Quick Quotes and Anecdotes

"Breaking into Snape's office in the middle of the night was a risky move at the best of times..." the elderly man started, his voice quiet as he stared across the room. The younger of the duo fumbled with his writing instruments for a moment, trying not to make much noise. The tape recorder on the table whirred slightly as it took in everything. The contraption seemed to bemuse the older man for a moment.

“I'm sorry, where was I?” he asked suddenly, startling his companion.

“You were just relating the time you snuck into Snape's office when you were 29. I believe you said it was the night before you're thirtieth birthday,” the younger man read off his notepad. He glanced up as he affixed his glasses firmly to his nose.

“Yes, yes, I remember now. The old bastard had locked the bloody thing tighter than a Veela virgin, I say.” There was a moment of silence.

“Mr. Potter, Harry,” he began, “I don't think we can put that in your biography. It might be seen as obscene,” the poor man trailed off.

“Sod that, leave it,” Harry said sharply. He glared at the quill in the other man's hands until he left the line in.

“Now where was I?”

“The office, Sir.”

“Yes, I remember, quit interrupting me,” Harry grumped, leaning forward to snatch a small piece of fruit from a small plate on the table.

“We, that is Ron, and I; were bored and waiting for my 30th birthday to come. Somehow, between the seventh and eleventh bottle of Firewhiskey, he had managed to convince me that our adventures in our youth had qualified me to be a ward-master.” Here he paused as a dry chuckle took over his features.

“What a wanker I was, eh? I believed a few Imagens Disaprens, to make me a damn tomb raider. There, I was, perched on a damn desk in the study, posing like some intrepid adventurer out of the Colonial expansion. What a sight.” Harry smiled as he reminisced a moment.

“So, we sneak into Hogwarts, down to the dungeons. After the man died, we of course had tried to unlock his personal office from his days as a Professor. We couldn't then, and no amount of coaxing, pleading or demanding could get his Headmaster's portrait to speak. People said it was cursed, that who ever opened it next was cursed to forever haunt the dungeons as a ghostly reminder of Snape's reign of terror. Pish and tosh, said I, drunk as a duck,” Harry grew more animated as he continued. The scribe could barely keep up.

“'There it is,' say's Ron. So I just rolled up my sleeves and started waving my wand all over. After about twenty minutes and sheer dumb luck as my old auntie used to say, I managed to. I still can't remember exactly what I did, but Ron swears he heard me doing some things that probably ought not be put into the book, but what does he know, the silly arse.” The writer had stopped about a third of the way through his work, to gape at Harry. His cheeks were flaming red and he could barely breath.

“Well write that shite down boy, it's gold if anything,” Harry said, pointing at the pad with a serious expression. The young man scrambled to do as bid.

“And what did you find inside Sir,” he asked. He couldn't look up and missed the wide smile that split Harry's face.

“Wouldn't you know it? The man that terrorized Hogwart's. The man who brought the Dark Lord onto these hallowed grounds. The shortest lived Headmaster in the history of Hogwarts, had a god bedamned shrine to my mother of all things. Right down to a muggle sex doll with my mother's face taped to it. I swear I set the record for most amount of vomit expelled in a single hurl, but Ron claims he has me beat with our 32nd Anniversary of the Defeat. I say he can get fucked.”

“And all that goes in the book Sir,” the writer's voice trembled.

“Aye lad, all of it. It's a necessary evil to combat all the unauthorized drivel that's been put out as of late.”

“Well sir, at least it's not as bad as the Veela colony story. I don't think our editor will ever forgive you for the second copy that accidentally got sent to the Bulgarian minister's daughter.” the writer added.

“Eh, Fleur always was a bit of a cunt when I tried to have a bit of fun. I figured she deserved to know what would be printed about her,” Harry said, a sly smile gracing his face.

“But did you have to include the part about the tattoo?”

“Yes.”

“But why?”

“How else would Bill know I was telling the truth?”

'Snrk'

“Oh dear. Billy, are you ok?” There was a moment.

“No sir, I don't think I'll ever be the same after this.”

“Nonsense. You won't be the same after chapter 42,” Harry said matter of factly.

“Why sir. What happens in Chapter 42.”

“SPEW”

“What?”

“We'll get there,” Harry said in a consoling manner. He reached for another piece of fruit.

“So, after that, what did you wanna hear about?”

The writer looked over the twenty page bullet list of events in the illustrious Harry Potter's life. He mulled over the choices.

“Well sir, if I may. The time you and Ron discovered a new element in the Muggle world sounds pretty nice and light. Less controversial to the Magical population at least,” he said. Harry's eyes sparkled with mirth for a moment.

“So, you really want to get to Chapter 42 then huh?”

The youth paled dramatically, before throwing his hands up and grabbing the quill.

“Might as well get it over with.”

“How did you know the first words I said to Ginny after our wedding?”

“WHAT?”

 

I get that you're trying to show an old man that doesn't give a fuck, but this still sounds like Moody and not Harry. I

I'll admit, I had a bit of a chuckle.

Missing a period.

Again, another chuckle.

Plot and Pacing: 3/5 There was a point, almost, when I expected this to mirror the plot of Mr. Nobody. Harry Potter, oldest man in the world, laying on his hospital bed and telling his story. All bits of it. But We didn't get that, instead I got what was mostly dialogue and some humor. Pacing overall was okay. The dialogue took the wheel and there was no need to use scene and other narrative to really drive the story home. I can't say that I'm pleased with just strictly dialogue.
Characters: 2/5
Harry felt more like Moody than what I imagine Harry would be when he was older. He called Fleur a cunt as well. From a word usage stand point, I have no problem with the actual word, but I still feel like its not something that Harry would ever say about anyone. As well as, considering his primary influences in his life. I think he would have been a lot more chaste and open ended with that instead of just going straight for a ball shot with a word that has manyyy connotations.
Prompt Use: 3/5
You used the prompt. There isn't a case where you couldn't use the prompt. I did expect someone to use it as a "telling a story" bit. If I had wrote for this, I probably would have used a similar setup. The phrasing and the setup seems to lend itself to that kind of narrative.
Other: 2/5
I was largely disappointed with this because it was dialogue. It's the skeleton that hangs in the corner of the Anatomy room. You wonder what kind of skin would fit over such a skeleton, because under all of it, we're just bones. Its our outside, the skin, that we form our impressions on. I wasn't given much of that.

 

Plot & Pacing: 2/5

I... didn't really get it? It hints at a lot of things, but never really commits to an idea beyond trying to be subversive for the sake of being subversive. It jumps around a lot.

Characters: 2/5

Weren't really memorable. Didn't really get a feel of either Harry and the journalist was a blank slate that didn't react much.

Prompt Use: 2/5

Didn't really go anywhere with it, but you used the line, I guess and it worked as set up.

Other: 2/5

The whole story feels unbalanced. The first third is adjective/adverb descriptive heavy, while the last two thirds are too much dialogue without any beats or tags or even saids to hint at who is talking when. I know it's just two people talking, but it's still unnecessarily confusing. Relied on cheap laughs and one offs without really building anything or having anything of substance for us here.

Total: 8/20

 

Tape recorder? Is a muggle interviewing a wizard?

It's a bit anachronistic if we're far enough in the future that an ancient wizard was breaking into Snape's office when he was just 29 but it makes sense if a more advanced type of recording tech wouldn't work around magic.

The 'veela virgin' line made me roll my eyes, but I loved this line:
There, I was, perched on a damn desk in the study, posing like some intrepid adventurer out of the Colonial expansion.

I like this idea that Snape's office from when he was a Professor is cursed... his last position as a professor was the DADA professor, right? A sort of irony or something in that, that the office is cursed now instead of the position.

“'There it is,' say's Ron. So I just rolled up my sleeves and started waving my wand all over. After about twenty minutes and sheer dumb luck as my old auntie used to say, I managed to. I still can't remember exactly what I did, but Ron swears he heard me doing some things that probably ought not be put into the book, but what does he know, the silly arse.” The writer had stopped about a third of the way through his work, to gape at Harry. His cheeks were flaming red and he could barely breath.

I'm having trouble accepting that this young reporter is scandalized by anything Harry said here? I could see a grimace at the veela virgin comment, because that actually doesn't sound like something you'd quote in some cases... but here Harry just said 'arse' and implied he said some other things?

Billy? Is this a relative of Bill's or something? He seemed particularly disturbed by the bit about Bill with that 'snrk.'

So... this isn't bad but it's not that great either, at least imo.

I'm not sure what the actual story/plot/point here is.

I can see how it would be fun to hear an old man curse and be vulgar, but in order for that to really be humorous and fun it has to work with the character. This character feels nothing like Harry so a lot of the fun of it is lost - I feel like I'm reading an OC. If you choose to edit this later I'd try to add in some mannerisms or something that remind us this is Harry. That might make it more fun? Add in those "er" bits he likes to use, have him say "I'm fine" when this reporter asks after his health, etc. Remind us this is Harry and the contrast between canon!Harry and vulgar&old!Harry might make it read better? I'm not sure.

But also... this is really just an interview about nothing so far as I can tell. Harry is being interviewed, tells a story about getting drunk and breaking into Snape's office to find a sexual doll with his mother's face, then alludes to various other stories in the same vein. But there's no suspense or surprise or build up to what he found in the office so it just... didn't work for me.

*shrug*

It's a good idea, telling a story within in a story with an older Harry talking to a reporter, but it's not there yet.