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Oneshot Dark Marauder by BajaB - K+

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Jearom, Oct 10, 2008.

  1. peregrine1989

    peregrine1989 Third Year

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    Brilliant fic, absolutely brilliant. Original idea, good spelling and grammar, great characterization, and an actual One-shot that felt finished. This fic has to have a sequel.

    5/5 and a excellent read.
     
  2. Mage

    Mage Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Great story, I have to say that I loved them having Peter trailing after them. I really hope he does a few one shots of Harry in school, kind of like Big D's series of one shots. Anyway 4.5/5 because there were a few points where the story didn't seem to flow.
     
  3. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Great story, but the Marauders are far, far too powerful, able to find far too many Death Eaters, and able to execute their ambushes with far more easy than would be realistic.

    For that reason, 4/5 rather than 5/5.
     
  4. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

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    The best Marauder-centric story. I'll have to check out his other stories now.
     
  5. scaryisntit

    scaryisntit Death Eater

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    A fantastic piece. Witnessing a Dark, vindictive, revenge tinted Maruader's was very entertaining. I can't really fault anything; characterisation, flow, dialogue - all of it was top-notch.

    5/5
     
  6. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    This is a great piece.
    However I don't feel like writing out what is good as people have already said what I though.
    My only problems with it are how when the Marauders get angry, all of a sudden they can end the Death Eaters without fail.
    I understand the super wizard aspect of it, but even the hated Super!DarkButNotEvil!Harry gets hurt my the Death Eaters.
    Marauders just where too perfect in revenge.
    4/5
     
  7. Narf

    Narf Administrator Admin DLP Supporter

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    Moved to Library.
     
  8. lord geryon

    lord geryon Squib

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    I think the reason the Marauders are portrayed as being so powerful is that their methods are so different than what everyone expects. DEs aren't used to being hunted and dispatched so ruthlessly. They're too used to being pursued by law-abiding Aurors that the darker and meaner methods the Marauders use throws them off and makes them panic. Add that that to the fact the Marauders do all of this in a single night, and you get an highly effective blitzkrieg.
     
  9. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    SOTK's complaint would have been valid, had they not been using Time Turners.

    The enemies were confused, disoriented, and didn't have much contact with each other. They would probably have displayed more competence, if given a chance to recuperate.
     
  10. Chaos Demon

    Chaos Demon Squib

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    Brilliant, nice to see there are still some relatively good plot ideas that haven't been destroyed by crummy copy cats.
     
  11. Insomniac

    Insomniac First Year

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    One of the best oneshots you can find.

    Screams a sequel, but the planning it would require is quite scary. I would love to see a ladies man Harry making his way around Hogwarts after being raised by the Marauders.
     
  12. Rhapsody Belle

    Rhapsody Belle Sixth Year

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    I remember stumbling myself on this a few days back. I really liked the concept, but thought that it felt a bit rushed in places. 4/5 on my part.
     
  13. meatzman2

    meatzman2 Backtraced

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    I agree with the rating and the general sentiment, they do seem a little OP, it is written that they come back a little beaten up, but we never really see it. They just seem to stroll about finding and killing everyone they need to, it's just too oversimplified, these people should have been hiding or at the ministry, I mean they killed Malfoy in his home, it was too easy to break into one of the foremost death eater's homes, which doesn't bode well for the rest of them.

    Perhaps a better way of writing it would have been for them to attack them while they were in public places, attending celebrations while they were trying to fit in. This could also then have led into an increased role for an aggressive public reaction to what they were doing, which wasn't really sufficiently explored for my tastes.

    4/5
     
  14. CheddarTrek

    CheddarTrek Set Phasers to Melt Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Another highly enjoyable story in this section of the library I didn't expect to enjoy -- 4.5/5 for me.

    I like how the Marauders were depicted and how they took matters into their own hands. I liked Dumbledore's line about how each of them had carefully walked a line between light and dark, and how something had finally been enough to push them over that line. I liked the camaraderie between them, their varied characterizations, the fact that they were powerful, and I liked Hagrid for once. Hell, I liked pretty much all of it.

    That said I did find myself skimming through a few of the parts instead of reading it closely, but I don't know why that was. Whatever it was is the reason it's not getting a full 5 from me.

    meatzman2: I can see the allure of your ideas about attacking in public places and drawing out the public reactions, but to me that would need to be longer than a one-shot. As it is, everything is over and done with in one night on the spur of the moment and I sort of liked the feel of that. Exploring all the details of how they did what they did, adding challenges, making them less OP, and drawing things out would lose some of that. Still, if the author fleshed this out properly into a short story I'd definately read it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2009
  15. Kinser

    Kinser Fourth Year

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    Hum I must say, I don't usually like one shots or Marauder centric fics. However there is an exception to every rule and some rules seem to be made to be excepted.

    I think this is such a case. Aside from the too powerful Marauders--I mean come on them killing dozens of Death Eaters, even with a time turner should have required more work. And the advanced Magic, without an explanation of how they knew it? Remember they were only a few years out of Hogwarts...it isn't like they had decades to study on their own like Bumbles...or the Dark Lord. And as far as we know there is no further magical education.

    That said I must say that this is the first one shot I've read that actually felt finished at the end. Most feel like they are a complete chapter but hardly a complete story. The spelling and grammar didn't have glaring errors which made it very readable. And the plot holes were few, and far between.

    Over all I give it a 5/5. I will be looking out for this author, if this is their usual quality...then it might be worth reading.
     
  16. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

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    Who or better what is suppose to be "Bumbles"...?
     
  17. SEG-CISR

    SEG-CISR First Year

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    I'm sure he meant Dumbles... which would be Dumbledore...

    About the story... I read it myself some time ago. It's one of the better stories about the Marauders out there. Exceptional in many ways, but not perfect. 4.5/5
     
  18. Kinser

    Kinser Fourth Year

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    "Bumbles" is the more politically correct term I use for Dumbledore. Which if you cannot tell I don't like much.

    I could have used a "more colorful euphemism" for him, but I didn't really feel like potentially offending people on DLP. I listen to enough whining as it is.
     
  19. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    I hope you wrote all that ironically. Two things:

    1) I'm unsure if it's even possible to offend the people here at DLP, excepting the promotion of slash fics or Harry-Ginny-one-true-luuuvvvv fics. Oh, and using "Jizlam" will also unleash the dogs of hell...:eek:

    2) For some reason, the use of names like Dumbles, Bumbles, Dumbledork, Dumb-as-a-door, Voldy-shorts, Moldy-Dork... you get the idea. Well, these juvenile names just seem to set people off here. I admit I don't care for them (yes, they were mildly amusing the first time I read them), but they don't bother me, unlike a lot of folks here, who will promptly rip your ass for using them. Don't know why, but it happens.

    As for me, I often use D'dore to shorten how much I have to type, and to avoid the random misspellings that are like blood in the water for whatever reason... Oh, and "Herman" for Hermione does irritate me, since I happen to be a fan of well-written Hermione.
     
  20. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Interesting. When I'm writing, I shorten names as well and do search-and-replace. DD for Dumbledore, HH for Hermione, MM for McGonagall, etc. I expand on first opportunity, though. (It's hard to read for pacing and cadence when you don't have all the syllables in front of you).

    Back on topic: This is my favorite Marauders story, full stop. They're nasty, just like they should be, and I was entranced by the story concept and execution. I particularly liked BajaB's portrayal of a dark Sirius--it's a very refreshing change from his fanon self, which often amounts to a boring knock-off of one of nonjon's characterizations.

    5/5 from me.

    p.s. alex_malfoi: You should read more BajaB. He's among the most creative and prolific writers in the fandom.
     
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