Hey I have been working on this for about two weeks and I want to make a good fic. So can you please give me some crituqe?


Nobody Trident me ok?



-A few days after Harry became the B-W-L Winzengamot holds a meeting discussing Harry Potter's education. The Minister states that this is important because she believes Harry will someday become a asset to the ministry.

-Helio Greengrass says that Harry should go get a powerful mentor/teacher who will train him to become a solid warrior. He says sending him to Hogwarts would weaken him.

-This causes a great outrage while a few people stayed silent. The people who stays silent are the smart and expirienced politicans.

-Dumbledore disagrees saying that a hero needs something to fight for and that he must expierince life

-Greengrass and Dumbledore continue aruging but they stopped when a mid age man stood up

-Everyone is suprised and one of them says "MR. Flamel, what do you suggest we do?"

-Flamel says that a warrior must become strong but also expirence life. So he says that a powerful wizard should start teaching him at the age of 9 and then go to Hogwarts. But Harry must be trained by the mentor once a week during school and every summer he should train.

-Dumbledore agrees and he volonturs himself to train Harry. But NIcholas who wants to make Harry into a powerful weapon knows Dumbledore will weaken him so he says "Dumbledore, you are to busy. While I have much free time. I will mentor the boy myself."

-Everyone agrees. When Flamel prepares to leave Dumbledore talks to him. Dumbledore says "Nicholas, I ask for one favore. Once a month Harry must go back to the Dursley's to replenish the blood protection.

-Flamel says "Albus you know very well that the wards don't work. Why should I do it?" Albus whispers in his ear "I know why you are so intent on keeping the boy. The boy is very important for both of us, so I suggest we make this easier.

-Flamel stares at Dumbledore and he muttered "Fine I will send him back. But the boy is to important for me to lose, he will be very important someday."

-Then Flamel apparates from the Ministry.




In this story NIcholas Flamel will have a VERY medieval mindset. He has several courtesans in his palace, Penelle is miserable and is treated like crap. Flamel and Penelle are bound together by a marriage contact for eternity. They were both famous wizards back in day and well known rivals and one day in a duel they accidently created a new plague. The Black Death.

To get revenge on the two a group of powerful wizards bound them together in a marriage contact. . gives them a Philosipher and they can never die if it breaks. The Philosipher Stone is the only way they stay alive.

They will never die until they redeem themselves And the only way to do this is by helping to defeat a great villain. This is where Harry comes in and they are both trying to train him in order to redeem themselves.

Flamel dislikes muggles, modern technology and generaly all people. He was a very deadly wizard and he feels the people have become wizards. He has a very midieval mindset.

Harry is trained to be a warrior and to be intelligent. When he reaches Hogwarts, Harry befriends many people. He befriends Daphne Greengrass and Nott who is trying to manipulate Harry. Daphne is ordered by Helios to get closer to him while Nott is trying to get in good with Harry so he can become powerful.

Harry is aware of this but he befriends the two for influence. Harry also befriends a multitute of other people but he uses them so his public image will be great.

Harry convinces the Hat to put him in Gryff by saying that "I believe I'm very brave if I'm willing to manipulate all these people for there good. It takes a brave man to make that decision.

In the second year Harry does not kill the Basilisk but he decides to use him as a spy around the school that he constantly talks to.

 

Most if it good or alright as long as you write it well, but I do have two problems. First is that it does not make much sense that these mysterious wizards of yours would give them eternal youth and unlimited wealth as a punishment. It would make more sense if Flamel invented it to give him time to figure out how to wiggle out of the marriage contract. And I would prefer it if you call it a marital bond or something else besides a marriage contract because that reminds me too much of fics that have them just to put Hermione and Draco together or something along those lines.

 

Yeah, the revenge on the Flammels seems unplausable. Way too elaborate and complicate for it to feel believeable.

Also, I don't see why would Wizengamot be the one deciding over Harry's guardianship. Isn't there a will saying who gets adoption rights? Even if not, matters like this are decided by social workers, not the parliament. Remember, at this point, no one knows that Harry is the chosen one.

That said, your description of the Flammels seems great. Definitely something I've never seen before.

 

I agree with ip, the Flamels' punishment should be harsher, but I think that if kept as is, I could live with it. That being said, this could turn out to be an excellent story, if you write it well and don't abandon it throughout Harry's 7 years at Hogwarts plus his training with Nicolas.

 

What about if there is an ancient law stating that any wizards with an incredibly high magical potential can be mentored at an early age to learn magic. But the guardians must first sign it.

Since there is no guardians because Remus werewolf, Sirius is convicted, Dumbledore is fighting for his custody. But Flamel needs Harry for his custody so he fights for custody to. IN the end Flamel wins but Dumbledore states that Harry must go to Hogwarts and Flamel must destroy the Philosipher Stone.


Another example is maybe Lily who was taught by Flamel after Hogwarts puts Flamel as one of the people who can adopt Harry? Dumbledore disputes it saying that the Flamels are a unstable family which Flamel counters back that how can they be unstable if Penelle and Flamel have been married for many years. (Nobody knows about Flamel's marital bond)



Flamel won but Dumbledore says that Harry must go to Hogwarts since it is a law, which Flamel agrees to.

Many years later Harry goes to Hogwarts and he is raised in a medieval envirment so Harry is very medieval. THat means he dislikes muggles, a little bit sexist.

Harry is predujiced but he can respect muggles/muggleborn/girls who earn his respect. Nicholas will train him on many things that a Medieval wizard/warropr would know fencing, having sex with a woman (not graphic), killing and fighting.

What do you think about both ideas?


EDIT: What happens if Nicholas Flamel and Pennells punishment is eternal life, but each time they sleep they dream of the people who died of the Black Death. Also they have bodies, mind but they for eternity hear the voices of the victims until they redeem themselves.


EDIT2: You should know that Nicholas and Penelle will be a little crazy because of how old they are.

 

I'm sorry for the double post but this post is to long.


What if Lily was one of the courtesans of Nicholas Flamel, and Harry is one of the many illegimate sons of Harry Potter. It was kept a secret and only Penelle knew.


Lily and James were dating and though Lily liked James she did not want to marry or love him. It will be a little diffrent in the books in which Dumbledore found out about the prophecy earlier and the prophecy is a little diffrent. It states that Lily must give birth on July 31.


Dumbledore and James subtly pressured Lily into marrying James. After Hogwarts, Lily since she was a very good at potions became mentored by Nicholas Flamel after Hogwarts. Lily and James were engaged and they lived together but since she was apprenticed by Nicholas she constantly visited Nicholas.

Since she did not love James, and James started acting immature again he asked for guidance from her trusted mentor. Nicholas had several courtesans and Lily knew that but she needed some comfort from him. One thing led to another and they slept together. Lily was disatisfied with James so she was constantly sleeping with Nicholas and one day she gave birth to Harry. Lily soon became Nicholas favorite concubine and was favored among Penelope.


She told NIcholas who told Lily to get a some hair from James. She did and Nicholas used the hair to make a permanent polyjuice potion. Nicholas added in a few of Lily's genes and it added some of her feautures into Harry. Lily asked Flamel that if she died and Serius could not take care of Harry, then he should raise him.

Nicholas said yes. Now after Lily and James died, Nicholas was put in the will as guardian to Harry. There was a battle between Dumbledore and Nicholas for custody. With Dumbledore stating that Harry should go to the Dursleys while Nicholas flamel said that Harry is under his custody. In the end Nicholas won.

Now Harry will be raised with a medieval mind set.

 

Do you mean that Harry is an illegitimate son of Nicholas Flamel?

I don't really get the significance of Harry being medieval...but whatever, it's your story. Anyways, the punishment is much better, and the idea of Nicholas getting custody is very good also.

 

I'm curious where this all is coming from. Is it basically that you have a desire to write about a Harry who's coming from something out of the dark ages, who's chivalrous and sexist, and basically dislikes muggles? Is it really all that different from the stereotypical pureblood attitude?

I can see you're searching for a plausible background and reasoning for these bits, and training from Flamel pre-Hogwarts seems what you're set on, but this feels like a chapter or two of backstory in what would be just another retelling of Hogwarts years. Slight twists and changes on the basilisk, or Quirrellmort, and I'm sure Sirius, the Triwizard tourney, etc...

I guess it's just it sounds like you have a conclusion you want to reach and are coming up with the rationale for it, when for the purpose of the fic, the rationale isn't very important towards the majority of the fic.

None of the ideas here have intrigued to the point of it being something I'd love to read, none seem terribly likely, plausible, or similar to canon, but none are completely implausible either. The idea just doesn't strike me as being anything uniquely different. I'm not saying the execution wouldn't, but you might want to clarify what it is you want to write. Not just a twist on a common idea, but what you want to write.

 

Well Nonjon you can think of this as kind of a "Harry gets adopted" kind of fic. I wanted to write a story with Nicholas Flamel mentoring Harry fic. I figured that Flamel would have a midieval mindset because he grew up acting like that. I plan on Harry going on adventures with Flamel after his 2nd year and that is when the real story will start. Harry will be going back to Hogwarts later.

EDIT: What do you guys think about Harry being sent to Azkaban for killing Draco who insulted his mom. REmember that Harry was raised to be honorable.

 

Alright then. That sounds a lot better to me than to try and make the Flamels powerful while at the same time supposedly submitting them to centuries worth of 'imprisonment' by being alive.

Then you need a reason why Nicholas Flamel *wants* to take in Harry, when I'm assuming the 666 year old or whatever hasn't exactly been running a rotating orphanage. Considering his age, making Lily one of his 'owned' whores becomes harder unless you throw out all of that canon too. Lily could just as easily be an illegitimate daughter without demonizing Harry's mother, James, and what bits of canon you're going to be following. You could also make him Harry's great great great great great great great great (...) grandfather just as easily as his grandfather. Either way, perhaps he's old and set in his medieval ways, and maybe the "Boy-Who-Lived" stuff caught his eye as he doesn't watch many of his descendents. Maybe he's never been involved because he's aware how much society has changed and out of date he is, or maybe he's not aware, he just never cared. Then you can have him stumble across him at 9, having lived with the Dursley's and raise him the way Nicholas thinks he should be. Whether it's the abuse the Dursleys did, or just the disappointing sort of character Harry has at that point. Not proud enough, not confident enough etc...

Now all of the strict codes, imperfections, and negative or quirky characteristics you want to put into Nicholas, and to a degree then Harry, you can still do, without stretching realism to a point that it loses people's interest.

It sounds more like you have certain sort of Nicholas in mind, and you want that mindset to be training Harry to have a similar mindset. Even if it is that of a man is better than a woman, a man can have many mistresses, a wizard is better than a muggle, treat others with respect but command over your inferiors etc... without making anyone into good or bad guys yet.

But by coming up with convoluted back stories for why, you're more likely to make readers lose interest than gain it, especially on details that matter very little to the fic.

 

To me that is my biggest problem. I know all of the little details I want to right but not the main story. My problem is that I tend to create a backstory for everything I write down.

 

Why would Flamel agree with Dumbledore on anything? I dont understand that part

 

Well those are some of my earlier ideas. Read post 6 and you will see Dumbledore and Nicholas are against each other.

 

The only problem I see with this is comming up with a reason WHY Flamel did not just change as times go by. Kinda hard to have denial for 500+ years. Plus you forgot.. hes old, hes famous, I seriously doubt hes a public figure.

Plus with Harry having this "Medieval" Mindset, he couldnt exactly get very far with people other then the Canon Voldemort way. Cruico them. Everyone else is 1990's or the Purebloods 1800-1900's and you got Harry way back in the 1300's via Mindset. Major cultural clash.

If I wanted to read Medieval Harry, Id go read a "Harry travels to the Founders Era" Fic.

Oh yea about Nicholas giving Birth to Harry, Penis stops working at like age 60 or something, Nicholas is 666. Plus what woman in their right mind would have sex with a wrinkly old man over a 20something year old guy.

Edit: the Philsophers Stone may give Eternal Life, who said it gave Eternal Youth.