Stolen from Half-Blood Prince. What plot devices will make you close a story the instant you see what could possibly be a hint of them? Be they clichéd (pretend I used the fancy e), convoluted, or just plain idiotic.

edit: Thanks to Xiph0 for the e.

 

Sudden wet dreams about Ginny.

Sure it can be gradual notice her type thing...just no overnight primordial lust.

 

Lists. Whether it's lists of what he needs to do to defeat Voldemort or lists of people who wrong him, using a list is idiotic, IMO.

 

Goddamn huge trunks.

Also when he becomes an uber buff philanderer in the span of one night.

 

Merlin visiting Harry in his dreams.

 

Harry joining a rock band.

 

Harry realising that Hermione/Ginny, somehow, usually in the space of less than a month (quite often it's a day), is 'stunningly beautiful' and he 'just can't understand how he didn't see it before' (say in a high-pitched fan-girl voice.)

Snape becoming Harry's mentor.

Harry discovering that it wasn't really Snape who murdered Dumbledore, but someone using Polyjoice potion.

 

Severutis.

Slash.

Bellatrix under Imperio.

Good Draco.

Evil Dumbledore.

Sirius is Harry's Dad.

So many >_>

 

Snape is Harry's dad.

Slash.

Evil/Overly Manipulative Dumbledore

Harry/Ginny

Pussy/Canon Harry

Anime crossovers where Potter character sweat drop and face fault

SuperHarry

1 month of training=being Voldemorts level

 

A fucking katana.

 

Wizards being more 'superior' to regular folks. Sure, Wizards may have power, but the damn fools have no imagination, nor do they display any form of common sense or intelligence as a collective whole.

 

Any form of pop culture.

 

Especially when the author has no sense of timeframe, and uses all sorts of references that weren't around in the 90's.

Plus the word "goffik".

 

Comforting fics, where Harry gets a big emotional breakdown (especially if Snape is doing the comforting).

 

a veela draco with harry as his "mate"
all slash in general
Severitus
goblins
knockturn/diagon alley shopping trip
harry with little or no training suddenly becoming uber powerful

 

Harry listening to evanesence or fall out boy or similar drivle.
Its the 90s! I don't know what was popular in the UK at the time, but i am willing to bet that Harry would listen to New Kids on the Block and Marky Mark.

 

Reducto as a main offensive spell. I FUCKING HATE THIS SPELL!

 

Arranged marriage between two guys. (Unless there are magical shit babies, two guys getting married wouldn't do much for the pureblood inbreeding problem would it?)

Malfoy/Herman Romeo and Juliet love affair. (Shakespeare did it first and much better than the fan girls ever could.)

Hermione using the time turner to go back somewhere between 20 and 60 years to fall in love with anyone from Lupin to Riddle.

Vampire!Harry

Ninja!Samurai!Calmwarrior!Harry

Raped!Sodomized!Emotionallytraumatized!Harry

Blind!Deaf!anddumb!Harry (Who the fuck came up with that shit? I want to hear about magic not Harry's trials and tribulations beacause he can't see anything.)

The whole Half Blood Prince plot line. Good one, JKR.

EDIT: And thanks for stealing my thread idea, Nobody... Ah, who cares? I hadn't thought about it since I wrote that reply so it doesn't matter anyways.

 

First and foremost is slash, especially any hints of HP/SS. Emo!Harry or really any Harry from a Kinsfire story. Lists, 'nuff said. And last I absolutely loath needless and/or repetitive exposition and explanations.