I was just checking out "Harry Potter and the Power Within" by MySephiroth, when I stumbled upon this passage. I figured it can serve as the perfect assay on the pitfalls of post-HBP fanfiction. So, here it is:

How to write crappy super!Harry/Ginny fanfiction
in 10 easy steps

STEP 1 - Start with some unexplained powers

Thoughts kept racing through his head. Where had this new strength come from? How could he do such strong wandless magic without any training for it? And why now could cast silently when he could never get it before? And how in the world did I end up sleeping in Ginny’s bed?

STEP 2 - Add some Hurt!Harry. Fangirls love that shit (awww)

He soaked himself for about a half hour before climbing out. He saw a fresh set of bandages sitting on top of his clothes. He decided that his cuts and bruises needed some fresh air so he left the bandages off.

STEP 3 - Harry cares for his friends very, very, VERY much; care for himself is a distant second. Just so we could see what a great guy he is.

Putting his shirt on hurt, but it was pain he could deal with. What really made him cringe was the idea that one of his other friends would have to share this drained felling that he was experiencing now.

STEP 4 - The infamous chest monster strikes!!! No need for buildup; all romance in the world is instant - like a heart attack, only better (just add water, sugar & spice)

The minute he opened the door to the bathroom, Harry found himself face to top of head with Ginny. Her eyes were slightly red and puffy like she had been crying again. The monster inside of Harry’s chest gave a pitiful roar of sorrow at seeing the girl it had laid claim to so upset.

(btw, this is my new favourite passage)

STEP 5 - Ginny crying, thus showing her 'emotional depth' (or at least what fangirl writers take for one).

Before Harry could even utter a word to try and cheer Ginny up, he found the petite redhead wrapped tightly around his neck and her feet dangling off of the floor. She started sobbing again into his pained shoulder. Instead of his usual pat on the back and discomfort, Harry tightly wrapped his arms around Ginny’s waist and pulled her as close to him as possible.

STEP 6 - Yay, Emo!Harry! Strong on the outside, but with one giant bucket of puss bubbling in his chest, just waiting for the love of his life to stir it up.

His shoulder was on fire, and his cuts and the bruise on his side made it difficult for him to breathe, but he refused to let go of her. A few of his cuts were beginning to reopen, and he could feel blood streaming down his back.

He himself had tears in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He told himself that it was because of the pain that, he had to be strong for all of his friends, he was the leader, it was up to him to hold his head high. But even as he told himself this, he felt deep down that he was lying to himself.

STEP 7 - Ginny slapping! No H/G story can go without that. It's tradition. Ahh, just look at her. She's so feisty, our little Gin-Gin.

It took a few moments, but Ginny’s sobs finally died down and she unwrapped herself from around Harry’s neck. The two looked each other in the eye, and to Harry’s amazement, Ginny’s look of sorrow and emotional pain instantly turned to anger.

STEP 8 - Idiot!Harry. We wouldn't want Harry to be smart enough to actually run his own life, now would we? Everyone knows that's his 'soulmate's' job.

He soon found himself on the floor just inside the bathroom door, though for the life of him he wasn’t quite sure how he ended up there. He did have the suspicion that it had something to do with burning feeling that engulfed his right cheek though.

STEP 9 - Ginny ranting at Harry about... err... Actually, as long as she screams out Harry's entire name and then spews a bunch of 'tough-spoken' words (in caps, if possible), it doesn't really matter what's she saying. After all, the whole point is to show how she's in fact a 'headstrong' and 'independent' individual (even though she had just cried her eyes out).

“Harry James Potter! Don’t you ever go out and do something that stupid again! You had Hermione, Ron, and I worried to death!” she raged at him. But her anger disappeared as quickly as it had come. She looked as if she would cry again, but she held fast and instead just stared at him.

STEP 10 - And finally, the golden rule - GIRLFRIEND/WIFE/SOULMATE IS ALWAYS RIGHT! Adds a nice touch of realism, too.

Harry tried to speak, to tell her everything that those voices, his mother, had told him on the train. But the only thing that came out of his mouth was “I’m sorry”

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Just to make it clear, this is not a compilation of different parts, but a single, continuous scene. Other than inserting comments, I haven't changed anything. If you don't believe me, check here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3360150/2/

 

I agree, that pretty much covers everything that I could think of as well. Perhaps this could be done for other types of fiction that I don't like as well?

 

This makes me almost glad that I entered the fandom as a slash fan, not a H/G one.

 

We'll have to write a guide on crappy slash fanfiction, just for you of course.

 

And you are male? Hmm? Elaborate, please?

 

Just as at the beginning of any story we have a cliche' marker like "Powerful!Harry", it is my belief that all H/G stories should be under "Castrated!Harry". That little exclamation point always made me laugh.

 

He's Gay Rostam

Yeah, nice little guide, weird how it's in the middle of a story though.

 

Damn, I really thought you wrote those parts as a mockery of the mentioned H/Gs. Damn.

 

Excellent, excellent, excellent. If only these comments could actually be truly understood by those who could benefit from them.

-J

 

Congrats I suppose, I am a bit concerned that you managed to read through that whole thing though.

 

Thank god I ain't H/G fan ! You were too right in the steps. Every fic is just like that!

 

~Courtesy of the fangirl in my head


I do wonder what you were doing reading this story though...Or what that whole section was doing together.

 

Change the word "Ginny" with "Draco" and presto: crappy slash fanfiction.

 

I find myself ashamed. When I entered the HP world of fanfiction, I was one of those people...my first fic (you will no longer find it on the web; I deleted it) was almost a direct paraphrase of that passage. It was sickening.

 

But the important thing is that you've changed and no longer write things like that. I was, once upon a time, a HP character/OC fan. The people here at DLP caused me to see the light.