Look, guys I hate to burst your collective bubbles, but it is obvious to anyone who has read the HP Series that Harry and Draco were meant to be together.

I mean all of that hatred is just repressed Lust. The arguements? Unresolved Sexual Tension.

Oh, oops that's the "Logic" Ron/Hermione shippers use.

 

*snorts* Unresolved sexual tension--yah, maybe for the girls WRITING this shit.

And by arguments, we mean full out body contact--HO YEAH BABEH. That some HOT ACTION goin' on dere.

MM. Smex.

XD

 

Tell me about it, my Creative Writing class last year had 3 guys and 20-something girls. 20-something teenage girls.

I could always tell when the person I was criticizing was having boyfriend issues, friends issues, and of course issues with both groups at the same time.

Likewise, the people in charge of criticizing my writing learned that if they didn't microanalyze my writing down to the last connotation of each syllable/action they would only understand about 1/8th of the ways I was insulting the current Administration (both in the US Gov. and in the School).

And I'm not that great of a writer, they were just idiots.

Idiots who managed to catch every sexual comment I made in my writing

 

Wearing hearts out on their pages does not give them undue credit for being a soulful writer (which in turn does not suggest that they are any good WHATsoever). I've read PLENTY of fic that ppl have sent me to edit and criticize that have the most transparent plot lines...Lord....what a nightmare. >.<

...And by microanalyze, you mean "To Look At the Paper with More than One Billionth of a Brain Cell"?

(I'm sorry that your CW class was like that--mine wasn't all too bad...)

 

God some of the crap I read made me yearn for a Snape/Draco/Harry love triangle-fic.

And the worst part was I couldn't voice my "destructive Simon Cowell-like opinions" of it either. I had to give "Constructive Criticism" which is impossible when the plot is so transparent that some of the more dimwitted birds fly into it after they're done peeling themselves off of a window.

But sometimes one of them would write something so bad that I couldn't resist... Usually it was the ultra-Feminist "Women > Men/Moon-Goddess Power" girl.

Her relationship with her Mother/Father was obviously not what it could have been. As a result I get to read lots of overblown angsty bullcrap about how her main character (her) couldn't get a date because she... errr.... her main character wouldn't shower, use deodorant, or shave her armpits/legs (the last was what the male oppressors forced upon Women).

*enjoyed Creative Writing because his teacher was awesome and 2 of his friends were in it...* The rest of that class can go to hell

 

Ack. *hairball* I once read a story (written in a Creative Writing class) that was created from a fanfic-like prompt and had Harry Potter, Drako Malfoy (yes, she spelled it that way...she though that the 'k' was cooler), and DOBBY involved in some sort of master/slave relationship (thankfully, for my brain and my sanity, nothing sex-worthy...*shudder*). I had to review this piece of utter SHITE and say something like, "That was pretty good. Next time try using your BRAIN you IMBECILE! Have you forgotten Canon? I mean, really! It's getting LONELY over here!" --or that's what I wished I could say.

That dark day, I remember coming back to my dorm and drinking aLOT of alcoholic beverages. Then I proceeded to weep at the state of such things, and my room mate simply handed me more drink.

*sobs once more and scrubs her mind's eye out*

 

Yeah my worst experience was reading something that was like a bad lifetime movie script... Somehow, the girl had gotten it into her head that "One Act Play" meant 30 pages of a trial with flashbacks. Sounds good, until you realize that 2/3 of the flashbacks do nothing to advance the plot; but do show how amazingly poor the girls sense of spatial awareness (and common sense) was. Lucky for her our teacher was 2 things:

#1. Very Liberal
#2. Completely indifferent to any ridiculously objectionable content in a story as long as said content didn't involve gun violence.

Anyone who has read a Stained_Future story will know what I'm talking about when I say "no sense of spatial awareness" or more accurately put "no sense of what positions it is realistically possible to twist the human body into",

But your horrible experience tops all of mine put together

*buys you a few dozen beers*

 

Ah Stained Future. Bringer of nightmares and abused canon to every home and computer. *proceeds to stab*

*drinks all few dozen beers* I look back on that and consider it one of the worst experiences of my life. Thank god I've never had to do something like that again.

It's probably one of the reasons I can't read Slash. It just...boggles my mind. I've even tried writing good, in-character slash (oxymoron=I know that now XD), but I couldn't do it. I couldn't make my hand type out such monstrous obscenity. You know why?

B/c it WARPS. CANON. ARGH. And if it twists a character so far out of, well, character, then what story could you possibly write? The answer is a Completely Shitty One.

 

Holy... That's the most I've ever seen that phrase used in such a small space.

Why can't they just pick a site and confine all slash to that one space? Harry/Draco is pure, unadulterated garbage. Likewise Snape/Harry, Marauders/Harry and any other disgusting match up the authors incubate to full pustulance in their fevered brains.

It is frustrating because there has been such an explosion of this stuff and half the time, they don't label it as slash.

 

See, there ARE places for them to do that, but I don't think anyone knows about those sites, otherwise I wouldn't see any slash at all on FF.net.

I've noticed the NOT LABELING as well. I seems that they think that Slash is okay for Everyone! Cuz EVERYONE luvs SLASH! Du-uh!

*shudder* I wish they would at least label it, to warn me ahead of time....

 

I generally object to pairing labels actually (ruins some of the fun), but I like to see two things labelled:

#1. Harry/Ginny
#2. Slash

That way, I can read the summary, know that the fic will automatically suck, and then move on.

 

I feel that when they don't put labels or warnings on possibly serious slash/H-G stories (or artwork...shudder) they assume that everyone is perfectly happy with slash...which is obviously a misnomer. I don't like that assumption. It makes me angry.

On the lighter side, humorous slash is usually okay, mainly because then, the author/ess is laughing with me. ^^ I can enjoy humor like that, especially if sarcasm is involved.

 

Have you seen the forums and C2s down on FFnet then? I tried scrolling through that once and... will never do it again. I think four or five pages of C2s and Forums dedicated to slash and slash and slash...

I should make an ultra-slash parody and create a fangirlish summary with the label as angst/romance or something; no warning that it's a parody until the eighth or so chapter. Just for revenge.

Yes, humorous slash is okay. Preferably a parody.

And if Creative Writing classes are like that then I can't wait to get into them. Wholly for the purpose of getting annoyed so that I can lose more faith in the human race because for some reason that inspires my writing, of course. And mocking teen angst poems.

 

See, the parody idea would be awesome!--Until someone takes it seriously. Then you mock.

And most creative writing classes are okay. I'm just cursed. >.<

 

catzen is the...




Anyway, I never liked the mushroom stamp. I always preferred the dry cockslap.

Infintely less messy but almost equally humiliating.

 

The cockslap IS more effective. *grins*

[I've heard girls justify some of their slash fanfic as a way to prove that they AREN'T homophobic and that all males in the HP fandom ARE. Which is, of course, ridiculous.]

 

Really? I've seen a few unabashedly write out in A/Ns or reviews that they touch themselves reading or writing the slash fics. Then go on to explain how sweet and romantic it is for two enemies to fall in luv/lurve/luff like Harry and Malfoy or Snape or Voldemort or Malfoy in their unorganized disarray of badly handled grammar and atrocious spelling.

Of course, you know, it's absolutely beautiful to read all the descriptions of ripping and stretching. Like totally! //yeah, end sarcasm here.

 

Well...that explains the other half of the crappy stories out there. ^^;

And, also...eww.

 

I think I could make myself read a slash fic if
1) It did not suck.
2) The characters are kept in character. People will not suddenly go 'Oh, I am gay' one day. From what I understand, there is a lot more trouble involved with it than that.
3) The pairing is not a major part of the story. (This actually applies to most stories I read)
4) It has some structural/grammatical resemblance to a human language.
But since it is impossible for any one slash fic to fit all four of those simple requirements, I will never read one. Bloody fucking fangirls.

EDIT: Ew indeed. I knew fangirls were pathetic, but to touch themselves while writing/reading this sort of crap? Ugh.

 

I have a theory about smut-writing in Fanfiction:

About 85% of the smut-writers get off while they're writing it...

This remains true no matter who is writing it.

Although this technically isn't my theory, it is an adaptation of Tim Henson (the distorted view guy's) theory about the writers of "Erotic" fiction.


On a separate note, if that's true, I think I now know more about the 'Personal Habits' of a few fairly close female friends than I would like to know...