That's understandable. Giving us the little background on Potter, but your comment of 'primarily' being based in the Dresden verse makes me curious just what parts of the Potter verse are going to be appearing. And I guess I'm just used to the usual Indy/Dark type Harrys where we start a year or two since the books and begin with a different Harry.

I'm usually in two minds about crossing over two different interpretations of the supernatural. Making them different dimensions and universes is the easiest way to avoid conflicting aspects, but is also sort of a cheap way out. But a lot of times trying to make the two worlds fit together ends up to the detriment of both of them (one more than the other).

And I think a wizard of Potter's caliber in the world of Dresden's magic is going to be far more interesting than a wizard like Dresden in the world of Potter. JKR's magic is just too strong, defined, and prevalent for Dresden's bag of tricks to stand out. Definitely keep this story coming.

 

Very interesting start, but I am very curious to see how these magic users treat him once they realize that he is not a demon. Their casual dismissal of Dresden foreshadows a great deal of conflict, but I can't wait to see where you take it. While you have me hooked, I'm reserving judgment until I see how you blend these two together. Crossovers like this that end up working sound great, but I want to see how you bridge the gap between the two first. Great work so far.

 

I really am liking this story. I tend to listen to fanfics with a text-to-speech app rather than just reading them; so I can completely understand how Potter became so insane. That drip...drop / tick...tock was driving me insane and I just had to listen to a few short sentences. I also liked how Potter manages to block a sword with his wand. I can just picture that in my head and it makes me grin maniacally.

 

I liked it... Definetley creative with the dove dive bombing morgans Tonsils...

And I liked the fact that Harry closed the childrens eyes. A nice touch.

Suggestions... umm?

First thing though, was the green light an Avada or another spell, and if it was a Avada, how would the warlock know how to cast it; as I don't think that is native to dresden universe. Do the warlock's know about Harry's universe and some of the magic they have. Does this mean that Harry can learn Dresden Magic, and vice versa...

Cause then you can have Harry perform some kind of spell, like a wingardium to I don't know... lift the guy up buy his nuts and swing him about, and dresden can hear him say it, and try it out using his staff.

Oh maybe harry can give Dresden a chance to explain his actions.

Maybe after he proves his superiority( I'm guessing he's superior and thats where your taking this) he can go after Dresden and maybe choke lift him in the air and demand he explain himself. Maybee doing the same to Morgan but you know psychicly( Darth Vader style)

Morgan can be his usual...

"By the authority of the [whateve], I demand you leave back to the Outside or face Death."

You know, while he's still dangling in the air choking to death.

Harry can snort and turn to Dresden...

"What bout you... you going to tell me to go...[takes a long look around himself, noting the outsideness] outside?"

"No I just want to breath..." Dresden can weaze.

I don't know wheter thats dresden like, but I figure Dresden will have gotten enough information to realize that Outsider or not... Harry's not completely evil. Thus won't try as hard to kill him but sure as hell won't try and antagonize him.

From the T.V. show Dresden seem's to take shit from the counsil for no other reason than there the 'good guys' and there more powerful than him. Harry's not the bad guy, and as far as dresden knows, he's definetley more powerful than him.

Oh maybee during Harry's perspective he can review what the warlock said...

you can have him note that he called Morgan and Dresden a white counil slave. He can reason that idiots always associate everything in terms of white and black, and the white side is usually the side he least wants to kill.

Usually...

Then he can try and ask the warlock what he meant but he's already been crucioed beyond comprehension and all thats left is a drooling fool, thus he turns to Dresden and Morgan.

Good with the walmart reference... it stands out more but I'd seperate everything to do with the glasses in that part by atleast one line. that way when the reader finally gets to that line its more of a shock...

you have it written as....

I say you write it as...

Morgan stood behind us, his sword raised high in a stutter stance, ready for the thing in the human suit. He really doesn’t have too much faith in me; I could’ve bound the being to my will with Guzman…only if my concentration hadn’t broken by the green eyed, whatever.

Who was putting on glasses...?

He just crouched down, picked up these(nerd specials from Wal Mart) circular glasses; puffed on them, then calmly wiped them clean on his red robes.

It’s such a let down. You think you’re about to go toe to toe with an über fae, and then they end up fumbling around for their spectacles!

Its not that different but I think it emphasizes it much better.

ya.. thats all I can suggest right now.

Eagerly awaiting more.

Quazi

 

I cant wait to see Dresden will act around Harry and also what Harry will do now?

Im guessing that Harry has not figured out that he is in a diffrent world yet?

 

Very nice. I like you showed some of the differnce between Dredsen and Hpverse magic sytles. And bonus points for being one of few to actully remember how fire based attacks are pretty much useless against a Hpverse wizard.

 

I've posted the extended Chapter 2 in the Work By Author thread. Please take a look at it and critique it, I will work on it before I put it up on ff.net. The link is in my signature. Thank you.


nonjon~ Ah, by 'primarily' I mean that the Potter verse will appear very, very late in the fic for perhaps a sequence or two at the most. Taking 1%, maximum, of this fic that is based in the Dresden verse. And yes, I understand the prevalence of Dark/Indy! Harry characterization and the assumed back history that comes with it but when I was writing I felt it was hanging, so I went ahead and gave a short history anyway.

yojorocks~ The wizards in the Dresden Verse, including Dresden himself will not understand what has happened for some time. So I would expect them to treat him, Harry Potter, as a demon for sometime to come. There are many conflicts that exist in the Dresden Verse, and you will be seeing more than the obvious ones you have already, hopefully I can depict everything without getting bogged down in details. What I've posted last night should show you at least to some degree how I am crossing over the magics of each verse, though, everything is skewed by the fact that Potter is a powerful wizard. Anyway, glad you're interested and hooked, your thoughts are always welcome. Thank you.

 

Er. I thought ch. 2 was already up on fanfiction.net?

Edit: Yes, well I'm a dumbass that can't read ANs apparently so feel free to continue ignoring me.

 

Looking good, but Dresden needs a little work. He's not quite as, eh, can't think of the word for it (lack of sleep), but his dialouge doesn't fit him. He sounds like he's trying to suck-up to Harry P. and I haven't read anything like that in the books. As a character, Harry Dresden is self-assured, witty and occasionally obtuse; he is also easily prone to anger.

 

I've got a few simple questions.
1. How comes the next update?
2. Do you realize this is one of the best Hp/any crossovers I've ever seen?
3. Why do you and Shezza insist on ending chapters/sections with cliffhangers?

As to the actual review there's not enough "new" plot taken place for me to cast judgment on this story yet. While I greatly enjoy your back story for Potter I'm having a hard time seeing how the current situation could possibly be defused away from the point of Potter killing Dresden and the surviving Wardens. Another source for conflict is the White Council who will probably come across as some sort of fascist regime with their mid evil approach to possible criminal activities and heavy handed tactics with muggle control namely kill the one who knows to much, not to mention that the council as a whole probably wants Potter very dead after his big debut and subsequent use of very dark magic. Can't wait to see what you do with this, if you get a good/believable resolution to this first conflict your getting an easy 5/5 from me.

P.S. Please note most of my Dresden exposure comes from the show I've only read part of the first book.

 

redawgts~That must have been one horrible experience, I actually read it out to myself when writing and reviewing. So I suffered too. Glad you liked it.

Quazi~ Yeah, I had fun with the demented doves. And the children show that Harry is still human and humane. The green spell was not Avada Kedarva, just a green spell, the color was there just to set his alarm off. Thanks for the suggestions, I was envisioning Jedi!Harry through out it, Take a look see at the next chapter.

Lord Apophis~I will be posting the Harry Harry interaction soon, I hope you like it. No, Potter doesn't realize where he is, it will take sometime. No sudden revelations. What Harry does, will largely be determined by what others want to do to him and him reacting for a while, since he doesn't know what he's landed in.

AbyssalDemon~ I imagined how insane it would look to put a guy on fire and having him laugh like a lunatic through it from a Dresden verse wizard's pov. Had a great time with it. Thank you for the review~

Greengun~ First, the update comes along well. There is a thread for the new chapter in this section. Titled Harry meets Harry, I'm updating piecemeal in it. Second, thank you, I'm enjoying the great response its getting. Third, we're evil and we're trying to out do each other with cliff hangers, I think I'm winning. There will be many conflicts, of course you have picked up on the immediate ones, but there is some complexity of the plot that will reveal itself and you will see some twists and turns. Hope you like the next chapter.

Thanks for all the reviews, I'm a slow writer so please bear with me. Go over to the thread for the new chapter When Harry meets Harry and let me know what you think.

 

Oooh, I like it. The fight with Morgan was great in the last chapter and Harry's POV was quite enlightening. I thought he was going to be a mass-murdering psycho for a while , but he's not, he's just slightly insane and happy to be free (or at least he was).

I like the Soul Gaze and their mutual hate of the other afterwards . Its a shame Murphy's dead, though I do have doubts about that, but it will be a catalyst for some Dresden action against the Council.

I give it a 5/5 so far. Keep up the good work and it'll stay there.

Aekiel

 

excelent, it was a bit hard to follow at the begining, but once I got right into it... very good.

And Murphy... I wasn't expecting that... excelent twist. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this is the act that will push Harry (dresden) over the edge and to side fully with Harry when he goes after the white council... I assume he will.

Maybee Ancient Mai and the white council want his help like they usually do, ( by bitch slapping him and ordering him by threat of execution to do there work for them) and instead of helping he tells them to screw off, and maybee helps make their problem bigger. I'm assuming the problem is harry.

I kind of want to see Harry sympathizing with dresden over the loss of his friend, but I don't want to assume with this harry. I picture it sort of like... Harry some how finds out, recognizes dresden's sorrow, then instead of offering sympathy, he offers to off the white council, with dresden's help.

It all depends on how dark this fic will become.

And where you plan to take this. The ultimate defeat of the white council... harry returns to his world, he brings people from his world using the bodies of white council members instead of children, he takes dresden to his world. So many possibilities.

Then again this is all assuming Murphy is dead. For all I know Mai was just playing with dresden and really they did something else to her... which I kind of doubt but you never know... well you know of course... I don't.

eagerly awaiting your next update.

Quazi

 

A very good entry - however, I must agree with some of the other comments. Dresden seems a bit too sycophantic and whiny when talking to the "demon", not really in character from what I've seen. Unless it's intentional, if it's supposed to only seem that way from HP's perspective.

Other than that, excellent work.

-J

 

Heya,

I tell you what, the advice that Vash, Jeram and Swim gave you was good because the new part really reads well. It does make Dresden sound more in line with his TV-self. You're getting off to a good start

I'm interested to see how this thing with Ancient Mai turns out, and what Dresden's going to do next. And, if what you tell me is still true, then I'm really, really, looking forward to the next chapter.

Sincerely,
Shezza

 

Hm. I'm not too sure about the new part. A large part of it is probably that I just finished rereading the whole series, which this fic doesn't really resemble much at all. Harry has, on plenty of occasions, accepted death over giving way. The fight scene in this chapter makes him seem more like a coward, which doesn't fit his personality at all. Sure, he might have played HP up a bit, acted a coward if he had an idea in reserve and was using it as a delay, but to genuinely give up? No, he'd die first, and has chosen to do so a number of times. So, personality wise, it doesn't really fit his character.

Ancient Mai's behavior also seems rather off. She's not exactly a Dresden fan, but she's never shown any real tendency to hate him, and I do believe that she's been shown to be more neutral towards him in the books, on the few occasions she's shown up in them. This could be based on the TV show, which I've only seen the first eight or so episodes of...perhaps she's shown there in some way I haven't seen yet that reflects the way you wrote these scenes. If not, it might be a good idea to back it up somehow, because without the support of the show, her personality doesn't quite fit, either.

I am looking forward to where you're taking this, despite the characterization issues I've mentioned. Aside from your and Shezza's fics, I've not seen any Dresden fanfics, so it's neat to see what direction the first ones might take.

 

Thermopyle.... I am fairly sure that this story is based solely on the TV show, not the books..... that said, if it is, things like the 'Hell's Bells' need to be removed, since I don't think Dresden says that in the TV series..... that aside, the show is different enough from the books that this fits.

 

Swimdraconian~ Thanks for pointing that out, I hope the reworked section works better. Let me know what you think.

Aekiel~I had fun writing Morgan and Harry's duel, glad you enjoyed it. Potter is a little off and will remain so for a while but no he is not completely psychotic. I figured a review of the duel from his POV would be interesting.

Quazi~ All very good ideas where I could go with this. Both Dresden and Potter have things that they have in common, but for the moment apparently to each other they are at opposite sides. Though Dresden has tried to extend the hand of friendship by seeing Potter act human and care. Thanks for the big review.

Jeram~ As you can see I took your critique along with Swim's and Vash's to change the scene. It is difficult to show what Dresden was thinking during that sequence because it was Potter's POV. If you read the chapters as a whole you see Dresden noticing Potter act unlike a demon, curse Warlocks for killing children etc. The sycophantic seeming language was his typical smart talk, more tongue and cheek instead of real respect or fear. He is also at the very end of his reserves, and would rather try and understand this being rather than start attempting to blow him up. From the books we have seen Dresden is noble and a believer in second chances to a fault. I tried to convey that Potter's discordant actions with his supposed Outsider status made an impression on Dresden and he became curious.

I hope with the new edits and the switch over to Dresden's pov where he curses himself for dropping his guard display where Dresden was coming from.

Maltese Falcon~ Good to know it works better. And yeah the next chapter should be very interesting, the plot will move and perhaps some new character introductions.

Thermopyle~ First, I would suggest looking at my response to Jeram, that should clear somethings up.

Now, my intention was not to show Dresden as a coward, nor is that part of his characterization as I am writing it. In this particular chapter he is magically exhausted and physically wounded. He has fought warlocks, tried to maintain a magical circle that needed seven warlocks to keep stable, been cursed by those warlocks and still is ready to take a desperate literal shot at Potter when he is done with Morgan.

The conversation he has with Potter is his typical smart ass talk, it is hard to show that he wasn't really afraid and was pretending airs because the scene was written from Potter's pov. Even though, in the edits Potter mentions wondering why Dresden was being friendly, was chipper and not running away from him if he thought he was a demon.

From the books and tv show we know Dresden is not good at diplomacy, his attempts at it are amusing at best and very open. That is what I wanted to show besides what I said to Jeram about Dresden thinking there is more to Potter than meets the eye because of his human reactions of grief etc. If nothing else then the scene after the broken soul gaze where Dresden wonders why he gave Potter a chance and is ready to attack him even when he knows he is too wounded and tired should indicate that he was not being a coward.

Ancient Mai's characterization is taken from the TV show, where she is much more antagonistic towards Dresden. In fact this fic follows the TV show as the first source of canon and the books as the second source. I mentioned that somewhere earlier but I think I will add it as a standard disclaimer. The flip side is that tv Morgan is by comparison much softer than the books. You will see the books being incorporated into the story as it goes along. But there are some significant differences that I am integrating together and sort of bringing the continuity of both series together. Thanks for the review, hope you like the next chapter.

Odinmage~ Thanks for clearing that up. But I like 'Hells Bells!" and it is too much part of Harry. I think I might make a post and copy what you wrote about the differences in the books and Tv and break it down how I'm incorporating both. I honestly can't make this just a book fan fiction or tv fanfiction, there are great parts to both that I want to use.


Thanks for all the critiques and reviews, it helped me write a better chapter. Any opinions on Potter's characterization?

 

I like it; Dresden's characterization works much better now. I haven't had a chance to watch the tv series, but the whole chapter flows well with the edits.

Though, I would be very careful with how you write scenes again from Harry P.'s POV. Rehashing everything you have written previously can get a bit redundant and can be tedious for the reader to wade through. You might want to pick out certain things you want told from Dresden's POV and/or Harry P.'s POV and leave it at that. It gives the characters dimension without being superfluous.

 

the REAL question here, regarding Dresden, is..... army jeep or blue beetle??