Where, where, where is this fic?

 

I just read this in Harry Potter and the Summer of Change. It made me laugh quite a bit.

 

It's Of Girls and Goddesses, on the Schnoogle section of Ficttionalley. The author is Jayne1955. That quote is from chapter nine.
http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/jayne1955/OGAG01.html

 

*edit

 

You know what to do laddie, burn the house down, Burn them all!
-Irish little person

That was then, this is dumb
-Daria

 

-Harry's response to Dumbledore asking how he is in a letter in Dark Night by shahenshah2410

 

BAHAHAHAH!!!

 

I found this section of A Nasty Birth, hilarious. It can be found in our very own Sick and Perverse section...Oh god rich stuff.

 

"We're loosing too many of our readers to that damned rag Lovegood owns," a large fat man waved his arms in a comic fashion. "Does anybody have any idea of how we can regain our shrinking market share and bring our profits back up?"
"We could shift our focus away from gossip and barley substantiated rumor," one of the other men suggested. "Maybe the public's apatite for news has changed since the reappearance of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."
"I like it," the fat man nodded. "The public wants fantasy to get away from the reality of the Dark Lord. It will also cut costs when we fire most of our reporters, who needs reporters when you're just making things up."
Fudge A Monkey?
Our sources reveal that since Fudge's swearing in as Minister of magic, Ministry Potions masters have been receiving regular orders for Polyjuce Potion. This may not seem odd until one points out that Slappy the magical chimp disappeared from his cage the same year that our Minister started Hogwarts. For those that don't remember, Slappy was the chimp that was known to use accidental magic to change the color of his . . . droppings.
____________
Make A Wish

 

One thousand years ago:

"Thank you for helping us defeat IT," the Wizard addressed the stranger. "Before you go, won't you at least give us your name?"

"Names are unimportant," the wizard in a dark robe replied. "I only did what any would have done if they found themselves in the same situation."

"Then farewell stranger," the Wizard nodded. "Know that you will always be welcome in these lands."

"Thank you . . . friend." The wizard smiled, then jumped on his horse and rode into the sunset. Why oh Why had his parents given him a name like Theodoric the Accident.
__________
Make A Wish

 

Remembering the shopkeeper's warning, Harry secured the sword to his hip and went digging through his pack for his whip and Pugio.

"Let's see if I can get this thing to work," Harry muttered as he uncoiled the whip. "Hopefully without injuring myself too badly, mental note: get some healing potions."

Giving the whip a few experimental cracks, Harry was pleased to learn that the whip seemed to move according to his will. Sending the tip over his shoulder, Harry frowned as the whip seemed to get caught on a branch or something. Giving it one good tug, he managed to get it free and returned it to his belt.

"Practice," he muttered to himself. "I need more practice."

Shaking his head, Harry began walking towards the distant lights that he hoped indicated some sort of town or inn.

Behind him, two vampires were frozen in shock. Only seconds ago, they had watched as the stranger's whip wrapped around their leader's neck and decapitated what they had thought was an extraordinary powerful vampire.

"Backup?" Whispered one.

"Not even then," replied the other. "Let someone else have this one."

"I think you're right," the first was still staring at the spot the stranger had been standing on. "He didn't even bother to look back, he just . . . just killed. Not many people can do something like that."

"I never liked Vlad anyway," the second shrugged. "What kind of Vampire picks such a stereotypical name?"

"And it's not like the stranger was after us," the second agreed. "He let us go, most humans with that kind of skill would have killed the both of us for even thinking about jumping him."

"Should we warn Volos?"

"Let him die," the vampire laughed. "Never liked him either."
__________________
Make A Wish

 

Heh. Make a Wish is a Godly story...yeah but can you please not type in blue? It hurts the eyes....

 

From Kinsfire's Ties of Blood:

“Excuse me?” James said. “He sends Harry to Azkaban for twelve hours, and then Harry was supposed to willingly go, for a more permanent sentence? What, for the good of the wizarding world or something?”

“Given how Cornelius's mind works -”

“When it does,” Remus muttered darkly.

Too true...

 

Check out Ron the fluff-powered magical doomsday device!

...watching from the tree’s Fawkes had been the only living person to survive Ron’s final onslaught of magical energy- literally exploding with magic and crying out Hermione’s name as he died. The Death Eaters hadn’t stood a chance.

Oh, this is from Lost Time by Oddball-no.2 (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2699328/1/).

 

Not a parody... just an incredibly sappy part from an incredibly sappy story I've just tried reading. And yes, you can send her the finger, but I doubt that would stop her from writting more mushy crap.

 

You just need to train your brain to filter those bits out, or you'll never enjoy 95% of the fanfiction out there.

See, when I read it, my brain just picks up the highlights that matter.

1). Fawkes is a person (hmm okay)
2). Ron cried. Hermione's name in my head was "My sugary sweet bumpy lumpkins" which is much better than "Hermione."
3). Ron's dead! He's really dead! His death was useful, but he's dead!
4). From now on mentions of Ron or Hermione in the story should be run through the 'sappy crappy angst' filter before processed.

And so now, I can continue reading the story relatively unimpeded and unaffected by uninteresting teenage interpretations of emotions. Ta-da!

Just can't figure out the kinks in my 'slash' filter still.