What. The. Fuck?! Is it even fucking possible to crossover with a retarded kids game about dragons?


One of the reviews:

Couldn't agree more!

I'm not gonna try it, but someone has to.

EDIT: I read it. I think I'm going to kill my self now. That is the utter worst thing ever.

Read at your own peril:

Spoiler

Ginny accepted the offer and after breakfast Susie and Lucy reluctantly took her to Captain Blubberbutt’s office. Lucy and Susie hates going down to his office for obvious reasons. His office had a twin size bed, the walls were white, in the corner had some sophisticated computers, and at the desk was Captain Blubberbutt, “So you want to be a star warrior eh? It takes courage! It takes skill! Do you have what it takes to be a star warrior?” Captain Blubberbutt took out a contract.
“I think so,” Ginny said.
“That’s not good enough! Do you have what it takes to be a star warrior?”

​

 

Code:

4. Summer After Year Six by madlodger reviews

    TOP DRACO, BOTTOM HARRY SLASH. Elf Draco is not a wizard, he is much more. Harry is just himself. This is a dark love story with many twists. [B]Hetero Goblins kissing[/B], comatose people and more. It begins right after book 6, ends before year 7.
    Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 14,278 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 2-12-07 - Published: 12-16-06

Holy...new lows, people. New lows.

 

^ God, Merlin and Tom Cruise help us if that's the kind of thing Slashers are onto now.

 

The utter stupidity of the stories that are being written astounds me.

The Bet by DellofFaith

The bet was simple. Get Harry Potter to sleep with him and Draco would get Blaise's coveted porsche boxster in return. It was simple. Too bad Harry was celibate. Mpreg Warning.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3260883/1/

 

I couldn't resist posting this, it was both 'lol' worthy, and cringe-worthy.

Apparently FF.net now doubles as a smut database, if this summary is any indication.

Edit: Found another.

Doesn't help they're by the same author. --;

 

A Way Out by somethingwithatail reviews
Hermione runs away from home to stay with the Weasley's for the summer before her 6th year. Mischief and romance ensues... too many romances! HrAlmostEveryone Written as if HBP had never come out.
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,296 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 2-19-07 - Published: 7-12-06

AlmostEveryone is my favorite character by far.

Stepdaddy's the Devil by aussie girl1990 reviews
Hermione's parents brokeup and a new man is in her mothers life. everyone thinks their stepfather is the devil but is her soontostepdad really Tom Riddle? or Tom yields like he says? why had she woken up in Hogwarts? or is she just dreaming? confusing.
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,250 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 2-19-07 - Published: 1-5-07

The last word pretty much summarizes my thoughts on the matter, if nothing else.

Why Can't I? by MaDaMe.TiNkErBeLL reviews
Song fic. Post Hogwarts. Draco and Hermione meet on the street one day and Hermione can't explain it but she can't get Draco off her mind. Can be explained by Liz Phair's Why Can't I? READ AND REVIEW fluffy
Complete - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,476 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 2-19-07 - Published: 11-11-06

I don't know what attracted me to this story... was it because MaDaMe.TiNkErBeLL wrote it or because it was inspired by a Liz Phair song? Regardless, I know Hermione and Draco belong together because they met on the street one day. Quite the romance, I say.

And the winner:

HPDM Drabble Competition: Round Four by Catchy Turn
Prompt: Underneath the bleachers. Quidditch can be a dangerous sport...
Complete - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 133 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 2-19-07 - Published: 2-19-07

The entire story:

The grass swung dangerously back and forth and he dug his fingers into the blades so he wouldn’t slide off. Chest heaving shallowly, he struggled to draw breath, trying not to focus on the numbness spreading through his battered limbs.

Only an idiot would be thrown from his broom, break through the stands, and end up underneath the bleachers. It was terribly reprehensible.

“Malfoy!” The shout was vague, but unmistakable. Naturally he’d be the first to get there. Green eyes peered into his and a cool hand was set on flushed skin.

Perhaps he didn’t want to die after all.

---

What's the worst part about this? That there are 3 more? That the author goes on to tell how it was TORTURE cutting it down from 170 words to 100 words? Or the simple fact that it was HarryDraco drabble? Oh God I hope this person won an award.




You have to love Harry Potter fanfiction. The only place that these people can express themselves properly outside of their padded walls.

 

Title-Violet Eyes
Author-violeteyes583

Summary:CHAPTER 13 UP! Harry is forced to bond at 15. After the marriage breaks apart he is forced to raise his daughter alone. Now she is attending Hogwarts with both her fathers teaching. Slash, Mpreg, OOC.

What in the Fuck?

 

Goblin King comes to Hogwarts by Queen of the Nymphs reviews

So the titles lame, supposed to be called Goblin Kings and Magical Things, but I can't have two stories with the same name...first posted in Labyrinth. After solving the labyrinth, Sarah discovers she must attend Hogwarts! summary inside

Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 16 - Words: 22,758 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 2-20-07 - Published: 2-15-07

This person is

 

Drabbles are supposed to be short--100 word in fact.

 

Harry and I by Black_Widow13

What if Harry had a twin, but only just found out after the Dursley's adopted her? No one knew about her either! Just thought id write this for no reason. Rated for language that my friend added in here
Category: Harry Potter - Rating: (PG-13) - Genres: Action/Adventure - Characters: Harry - Warnings: [!!] - Chapters: 1 - Published: 02/21/07 - Updated: 02/21/07 - 2261 words - Completed: No


Because anyone who knows anything about Harry Potter knows just how much the Durleys love taking in and caring for orphans.. It is like thier most favoritst pasttime.. ever

 

I think that if, when I had first discovered fanfiction, I had seen these in the summaries I would have just stopped reading fanfiction altogether on the spot, checked myself into one of those cozy padded rooms, and waited out Armageddon.

 

Drabbles suck ass and I never read them because they go nowhere, there is no point, no higher purpose achieved. Nothing . But onto a more doomed existance...

1. A Not So Simple Kind of Life by DragonsAngel68 reviews
SEQUEL TO DRAGON AND ANGEL. Draco and Ginny return from their honeymoon ready to live happily ever after, but their vast differences in background and family values make for an interesting start to their married life. Add Draco's inexperience with pregn
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 105,483 - Reviews: 159 - Updated: 2-22-07 - Published: 4-23-06


2. Embracing the Darkness by Branwen777 reviews
SEQUEL to The Darker Side of Me. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE... SLASH HarryLeanderVampire RonHerm RemTonks...Harry looks forward to spending the summer with Leander and his clan...
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 17 - Words: 116,971 - Reviews: 394 - Updated: 2-22-07 - Published: 11-9-06


3. Everything Changes by kamiangel reviews
Ron and Hermione's relationship remains balanced between justfriends and girlfriendboyfriend Then Ron recieves a letter that changes everything. Can he figure out what his strange dreams mean before he loses Hermione forever!
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 134,138 - Reviews: 69 - Updated: 2-21-07 - Published: 12-22-05


4. Clash of her worlds by Mela reviews
Over the summer Hermione is isolated from her friends for her protection. New friends and new opportunities begin to entice Hermione back into her childhood world: The muggle world. HGOC GWDM
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 109,579 - Reviews: 38 - Updated: 2-21-07 - Published: 9-21-06


5. The Horse by Elsa2 reviews
Looking after a Muggle animal should be easy compared to saving Hogwarts from Voldemort. Harry and a blind Draco might disagree with that. Featuring Luna, Marauders, peppermints and, of course, a tall, black, badtempered horse named Simon.
Fiction Rated: M - English - General - Chapters: 65 - Words: 298,338 - Reviews: 712 - Updated: 2-21-07 - Published: 3-22-04


Maybe this person saw the play... I fear that I may be correct.

6. Serendipity by Macvanaly reviews
HPTMR Sometimes you find the most wonderful things in the most unlikely places…and times. “Harry…destroy me…” Tom said softly, “Destroy me…before I destroy everything…” Possibly Severitus, Warning: Child abuse. READ!
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 36 - Words: 110,230 - Reviews: 579 - Updated: 2-21-07 - Published: 12-25-06





All atleast 100,000 words. They are the first things you see when you turn on the filter to M and 100,000. But on the bright side, there is a harry patil twins triangle under those.

 

< Is going to look for the Harry Patil twins triangle right now.

 

This guy not only has a shit summary, but he also can't seem to come up with a title.

 

I only offer you a link.

I know you'll click it.

The worst thing: there are more than 1400 fics or 19 pages with similar summaries. But even that's "only" 0.5% of all 290,000 HP stories at ff.net.

EDIT: Any favorites?

 

This one's a gem:

Second Hand by VirginsBurnAlot reviews
Basically, I suck at the whole summary thing. But it's Draco, then it's Ron. It's a slash. Enjoy.
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 566 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 6-27-05 - Published: 6-27-05

 

No... just no...

 

Leave Again by SetOnFire

No true main character. She is thinking about him after he left. Kinda strange. When I wrote it, I wasthinking about G&D. Sry, I suck at summarys
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: K - English - Poetry/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 519 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 1-18-05 - Published: 1-18-05

No true main character!!! Maybe it's the 4 hours I just spent in Chem lab but this made me laugh.

 

'Dragon PotterMalfoy'...

Need I say more?

 

Who Said Children Are The Future? by x-GlitterPop-x reviews

Lemo, Andy and Cheesy are starting their first year at school, but nobody believes in them. Let's just say, they aren't the brightest of students there.. they'd rather be tormenting animals, or digging holes to Japan... ZOMG I HAVE A PLOT FOR THE STORY!
Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 14,545 - Reviews: 30 - Updated: 2-25-07 - Published: 2-13-06

Lemo, Andy and Cheesy? I....just...wow. At least it's humor, but if were anything else, it would belong here, plus it doesn't sound funny to me, so maybe it belongs here anyway.


"they'd rather be tormenting animals, or digging holes to Japan... ZOMG I HAVE A PLOT FOR THE STORY!"

I'm hard pressed to find any other reason other than Hogwarts why this is at all related to Harry Potter, hell, they don't even say Hogwarts. There are no words for the last part of his summary...



A Veela's Mate by Tory Amane

What’s if Tom Marvolo Riddle is part Veela and Harry Potter is his mate? What if the Dark Lord has been hiding behind all the untruths that his Death Eaters weaved on his orders when he’s really waiting for his mate all this time? What if Dumbledore is al
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,721 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 2-25-07 - Published: 2-25-07

well...thats a low-grade "WTF!" in my book, dunno about you guys.