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DLP Inquisitorial Squad

Discussion in 'Fanfic Discussion' started by Blorcyn, Sep 26, 2019.

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  1. Zombie

    Zombie Lo-fi Snake Jazz Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Because it was the wrong color. You have color tags for black in it. I think if you use BBCODE export for gdoc it didn't do something right. I fixed it. I think. Make sure I didn't delete any text that was important.
     
  2. BTT

    BTT Viol̀e͜n̛t͝ D̶e͡li͡g҉h̛t҉s̀ ~ Prestige ~

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    Wow, rude.

    Anyway if we're gonna do this anyway (are we? the voting process's always been a little unclear to me but I might just be a speedreading idiot), here's some points that I think are important to know when reviewing:
    1. This is a crossover between two things, the connection between which doesn't really make immediate sense. Seriously, they've genuinely not been crossed over before like this. (There are, admittedly, Persona crossovers with newer takes on Sherlock Holmes, but those are entirely different beasts and all extremely AO3 as far as I know.)
      My point is, it's a crossover. I try to write in such a way that you need to know concepts from neither series to "get it", but I won't deny that it helps. If you, the reviewer, are unclear on a given part and that's not my intention, then I've fucked up and I'd quite like to be told that.
      (Most of the reviews I've gotten on SB are for the weeby part and most of the reviews I've gotten on DLP are Sherlock Holmes. Weird how that works.)
    2. The bulk of the fic is small mysteries, each which span 2 to at most 3 chapters. I have noticed due to prior feedback that I have a problem with making each mystery feel distinct, with different ways of being resolved and different ways of mixing both parts of the crossover together. Therefore, I'd really like feedback on how the mysteries work out. Do they keep your interest? How's the mix between properties working out? If you're a Sherlock fan, are the cases passing muster? If you're a Persona fan, do you feel that I'm getting that part right in terms of lore and feeling?
    3. This is, compared to the other two, a relatively minor point, but this is a period piece, set in the 1900s. Puzzled's already told me that the use of the telephone feels anachronistic. What's important to me is this "feeling" of anachronism, more than the actual fact of it. If there's a part that makes you say, "Hey, you totally fucked up British geography," or "You made Watson carry around a Webley Mk. II instead of an Adams Mk. III? You absolute amateur," just throw it out there.
    As always, any feedback would be really appreciated. I've gotten into a bit of a slump as of late, excarbated by the university impugning on my writing time, and this might just be what I need to get my engine running again.
     
  3. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Headmaster DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    Round starting now:

    The Adventure of the Velvet Room (Sherlock Holmes/Persona)
    By @BTT
    Summary: Thieves, murderers, and Moriarty---where Queen Victoria's finest have failed, Sherlock succeeds. But against a criminal that leaves no physical clues, Sherlock must delve deep into the psyche. Welcome, one and all, to the Velvet Room.

    Chapter count: 20
    First post: August 2019
    Most recent post: October 2019
    Review window: December 9th (two weeks + suspension for Q4 story competition 1)

    We have plenty of time for this one.
     
  4. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Headmaster DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    Talking with @Majube, and considering the length of the story, I think we should extend the review period until the 16th so that she's got a chance to do it.

    So far I've read chapter 1-8.

    How are you finding it?

    I am really enjoying it, it's fantastically well written. I think some of the game mechanics are becoming clear from the way the interstitial scenes function and also the way some of the locus battles are described. I've not played Persona but I've played/seen enough JRPGs to guess at how it would go down in game.

    There's a bit in chapter seven though where I got the complete wrong end of the stick. I imagine it was because the scope of my possibilities was too high compared to what can be done in the game and I didn't have that assumed limit so I completely misunderstood one of Holmes's suppositions.

    How are you finding it? If you're like me, what do you think of reading two fandoms crossed-over that you've not read? If you've read one but not the other, do you find it adds much context?
     
  5. Majube

    Majube Unspeakable

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    Yes, I'm a quite slow reader honestly but I've been looking forward to BTT's fic. So much so that I picked up the crossover that I was halfway through on kindle to refresh myself. I assume you've included the omnipresent phrase 'Watson ejaculated!' in your fic @BTT ? ;)
     
  6. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Headmaster DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    Today’s the day. Time to start turning in your work, people. Yes, we will accept work with Wikipedia references.

    The next entry may benefit from a flash review TIS round of its own. Something short and cracked out in less than a week, to prepare us for the flash competition this coming Monday.
     
  7. Story Content: IT'S Critiqu-obbering TIME!
    Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Headmaster DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    Merry December, all. May your yule balls be drained-dry and your Christmas jumpers food-splattered!

    In honour of the soon to arrive Christmas Q4.2 flash competition, I propose something a little different for our latest round!

    Vote for either A or B by posting either A or B.
    Of course, feel free to argue if you want other people to vote the same way.

    Vote completes: Thursday 07:00 GMT 19/12/19


    A. Desiderium Imaginis by @Gaius
    Summary: Dumbledore gives Harry a slightly different explanation for how the Mirror of Erised works when he meets Harry over the Winter Holidays. So when Harry encounters Lord Voldemort at the end of his first year, the Mirror behaves differently, subjecting Harry to a new danger and allowing Voldemort to take the image of his mortal rival.
    Chapters: 1
    Challenge:
    You have twenty-four hours. Following the completion of the vote at the deadline above, each of you has twenty-four hours to review the short, promising piece from this DLP newcomer and show him what we can do! The longest most splendiferous review (without overly-gratuitous shit-posting) wins a mysterious PRIZE.
    It's really good, you'll really like it. No doubt.
    OR:
    B. Harry Potter and the Voice of Reason by @Bubbles
    Summary: "Just because the children are not yours, it does not mean you cannot love them." —Albus Dumbledore. A story where Harry has parents, friends and oh, he likes to study in his free time. Somebody once told him that knowledge was power. A story trying to give a fresh new look to the characters and places we all love.
    Chapters: 5
    Challenge:
    You have twenty-four hours in your pairs. Following the completion of the vote, one pair will have twenty-four hours to review chapter one, then another pair chapter two in the following twenty-four hours, and so on until all five chapters are reviewed. Excepting Spelling and Punctuation, you can't critique the same thing as the pair immediately before you. The length of the reviews don't matter in this option and an impartial non-TIS judge will decide who wins the mysterious PRIZE.
    (Though perhaps, as you collaborate near mistletoe by an open fire, minds entwining, you'll find a more rewarding present than even that.)
    Honestly though it's sick. I'm gonna be trying my hardest.
    Names out of a hat:

    Chapter One: @Majube and @Microwave [19-20/12/19]

    Chapter Two: @Niez and @Testamentary [20-21/12/19]

    Chapter Three: @6foxtrot9 and @Blorcyn [21-22/12/19]

    Chapter Four: @Otters and @BTT [22-23/12/19]

    Chapter Five: @Joe and @Conquistador [23-24/12/19]
    ------

    Vote HERE

    If someone will kindly vote, then I can, and confidently avoid automerge.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 17, 2019
  8. Gaius

    Gaius Third Year

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    Thanks for thinking of me, Blorcyn. I’d be happy to get the feedback!
     
  9. Bubbles

    Bubbles Squib

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    Oh hey I have no clue what this is but it sounds great! Good luck to everyone, I guess?
     
  10. Zombie

    Zombie Lo-fi Snake Jazz Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Read the entire thread then. Its for authors benefits that someone from TIS goes through their story with them and gives feedback.

    @Blorcyn fixed the color in your last post since apparently its not maintaining formatting. Must be something from where you copy paste.

    If it matters, I vote option B.
     
  11. Niez

    Niez Fifth Year

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    Much though I might enjoy working with a pro like @Testamentary , our poor dear Bubbles clearly has no clue as to what is going on (I suspect this state of affairs to be common in his day-to-day life). As such I'd like to vote for Option

    A

    and encourage all you fair minded folk to do likewise.

    EDIT: Your opinion always matters you beautiful man you
     
  12. Bubbles

    Bubbles Squib

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    Try being effervescent soap for a day and see if you can make sense of the world!

    Seriously though. I am kinda new here and it is a bit overwhelming where everything goes. Yes, I did read the main post and I do understand what's going on. But still, there is more of a learning curve here than what I found in other forums. You may simply not see it, as you've been here for over a year.
     
  13. Joe

    Joe The Reminiscent Exile ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I'll vote A.

    A gentle reminder to review on the day would be appreciated.
     
  14. Zombie

    Zombie Lo-fi Snake Jazz Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I'd send you smoke signals but your entire country is on fire atm. I'll send you a PM if I remember.
     
    Joe
  15. Testamentary

    Testamentary Squib

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    I vote
    B

    Hopefully I can buy myself a little more time before @Niez decides to steal my identity and make a thread for me.

    Also which vote will be our official count? The strawpoll or the forum posts?
     
  16. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Headmaster DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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    Neither. Indulge. Treat yo’self.
     
  17. Conquistador

    Conquistador Professor

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    I'll vote A.
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2019
  18. 6foxtrot9

    6foxtrot9 First Year

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    I will go vote a, hopefully my timezone does not fuck with my buddy. Out of all the days in the year you happen to roll my birthday (23rd due to timezones). Still I am normally free due to the time of year. :p
     
  19. Story Content: The Winner IS
    Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Headmaster DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

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  20. Gaius

    Gaius Third Year

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    Thanks, Blorcyn et al.! There have already been some great comments, but I'd appreciate any other thoughts you might have.

    Currently I'm curious on people's take on the Mirror and if more changes should be introduced to make it more AU and/or some of the context that is similar to canon should be axed (e.g. Dumbledore's Christmas conversation with Harry, Harry's initial fight with Quirrell). I initially planned a chapter of similar length for the next couple of years unless they get too long, so if you think more needs to be added for flow's sake or if you, like Ched, think I should cut down and streamline to get to the divergences from canon that would be helpful.

    Other thoughts and comments very welcome.
     
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