Rules and Regulations

Theme Music

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Flava Flave was counting clocks.
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Thanks to Vira for her help in writing this.
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In a moderately unshort and vaguely crooked city under an unusually eternally desolate sky, a red king sat upon a golden throne.

He was the King because I said so.

Also, he killed Lord Ravenclaw. As we know from the Goblin Nation, he inherited the 125 million galleons of the Founder’s house by right of fuck you. Everyone hated him for this vile act and constantly plotted threats and treasons against him. Until he killed them, because he was simply the best like no one ever was.

One day, three women came to the doors of his city.

“Let us enter,” said the first one to the guards at the gate. Her smile was beautiful but her eyes were dark and twisted. There were strange patterns on her shirt which stretched out to infinity in dizzying colors. “If you do, we’ll give you something special.”

“You won’t regret it,” said the second one. Under her arm was a large sketchbook with a a large glitter pink heart on the orange cover. “We’ll make this city the greatest the world has ever known!”

“Don’t be dicks, we can do good stuff for you,” said the third one, playing bad cop. On her belt were red and white spheres, muddy from travel. She reconsidered her role. “Please?”

The guards responded by firing their crossbows at the trio.

The third pouted. “Aw.”

As Magnum Cum Laude graduates from the Academy of Imperial Arms, every shot missed. The first woman sighed and, with amazing physical prowess, bounded up the stone wall and punched a guard in the throat. While the guards tried to dogpile the first woman for less than innocent purposes, the second opened her sketchbook and began drawing horribly graphic pictures of relations between the Homo Tsunderus Eneri and the Cepholapodus Tentaculus Sirtul. The third woman looked away politely, admiring the spheres on her belt.

The less said about the guards exposed to this madness, the better.

The backup guards arrived, their spears held up in defiance. The first woman flashed them and suddenly they dropped their spears, in a trance, and looked at one another with sudden understanding.

As the guards began making out, sexually, the first woman, Lungsko, leaned over the wall. “We’re done here!” she called down. “Let’s bring this thing down.”

The second woman, Palindrome, used the Sketchbook of Love to prod the remaining guards into climbing down the wall and making a human ladder for her. She climbed up it, gracefully. When she joined Lungsko at the top, the third woman, Vira, threw one of her spheres, which opened and released a giant mammoth.

“Okay, Lesboswine!” Vira said. “ICICLE CRASH, YEAH!”

The unfortunately named male Mamoswine roared. Ice appeared on its tusks and he crashed into the wall, sending stone shrapnel flying.

The trio stopped for a second to admire the hole in the wall.

Vira snickered. “lol, that was so pointless.”

“Okay, let’s split up,” Lungsko said. “We’ll meet back up later. For now, blend in!”

The plot-convenient Pokemon went back into its ball, and Vira disappeared into the smoking hole. Lungsko jumped over the wall and vanished into the maze of alleyways.

Palindrome patted her sketchbook and walked off, wondering what the most embarrassing OTP she could create in under ten minutes was. Because honestly, the last one she came up with - Mishiphale - was done even quicker. I mean, who in their right mind would pair up the most beautiful dame of DLP with a Jew?

Meanwhile...

Eidolonic and jwlk squatted in a crappy room because it was the cheapest jwlk said they could afford. Secretly, the jwlk had more money than he let on, but he told Eido he needed more rent for half than he actually did, because ‘unfair traffic cops’ and such. But Eido anticipated this and pretended he lost money via badly played chess matches. But honestly, all they wanted to do was drink wine together like old times and stop arguing about monetary concerns, like when they were first married. In front of them was a mess of papers that stated everyone’s name and the things they did. Unfortunately, since the King liked to hug his Saber body pillow instead of actually doing paperwork, no one knew who had each role except for the person who acted in that role.

It was very confusing for everyone but the Irene.

“Okay, so,” jwlk said. “If someone tries to kill me, you’re going to lay down your life for me. Because you love me.”

“Uh huh,” Eidolonic said.

“Football tackle them if you have to.”

“American football or real football?”

jwlk looked at him suspiciously, as that was something the Kensington would probably ask. He decided to ignore it, chalking it up to practice of that takeover they planned. “I’ll be really disappointed if someone hangs me and you leave me there to die.”

“Uh huh.”

“You’ll be my spy, my right hand. If you die, I’ll be on my own, and no one wants that.”

“Uh huh.”

jwlk took Eidolonic by the shoulders. “I trust you, Eido,” he said, looking deeply into his eyes. This was a 24-proof, Merlot bond built on friendship, love, and almost all of jwlk’s money.

Eidolonic gently plucked jwlk’s hands from his shoulders and got up, brushing dirt off his jacket. “I won’t let you down,” he said solemnly. With a glimmer of tears in his eyes, he walked in a less than straight line out of the room with the weight of the world on his shoulders and almost all of jwlk’s money in his pocket.

Meanwhile Still...

A guard slammed open the doors. “Milord!”

The King was in the middle of his bacon and bacon sandwich made of the remains of Syao’s last lover, a large ram. “What,” he said, mouth full of food.

“Three women came to the west gate and blew a hole in the wall! The city is panicking! They killed some guards!”

The King, Jon, frowned at his sandwich. Not enough bacon and definitely not enough vengeance. “How many guards?”

“We weren’t paid to count!”

“You were not,” Jon said, sighing. He put his sandwich aside, and looked at the giant portrait of his love that hung on the right wall. No one in the city knew who his love was; they were apparently royalty in a far off land, where they spoke like zeese. The portrait was beautiful and the detail exquisite but no one could tell if the person in the picture was a man or a woman. Hundreds of essays were written on the subject and massacres occurred on both sides of the debate, but the only concrete piece of knowledge was that the King had killed her.

The guard took a step back, but Jon slayed him with one swipe of a sword that the guard could have sworn didn’t exist a second ago. “Do I have to do everything myself?” he said to the empty room retroactively. He grabbed the guard’s discarded cloak.

This job would require stealth, but for a King of his stature, it would be like stealing candy from a Mishie.

AND THE MOST MEANWHILE OF ALL...

“I dunno what’s going on,” some town guy said. He desperately wanted to be groping someone on a train, but this seemed like the wrong occasion to just walk off.

“Yeah, me neither,” said another town guy. He refrained from handing out business cards which proclaimed in large purple letters to call ‘the Uncle’ about psychiatric help.

They were all in the town square wearing their mandatory Town Cloaks with hoods up. Since everyone in the town was unfailingly dumb, no one knew each other’s roles or voices even if they had known each other for years. Nothing’s been the same since Jon took the throne.

Some other person ran into the middle of the group. “The Hermonie$ are among us right now!” she said, her voice shining with dollar signs. “They’ve taken other peoples’ identities!”

Everyone nodded along. Yeah, that made sense.

“Oh no, bad guys are he-”

“Finish that statement and we’ll hang you high, sans robot parts.”

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Flava Flave was counting clocks.
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[Livelist@Day1Start]
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1. Menace
2. Vira
3. Fishy Justice
4. Klackerz
5. Rents
6. Fenraellis
7. Sesc
8. Wetnurse
9. Stojil
10. fontisian
11. Caesar
12. Eidolonic
13. jwlk
14. Jon
15. Aekiel
16. Kalas
17. Riley
18. Luckylee
19. Azira
20. Seratin
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Agenda

1. Mayor Vote
2. Lynch

Mayor Vote Decision Timer

Day 1 End Timer
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lol Awesome.

Klackerz for MAYOR - Who else can you trust in this game

 

Mayor vote: fontisian

I will rule with an iron fis-I mean, serve the people faithfully.

 

I hate the first day; I never know what to say.

Right now I'm more inclined to support Klackerz's mayor vote because I've played with him before, though I'll drop him if a better candidate comes forward.

 

Fuck that, if everyone votes for themselves then we'll Never have a Pirate King!

I put my vote on Keira Knightley for Pirate King... er
Mayor Vote: Aekiel

Awesome flavor is delicious, music is sexy, and oh shit bad guys are here! Let's deal with the bad guys by killing people.

 

With the way the last game went, Aekiel isn't someone I want to be mayor. Didn't he get mayor in DLPHunt1 and then turned out to be the Ashaya?

Yeah, Aekiel's at the bottom of my mayor list.

 

Uh...Rents playing mafia as usual, seeming like scum day 1. Heh it rhymed.

 

On Topic:

Because my time is limited for the next thirty or so hours I'm just going to start.

Mayor Vote: Sesc

I do this for three reasons. These reasons are high night kill risk, skill, and town readability.

I am not up to date on the current DLP meta, but from what I understand Sesc meets those criteria easy. I have heard he is fairly easy to read as town when he's town. If he does something incriminating then I will pull, but until then he seems like a good choice.

I would absolutely not vote for those who are hard to read. I do not know everyone's play style in this game, but that would bar Jon and Aekiel for me. Besides, Aekiel has been mayor in the previous two games. It's time for him to share.

And no, I would not lynch Jon or Aekiel because they're hard to read. I just won't elect them.

I'm open to other candidates once discussion starts rolling. Go go go.

---------- Post automerged at 05:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:43 PM ----------

The on topic comment was because I had something before that, but opted not to mention it. Since that boat has sailed, I have a final tomorrow night. As a result my posts will not be terrific for the next thirty or so hours. I apologize for that. I will not be lurking. I will be reading and I will post as I can. They just might not be terribly good posts. Again, I apologize.

 

Don't you say that every game, Jon?

I dunno, I agree with Fishy's logic in having an easy-readable mayor. I'm not sure who it would be, but it wouldn't be you.

 

It's been like a year since I played mafia, forgive me if I forget a playing style detail of someone I barely know.

I'm going to wait until more people post before throwing my vote out, to see what everyone has to say.

 

So I've seen a fair amount of people look at the thread, but have yet to post :/ Tbh I don't want to Mayor vote until we see some other people post.

 

So many rules...dear god what have I done. On the whole though I think I'd make a terrible candidate for town so I'm in the same thought process as Lucky, I want mire people to talk first. Especially in the large number that this game hosts. I will say I'm inclined to vote Jon as mayor simply because he scares me. But Fishy makes a good point about Sesc. Lets wait to see him post before we decide

---------- Post automerged at 07:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:31 PM ----------

That should say *town mayor and *more people

 

I'll throw my vote in for Klackerz because he sure is pretty~ In all seriousness I want more people to post so... Mayor Vote : Klackerz

 

Rehashing the reasoning from the past version of this, are we? You might want to use that limited time you have to reread the new rules, because the Mayor doesn't get an extra-life this time.

She seems to have interesting selective memory about Aekiel as Mayor, too.

Anyway, it's 2 AM and I'm off to sleep. See you guys in a few hours.

 

Er, wasn't he mayor or did I get him confused with someone else? I reread the DLPHunt1 thread a few days ago and I'm pretty sure he was scum in that game.

 

Not like the RNG gives the same people scum every thyme <_<