Saw this somewhere else.

From "Lily Potter and the Worst Holiday", by bobsaggara. Funny, but rather a bit too much on the fluffy slide for this forum.

“Oi, greasy-git,” Ron called out from his chair. “I take it that You-Know-Who found out that you were a spy. Is that why you got it cut off,” Ron said indicating Snape’s left arm, “to get rid of the Dark Mark?”

“What of it, you insolent whelp?” Snape asked defensively.

“I just reckon it must be difficult to make all those potions with just one hand.”

“I can do everything now that I could before.” Snape hissed defiantly.

“Is that right?” Ron asked as he casually. “Clap.”

Snape’s face paled and his eyes bulged in anger.

“How dare you…” the Potions Master began.

“Climb a ladder,” Ron added.

 

I myself loved this scene from your story

 

I loved that.

Now, you just have to wander how a drumstick ended up in knockturn alley. :wink:

 

It's not in a Knockturn Alley, it's muggle world, some rundown neighbourhood...

 

Ah! Good, I was starting to wander there for a bit. Probably I don’t remember where that’s mentioned. lol. Alas, it seams that age is finally catching up with me.

 

Does he mean a chicken drumstick or a drumstick from a drum set. Personally I think it would be more hilarious if it was a piece of chicken.

 

I think he would have noticed if it wasnt made of wood. :wink:

 

It was supposed to be a chopstick (from chinese restourant), but that's too small to be mistaken for a wand. I was also considering conductor's baton, but something like that wasn't very likely to be found in the trash... In the end, I have decided for a drummer's drumsticks, coz I couln't think of anything else...

 

When I read drumstick, I was thinking... turkey leg. :lol:

 

I was thinking chicken leg. "I will bash you to death by chicken leg!" Course, if you were really weird, you could think it was a drumstick ice cream cone.

 

Maturity is knowing that just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean he's a horse's ass. -Harry S Truman

If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.-Stanshall Vivian

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately 1.5 billion Chinese couldn't care less. - Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom

People are morons. I don't have any other explanation. I really don't.
-Joss Whedon

Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking.-Tim McMahon

Every time I try to define a perfectly stable person, I am appalled by the dullness of that person.-J.D. Griffin

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
-Dave Barry

I hadn't smoked in ten or twelve years, but I wished then I'd had a cigarette that I could have taken a final drag on and flipped still burning into the river as I turned and walked away. Not smoking gains in the area of lung cancer, but it loses badly in the realm of dramatic gestures.-Robert Parker

MITCH: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
CHRIS: Was it a dream where you were standing in sort of sun-god robes on top of a pyramid, and there were hundreds of naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
MITCH: No...
CHRIS: Why am I the only one who has that dream?
-Neal Israel

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time

Definition of Stress: The confusion created when one''s mine overrides the body''s desire to beat or choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it.

Suicide is a way of telling God: ''You can't fire me, I QUIT!

Never fight with an idiot, they''ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

 

Great quotes man, like the last one especially.

 

i've had those sitting on my computer for awhile now. glad you liked em'.

 

From Slay Hard, but M. McGregor. BtVS fanfic.

"Do you really think I could kill two Yarnaks by myself?" Xander said, thinking fast. "I'm just a weak little human and they were superior Yarnak demons. Obviously I had help. Why do you think your pal here wanted you to leave when he had to have smelled me here in the room?"

Chahohee's armored nostrils flared. This made sense. Humans could not kill Yarnaks. This was impossible, as all Yarnaks knew. And vampires did have superior senses of smell. Surely the vampire had smelled the human. That meant...

"You killed my brethren!" Chahohee screamed, his huge clawed hand snapping out to grab the vampire by the throat. He lifted him off the ground, snarling in the vampire's face.

"No...Joey, he's lyin'! I swear!"

"Who are you going to trust?" said Xander. "Me, a human guy who works for the side of good, or some lying vampire?"

Chahohee knew, as did all Yarnaks, that "good guys" were incapable of lying. The vampire had killed his brothers!

 

Do you really think santa knows where all the naughty girls live?-My mother after I told her some of the previous quotes

 

Carlin in the 60's or 70's. Wanna say his 72 special maybe

 

Those last four of yours was my exact signature when I first joined this forum . . in the exact order as well .


"I hear high school’s easier the second time around."

"I will temporarily rule the world, forever."

"Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

Warning: Trespassers will be shot
Warning: Survivors will be shot again."


"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."

"I hear voices, and they don't like you."

"For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

Gaara had…carefully considered their request, politely denied it, and gave a counter argument that the Sound had been unable to debate.
Or survive.

and soon the white cloth covering the goon’s crotch area erupted in flames. It took a while for the intoxicated buffoon to realize this, and finally when he smelled something cooking he began running around like a headless chicken screaming,
“Put it out! Put it out!”
One of the lackeys acted upon his first instinct. No. It wasn’t to yell stop, drop and roll. He threw the panicking goon down, and started stomping away at his, well, crotch area. Terrible howls of anguish could be heard from the unfortunate thug as his friend kept stomping away at his genitals in an attempt to douse the fire. Soon, the last remnants of the fire flickered away, leaving only the charred and tattered remains of the goon’s pants and underwear. His eyes had glazed over and faint moaning was being emanated from him. The other thug whispered to the one who had so efficiently doused the fire, “Wh…Where did you learn how to put out a camp fire?”


Fate's a bitch, Destiny's a bastard and they are a real pain in the ass when they work together~ Me.

Did you know…..
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat up one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted constantly for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it.)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Oh my God!)
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live 9 days with out its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy, but I’m still not over the pig.)
Banging your head on the wall burns 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home…maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is still attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(“Honey, I’m home. What the…?”)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes…lucky pig…can you imagine???)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with they’re feet.
(Something I’ve always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmm…)
Right-handed people live, on average, 9 years longer than left-handed people.
(If your ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing...)
A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that…)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch they’ll live longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about the pig???)


Santa Claus is the biggest pimp around he always says HO HO HO

At that moment, Jiraiya felt like yanking the jounin’s mask down and kissing him till his mismatched eyes crossed.
In fact, he did just that. Several things happened.
Shizune fainted at seeing the two greatest perverts she knew kissing.
Tsunade was so shocked she lost her hold on her genjutsu and resumed her normal form. Instantly, all the male medic nins (as well as a couple of female) who had fantasized on the Hokage ran for the nearest bathroom. It would take days to clean up the vomit afterwards.
And Naruto chose that very moment to open his eyes. The first thing he saw was the two men. 'Bastard fox! Reopen my wounds NOW! I'd rather be dead than live with that image.'
End Omake 2