Title: Dark Renaissance
Author: LamentitEternum
Rating: M
Genre: Suspense/Mystery
Pairing: None
Status: Complete
Summary: Film Noir style. One Shot. They are the prey, and they must be Hunted.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3313896/1/


Checked by Minion, Nov. 26, 2012
The story has been deleted on / by ff.net. If you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.

 

not too shabby but i dunno, found it quite hard to read i supopose and ended up skipping a good few bits cause i got bored. 3/5

 

Sorry, but there is to little description to even get me interested. maybe a little bit more of what is going to happen, who is being hunted, or whatever to get me interested, and Ill read it. But I don't read stories that don't even get me curious of what is going to happen through the sumamry.

 

I apologize for the poor summary. I'm not too good at writing them. I shall give you a more indepth one:

In the near future, after the defeat of Voldemort, the muggle world has finally discovered the wizarding world, and with that discovery comes hate. So, the governments of the world created the Hunters, for they are the prey, and they must be Hunted.

Again, my apologies.

 

Not bad.. I had a good time reading it.

 

Very nicely done; I loved the style you used in writing, but some will find it confusing or disorienting. Good original work; personally, I would prefer to see it expanded, but the piece was complete enough to act as a standalone oneshot. 3.5/5

 

I didn't find this story to that confusing, just slightly disoriented in the beginning. But, that creates a tone for the whole story, so good work. By the way, have you read a thread called Wizard vs. Muggle in the Canon Discussion subforum? This story is practically a response to it.

 

I started, and I had to skip a lot. Nothing kept me interested. At all. 1/5, 2.5/5 maximum.

 

Nice work. 4/5.

 

originality comes first for me. so 4/5. good work.

 

4/5 from me, too.

The downside was that it was painfully predictable, from the very moment that the character was introduced as Hunter P. And from the get-go, it seemed like the author just wanted to write a scene where Harry kills the Order, and didn't have a way of inserting it into a long fic, since he'd have to go through the trouble of explaining why.

Still, it was entertaining enough for a 4/5.

 

Thank you all for the critique.

I wrote this without a beta, so I'm sorry about the grammar mistakes.

Wisdom's Mountain - the disorientation in the beginning is supposed to be sort of film-like, where the character narates as the viewer sees the character acting, if that makes any sense

Xiph0 - The deaths were supposed to be quick, emotionless, and silent, with the exception of Ginny: for she is an evil that cannot be killed slowly enough. I really was focusing on Harry's image, but, as for making it the first chapter of a story, I'm not good at writing much longer than One-Shots. This was actually my longest One-Shot yet.

Yarrgh! - I wrote this so that I could include the scene at the beginning, where Harry shoots a groveling wizard, into a fic. Originally, I actually had the line "My name is Harry James Potter" at the beginning, but I thought that it would be a better conclusion. What exactly did you find predictable about it?

Again, thank you everyone for the critique.

 

*sighs*

What's the reccommended DLP category?

 

Bleh, from the second I saw 'glinting eyes' or whatever in the beginning, with the Wizard being terrified of him, I could tell it would be HP. Plus, there was the Hunter P bit, so it wasn't hidden much

I mean...you're writing a HP story, so it's a little pointless to try and make it uncertain as to who Harry is, the reader's automatically gonna guess that the person is Harry.

 

Okay. I wasn't trying to hide it, I just generally prefer not to use the character's names if at all possible, except at key plot points.

Thanks for responding though.

 

Did you not see that, or are you deliberately trying to annoy me?
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I really, really liked this.

I actually prefer the shorter summery – sometimes less description leaves more room to intrigue, imo. And the ‘Film Noir style’ is so original. I’ve never read anything like that before.

Great work!

5/5