Fanfiction's Worst Reviews

Download · Jan 14, 2019

why this story is the only one to have the tag no harem garbage? --'
the relationship between Kirito and his harem can be as cute as Kirisuna.

and surprise relationships? I don't see how Kirito x Asuna is a relationship surprise ship? Kirito x Argo, Kirito x Strea, Kiriot x Suguha, Kirito x Kizmel, etc., .... yes it would have been surprise relationships.

but Kirisuna? it's very far from being a "surprise" relationship.
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He's back on Ao3 now.

Sorrows · Jan 15, 2019

23/12/2018
Too many words my brain is straining and I hate hermione very gross and ugly girl why did I click
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I love the descent into regret. Apparently Anticlockwise just ruined someone's Christmas Eve.

Download · Jan 15, 2019

So I called him out despite the different username:

No need to hide who you are, Flo. You write the same way, have the same stupid fixation of how "epic" Kirito would be with a harem, treat the fact I think harems are dumb as a personal insult, you can't help but insert as many question and exclamation marks as you can and you still lack basic reading comprehension.
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ok I am unmasked. it was to see if with a pseudo different you will change your attitude towards a potential reader. I see you're still the same arrogant idiot!
I shitposting?! only your own opinion!

I never said that Kirito would be "epic" with a harem, I said I would like to read The Prince Of Swords! who is THE BEST Kirito's harem fic for its romance Kirito between and his harem!
because that would allow you to "widen" your horizons and probably to change your opinion about harem garbage lol. but considering your attitude, I see no, you're still the same.
the animal that suits you best would be the ostrich! because she buried her head in the sand to see nothing and hear nothing lol!

if i love Kirito's harem, it's because there are girls who moved me in the novel and that in a Kirito's harem fic, they can have a place in Kirito's heart! place they didn't have in the canon.

fun made about Sachi: do you know that in the web novel version, Sachi was Kirito FIRST love and was very close to him physically?
and that the author has discarded and trashed Sachi in favor of Asuna?

Is it shitposting to say how I feel about her? or that I love Kirito's harems fics?! because in Kirito's harems fics, Sachi doesn't die for the sake of the lol plot!

for your information, basically, I had only posted a simple question. YOU sent me an email (totally dispensable), whereas a simple answer in an author's note was enough to explain to me: no, it's only Kirisuna no harem, I would have understood. instead you show yourself aggressive, arrogant, contemptuous and insulting! YOU treated me as an idiot ONLY because I love Kirito's harems fics and I was the ONLY one to ask if it was a Kirito's harem fic?

no the idiot who shitposting and shitmailing here is you!

I love Kirito's harems fics I don't see why I'm an idiot for this?
you are so entitled in your own opinion that you behave contemptuously with a potential reader!
If you don't like Kirito's harems fics, I can understand everyone doesn't necessarily like harems!

but who gives you the right to insult others? to act more presumptuously because I lack reading / understanding skills?

being hidden behind a computer screen maybe ?! it must be that!

not only are you an idiot, but you are a coward!
an idiot and a coward voila what you are! with a shitty character and a shitty attitude!
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I guess this guy doesn't have anything better to do with his time?

Zombie · Jan 16, 2019

One of those don't feed the trolls moments.

Download · Jan 16, 2019

Zombie said: ↑

One of those don't feed the trolls moments.
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Eh, it takes me 30 seconds to reply and he probably spends half an hour writing his. I'm pretty certain if asked he'll call me the troll.

BeastBoy · Jan 17, 2019

you know... this fic is great... but i think i can read this anymore... T.T
Harry turn out an emo...coward...pathetic...git... make me want to kick him and say
'are you male or not..? bullied by Malfoy...? cut your di*k'

sooo... i can not read this Harry... sorry...
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It's just so weird with the triple dots suspension points and self-censoring "dick". FFN.net reviews are often such shit but this really stuck out to me. It was on Harry Potter: The Last Avatar.

silentclock · Feb 9, 2019

I never got a truly baffling review. Until today. I got this gem on Outside These Walls this morning:

To be frank this story isn't at all like pepperoni pizza. That is to say it isn't any good at all! The dialogue between Harry and dapper Daphne is stale and unrealistic and replacing the strategic mastermind and the brightest witch of their age with these bland cartboard cutouts is disrespectful both to Ms. Rowling and to me as a fan of Harry Potter. It reeks of edgelord wish fulfillment and white boy entitlement that you think just because you don't like poor people and smart women you can just replace Ron and Hermione like they are last year's model as Elvis Costello would say. Bland Neville and sexdoll Daphne Hannah Aren't good replacements and the whole thing leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth! If that's the way you gonna roll you can roll right on over to DLP where this kind of thing is encouraged. Also write more about Marlene McKinnen and Bengie Fenwick. They're my favourite characters and can be written canon compliantly too! Better luck next time Sonny Jim.
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It was unfortunately an anonymous review. That's got to be trolling, right? I wasn't sure until the bit about Marlene McKinnon and Bengie Fenwick, but that's pretty much where I decided he couldn't be for real.

Plotless · Feb 9, 2019

It's like 60% of the way to being a review made by a Markov chain text generator.

Zombie · Feb 9, 2019

I'm pretty sure this is the dumb fuck that called @Menace a lonely white boy over on SB in the Naruto thread. They seem to have a hate boner for all things DLP and pretty much anything that doesn't fit their perfect picture.

@Paradise signature is also courtesy of them.

vlad · Feb 9, 2019

Ah, that would explain a lot. Got a review that didnt like my story (ok fair enough) but then went on a rant about DLP over it. Like he was more mad at DLP liking it than him not liking it himself.

Zombie · Feb 9, 2019

Well there is also that Alexx person that is mad they got banned from DLP so they made a fuckton of sock accounts. So, no idea really. But the review that Plotless got smacked of that dude/chick (don't know their gender tbh) from the Naruto thread over on SB.

Skeletaure · Feb 15, 2019

So I have a repeat anonymous reviewer for Victoria Potter and I'm always torn on whether to moderate his reviews or not. Like, on the one hand I don't want to indulge trolls. On the other hand, their reviews only serve to add to my review count so it's a bit of an own goal for them.

The reviewer obviously thinks that they are writing a very clever reductio ad absurdum of feminism, but ultimately all they end up doing is parodying their own neckbeardy basement dweller ideas.

Here they are:

I have finished reading your story. Not because I like it much, mind, but it does hold some professional interest as it illustrates some of the common patterns in the mindsets of those prone to toxic masculinity and glorification of oppression. Or would you seek to deny it? Just in this latest chapter you show a true lack of female empowerment when Victoria is too "girly" for dueling. The only way that scene with Susan would have been acceptable was if Victoria then went on to defy the stereotype by actually being real good at dueling, and then took note to try more activities that the patriarchy deems to be for the big strong menfolk. You didn't do that though. Instead you fed the gender stereotypes by having her lose, and not to Susan or Hermione, but to a boy! The wrongheadedness of this chapter was simply beyond belief! There are several problems with the glorification of upper class snobbery etc as well, but maybe if we take it one step at a time you can actually come to see the errors of your way. If you want to make it up to your readers, make Victoria and the muggleborn Hermione fall in love. That would both make up for your classism and show that you are not against the LGBTQ community. Also write more about Marlene McKinnen and Poliakoff. Thanks in advance.
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Calling Susan a banshee is really sexist even if it also references the play. She isn’t a member of the seminal punk band of that name, is she? I didn’t think so. Aside from this story continuing its sexist naughtiness, Victoria didn’t meet Griphook in the bank. I like Griphook because he is cool and really wished he had been included! This Snaggletooth is an OC and including OCs demeans Rowling’s work by saying her characters Hannah aren’t good enough to use. This just goes back to my first point. Sexism! It’s in this story! Only a man would think of Victoria using her powers so indecently! Granted I’m a man myself but I know that no woman willingly would increase the size of her teets. Please give a more significant role to Marlene McKinnen. She’s my favourite character. Oh, and please update. Despite the problems this story is a bit not so bad.
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How come Victoria is so much better off than Harry? While Harry only receives filthy socks and hard work Petunia takes Victoria out for strolls and lunch and shopping on High Street. Not at all realistic unless you think girls don’t get abused the same as boys. I am shocked and appalled that anybody could think so. You have male prosecution complex, which means you think boys are more victimized than girls. Such self pity makes me sick, and I suggest you go elsewhere if you want to pettle this nonsense. How about the straight white boy pity party that is the Dark (Edge)Lord Potter forums? Sure you could use the defence of that guy what wrote about superheroes in his story Worm and said he wasn't nazi even though he wrote about nazis, but that would be a little ridiculous. Oh, and cannon never suggested wizards had "Sky doors". Sounds more like stupid sci-fi cliche, and that isn't the first time I notice such sloppy research in this story. You like to portray yourself as a canon expert, so either show some dedication or stop saying you're something you Hannah Aren't. And Mr. Bones seriously needs to cool it with his Peter Pan syndrome. He's so wacky and no responsible woman would let him take care of her child many meters in the air. Granted Pet isn't responsible, but surely Susan's mum is.
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I am a bit torn on this Muggle Protection Act of yours, dear fellow. On the one hand, it is important to me that businesses don’t fold just because new and more efficient business models become available. This is because the old models in general can be used to employ more people. But on the other hand, it is the old businesses what are owned by the oppressors and the new businesses what are owned by the oppressed, and magic really limits the need for Labour anyway, sad as it is to admit for an old Haileybury House volunteer such as myself. So in this particular instance, I suppose I am for the modernization of industry. No working class people will be affected, other than in as far as they can finally afford to buy proper clothes, which is more than what you can say for some brave labourers in Post-War Britain. Oh yes, the Americans would surely like to say that their Marshall Plan made Europe into a Utopia overnight, but take it from one that was there, old bean: It took a hell of a long time for things to be set to rights in England’s green and pleasant land.
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Taure shows his true colours with this fic. One wanders if he is called Taure because he is a Tory. This is sexist because Victoria can't handle stuff that Harry handled in his sleep and there are not any characters that stray from his comfort zone. No ethnic or sexual variety can be expected here, folks. Taure's writing gleams with wish fullfilment of the baddest sort. Also I think it's wrong that Victoria don't dislike the prejudiced fools Pany and Dapper Daphne more. This obviosly goes against the cherecter that you made for her. Taure neads to take a long look in the mirror and realise that what he's riding ain't all gold.
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Shodan · Feb 15, 2019

LMAO, it astounds me every time how much time some trolls spend writing reviews for fanfiction. Though that feminism stuff reminds me of a review for Cxjenious The Black Prince I saw yesterday:

I didn't like it. Harry seems to be even more soft-hearted than as Potter. He is associating with scum - thieves. He has no ambition - Joffrey is still alive. Btw, this is quite sexist - medieval times, where women were rarely soldiers, leaders, yet every time Harry meets a "good, brave smallfolk" it's a woman. Spare your false propaganda for somewhere else.
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I mean, it's great that people are invested in something, but surely there are better places for it [even if it's trolling on twitter].

BeastBoy · Feb 15, 2019

Trolling fanfiction.net authors is truly the highest pinnacle of the art form.

Oz · Feb 15, 2019

Dark (Edge)Lord Potter
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Petition to rename DLP to DELP.

Psychotic Cat · Feb 15, 2019

Anyone old enough to have been rendered butthurt by DLP when DLP did anything remotely worth being butthurt over should now be too fucking old to be butthurt over fanfiction.

Halt · Feb 15, 2019

Psychotic Cat said: ↑

Anyone old enough to have been rendered butthurt by DLP when DLP did anything remotely worth being butthurt over should now be too fucking old to be butthurt over fanfiction.
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Never doubt the manchildren.

Nevermind · Feb 15, 2019

Oz said: ↑

Petition to rename DLP to DELP.
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DELPHI = Dark Edgelord Potter, Hopeless Imbecile

Would also be a monument to the masterpiece that is The Cursed Child.

Arthellion · Feb 15, 2019

Nevermind said: ↑

DELPHI = Dark Edgelord Potter, Hopeless Imbecile

Would also be a monument to the masterpiece that is The Cursed Child.
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DAPHNE

Dank Author's Porn Hub for New Erotics

Sorrows · Feb 15, 2019

Taure said: ↑

So I have a repeat anonymous reviewer for Victoria Potter and I'm always torn on whether to moderate his reviews or not. Like, on the one hand I don't want to indulge trolls. On the other hand, their reviews only serve to add to my review count so it's a bit of an own goal for them.

The reviewer obviously thinks that they are writing a very clever reductio ad absurdum of feminism, but ultimately all they end up doing is parodying their own neckbeardy basement dweller ideas.

Here they are:
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I'd say keep them up, I'd be quite touched if someone wrote a multi-chapter manifesto on how my story was not worth their time. It shows real engagement.

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