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Abandoned Dark and Light by Guardian65 - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Andro, Mar 4, 2009.

  1. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Jun 23, 2007
    Title: Dark and Light
    Author: Guardian65
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Suspense
    DLP Category: Independent or Romance
    Pairing: Harry/Tonks
    Chapters: 3
    Words: 8,269
    Updated: August 10, 2008
    Published: June 9, 2008
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Harry ran from the Dursley's and stumbled onto the world that was his birth right. He became cold and powerful, caring only for himself and one other. Now Voldemort must deal with an enemy who is not so different from himself.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4313130/1/Dark_and_Light

    The plot is nearly identical to Acerbus Angelus by Dalyon. Harry away ran from the Dursleys, has grown up independently, and goes after the prophecy.

    A decent story written from the 1st-person perspective. It has nice style, nice atmosphere and modest creativity.

    The biggest problem is that I only knew Harry ran away from the Dursleys because of the summary. The backstory is completely absent, and the author shouldn't waste any time in fixing that. Writers of AU fics like these tend to get too gleeful in withholding information.


    Checked by Minion, June 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2013
  2. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    May 9, 2008
    Narration, spelling, grammar are good enough, I like Harry's character (though he is overpowered, but that's unavoidable, I guess). If the story continues like this I'd give it 3.5 or 4, but I won't rate story that short.

    That's the main problem. The story has 3 chapters with 2.7k words per chapter average (8k words total). I don't think it should be placed in the library just now, and since last update was almost 9 months ago, I think it can be considered abandoned. So, I don't think such a teaser should be allowed here, but it definitely has the potential.
  3. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Dec 20, 2007
    Hbg., Germany
    Good, but too short. Also, not updated within six months, which annoys me to no end. Why can't people simply keep writing, if it's a decent story? I got all exited for Harry/Tonks and then it cuts off right when it started to get interesting :(

    Actually, now I think I read it once already; when it was new. You got info that there's gonna be a new chapter or something, Andro?
  4. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Mar 11, 2008
    West Coast
    I feel gypped, because of where the story cut off. As noted above, this could all fit one decent sized chapter. The quality of the writing is excellent and I do kind of want to find out what Harry has been up to.

    Unfortunately, judging by the fact that he's Australian, I'm afraid one of those brush fires consumed the author. Hopefully he'll update in the future.

  5. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

    Jan 7, 2008
    Excellent, though it's just an intro. I put it on Author's Alert. As it says in the reviews, I hope the author doesn't make his name into Cayden, as that would be fucking ridiculous. I hate stuff like that.

    Also, I hope the author has not gone and died in a fire.
  6. meatzman2

    meatzman2 Backtraced

    Nov 7, 2008
    Melbourne, Australia
    The introduction reads like the narration of a film, which is a negative in my book. It's not bad, just I dislike the use of that particular device.

    Scratch that the whole first chapter reads like the introductory first-person narration of a crime drama. Again that's not necessarily a bad thing, personally I just find it irritating after a while.

    Alright just finished the surprisingly small fic. That's my first complaint, even if it does echo the comments of others at this length it rates as a decent introduction in my mind, nothing more.

    The first person perspective and writing style as I have said irritate me, but that doesn't take away from the fact that the author has done it well.

    Fighting is excellent and HP seems a rather cool bloke, he loses points for letting Tonks punch him though. In fact the whole fic loses half a point for him being so in lurv with Tonks, it detracts from the badass.

    Two points for the good writing, one point for the decent idea, half a point for the lack of potentially ridiculous emo backstory, half a point again for the excellent fight scenes. Subtract half a point for the relationship with Tonks and overall it struggles to a 3.5/5 in its present form.
  7. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

    Mar 5, 2006
    United Kingdom
    High Score:
    You had me there. Going to read now.

    Edit: It's not very good in my opinion. The tenses are all over the place, the chapters too short, Harry's characterisation your cliche indy!Harry "enlightened dark but not evil hardarse", he beats Dumbledore far too easily (in fact, the fact that he even beat Dumbledore at all is WTF), the plot has no structure to it: it's just one event after another and tends to wind back and forwards, Harry trusts Dumbledore far too quickly after having him running from him, the author makes Harry know too much for the sake of convenience, and there's no originality to speak of.

    Last edited: Mar 8, 2009
  8. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

    Apr 1, 2006
    The Gardens in the Desert Sand
    Truth. I don't see any reason at all Harry should surpass Dumbledore in dueling skill anywhere before 30.

    The story is short, too short to be in the library. It's decent enough, I suppose, but it's useless unless it gets somewhere.

  9. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

    Jan 31, 2008
    Baile Átha Cliath
    Too short, the writing is pretty rough around the edges and the characterisation is inconsistent. This could have been great, but that's all it has going for it in my opinion.

  10. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

    Feb 24, 2008
    ... I've got a polar bear for a neighbour...
    3/5 and that is a pure entertaining level rating. As bored as I'm right now I'd have given it a 4/5 but 8k words don't deserve that mark in any shape or form(one shots excluded). The story has a good idea behind it but the author could've executed it better.

    Although the story is short it was easy to read and it had a small hook to it. Checking the status of other stories the author has posted I have some doubts this will ever pass the 20k words marker, but if the author decides to work on it for a bit longer for a change, it might turn into a decent independent Harry fic that serves it purpose to keep you entertained for a few hours but hardly accomplishing more.