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DLP Inquisitorial Squad

Discussion in 'Fanfic Discussion' started by Blorcyn, Sep 26, 2019.

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  1. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    5,423
    Because it was the wrong color. You have color tags for black in it. I think if you use BBCODE export for gdoc it didn't do something right. I fixed it. I think. Make sure I didn't delete any text that was important.
     
  2. BTT

    BTT Third Year ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2011
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    Location:
    Cyber City Oedo
    High Score:
    1204
    Wow, rude.

    Anyway if we're gonna do this anyway (are we? the voting process's always been a little unclear to me but I might just be a speedreading idiot), here's some points that I think are important to know when reviewing:
    1. This is a crossover between two things, the connection between which doesn't really make immediate sense. Seriously, they've genuinely not been crossed over before like this. (There are, admittedly, Persona crossovers with newer takes on Sherlock Holmes, but those are entirely different beasts and all extremely AO3 as far as I know.)
      My point is, it's a crossover. I try to write in such a way that you need to know concepts from neither series to "get it", but I won't deny that it helps. If you, the reviewer, are unclear on a given part and that's not my intention, then I've fucked up and I'd quite like to be told that.
      (Most of the reviews I've gotten on SB are for the weeby part and most of the reviews I've gotten on DLP are Sherlock Holmes. Weird how that works.)
    2. The bulk of the fic is small mysteries, each which span 2 to at most 3 chapters. I have noticed due to prior feedback that I have a problem with making each mystery feel distinct, with different ways of being resolved and different ways of mixing both parts of the crossover together. Therefore, I'd really like feedback on how the mysteries work out. Do they keep your interest? How's the mix between properties working out? If you're a Sherlock fan, are the cases passing muster? If you're a Persona fan, do you feel that I'm getting that part right in terms of lore and feeling?
    3. This is, compared to the other two, a relatively minor point, but this is a period piece, set in the 1900s. Puzzled's already told me that the use of the telephone feels anachronistic. What's important to me is this "feeling" of anachronism, more than the actual fact of it. If there's a part that makes you say, "Hey, you totally fucked up British geography," or "You made Watson carry around a Webley Mk. II instead of an Adams Mk. III? You absolute amateur," just throw it out there.
    As always, any feedback would be really appreciated. I've gotten into a bit of a slump as of late, excarbated by the university impugning on my writing time, and this might just be what I need to get my engine running again.
     
  3. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Death Eater DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2010
    Messages:
    951
    Location:
    UK
    Round starting now:

    The Adventure of the Velvet Room (Sherlock Holmes/Persona)
    By @BTT
    Summary: Thieves, murderers, and Moriarty---where Queen Victoria's finest have failed, Sherlock succeeds. But against a criminal that leaves no physical clues, Sherlock must delve deep into the psyche. Welcome, one and all, to the Velvet Room.

    Chapter count: 20
    First post: August 2019
    Most recent post: October 2019
    Review window: December 9th (two weeks + suspension for Q4 story competition 1)

    We have plenty of time for this one.
     
  4. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Death Eater DLP Supporter DLP Silver Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2010
    Messages:
    951
    Location:
    UK
    Talking with @Majube, and considering the length of the story, I think we should extend the review period until the 16th so that she's got a chance to do it.

    So far I've read chapter 1-8.

    How are you finding it?

    I am really enjoying it, it's fantastically well written. I think some of the game mechanics are becoming clear from the way the interstitial scenes function and also the way some of the locus battles are described. I've not played Persona but I've played/seen enough JRPGs to guess at how it would go down in game.

    There's a bit in chapter seven though where I got the complete wrong end of the stick. I imagine it was because the scope of my possibilities was too high compared to what can be done in the game and I didn't have that assumed limit so I completely misunderstood one of Holmes's suppositions.

    How are you finding it? If you're like me, what do you think of reading two fandoms crossed-over that you've not read? If you've read one but not the other, do you find it adds much context?
     
  5. Majube

    Majube High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2016
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    Yes, I'm a quite slow reader honestly but I've been looking forward to BTT's fic. So much so that I picked up the crossover that I was halfway through on kindle to refresh myself. I assume you've included the omnipresent phrase 'Watson ejaculated!' in your fic @BTT ? ;)
     
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