Pure incomprehension. My brain cells are going on strike.

 

Does this... thing I got on what was an obvious shit!fic count as one of the worst?

I don't know why people think it's okay to leave guest-reviews insulting the author rather than the story and I get the feeling that it was an actual incel who wrote it. From the few interactions that I had with a few before blocking each of them... it just reads like an incel.

Of course, I did leave an abandonment note on the chapter that they reviewed. Maybe they were expressing some kind of joy? I don't know what the point of that dramafest was. I think they would have been better off sending an angry PM or something just as private:

Keeping their drama over imaginary people to themselves.

I don't know how much toxicity you have to have to resort to that pettiness but I did get dirty looks when I got the e-mail telling me I had this strange review. With these ideas in mind, I could never read it out loud with a straight face.

 

This was a gem that zeroed in on a flaw so great I'm astonished I missed it.

Spoiler

Why would "he's drinking in my pub for free!" - be a problem?! He's not stealing drinks. Someone is buying them for him! Buying drinks that wouldn't have been PAID FOR otherwise. You obviously have never worked in a bar. Outside of letting underage kids in NO ONE cares who is drinking the drinks. If the hot girl bartender is spitting liquor into a bottle to avoid getting 'too' drunk, then better for business!
Heck, the whole premise of a Shot Girl is for her to be one of the prettiest girls there, so idiot dudes will be falling all over themselves to buy her a shot AND (ridiculous) keep drinking to impress her. What they don't know is- hertray is stocked with some of HER favorites... that are non-alcoholic! So dude is paying for TWO alcoholic drinks, and she is getting paid tips on top of the shot money, to throw back cranberry juice and make a face as if it's booze! The juice costs like - ten cents, and the bar made five bucks for her shot, and half that again on his.
Then there's the girls who come in and, if they look good enough, don't have to pay a cover charge, because we KNOW guys will buy them drinks all night. They sit there completely free all night, laugh, dance, have a great time, and never pay a cent. Their money goes to looking good so they get free stuff.
So don't sorry about people drinking for free. It literally IS the system. As long as SOMEONE pays, it's all good.

 

@basium1 If a registered account leaves a flame calling me faglord (not that it's happened so far), fine. If an anon leaves an actual comment on the story, also fine. But if it's just a guest review about me instead of the story, I just delete it now.

 

What's wrong with that review?

 

The incel-style language reminds me of this, off Circular Reasoning:

The weird chick is Mab, for anyone who follows the story. This is not an anonymous review, and I doubt it's the same person, just further evidence of the shift in shitposting nomenclature since I was a young 'un. I mean, it was always badly spelled and misogynistic, but the expression thereof changes. It seems especially bitter these days, possibly as a consequence of being less widely accepted.

 

Yeah, I've gotten a slew of those as of late, but he was one of the few who reviewed under a username so I couldn't just delete it. Usually when I get that kind of shit, I reply with "U mad bro?" or "okay." "that's nice." or "cool story, bro." Or, if they've left me a real whopper of a rant, "TL;DR"

I rarely hear back from them. Shame sometimes, because I'm looking for cheap entertainment at that point. Maturity is a spectrum.

 

... What makes you think it's ever going to be finished?

 

My story might be damn well old enough to join them. Also, if you're trying to guilt me, it's working. I just opened up my files for the next chapter again.

 

Well, if it worked...

 

I'm actually not certain if this is a troll, someone with a bizarre mental deficiency, or someone whose computer has some sort of wacky defect.

I've found these two reviews on pretty much every ASOIAF Xover that's popular which I've read.

Spoiler

Relative to the Reach. Hightower is the richest, Redwyne has all the ships, Tarly is the Reach's military powerhouse, Florent has more historical prestige, but nobody's as strong at political maneuvering and raw cunning as House Tyrell. The only reason House Tyrell is in power is because they were smart enough to give up the capital of the Reach to Aegon, after Highgarden's owner just died.

Compared to the other Great Houses of Westeros, the Tyrells have contrasting good relationships with their vassal houses (save from some exceptions) and take actual interest on their domain; for instance, the City Watch of Oldtown belongs to them. Should they have problems, the Tyrells still have a foot firm in Highgarden should there be need to regroup.

they use every trick in the book as pragmatically and hard-nosed as possible, they also haven't neglected the roles good PR and soft power can play in advancing your influence without adding people to the "who wants to kill us" list. For all they are actually playing the game as ruthlessly as others, often enough. Loved, somewhat feared, but mainly respected; and, certainly not hated: that's the route they're aiming for as a group

The Tyrells got away with putting the Baratheons under siege twice with no retribution whatsoever. Even when Stannis takes a great chunk of their bannermen, they still have complete and undisputed control of the Reach other than some dissident houses who aren't even opposing them in battle (like the Florents).

Whereas the Tyrells are physically attractive and pleasant, the Florents are butterfaces with a sense of entitlement and no social skills

Florents not only they are unsociable, they are smug, stupid and pretty ugly.

Not only are they unpleasant people as a whole, they are generally fairly unpleasant-looking, too (all sneers and ears). Subverted by the half-Florents Shireen Baratheon (she is innocence incarnate) and Edric Storm (an energetic little charmer). Even though they still have those ears, neither wear sneers.

Florents consider themselves to have a better claim to Highgarden than the Tyrells as they descend from House Gardener through the male line and not the female line like the Tyrells

They are said to be descended from Florys the Fox, a daughter of Garth Greenhand who had three husbands who did not known of each other and fathered the founders of Houses Florent, Ball, and Peake

they may have a fox as their sigil, but their arrogance and stupidity screw over nearly every single "cunning" plan they make

When Renly and Stannis each declare themselves king, Alester declares for Renly, despite Stannis being the rightful king and Selyse being his wife. This can be chalked up to Alester being loyal to his liege lord, Mace Tyrell, who declared the Reach for Renly, though it is pointed out that Brightwater Keep is too close to Highgarden for the Florents to risk Tyrell displeasure. However when Renly dies Alester breaks his oath to Mace and heads over to Stannis' camp, because if Stannis wins it will mean House Florent gets more political power in the Reach (though Mace hadn't declared for Joffrey yet). Then when Stannis' campaign is failing Alester goes behind his back and selfishly offers Shireen to the crown (as in the Lannisters who are known for their cruelty and child abuse), in exchange for a pardon and Brightwater Keep back in Florent hands. Loyalty is not this man's strongest quality.

Despite his flaws, he is the only Florent encountered so far who is not a R'hllor fanatic or a complete Jerkass. He even treats Davos courteously

Just like Harlen Tyrell surrendered the Reach to Aegon The Conqueror by bending the knee, Mace Tyrell surrendered and bent the knee to Robert Baratheon when the fighting was all but lost. In both occasions, it gave them huge advantage leaps forward, consolidating their power. Dudes are very good at surrendering.

And just like ambitious house from the Reach who married their gorgeous daughter to the King and the patriarch is the second most powerful man on the country? Hello again, Hightowers! Other than that, the Tyrells don't seem to be failing in the War of Five Kings where the Hightowers did during the Dance of the Dragons, which is the fact that they have never overplayed their hand (except with Renly, and they corrected that remarkably fast).

Where the Freys have tried their social climbing the direct and dirty way when not marrying into every power in sight, the Tyrells have gone about it rather differently (if, also including marriage). Both have large families (granted, the Tyrells don't outnumber the Freys: but, they're still not a tiny family), both have Thicker Than Water tendencies. But, only one is succeeding at this whole PR thing and has plans in place for when various linchpins may no longer be in the world.

They seem to have a flexible code of honor and a love of family that's seeing them stick together and manage to stay together while forging ahead in the Decadent Court atmosphere. "Strong" is in their motto. "Stark" also means strong. The Starks remain strong through endurance and will power, the Tyrells through clever alliances. Both are loved by their smallfolk but while the Starks are honorable to a fault, the Tyrells have no true loyalties but to themselves. Both have ancestors who surrendered without a fight to Aegon the Conqueror

Like the Lannisters both are ancient and powerful houses that have been working to exert their influence over the Iron Throne to their own benefit, but whereas the Lannisters are essentially a Big Screwed-Up Family who cooperate through Teeth-Clenched Teamwork at best, the Tyrells work together out of genuine love and affection for one another, treating one another as actual family rather than rivals for power.

Some think they gave their cousins the Gardeners the idea to go fight the dragons

Did it occur to anyone that the Khal is the threat and just have him killed and when the new khal kills Dany and her child well they didn't create the Dothraki culture they can't put that on them or maybe the assassin would fail and if they don't wait until they have proof the Dothraki at least plan to invade they will not have justice on their side and the Dothraki may get over their fear of sea water for revenge

Cersei can scheme and treacher and backstab with all but the very best of them she knows how to GET power but not keep it she has no idea what to do to secure her own future or the actual job of ruling, keeping the masses or bare majority fed and entertained, she has no patience for the balancing the budget stuff and etcetera

Robert didn't thank or reward or even recognize Stannis duty and going above and beyond and his great accomplishments as well and he gave credit to others for Stannis' successes, he blamed the mistakes of others on Stannis but he gave him Dragonstone which is traditional seat of heir and technically made Stannis the third most powerful man in Westeros, to hold those parts of the Crownlands so loyal to the Targaryeans though he probably never said so to Stannis and Stannis probably didn't understand that Robert needed someone as Draconian as Stannis to keep the Targaryean loyalists in line

Baelish doesn't need to embezzle, he's a very successful pimp, not to say he doesn't manipulate the finances of the realm for his own benefit he does but through much more subtle, complicated, and far reaching parts of his schemes
Baelish is trying to create a meritocracy ninety nine percent of Westeros live in squalor

Valyrian steel blades were scarce and costly, yet thousands remained in the world, perhaps two hundred in the Seven Kingdoms alone

Not see greed and malice where there is only stupidity Martells (none of the Starks are politically savvy why would Lyanna be) a well meaning idiot can do more harm than an evil wise man on the other hand Winter is coming we need Jon

Always thought Baelish led Brandon and everyone to believe she was kidnapped

Proper thieving, killing, and begging require just as much toil as any honest labor

Bullying the weak does not make you strong

A dagger in the dark may be worth a thousand swords at dawn but winning a duel is not winning a battle is not winning a war is not winning peace

An organized approach brings the most good for all.
Laws exist to bring prosperity to those under them.
Unjust laws must be overturned or changed in a reasonable and positive fashion.
People rule; laws help.
Cause the most good through the least harm.
Protect the weak.
Goodness is not a natural state, but must be fought for to be attained and maintained.
Lead by example.
Let your deeds speak your intentions.
Goodness radiates from the heart.
Give others your mercy, but keep your wits about you.

Incest more often than not can cause weakness and lack of intelligence but elsewise one's honor, wisdom, and strength has nothing to do with when or whose cock and cunt you slithered out of it's about one's upbringing

It is unwise to judge others by preconceived notions or what they look like

We're human

We're in this together the world belongs to each and every one of us

It's fine to move to your own drum's beat it's all well and good

But when land is scarce you have to fall in line think of the greater good

Live by the old ways best be prepared to die by them

Trouble is coming sooner or later and when it does there will be no begging for help from those you've scorned and turned your back on

If it's between being part of something larger than myself and scraping by on my own I say screw tradition

You have to the courage do that trade the wilderness of you ancestors for a share in civilization or is your fellow man not worth the effort

Spoiler

I was thinking the name Frostflame or Hailfire for Jon Snow a shadowcat Sly and Strong or blue winter rose sigil Flourish, Blossom, Bloom; Suffer Not Injustice

Also Shadowflame/Phyr for daughter line of Blackfyre/phyr Sheepdog sigil Prosperity Stability Freedom

I don't believe the North will survive without the South any more than the South will survive without the North

It's generally admitted even after the ousting of the Targaryen regime that the Valyrian monarchs centralized most of Westeros into a single realm, which put an end to endemic warfare between the Seven Kingdoms, for the most part put an end to Ironborn reaving, kept the Faith of the Seven on a leash and also developed trade via the creation of a new city like King's Landing, while earlier rulers also abolished horrible practices like Droit du Seigneur and made laws common across the realm

If Aegon isn't a real Targaryean Young Griff is qualified to rule

Stannis is the only other one who puts the needs of the realm before his own the rest are deluded fools who fight for personal glory and power

His problem is he doesn't understand that almost anyone will believe almost anything, they will believe a lie is the truth because they want it to be true or because they are afraid it might be true

He should stop talking about his rights and start talking about how he is the best man for the job, that he always does his duty unlike the others

Stark forces rape pillage and burn just as much as their Lannister counterparts

Mace Tyrell would strangle a thousand babies to death with his bare hands if it meant putting Tyrell blood on the Iron Throne

The blood of the Riverlands is on Catelyn's hands as much as Gregor Clegane and Tywin Lannister's, her efforts to protect her children only put them in greater danger and all that other death

Balon Greyjoy wants revenge more than gold, he blames the Starks and the North for costing him his crown and his other sons and is too stupid (like most people) to see it was Stannis destroying his fleet that cost him all that

Robb is a great general he wins every battle but loses the war because he completely fails the diplomatic side of things, there is more to being a lord much less a king than winning all your battles he's wise beyond his years in some ways but still young in others to a lesser extent so is Dany Robb is a tactician but not a strategist he has no real plan for winning the war as a whole he seeks no alliances all his forces are his or his grandfather's

And how many innocents will Arya murder for her freedom, (and freedom to what starve or be slaughtered) someone needs to tell her of the realm’s need for stability, and unless she wants to go beyond the Wall and hunt and kill for her daily bread, she must also do her duties as a Lady of her House as the Mormont women do, work is called work not fun for a reason, in short she doesn’t get it both ways, we need the tedious minutia of governance, someone needs to tell her war is hell something like it's about protecting your home and family and living up to noblesse oblige

Melisandre is trying to ensure the human race survives

I don't think Jaime should be hated for breaking his vows given what Aerys was but because people think he did it to increase his family's position, influence and power remember he was young and stupid and as one of the world's greatest warriors almost never needed to actually use his brain and think like most people so it's somewhat understandable he hasn't overcome these shortcomings until he lost his hand and saw his sister for what she is

Renly like Cersei and Robert would spend so much on clothes and tournaments not what is best for the realm, extrajudicial execution Westeros taboo maybe but what is best for the realm

Gendry has what it takes to be a great warrior BUT

Edric at least has a proper education and we do need the tedious minutia of governance unless like Conan he's naturally cunning

Sansa until she got cold hard taste of reality thought all adults were as honorable as her father, she thought the real world worked like a fairy tale not like the real middle ages

The main conflict in Westeros is between various warring families. The conflict is driven by the desires of the respective heads of households to further the political power and/or political independence of their houses. Family honor is practically an obsession, and the more ambitious lords want to take their families as far as they can (which is the Iron Throne). Everyone is concerned with furthering the ambitions of their families and factions, not what is best for the realm as a whole.

Ironically, however, the two most powerful men in Westeros are the ones that don't have families. Littlefinger has no family to speak of, and Varys, as a eunuch, is physically incapable of having one. So their primary concern instead becomes the realm. Varys's behind-the-scenes machinations are meant to preserve the country, and to put the best possible ruler on the Iron Throne. In a sense, he sees the realm as his family...and he is just as ruthless in the course of protecting and furthering his family as any noble lord is. Littlefinger, on the other hand, has no ties whatsoever. He's solely in it for himself.

George RR Martin said that he originally planned to write a War of the Roses novel but decided against it because everyone knows how it will turn out and that "the princes in the tower" will not escape.

In history, the two young children of King Edward IV, of the House of York, the Bran and Rickon of their generation if you will, were the heirs of the throne. Upon the King's death, Richard III presented a claim to monarchy citing the illegitimacy of the King's marriage to Elizabeth Woodville, since the King had already been secretly married to another before, an action which vindicates his claim. Richard III, then took those children hostage and locked them in the Tower of London, a traditional castle for raising royal children, the Dragonstone if you will. And then the Princes vanished...an action which eroded much support for Richard III, presumed culprit, and placed Henry Tudor as the next best claim to the throne, a Welshman who flew a Dragon Standard on the Battle of Bosworth Field. The mystery of these disappeared Princes is disturbing for many reasons. If Richard III killed those Princes as is generally believed, he brutally violated all norms of decency to claim the throne, showing a ruthless amoral urge for power that completely tramples over all notions of feudal honor and chivalry. If Henry Tudor or his supporters ordered the deaths of the Princes, as some Ricardians believe, than an Usurper maligned and tarnished a worthy and honorable man, framed him for the crime of the deaths of two innocents and rode over their corpses to lay claim on the dynasty that ultimately birthed England's Golden Age. Either way, the implication one gets is that those two children's deaths cleared the path for many men of ambition.

Robert Baratheon became King by conquest, by having a distant claim to the Throne through a Targaryen grandmother, Rhaegar even called him cousin to Jaime in his flashbacks. But as Tywin Lannister points out that the only real way to clear his path to the throne is to kill Prince Rhaegar's children since supporters will always rally around their claim. The result of Tywin brutally killing those children via Gregor Clegane is the lifelong disgust of the Starks and other houses of honour, the enmity of the Martells but also 13 years of a fragile peace. This peace is disturbed because Lord Eddard Stark refuses to kill children or allow them to die. Ned Stark informed Cersei because he knew that Robert in his wrath would kill Joffrey, Tommen and Myrcella, bastards of incest. By refusing to kill those children, Ned Stark fulfills the standards of decency that everyone adheres to but in the end, he gets killed by the very boy-king he wanted to spare. Both in the series, by the likes of Littlefinger, and by readers, people lamented Ned Stark's softness in wanting to "spare" the children. The deaths of children is what certain actions are defined and measured by. Moreover, these actions are framed by the context of society.
Theon Greyjoy presumably killing "Bran and Rickon", two miller's sons, is treated as much lower on the scale than Tywin Lannister killing Rhaenys and Aegon, why? Because Theon Greyjoy Turncloak Ironborn is an idiot while Tywin Lannister is smart, a man who does what he has to do, the lord of the wealthiest part of Westeros and who is careful to frame his actions around an acceptable pill of necessity and pragmatism which Theon fails to do. Tywin Lannister has toadies like Pycelle and Kevan making apologies for his actions, indifferent a$$holes like Robert Baratheon shrugging and accepting the Throne he fought for, while Ned Stark and others sulk in the corner about honor. Ultimately society will arbitrarily support and accept as Necessary Evil the deaths of some children while in other cases, the deaths of Bran and Rickon, even when feigned, is used by Stannis to claim vengeance in North and rally against Roose Bolton and Theon Greyjoy. It's not just what characters are willing to do, but the manner in which their actions are seen and judged by society in the proper context

Someone please kill me with a pogo stick.

 

@The Salsa Sorcerer

Just someone who wants to read a particular story but they cbf to try writing, so they just spam their fanfic in abridged form, hoping someone will give a shit and deign to derail their own story to call Jon Snow Frostflame.

 

It's sad that it's 2019 and women are still slut shamed and mysogny exists.

 

It will.