Title: Double the Trouble
Author: Ryuu_Ken
Rating: (PG-13)
Genre: Action/Adventure
Pairing: None yet
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: Determined to take the fight to Voldemort, Harry decides drastic measures are needed. A new player enters the arena in the form of Lord Black. Fighting fire with fire, Harry struggles to thwart the Dark Lord. Needless to say, Dumbledore does not approve of Harry's new attitude and tries his best to reign Harry in. Post-OotP. Independent!Harry
Link: http://www.ficwad.com/viewstory.php?sid=14852

This is a really good story so far. Of course its only one chapter but its a great start. It would be really interesting to see where this goes.

 

Average, some good bits, some bad bits. The entire prolgoue bit was a complete wtf moment. And there are far too many americanisms

 

Average concept pulled off in an average way. Not even canon!Harry is dumb enough to ball up and try to take on Dumbledore and Moody, much less with other people around.

"Damn, and that was bloody close!" <-this is the equivalent of an American saying "Damn, and that was damn close." Just seems odd, arbitrary, and irritating.

It'd also have to be pretty coincidental for a cab to just happen to drive around Grimmauld Square at the moment Harry makes a break for it.

Those things aside, it is different from the standard "escape Privet Drive" fics. B for effort.

Edit: This is completely ignoring the wtf prologue, like Mordecai mentioned. That would make the grade go down to a C- alone.

 

As mentioned before it's an average start. It could become better but I doubt it. Nevertheless it's worth reading if you've nothing else to do.

 

The entire prolgoue should just be removed as it was rather strange. The rest of the story was rather good even if there was some points that could be much better, such as how harry is described as cunning and smart but then is standing against Dumbledore, Tonks and Mad-Eye thinking he would be able to hold his own against them for even a few seconds and also not thinking of the fact that they could have someone with Invisability Cloak behind him, especially since The ORder have all his guards under Invisability Cloaks...

Still it is well worth reading.

 

True the prologue was pointless but I liked how he wrote the first chapter. I think I'll wait till later chapters for a better opinion.

 

well.. i happen to like the prologue but i see that i'm alone in that opinion here. dunno, i just find it quite funny imagining harry really telling the story of his summer to some hobo only to oblivate him afterwards.
as for harry standing against dumbledore and madeye, i don't think he really thought he could fight them, he more likely did so to make a point (showing how far the order would go to keep him under their thumb) as we see that he perpared for the case that he got taken to grimmauld.
i do admit that the cab was a bit too convenient, though.

 

I think you meant something like --> that was f--cking close. correct me if I'm wrong.

Edit- Never mind didn't read it right my bad. You're right.

 

Can't say anything yet.. it might be good who knows we'll see in another few chapters.
A guy joined by the name of Ryuu Ken me think its the author for sure

EDIT: it is the author

 

Wow. My story got posted, somehow my story go ahead of me. Thanks Niffler Lord.

Thanks for the reviews, positive as well as constructive (sounds so much better than negative ). I'll elaborate on some things you guys mentioned.

In this case, Harry wasn't trying to take on Dumbles and his crew. He was just trying to make a statement that he wouldn't follow where Dumbledore led him.

I don't want to expose too much of the plot yet, so I can't explain much other than the prologue is of a later date then the forced trip to Grimmauld Place. There's about a month time difference between the prologue and chapter one. And as for guards under cloaks...I'm suddenly wondering if that was canon!based? Anyway, thanks for the review.

Reading back I realise that this wasn't perhaps the best choice of words, I'll pay more attention tothat in the future.

I admit the cab is indeed a weak spot in the story and although I have means to explain it, I'm not sure if I'll do it.


Again thanks for taking the time to read my work and help me improve the quality of it. As I'm in the middle of my final exams updating will have to wait until I've finished them

 

Strangely, I really liked it. I think there were a couple of Americanisms and the characterisation may have been a little off (perhaps), but it set up the story quite well for what may happen next. Harrys free in Muggle London, he could get up to all manner of stuff. Although, I have a sneaking suspicion this is just a ploy to start the whole 'shopping trip' always found in Independent Harry. Thats not too bad, I suppose.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is not Dark!Harry, though, because for some reason I keep getting flashbacks of Vorlon's Scorpion Sorcerer fic, and that didn't begin anything like this, did it?

 

Well I enjoyed the story, I even liked the prologue.

Although I may suggest posting it on FF.net to get more feedback, since sadly 90% of HP fanfic readers.. dont venture off of ff.net.

It will be interesting to see what Harry does next.

 

I found the first chapter very well done, can't really comment on the prologue though, seeing as I basically skipped straight to the chapter. I think you've got the characters pretty much in-canon, besides Harry which is basically expected.

I want to find out what happens next, but, at the same time, I want "Another Path in Life" to be updated, seeing as that's on my favorites. Good authors with multiple stories makes life so hard.

 

You are welcome Ryuu. Any ideas on the next update?

 

As HiddenETC already pointed out, I've got two other fics that desperately need updating. Due to me having final exams any schedule I had is now useless. My priority is, of course, my schoolwork so I hope to update within three weeks. No promises and I must add that I'm a pretty slow writer. You have been warned

Now I'll stop bumping my topic

 

was alright i thought, there are better fics out there but at least its readable.

 

It was okay. Since it's only one chapter, i'm moer than willing to wait and see where this goes.

Telling his life story to the bum and obliviating him was pretty funny...it's strangely in character for Indy!Harry. Get your problems out, but simultaneously make sure no one knows.

The prologue was a bit...off, but i guess we'll see where that's going in a while.

And Ryuu...an explanation, please, as to how Harry got better at magic, where the hell his wand is after he got taken to 12 G.P, how he can do magic during the summer, and how he learnthow to make/got that belt full of potions.

 

Yaargh!, in order to answer all those questions right now would basically reveal the plot I've got planned out.

However, I'm not quite sure which path to take at the moment. I have a plot in my head but it doesn't sound very good anymore so I'd like to know your opinions on this.

Basically, as smart and cunning as my Harry is/will become, I don't see him blooming into Slytherinhood within the timespan of months without the proper guidance of a mentor. Two particular mentors jump to mind.

Option number one are Fred and George Weasley. They are both out of school, away from their mother and thus fairly independant. They owe Harry for their starting capital and thus I don't see it as a too large stretch that they teach Harry how to live as means of repaying him. They will teach Harry what it is like to be a teenager and the timeline comes upon Chapter 1, where Harry is defiant and more cunning that Dumbles and the Order expected.

Option two is my initial option that I'm starting to doubt now. Basically Sirius left a painting of himself before he died. Now I'm sure that there was a thread on paintings but I can't seem to find it anymore. Anyhow, I find the method of paintings too close to immortality that I believe that all paintings are nothing more than echos and cannot be used as guides or advisors.

The difference with the painting Sirius left is that he imbued it with a spell that basically turned it into a temporary Horcrux but it disperses after a month or so. I can imagine this spell being created to help the people the deceased left behind come to terms with said person's departure. What I think is a downside is the fact that this has been used a lot. I am hoping that I can counter this by having Harry carry the shrunken painting around in the form of amulet or earring and Sirius making all sorts of inapropriate comments.

Basically those are the two options I'm considering for the first arc which runs from the end of fifth year to Sirius' will, one month after the DoM.

Comments are more than welcome.

 

Really, I believe that portaits as mentors are getting kind of cliche. They're not used as much as, for example, the "nice Griphook" one (I think), but I've seen them, and it does kind of get boring. Getting trained by the Weasley twins is... newer. They're actually alive, and since they invent things there are many possibilities.

In conclusion, I'd go with the Twins.

 

Meh, i guess it's an okay story so far. The bit at the start with the weird homeless guy was original, but too random to make the originality matter. Didn't really make sense and not the best means of introduction. The rest of it wasn't too bad though...