Abandoned Enter the Dragon by Doghead Thirteen - T

LuckyFelix · Dec 22, 2009

Was reading this last night...and into this morning.

I like long chapters, prefer them actually, but there IS such a thing as TOO long.

Also, I agree with others, Harry remains oddly ignorant in many ways despite reading so many books and having a perfect memory. You'd think his vocabulary would be a bit better, but apparently not.

And repeating and repeating the same thing over and over is annoying annoying.

2.5 stars, I'll round up to 3 though.

lucis · Dec 22, 2009

About the vocabulary: I know an eight year old who audits university courses and probably knows more math than your average, say, second year math major...

Some parts of the way he talks are very childish. For example, he frequently uses the word ``thingy,'' (often topic-thingy) even when he knows the right word. And still manages to discuss absurdly advanced topics. Of course, the way he talks probably seems more childish because he has a really childish voice and sometimes jumps around while you talk to him instead of facing you.

But he does know the words, unlike Harry apparently.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed it. 4/5

Robo Jesus · Dec 24, 2009

On another note, Enter The Dragon has just passed a MAJOR Moral Event Horizon. I'm going to quote the section of text from the yahoo group that pushed it over the edge. The full snippit can be found HERE.

Doghead Thirteen said:

Tony sighed, shaking his head.

"I should never have let Hermione get involved in this... this mess."

"It is fortunate indeed, both for yourself and for your daughter, that you did,
Doctor Granger. Unattached, uneducated and fertile witches are worth several
thousand Galleons on the open market, especially if virgin. Until she was
enrolled here, she was protected under the Protection (Children) Act of 1644.
The moment she was enrolled here, she became a guest of the headmaster's family
and therefore under his protection; the moment the Sorting Hat declared her a
Gryffindor student, she became a guest of the Gryffindor family and therefore
under their protection. By virtue of the laws of hospitality, any attack upon a
guest is legally considered an attack on the host, and members of the middle,
upper or ruling classes of the Wizarding World are legally entitled to utilise
lethal force in self-defence."

"... you're talking about slavery!"

"Yes, Doctor, I most assuredly am." Snape agreed with a nod and grimace. "This
last year, eight student candidates of non-magical parentage turned down places
at Hogwarts, and now there are eight eleven-year-old children for sale in the
back room of that oh-so-charming pet shop in Diagon Alley. Their parents are
likely pushing up daisies as we speak, and if they're very very lucky just
missing any memory of having had a child. That, Doctor Granger, is the world an
unfortunate quirk of genetics brought your daughter into and that, Doctor
Granger, is why Mr Potter represents her best hope of anything even remotely
resembling a pleasant life.
Click to expand...

The inclusion of slavery of muggleborn children all but guarantees war between the magical and non-magical government within the UK at this point. There is no way the non-magical government would tolerate another government, on its own soil no less, killing UK citizens in order to kidnap their children and sell them into sexual slavery. The Statue of Secrecy be damned, no sane government would allow that sort of shit to continue unless it was corrupt as hell, or utterly defenseless against its oppressors (and the UK is not a 'weak' nation militarily).

SmileOfTheKill · Dec 24, 2009

Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhhhahahahahahaha.

I knew something was weird with this story but what the hell?

Kerrus · Dec 25, 2009

And I was just beginning to enjoy it. Pity.

Schrodinger · Dec 25, 2009

... Yeah. If you've read doghead's other stuff (it's pretty good) you'll learn that he hasn't ever heard of the moral event horizon. In his Harry Johnson fics, Harry buys slaves, shoots people he doesn't like, and mind controls people for fun. Oh, and he kidnaps women and makes them his sex slaves, but since everyone I know does that, its probably okay.

ChaosGuy · Dec 25, 2009

I thought everyone kidnapped women and made them into their sex slaves, so why wouldn't it be normal?

Howdy · Dec 25, 2009

This is...

Terribly disappointing.

I was so looking forward for this story to be continued as a humorous "Harry does whatever he wants because he can," but now it seems that the author wants to suck all of the humor out of it and turn it into an overblown "good vs. diabolically evil" story.

Gah. I hate it when authors choose what is easy over what is right in their stories.

DarthBill · Dec 25, 2009

I don't have a problem with using slavery as a plot device. I look forward to seeing where he goes with it.

Warlocke · Dec 25, 2009

Schrodinger said: ↑

Oh, and he kidnaps women and makes them his sex slaves, but since everyone I know does that, its probably okay.
Click to expand...

Yeah, but he's a dragon in that one too, and that's just part and parcel of the dragon lifestyle, apparently.

His 'property' seem to enjoy both their status and the jobs they do. Unrealistic? Perhaps, but then so is Hogwarts being the galaxy's greatest collegium arcanum.

Blaise · Dec 26, 2009

Reading his Harry is like reading Speed Racer. It's really goddamn annoying.

Other than that, I'm interested enough to see where it goes. 3/5.

wahi · Mar 27, 2010

enjoyed this story a lot, waiting for more

5/5

Intelligo · Mar 28, 2010

I was saddened to see some of the light-heartedness of the first chapter go away, but I still really enjoy this story.

Doghead's defining quality is the uniqueness and intensity of his works. While it might be easy to write off the massive list of weaponry and vehicles in Johnson, if you pay attention you can tell he puts a lot of consideration into what he's doing.

I don't know any other author that is as personally invested as him, at least without writing a straight self-insert.

5/5

lanceavalon · Mar 29, 2010

From Doghead
See, this is two things; a symptom of the way I write and why I more-or-less
gave up on the very public on-group way I was working on the fic.

I'm not one of those people who can type up a finished version on the first go
and in fact I'd be amazed if such a person existed.

I write in scenes, each spurred off by an idea, that may find a home in a
fanfic. Often, they are TREMENDOUSLY over-the-top and I'm talking so
over-the-top they make me go, 'Hold the FUCK on Calum, what are you DOING?' and
never mind anyone else.

About five rounds of rationalising, fine-tuning, toning down, rephrasing to flow
better, and other 'polish' later, a given sequence may or may not be fit for
use. You think Top Dog is over-the-top? Believe me, the preliminary edits are
about TEN TIMES further beyond the pale.

Enter the Dragon, thus far, is different. Every edit to date (with the exception
of the current version ch2 and onwards) has been posted here as soon as it got
to a state where one could keep track without having my list of stored-in-head
plot ideas.

That means people are seeing the things I'd usually tone down before it hit the
net.
Click to expand...

As you can see there will be little chance of a slavers market in the back of a pet shop.

However I am truthfully hoping for a timeskip into the shadowrun timeline after he kills the snakefaced bastard.

wolf550e · Sep 1, 2010

The author has posted some interesting details about where this fic is going on the CaerAzkaban Yahoo group which he uses for WbA purposes. I'm copy-pasting some so people will know.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CaerAzkaban/message/133899

--- "dan_of_aztlan" <dan_of_aztlan@...> wrote:
>
> whoa, I knew this was getting to be one of your longest projects, but damn, seeing all of this, and in its fragmented form, is still a bit jaw dropping

It'll be a freaking monster by the time it's done; excluding the cover notes at start and end this segment as it stands runs to 36,408 words and is needing AT LEAST 10-15k more words to get it to a state I could call finished.

Having been browsing around the commentary about this fic on varied forums elsewhere - DLP etc - I'm staggered by how many people out there on the net have completely failed to comprehend what 'Shadowrun crossover' MEANS.

First off of course the fic's world is going to go to shit and of course it's
already halfway there. Of course there are revolutions, breakaway states, ethnic cleansings, people being declared 'subhuman' - IT'S A FREAKING SHADOWRUN CROSSOVER. Shadowrun's setting, when you get down to the nitty-gritties, takes a hell of a lot of out-nastying. OK, so oWoD and Rifts manage it, but sheezus people.

And second off, which trumps, magic or technology?

Neither, in fact the lines are going to start blurring real fast.

Cheers,
Cal.
Click to expand...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CaerAzkaban/message/133939

--- "KacyS" <chrono2x@...> wrote:
>
> Hmmmm so are you using the canon timeline for Shadowrun? If so the New York food riots should be starting soon and then a couple years after that the it really starts going to hell. Oh and don't forget the nuclear powerplant in Dungeness, Kent melting down. Though now that I think about it, you could probably figure out a way to be the fault of wizards trying to copy what happened to Harry.

No.

Basically, events around the ley-line nodes (which are loosely based on Rifts material but with a bit of a highly explosive bent) are setting off the
Awakening at a decidedly acellerated rate.

I've been discussing the fic timeline with someone in a rapidly expanding FF/N private message thread, and this is much of what we've built up so far;

- 1883; Krakatoa Event. Magic levels in world noticeably increased. Muggle-born birth-rates doubled to what the Lexicon calls Potter-canon levels as the very first vestige of Awakening kicks off. Beginning of Wizarding industrial revolution.

- By 1899; Gringotts has functionally become a part of (and been equipped by) the British Army; the 'Bold 99' goblin rebellion.

- 1988; Avebury Event. Magic levels in world wildly increased. Some non-sapient species Awaken. Muggle-born birth-rates increased by a factor of ten. First Noble Dragon - Harry - is now awake and increasing the world's magic levels by his very presence.

- 1992, May or June; Yellowstone Event. Magic levels in world wildly increased. Beginning of UGE. Further non-sapient species Awaken. Muggle-born birth-rates skyrocket again.

- End 1992/Beginning 1993; Pike's Peak Event. The dragons wake up. Ayers Rock event. Goblinization. Dunkelzahn's notorious interview. Statue of Secrecy faw down go boom. Muggle-born birth rates increased to match Shadowrun-canon mage birth rates. Ley-line magic levels are now high enough to be visible to untrained muggles. This happens in a matter of two weeks TOPS and brings the world to the same level of Awakening as early-edition Shadowrun.

From there, it's still firmly in the planning phase. In some ways the end result will be a better world than canon-Shadowrun. In other ways, particularly as I'm crossing in Rifts, it'll be worse.

Anyway once events get moving in this, they move BLINDINGLY fast.

Cheers,
Cal.
Click to expand...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CaerAzkaban/message/134110

> I'm looking foreward to you describing WHAT the Pikes Peak event is. After all, in Canon SR, it as the Great Ghost Dance. No to mention the Ayers Rock event. However, you might want to call it the Uluru Event, as that is the traditional name for it.

Ah; everything described as an 'Event' is the release of a ley-line node.

> So, Goblinisation. Will we being seeing Wizards goblinize? Personally, I like to think Ron would make a great Orc and it would explain Weasley Fertility.

Probably. I probably won't inflict Goblinization on a Weasley though as I've got other uses for them and it seems to kill as many as it changes - have to look up the Shadowrun-canon data.

Cheers,
Cal.
Click to expand...

Basically, the wizarding industry is fueled by muggleborn slave labor, when ley-line nodes are released and...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CaerAzkaban/message/134110

By the end of Harry's second year, the Statue of Secrecy has been irreparably shot to ribbons and the MoM are on the ropes, but as (certainly in Britain) SAS troops spearhead raids on the worst of the 'grim dark mills' and sweat-shops that've been fuelling the Wizarding industrial revolution on a diet of ground-up and spat-out muggle-borns a lot of pureblood industrialists have even more cause to hide...

Many of the initial encounters between the Awakening muggles and the Wizarding World will be more than a little traumatic on the wizarding side, with the shadier elements of magical society eventually going on to form the nucleus of the 'shadow world'.
...
Cheers,
Cal.
Click to expand...

So yeah, the fluffy feeling of the first chapter was not indicative of the things to come.

kmfrank · Sep 3, 2010

I think I was a bigger fan of this story when I just thought it was a serious attempt at Harry turning himself into a dragon, why'd the author have to introduce this SRSFKCINBZNS Shadowrun stuff?

Wingthesword · Sep 8, 2010

I'm actually really looking forward to all this stuff.

wolf550e · Sep 9, 2010

Turnabout: far-future side-story for Enter the Dragon.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CaerAzkaban/message/136681

A one-shot in the universe, by the author.

Mods: Please move this thread from Humor/Parody into "The Alternates"

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DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

Abandoned Enter the Dragon by Doghead Thirteen - T

LuckyFelix Seventh Year

lucis Seventh Year

Robo Jesus High Inquisitor

SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

Kerrus DA Member

Schrodinger Muggle ~ Prestige ~

ChaosGuy Unspeakable

Howdy Dark Lord

DarthBill The Chosen One DLP Supporter

Warlocke Fourth Champion

Blaise Golden Patronus

wahi Guest

Intelligo Squib

lanceavalon Seventh Year

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