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This reads more like a diary entry than a flash story. I don't know. I've no problem with writing but I really don't understand what did you try to say? I read it twice and was baffled both times. It's almost like I should be feeling something, and I'm not certain which of those should I pick to get into the right place in my head to enjoy this.

It looks like something that makes far more sense in the author's head.

 

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It feels like this piece starts off by asking, "Harry's won. Now what?" It's not a question that's answered with any particular grace.

Ironically, perhaps, it feels like this piece is similarly hollow. Things don't really happen except that Harry observes others from such a distance that we never learn names or physical descriptions. He thinks back to the ghosts of his parents enticing him to his death, which does IMO devalue that canon scene quite substantially, but no particular emotion is communicated to the reader. It feels flat and bland.

So, after reading it, I can only ask: now what? 2/5.

 

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There are a few grammar mistakes and no dialogue. The story suffers for it. Basically, these are Harry's thoughts immediately after the final battle. I could see Harry thinking these thoughts but they did not make any kind of impact on me. After reading this, I'm feeling underwhelmed. 2/5

 

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There isn’t really anything substantial in this story. It’s just … bland. It’s not much of a story in itself, just a very terse summary of Harry’s thoughts at the end of the last book, which isn’t really something that needed to be gone over again. There’s this sort of depressed energy, but it’s too mellowed out to be effective.

1/5

 

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Nice ending line. Harry is a bit morose for my tastes but I appreciate the cynical take on the Resurrection Stone.

 

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The story was blocked rather heavily. I found myself losing myself in the blocks of text a bit.

There was little to nothing new explored here, it was perfectly in canon, but hardly anything more.

It wasn't bad, but there was really not much there aside from a rightfully sad Harry being Sad.

Yeah nah, no one died on Harrys orders. Maybe that's what Harry thinks, but it's always annoyed me, and I feel canon Harry knows as well. Everyone who fought and died did so at their own choice, Ron and Harry had that exact conversation.

2/5

 

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On a technical level, this is fine. In other respects...The big moment here, for me, is the reflection on the Resurrection Stone, which is interesting, but I think I'd like it more if the story didn't - apparently, at least - pick up in the immediate aftermath of canon. Elsewhere, Harry has survivor's guilt, then kinda gets over it. Cool, but needs more of an emotional hit to be effective.

 

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Well, this one suffers from a similar problem to entry 13. It attempts to draw the reader in with Harry's introspection, but fails at reaching any great insight or delivering an emotional gut-punch. Harry's mind being clearer now means little when the justifications behind his sadness just ring hollow, almost mechanical. 2/5

 

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I thought this was alright. It was melancholia and introspection meets stiff upper lip at the end. Because it was short I wasn't too bothered by the dense paragraphs. No big issues, but no highs, either, this doesn't stand out much, I feel like I broadly agree with Harry, see where he's coming from, but there wasn't much new to dig into. But yeah, I think it works as an epilogue kind of thing.

 

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Another introspective fic! I don't like the systematic refutation of representations of death canon. I do think this is a really good depiction of the brutality of the fighting and the cost of victory. The fic sticks to the theme of relationships but it didn't reach any profound conclusions or have an interesting twist. I think this merits a 3/5.

 

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A story isn't really a story if nothing happens. Something needs to happen externally, to change the protagonist's mind internally.

I liked your idea: After the battle, Harry instantly regrets returning to the world. But then, something grounds him to life again.

However, nothing happens to cause that shift in Harry's mindset. He doesn't hold Teddy, or share a moment with Ginny. It's just his own half-hearted thoughts that keep him here, and they are half-hearted (Ginny "might" cause him to love again; he couldn't "just" leave Ron and Hermione).

If these are the only vague thoughts grounding me to life, I am definitely not standing up with a smile, not even a forced one.

And maybe that's the point of the story: Harry still wants to die by the end of it. But then, that means your protagonist hasn't changed at all from the start to the finish. And a shift is essential, in a story.

 

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At the beginning, I think ‘He was free’ should’ve been moved to right before or after ‘He was safe.’ Gives it a bit more punch for the punchline ‘but at what cost?’.

Okay, the text needs to be spaced out more. No one likes blocks of paragraphs.
I liked the description of the great hall and the healers.
For an introspection full piece, this was alright 3/5.
But it's missing something, I think cutting out a lot of extraneous words and showing more of why he thinks the specters were fake and the heel turn to wanting to live, that part could be expanded on more. That’d make it better imo.

 

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Hmm its a nicely written reflection piece, but it doesnt feel like a story. A story doesn't need action or conflict but it needs... something. This is more a reflection, there is no change or growth or conflict. Maybe you hint at it a bit with the last couple of lines, but its sort of a throw away.. we dont feel it in the story itself.

Well written but it didnt pull me in