Just finished reading all that you have updated up to Thanksgiving. In all, its quite entertaining.

Definitely props to you for coming up with a plausible 'good' Salazar Slytherin. I have read several stories that fail to come up with a convincing reason of why in reality Slytherin did not hate muggles. Also, have to commend the language you used in the scenes of the founders period.

In that vein I do have a criticism of how Sal talks to HP in his head, comments referring to the 'dark lord decoder ring' while entertaining jerked me out of the character you had started building Sal as. I'm all for the sarcasm and quips, but it might be smoother if Slytherin's sense of those things is a little more adult, its just weird to see his spoken language change to that of a teenager.

Point of clarification: Is it HP's pale skin, inexplicable ability to heal, and uncooperative attitude which have made his friends turn away from him. Or is there something more? I'm perfectly happy accepting they are twits, but if they stuck with him through other crazy things, what was the turning point in their relationship. Personally I enjoy stories where the left nut and right nut turn out to be twits, but I like to know why?

Also can Weasley at least die a death as entertaining as Malfoy? Though, I admit, I would have much preferred seeing Malfoy owned magically.

 

nuhuh,

Sorry for the delay in responding. Thanks for your input and I'm glad you found the story thus far entertaining. I'm relieved to hear that the Sal Slytherin backstory didn't seem too contrived (to at least one person). As for the speech mannerisms that Slytherin currently has, it's probably a combination of things that lead to the lack of consistancy. One, I definitely try to imbue a snarky and sometimes more current speech pattern for him. In the backstory chapter the way they spoke was indicative of that time period, Sal's been watching from the afterlife for the past few centuries so he's bound to evolve in how he talks. The test, and where I admit fault, is in feeling out where the boundaries of that evolution comfortably lie. In my mind something like the "dark lord decoder ring" isn't teenagey, but hearing someone else point it out and I can see that angle.

In response to your point of clarification, I can only say that it will be addressed in future chapters (Chapter 10 as the outline stands now). At this point the storylines of Hermione and Ron have been anecdotal to the plot, so I'm hoping that my pushing out the explanation of their positions is only problematic because I'm slow to update (and not conversley a distraction).

Lot's of people will die sir, I have yet to begin unleashing the carnage that is DR! In that spirit, Master Weasley stand's a poor statistical chance of surviving this story.

Thanks for your feedback!

Cheers,

Omagic

 

Omagic, you might want to fix the links to chapters 5-8 at your yahoo group as this message comes up

Read chapters 1-4 and enjoyed it so far. Didn't like the religious references but I got through them.

Harry comes across as a little too winey. I am not sure if this is just because I have seen this portrayal of Harry's character done all to often and usually badly to be able to stomach it or if it is something you could change.

Good work and I'll finish reading this in Work by Author Section

 

Kahoisha,

Unfortunately, sometimes the yahoo groups websites have hiccups as you work from chapter to chapter. 9 times out of 10 all it takes is to refresh your browser, or to close out your browser and reload it, for the links to work again. I just checked the links and they seem to be working fine for me. I wish that Yahoo would address this problem, but it's been that way for as many years as I've been reading fanfiction at those sites.

Not sure what to say about the religious references. They were at best anecdotal and intentionally delivered in a manner that held no position good or bad toward a particular belief system. It is a topic that I very much try to stay away from and was my hope (or intent, maybe?) that the limited references were harmless.

I'm curious about the repeated comments that Harry comes off as whiney...I wonder if he is coming across that way because of the commentary Harry has at the beginning of each chapter or rather because he's behaving that way during the story...interesting. Maybe you (or others) have some thoughts on that?

Thanks for reading, and I appreciate that you took time to respond.

Omagic

 

Posted a teaser for Chapter 9 in the WBA section as well as at the yahoo group.

Thanks for reading. And thanks for the move to the "official" Independant Harry forum. It's like christmas come early (I now squee like fangirl and head off to braid my hair and write about how super great this moment is in my extra secret journal). Sorry, too much peppermint these days.

Thanks for approving of the story enough to move it over to the Library. Sincerely.

Omagic

 

That line owns, period.

Nice teaser by the way, can't wait for the rest.

 

The link you have up only works for the first 7 chapters. The 8th chapter is currently MIA as "Document not Found".

So far pretty good, i'm enjoying the fact that for once Harry doesn't want Dobby to magically come in and save the day.

 

The latest tension relief scene in the teaser really stands out. It could have fitted if such scenes were there from the beginning, but here, with constant tension and oppressive air, it looks more like flippancy than a respite from action.

OK, other things like too much action, and Salazar's teenagery appearing here and there (or was that from being around lunatics all the time?) I think were already pointed out, aside from that:

an excellent story: animagus' POV, Dementor-thingy, after-death experience and parents-meeting, Hogwarts scene, Slytherin's story; descriptions, characterisation (of both minor characters and Harry), character interaction (none of the characters present at the scene are left out, as often is the case) are all very good.

All in all, that was one darn emotionally-filled fiction! I feel drained, confused, but oddly satisfied, and in need to read more. keke

 

Stalicon,

Thanks! I always thought the unintentional comedy level in the fact that the great Chamber of Secrets was hidden beneath the girls bathroom, and even more held within it a giant freakin' snake was too often overlooked. If JKR were a man, there would have been hoards of people up in arms about the fallic symbolism and the pedophilic undertones in that combination (or is that just how my sick mind works). I figure since I am a guy, despite my wife's best efforts to take that from me, I might as well just call it out now.

I look forward to the torch and pitchfork carrying villagers.

Dragonyoko,

I still don't know why the Yahoo Groups do that. The links are actually not down, it's just that after you get the error message, you have to manually refresh your browser to re-activate them. It's weird, it makes no sense, and there's really nothing I can do about it. I posted a general notification of the problem on the Yahoo Group mainpage. Hopefully this will help. Thanks for reading!

Alexeyy,

Thanks for taking time to review. Your input is helpful and hopefully I'll be able to improve upon the story from it. There was definitely a change in tone to Harry's interactions in this chapter. In my mind it had a bit to do with the idea that the characters, which had been strangers forced upon each other to this point, were finally developing a familiarity. Maybe it would have been better had I written that assumption into the chapter...

You know, it's a double edged sword that I've created for myself here. The never-ending tension and oppresive air of the fic tends to wear on the reader, and as IP82 pointed out, make you have a lessened connection to the characters. The offer of tension relief, in the manner I've presented it, has come across a bit as flipant (which I think was a good word for it). The solution is obvious, but of course that means more writing. You know...this story was much better when I was writing it without an audience. It always sounded so good in my head.

Otherwise, thanks for pointing out all that you liked about the story, it's definitely motivating and helps that insecure bug all writers have when they wonder if the crap their peddaling doesn't smell so bad to everyone else.

thanks to everyone for reading. Have a happy holiday, and I hope to hear from you in reviews next year.

Cheers,

Omagic

 

Dark Respite Update: Chapter 9

The completed Chapter 9 has been posted to the Yahoo Group website as well as in the Work by Author forum. Look forward to your comments. Enjoy.

Omagic

 

Chapter 10 has been posted to the Yahoo Group. I will be posting it in the Work by Author forum shortly. Comments and reviews are much appreciated.

Thanks,

Omagic

 

Chapter 11 has been posted to the Yahoo Group. I will be posting it in the Work by Author forum shortly. Review, leave a rating, tell your friends, read it to your kids...well, maybe you shouldn't tell your friends.

Thanks,

Omagic

 

I just read the last three chapters. Honestly, I completely forgot about this story, mostly because it's stuffed on a Yahoo group, instead on some normal site.

Anyway, I'd say this is turning into one hell of a fic. There's still enough action and carnage, but this time, I didn't get that feeling that the events are rolling faster than I can handle them (like it was the case in earlier chapters).

Goblins had turned into sort of an universal duck tape - miraculously patching up the plot with their amazing tracking skills. I wonder why hadn't Dumbledore thought of turning to them for help?

On the upside, Goblins' characterization - like any other characterization in this story - was fantastic. I liked the political background of their struggle, as well their desire to take over a pureblood title(s). The only thing I found lacking was the whole manipulation around the magic-sucking stone; I didn't quite get what was that commotion all about, but at least that could have been because I was preoccupied by the flashbacks of that excellent wedding massacre scene.

I'm not sure I like how easy it is to take out Harry; Most potent destructive spells can't seem to touch him, but a simple stunner, and he's screwed. Doesn't Slytherin have some trinket or a potion to keep his mind conscious no matter what? And what happened with carrying a portkey? I know Harry's reckless, but this is just taking it too far.

That said, Dobby in this story simply KICKS ASS. I laughed maniacally at some of his - and everyone else's - lines. Overall, dialogues, sarcastic comments and inline jokes remain one of the greatest qualities of the story.

The entire interrogation scene was sweet, even if I'd have preferred that Harry had a few more tricks up his sleeve. And even though I usually wouldn't condone it, I like the idea of Ron and Hermione finding their way back into Harry's team. They could offer a touch of normality that could make Harry's *REAL* crew seem even more funny and... well, cool.

Anyway, still a great - and vastly underestimated - story. Keep writing.
4.8/5

 

Copied from Yahoo Group

IP82,

Let me start off by saying thanks for this really great post. As a writer yourself you know that some of the most valuable feedback is when it discusses how your writing has progressed (or fallen off) from earlier stages! Many thanks for that.

It is my intent to eventually put this fic on Fanfiction.net. Of course that's after I've nearly completed it and all of you have hopefully damn near finished reading it. I do of course also update the fic in the Work by Authors section at DLP, but that's not the most recognizable place to notify of an update. Really what it comes down to is I feel like an arse writing half a story once before (Fire of Life) that was available for mass consumption and don't want to tease another group of people with the same situation. That I'm willing to tease you good folk here and at DLP with this as of yet unfinished fic once again confirms my hypocrisy.

I will certainly admit to not being above using an idea or a group of individuals as plot advancing epoxy! The goblins were certainly that and it really comes down to the fact that have little interest in writing long, drawn out, and boring expeditions on how Horcrux X, Y, and Z were found. Others may provide a great fic on just those situations -- I'm not one of them. Naturally, Dumbledore was posited as the unquestioned well-source of all things known to the wizarding world in JKR's books. I basically tried to side-step that notion by posing the idea that the house-elves kept it their secret that the goblins were such great trackers. Yup, this is me asking you to suspend a bit of disbelief once again. (deja vu anyone).

Your comments regarding characterizations are going to get framed in the Omagic household. Characterization and dialogue are the things I look for most in what I read, and they’re what I try to focus on the most when I write. Should their ever be a DR book, I’d use this as one of those NY Times excerpts.

I think I said this somewhere else but the whole magic sucking stone was never really planned for the story. It came to me as another one of those fairly decent plot epoxies and I think it fell short in more than one area as a result of the lack of planning. Nonetheless, my plan to distract you with the ass kickery of the wedding worked to a T.

The deal with Harry falling to stunners but taking AK money shots like they’re vitamins really comes down to making a powerful, but not overly powerful Harry – he has to have weaknesses. Conversely to make Harry more real he has to realize his weaknesses and plan for it. Which will happen. It has always been to his advantage that Death Eaters are bastards to the core and 99% of the time are uninterested in stunning someone. Aurors are always mulling over that greater good thing – what little good it does them.

As for the portkey…looking back on it Harry’s willingness to whiten up his outfit, and hide in the trees, and disillusion himself…all that and he didn’t think to bring a portkey to flash away instead of facing attack from his friends. None too smart. Let me hide behind the easily disputed argument that portkeys aren’t the sort of thing you can just shake a wand at to create in DR. They require a bit more effort and in Harry’s busy schedule he hasn’t learned that skill yet (and that Salazar has been too distracted to point out this lacking skill and its immensely useful applications).

I’m still waiting for the comment, “You’re Dobby is just totally unbelievable” or the ever popular, “he’s completely AU from canon.” It hasn’t come and I take that to mean that people are buying into him. There’s nothing more fun than taking a character who was built to have that Forest Gump like innocence and reeking all sorts of carnage with him.

Again, thanks for all your feedback. I think I can say with some certainty that the tricks and abilities Harry will have coming into the final third of this fic will be better than what he’s reflected thus far. He took a little time on the learning curve for properly grasping the means for proper disposal of ones captures and enemies.

Fuck, I am long-winded!

Omagic

 

Hmm..
Since the Yahoo groupe says i can't access the first 3 chapters, its getting kinda hard starting on this story.. So would you mind composing a document containing chap. 1-11 in a single file? If im lucky i might be able to download that.

Regards

 

Kunisch,

As it says on the Yahoo Group most times it just requires that you refresh your browser or sometimes closing and restarting the browser in order to get the chapter file links to work properly. I don't know why, I chalk it up to Yahoo being stupid and hating me.

Still under the presumption that you wouldn't have bothered leaving a message if you hadn't already tried the above options I am sending you an email with the files attached.

EDIT: you have it so that emails cannot be sent to you through the website, if you want to send me an email (Omagic07@fastmail.net) I will reply back to your email with the files attached. If you don't want to send an email, every chapter of Dark Respite is accessible here in the Work by Author section as well.

Hope you enjoy!

Omagic

 

I finally came around reading your story and I think it's really great. I just hope you don't decide to include Ron and Hermione in Harrys quest to kill all the Death Eaters.
5/5 stars

 

sigh for some weird logic

yahoo groups is blocked by our ISP (against Islamic believes and what not..)

was wondering if you could please post the story elsewhere too.

thanks!

 

Chapter 12 Teaser

It's been too fucking long since I've made mention of any updates to this fic! Real life has been like felating a syphilitic cow these days and hasn't left all that much time for writing.

First off, if you've not read the fic because you didn't want to be bothered with a yahoo group, I"m posting the story at fanfction.net now. [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3531310/1/]

Read that bitch! 4 out of 5 dentists say reading Dark Respite will make you smarter and more attractive to the opposite sex.

A teaser for chapter 12 is at the Yahoo Group, [http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HP_FoL...rk Respite/], and has been posted in the WBA section.

Sorry I've been so slow with this lately.

Omagic

 

Chapter 12 - Why

Finally the next chapter of Dark Respite has been posted to fanfiction.net (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3531310/12/Dark_Respite). Sorry for the inexcusable delay.

Can't say this is my favorite chapter, but the last three promise (or hope to promise) lot's more action goodiness.

Look forward to reading your responses. I'll post the fic to the Work By Author's section as usual. Though with the story now being on ff.net this may not be necessary anymore.

I'll leave that to the ever capable moderators to decide, should one of them wish to comment in that regard.

Cheers,

Omagic