Title: Definition of a monster
Author: esama
Rating: T
Genre: Drama
DLP Category: Time Travel / Dark Arts / Alternates
Pairing: None listed
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,164
Updated: March 28, 2009
Status: Abandoned
Summary: When future's course takes too many wrong turns, a sophisticated monster decides to reshape the past in order to protect his kind. Time travel story.

A little pearl I found on ff.net, excellent writing style althought not really much to read yet, 7 chapters, 25k words. Has a shitload of potential to either be one of the best fics on FF.net or one big Cliche.

Up until now 5/5 for me

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4254349/1/Definition_of_a_Monster
Link (zip archive of Esama's works): https://dl.dropbox.com/u/92776639/Esama.ZIP

Checked by Minion, July 28, 2013
I added a link to an archive with Esama's works.
If you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.

 

You linked chapter Seven.

Regardless, I didn't enjoy it.

 

Plot summary:

Spoiler

Wizards = Evil due to not believing in God.

There are also a lot of tense issues and word usage issues.

1/5

 

That's not really the issue. The issue is that wizards don't believe they will be judged for their actions.

I happen to like this story, though I do believe the author said he would be abandoning it and just posting the chapters he's already finished. 4/5.

 

Didn't read it, but the concept that wizards don't think they'll be judged in some way seems incredibly flawed given that the soul and afterlife 100% for certain exist in the HP universe - and wizards know this.

It would be difficult to work around that, yes?

 

It's pretty well written, the only thing that stood out to me was overuse of word 'manner'. While not exactly a mistake, it was annoying.

Pros:
Plot seems well thought, but it's extremely slow-paced.
Every chapter starts with boring note from Clay (whom is HP with changed name btw).
Good writing style

Cons:
Vampire!Harry
NewName!Harry
Slow-paced (it's around 25k words now and we are no further than two weeks into the plot)

Overall, 3/5 from me.

 

Haven't read it, and don't plan to, but:

1. How is the fact that they don't believe they will be judged for their actions relevant? (this is a genuine question)

2. The soul does exist in HP, but I don't know that afterlife does, and I don't understand how that would mean that divine judgement exists as well.

 

Well, if you know that your immortal soul exists and that it lives on beyond your physical existence (that's what a soul does, right?), then 1. There is an "after" and 2. Unless you believe that not a single other soul will end up in the same place that you do, you will be judged for your past actions - not necessarily by a higher power but at least by your peers.

Whether that's enough of a deterrent or not probably depends on the individual, but there it is.

 

According to this fic, wizard's believe that death is just the next step. Another part of life, if you will, and a murderer will go to the same place as a saint, as will a rapist, or a bar owner.

Because they don't believe they will be judged for their actions they have no problems doing whatever they want, including killing off everything that isn't magical.

 

The only way I see this working is if they also believe that they are immune to reprisals in the afterlife.

In fact, knowing that death is simply an extension of life would, in my mind, cause people to behave morally as they would not be able escape their past actions. If their existence never comes to and end, then they would have to live with their past actions forever.

You can do plenty of horrible things to a person without killing them. Even if his soul is immortal, unless it is immune to any sort of sensory sensation or psychological influence, an eternity of torment at the hands of, say, a victim of his crimes would not be anything to look forward to.

Basically I still think it's a crappy premise.

 

I see what your saying but give the guy a break, its not like he is writing an argumentative essay.

At least his story is original. 2/5 this isn't DLP library material.

 

To each his own. The "theology" isn't what made me like the story anyway. Unlike our beloved KrzaQ, I'm a fan of Vampire!Harry.

 

Vampire Harry is good if you can pull it off, I reserve judgment on this one but he is trying I'll give him that.

i didn't even notice that until now.

Either way put this in the bin, it needs some rework.

 

The whole argument is based on non-logical conjectures. Who said canon souls were immortal? I'm not even sure I see why they would have to live beyond the physical existence at all... I don't really care what souls are about, all I'm saying is canon really doesn't go into enough detail to be able to say "the afterlife exists in HP".

And if when you say judged you mean, not by some transcendental Justice, but by your peers who did the same wrongs you did, and may not even have the power to take any action, then it doesn't really mean much.

The bigger problem I see with this is how the fact that they think they won't be judged affects their behavior... As far as we know in canon they don't think they'll be judged.

Edit: I agree that it's a ridiculous premise though.

 

It's promising. I like it so far. There is Harry-a-vampire-by-any-other-name, the man from the future, helping Remus while having a reason to keep him around, a useful Tom-the-Bartender, etc. Still, it isn't OhMyGodI'mAVampire!Harry or the little annoying snot.

 

Maybe it's the lack of flawlessly executed reading material at the moment, but I digress.

The story didn't fail to entertain me, and the writing is good enough. I still have some reservations though.

4/5

 

I liked it. A fan of esama's previous works, despite his slightly slashish tendencies. Good thing this fic doesn't have any.

As for the slow pace, I think it fits this fic. Along with his magical creatures.

What I didn't like was the focus on Remus. Thankfully, it was somewhat redeemable due to Harry actually being older of the two, and the subsequent interaction.

It was also nice to see a somewhat original vampire!harry and time-travel!harry, without that angst and evil 'take over the world' themes.

 

Can I get a confirmation on renamed!Harry?

There are very few things that will cause me to instantly X out of a story no matter how good it is. Renaming HP is one of those things.

I remember the last story I read that pulled that nonsense. It was your average post OOTP Indy!Harry story with some of the classic cliches such as manipulative!DD and LetterFromSirius + inheritance. I remember reading a little past that because those cliches are somewhat forgivable if written well. However, the next thing you know Harry gets renamed somehow, (IRRC) Seraph Orion Black. I stopped for a second, not believing what I was reading. I then broke the sound barrier reaching for the mouse to terminate the window.

 

Personally, I like it; it's difficult to find a vampire or magical creature Harry fic that isn't slash. The inclusion of Tom, the barkeeper, was an intrersting factor that isn't commonly seen, especially as most fics tend to gloss over him.

The grammar looks alright, but I'm no expert so I can't be too certain, plus the structures good i.e. paragraphing and sentence structure.

Therefore I think it definately has potential, and the current storyline intrigues me, as it appears to be somewhat original, not to forget that updates are on a fairly regular basis, but only time will tell.

Overall a 4/5

 

I give it a 3.8/5 Not quite good enough for a four, but the premise kept me semi-entertained, and talent that can do that is rare these days.