from "Not Another Snape is Harry's Father Story" by Ariana Deralte (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/827744/1/)... Good Severitus one-shot parody.

Harry: You hate me! You’ll always hate me.

Snape: I don’t hate you…I hate <Snape tries to come up with a plausible answer> obnoxious little brats who always get special treatment and fame. Wait. That’s you isn’t it? Never mind.

Harry: It’s okay. I forgive you.

Snape: I cuckolded James Potter.

Harry: I still forgive you.

Snape: I raped your mother.

Harry: I still forgive you.

Snape: I ate the last box of cheerios.

Harry: That was you? You ba-