The part with Voldemort was absolutely fantastic. One of the best characterizations of Voldemort I've seen in ages. A similar scene I'm writing these days pales in comparesment.

Second part was very good as well. Once again, I liked the characterization everyone, especially of Ron & Hermione. They were pretty foolish to piss of Fillmore, though.

4.8/5

 

I agree with ip82 in full, that was the most original scene with Voldemort I've ever read, kudos for that. The rest of the chapter was pretty good too with a great Ron and Hermione, as well as Fillmore being his awesome nutcase! self.

 

Thanks IP82 and Testament! Particularly for the nods on the Voldemort scene. I was really unsure how that would go over, but it's always seemed to me that Voldemort's reasons for being the big bad were never touched on in canon (and really not that often in fanfiction). I've never really gotten off on the "I'm bad just because..." characterization. And now that DH is written and the HP story complete, I was really disappointed that JKR didn't take on telling us why V was bad...in my mind that was more inexcusable than the "epilogue".

As for the rest, just about every characterization of Ron, Hermione, and Harry has been written. But if the characters are going to be a part of this story (big or small) i'd rather see a completely gone Hermione, a completely incapable Ron trying to take care of her, and finally a Harry that's not interested in taking care of them.

On a separate note I owe you an additional thanks, IP82 for the nod you mentioned to DR on your ff.net page. That's pretty awesome of you.

Thanks again.

Omagic

 

Chapter 13 - Recipe for Disaster

Chapter 13 has been posted. Sorry it took so long between chapters, this one was a bit hard to write, but I hope I handled it properly and I look forward to hearing what everyone has to say.

Chapter 14 is about 2500 words in and as usual will be shooting for the 7 to 9k mark. Hopefully it will be out much quicker than this one.

Review you surly bitches!

Cheers,

Omagic

A new low, I've resorted to emoticons.

 

Yeah, you handled it properly, that's for sure. Huge amounts of both action and brutality made my evening. Writing is awesome as always and I didn't found any mistakes, though I'm not exactly an expert. I look forward for Hermione's reaction (in case she is still alive, shit happens, after all...). Hope she will end as evil bitch.

Ah yes, epitaphs were great and Dobby's thoughts made me laugh.

 

Handled properly? A fucking understatement. Keep this up, man. Definitely unique perspective, and I'm loving that.

Oddly enough, the really broad philosophical thoughts remind me of the voice-over from Fight Club. Amazing style.

Also, I've been looking into Blood Magic for a story idea, and I've got to say...I was really impressed with the way you presented it. Any tips on good research points to get in the right frame of mind?

 

...an interesting note. Chapter 13 was rejected at harrypotterfanfiction.com because it was "offensive and disgusting". In particular the line about Hermione "finger painting with her feces over the soon to be dead body of Ron Weasley." was required to be removed...at least the finger painting with her feces part.

The interesting thing is I've used references to people playing with their poo in DR over and again as a moniker for excessive insanity. Actually, the line about Hermione is only in the context of describing her crazy because of the earlier references in the story. Taken on its own, the line might appear as if it suggests a scene where Hermione is dipping into her poo factory and drawing self portraits on Ron's dead body. Which is of course not the case...though still pretty funny.

I challenged the validator's decision and was essentially told to jog off and remove the line (in a much more wordy and less cheeky manner, of course). I get so few hits on that site and even less reviews I considered pulling the story all together, but that seemed childish.

I'm curious what you all think? Did the line seem excessively gross? Is your pure as the driven snow soul tainted for having read it?

On an unrelated and more grateful note...

Thanks to Rhduwe and ParseltonguePhoenix for taking time to respond. I'm relieved to hear that some people thought the deaths were handled properly. It was a really hard chapter to write because nothing seemed a fitting enough way to send those two on. Particularly Filmore. And was directly responsible for the two months it took to update the fic.

Rhduwe, Hermione still has her role to play in this fic, but I don't think I'm giving anything away by saying that her losing another person isn't going to do wonders for her current psychological situation.

PtP, I'd be lying if I said that Chuck Palahniuk hasn't had a great deal of influence on my writing. If I can draw even a near similarity in someone's mind to something that he had any involvement with...well than I'm finger painting with my feces happy (self portrait style). As for the blood magic, most of it came out of my head and I can't say I did any special type of research on it. Any frame of mind aids could only be lent to listening to Korn or Prodigy while writing some of the fic (which is totally subjective and possibly useless to you, sorry for that) I know that Miranda Flaringold's fics have lots of blood magic stuff in there, and the art of good writing is stealing other people's shit, making it better, and then calling it your own.

Cheers,

Omagic

 

I actually didn't like this chapter that much, not compared to others at least.

What bothered me the most was action. To me, it felt too vague, repetitive and unrealistic. It seems Harry and the crew took out at least 300 suicidal death eaters, who just mindlessly keep coming, not minding scores of their colleagues getting blasted to pieces around them. We never see an ounce of humanity in these death eaters, an indication that Harry is mowing down actual people instead of particularly stubborn patch of bushes.

Now, I know this is the basis of what is considered 'epic' action, but in this case, it feels you went too far. This sort of POW WOW CARNAGE!! stuff is best left for the culmination of the fight. But before that, I'd have liked to see some actual combat, with actual human beings, not just nameless foes in undetermined numbers, who fall down in unmentioned ways...

 

Chapter 14 has been posted...finally. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3531310/14/Dark_Respite

I'm sorry for the delay. I suck. I know.

Look forward to your responses!

Omagic

 

An original storyline, engaging writing style,few grammar and spelling errors, and amusement value all wrapped up in one nice little fic. A rare 5/5 from me.

 

I think I like this fic cause' it has Ruskbyte's Abyss type flavor written here. I'll follow for now. Keep up the good work.

Poor Fillmore though. I liked him and I almost never like OCs.

 

I left a review on ff.net but thought i should tell you here too. I agree with ip82 about the action, it went a little too far without any major personality.
Basically:
Action, deaths & originality on an old cliche = major+. Atmosphere and imagination = slight-.
Oh and Filmore is freakin' awesome, best OC ever.

 

Thanks to Korisovra, LuxDragon, and J22 for leaving a response, they are all appreciated! I think it's awesome the response Filmore has gotten throughout this fic! I never really expected there to be a good response to him on account of having to force a muggle character into the magical side of the Potter universe. Still, he was a really fun and easy character to write (well, aside from trying to keep his speech characteristics consistent).

As for the "carnage" action scene in ch. 13 I completely agree with IP82 and J22 that it was bordering on the "SMASH!", "POW!", "BOOM!" old-school batman beats up nameless henchman style. I can't say that I was aiming for that but I can say that the lack of detail (the nameless henchman effect) was intentional. What I was aiming for was balance, I wanted the fight to be epic but I wanted the details and potency of the chapter to come from what was happening around Filmore and Dobby. So in my simple mind, I thought such a balance could be struck by having Harry taking on (what seemed like all of) the DE's while the real focus of the chapter was on Dobby and Filmore. In the end it's possible the over the topness of the fight might have caused me to miss the target. Oh well, live and learn. Either way I still appreciate the two of you pointing it out.

Cheers,

Omagic

 

This is a pretty nice fic. Some imaginative characterizations, finally, in a Salazar/Harry universe.

 

Seer, please refrain from posting a useless comment in a library thread that has remained inactive for 4 months. If you're going to contribute please add something interesting or new to the thread. Oh and this message is from Dark_Syaoran.

 

I thought giving props to authors was also acceptable. The fic is a bit short, and most of what can be said has already been said, so....

 

Don't fucking necro with a 1 line comment, if its months old. It just annoys the hell out of people.

If you want to leave a detailed review of the story, no problem, but a one line sentence is just pointless.

 

You've obviously missed the point of complimenting writers. Surely you can't have been ignorant to have missed all of those. As for necroing, the last post was barely a few months ago. Pull your head out of your ass and use the brain evolution gave you

 

For what it's worth, I appreciate Seer's comment. That there hasn't been an update in this forum for a few months is my fault because I'm an asshole who hasn't updated my fic.

Nonetheless, I can't see any genuine justification for not be allowed to post what amounts to a "review" in a library thread for a fic. It is, after all, the main reason that the threads are created.

Further, is it really such an annoyance to be bothered by clicking a link, seeing a one line post, and then clicking your back button? Really? I get this when it involves non-library threads. I'm just not sure it holds water otherwise.

Still, to try and offer up a bit of topic that is specific to what the thread is for. I have about 4,000 words done on chapter 15, the problem is I'm thinking about (pretty much decided actually) tossing the last 2,000... This is always problematic for me, because I go into a rut once I realize it and stop making progress. I figure the chapter is going to be between 8 - 12k total (without the bit that's getting cut).

The story is not dead, I'll have an update soon. The said thing is, this is one of the chapters that I've most looked forward to writing. All goes back to me being that asshole who hasn't updated in while.

Procrastination...it's what I do.

Thanks for the review Seer!

Omagic

 

Its more the fact, that if you let one person do it, then suddenly everyone thinks its a good idea, which quickly leads a forum down the road to uselessness.

Intelligent, well thought out, rational, and logical posts are what DLP is about, most of the time, if we wanted to read one line answers, or bandwagoning or other type of crap like that, we would go to pheonixsong.net, ginnypotter.net or some other craptastic site like that.