Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v2.0

Spokojnyj · Jan 30, 2008

Eaglette said: ↑

Oh, and has anyone ever read a good 'James/Lily/Sirius comes back to life' fic?
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There is You Did What! from nonjon

Eaglette · Jan 30, 2008

Oh, yeah! Sorry, forgot about that one.
Well, as in non-DLP. (i.e. Not exceptionately brilliant or anything.)

Banner · Jan 30, 2008

Is it a rewrite? Is it an AU? Is it a self-insertion?
Who knows? Who cares? Based on the description, I'd have expected it to be a oneshot. He wrote four chapters in ten days, then dropped the project. I looked at the header of the first chapter, and it's Draco/Ginny. I can't see ANY WAY Draco is a highly competent assassin/master of escape/evasion. I didn't even try this one...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1973617/1/Identity

3. Identity » by White Tiger5 reviews
Ok, I had this idea and I had to write it because I love this movie. This story is based on The Bourne Identity. I hope you give it a chance and I hope you enjoy!
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,372 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 7-30-04 - Published: 7-20-04

Eaglette · Jan 31, 2008

The Siren by Cliodne74123
This is a novel that I am currently working on. Nayru Ellesmerra's parents died long ago but now the secrets of her life come together Fiction Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,306 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 1-22-08 - Published: 1-22-08

I got yet another reply to this one, and it's seriously the most hilarious thing I've even seen in my life. Except for maybe 'My Immortal', but not even this girl can beat that, although she's coming a bit near...

seriously... i think someones envious of my work of art... i mean come on. u
were the one who cursed me out! im only getting mad because you are. if u havent noticed IM FIFTEEN YEARS OLD. and god damnit i can write better than EVERYONE else my age and, most older than me. I just hope it doesn't hurt when u fall off ur high horse! i mean ur pretty high up there u might break something! and like omg ONE frickin name is off of eragon! omg god forbid i take a wordoff of somewhere! who cares! and u know wat? ur not very intimidating, seriously. Other ppl love it ur just jealous cuz u cant write! im not going 2 sink 2 ur level of trying 2 make urself feel better, so im just going 2 end it now! grow up and stop picking on ppl who have more of an imagination than u!
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It's so funny when morons try to sound intelligent while insulting someone else...

PsychicLunar · Jan 31, 2008

if u havent noticed IM FIFTEEN YEARS OLD. and god damnit i can write better than EVERYONE else my age and, most older than me.
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Hahaha hell no. Her grammer, punctuation, and use of proper language (or as the case may be, lack thereof) tells me that her writing skills are abysmal and definately fall below the mark. I'm fifteen, and she is offending me. Kill it dead, please.

BTW, to make this post relevant:

The Gryffindor Misfit » by Mizu Kai reviews
This is about Snapes secret daughter & her stuggles as the G. Misfit She is friends with the Trio She hates Draco A Potions rule forces them together & A meddling friend tries to set them up. How will they survive? AU from OOTP and on, DMOC. AN's Up
Complete - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 115,284 - Reviews: 216 - Updated: 1-28-08 - Published: 10-7-07
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And, in regards to an earlier note of Mary-sue names:

I'll Spread My Wings » by jkgiggle reviews
Tatyana is sent to live with her greataunt where she finds out the truth to the secret her parents had been keeping from her. She's a pureblood witch. Now, thrown into the world of magic Tatyana deals w an arranged marraiage. dracooc. PLEASE READ
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,393 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 1-29-08 - Published: 12-16-07
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Tatyana is now on my 'wtf' list of names.

Eaglette · Jan 31, 2008

That thing defiled Shakespeare! How dare it!
I'm a closet Shakespeare fan. Ehem.
Yeah, sorry for not posting what was this thread's original purpose... but it was so epic.

Rock Romance » by JessicaAndrews666 reviews

harry and Ginny run away from the images that are the conciquence of destroying the dark lord. Now their in a Heavy gothic metall group and are in engaland for a tour. hg/r/h/g Duh! Good Draco, non-clutsy Nevill. fluffy!!! Chapters named for my Fav. bands!
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,895 - Reviews: 13 - Updated: 11-17-03 - Published: 7-25-03
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Let me see. HG, fluffy, chapters named after fav bands, 'conciqence', 'engaland'. Good!Draco, and... heavy gothic... metall... group.

<B>

Gothic chick » by tigergirl01 reviews

she had to move into the Malfoy Manson it shows her changes from a bookworm to a gothic bit over the summer than her changes towards everyone and every thing she ever loved through her 6th year and 7th
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 701 - Reviews: 28 - Updated: 4-5-04 - Published: 2-29-04
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</B>

Yes, it's HGDM. One has to wonder why exactly a mudblood is settling down at the Malfoy 'Manson'. And how exactly that bookish suck-up can become a 'gothic bit' overnight.

Found both of these in the favs of a self proclaimed 'goffik' author (Another of Tara's groupies, no doubt).

lilyqueen777 · Feb 2, 2008

vanna said: ↑

Yewww...And then of course, you had to ruin everybody else's day too

ObSummary:

Edit: I just _had_ to read the first chapter of that monstrosity:
my name is ginerva serenity-rosa janet-angela madonna weasley and i am a goth angel from hell. Satan creted me in his labratory to kill dumbeldore so he could tak over teh world. so he gave me specal powers cuz i am a goth angel from hell. i have long black hair its really shiny cuz i use lots of sleekeaszy potion in my hare., and my eyes are dark green and full of tears like stars in my pale pale face cuz i dont get much sunlight being a goth angle from hell. my wings arent pink cuz pink is a preppy color, there black like the nite. im sry if ur jealous but yeah im reaely hot and Satan knew that cuz he wanted to make ppl fall in luv with me so that he clould manpilaute them.
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HAHA.... yeah I would never read that story at all....

scaryisntit · Feb 3, 2008

The Upside of Fighting by laserbeamsky
Awwsies.
Complete - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 253 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 2-3-08 - Published: 2-3-08
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Yes, that's the summary. "Awwsies".

While I don't visit here particularly often at the moment, I felt I had to share this masterpiece.

Oh, and here's the entire fic.

Draco stomped into the living room, a towel haphazardly flung around his slippery waist, thoroughly irritated.

“You are such an annoying cow.”

Harry Potter emerged soon after, not in a mature frame of mind.

“Your FACE is an annoying cow.”

Draco was used to this sort of thing.

“You look like crap.”

So was Harry.

“Your FACE looks like crap.”

Doesn’t mean it stops them from getting pissed off.

“Did you know that you are the most INSUFFERABLE THING ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH?”

“Your FACE is the most insufferable thing on the face of the earth.”

“What are you, eight years old?”

“Your FACE is eight years old.”

Draco threw his arms up into the air with a little huff of frustration, and then proceeded to mutter, “Of course, of course I would be the person to end up with an idiot for a boyfriend.”

Harry, offended, leapt of the couch and started screeching at an inaudible frequency (one, Draco was sure, only mandrakes would be able to comprehend). He was making such dizzying hand gestures that Draco was forced to avert his eyes in order to avoid motion sickness.

Once Harry had finished his shrieking, and his face was an attractive color resembling tomato soup, Draco just looked up at Harry whose chest was rising and falling with every panting attempt to regain his breath.

Draco felt himself become extremely turned on.

He smirked.

Harry calmed down.

They then proceeded to do each other.

See, now this is why they fought.
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The marvels of fanfiction...

Inferis · Feb 5, 2008

This is more a WTF fic. Watch your eyes as you might want to rip them out later. Major SLASH warning. Enjoy. ^^

The Wizarding World’s Whore
Hogwarts/Harry, Draco/Harry. As the Wizarding World’s gratitude to Harry Potter turned into perverse lust, Harry is used, taken and claimed. Explicit Kinks and Bottom!Harry. Moresome
Author [Nocturne] -:- Rated [Adult++] -:- Chapters [18] -:- Published [2007-09-07] -:- Updated [2008-01-27 00:00:00] -:- Edited [2008-01-27] -:- Hits [52360] -:- Reviews [268] -:- Average / Total Vote [[SIZE=+1]+[/SIZE][SIZE=+1]+[/SIZE][SIZE=+1]+[/SIZE][SIZE=+1]+[/SIZE][SIZE=+1]+[/SIZE] / 135]
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And here's a review from the fic.

yay you updated so quickly!! the snake-sex was hot! oh and love the idea of harry's breasts enlarging and perhaps allowing padfoot to feed? also, i was wondering if you were going to have harry filled with com again but maybe with a butt plug this time? Love the way you've written the three of them! can't wait for more
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And another.

I love it, I WANT MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Harry wants a bath right? so draco would never give Harry a bath fill with merepeople? or a bath in the lake with the gaint squid, but draco would never want to watch as tentcle after tentcle enter Harry until the squid could hole harry up over the water the whole school watch as the squid uses gravity to fuck harry a light toss and harry gets fuck. any way I love it, I WANT MORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, please?

~crimson
ps Yay random strange dirty pairings i probably shouldn't like might be used (yay! go dumbles/harry)
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P.s. I dare you to read it.

Eaglette · Feb 5, 2008

I have experienced the phenomenon of my eye muscles twitching without any conscious decision involved.

Banner · Feb 5, 2008

... shouldn't have looked at this thread before my first glass of iced tea ...

Now I have to start off the day with a stiff drink.

Bratling · Feb 5, 2008

Mayhap this isn't as bad as some but still...

The Crimson Rogue » by Victorian reviews AU. It has been few years, since the end of the war. Hermione Granger leads a lonely and quite boring life, until one day she is kidnapped by magical pirates. And when she gets the opportunity to call for help, there's only one person she can think of.R&RFiction Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,554 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 2-5-08 - Published: 1-29-08

Pirates? What the hell? Are we five-year-old boys to whom adding pirates makes every story better?

Some whispers in her room were enough to wake Hermione from her tight sleep. She opened her eyes and took a quick look around. There were few silhouettes in the room, some more, some less illuminated by first rays of sun, that were shining through the thin cotton curtains. She counted a half-dozen people – a bit too many to take out by herself, especially when just awaken. They, whoever they were, were talking something about arranging their selves in different places of her room. The witch decided that she would try to talk things out.
“Hey, guys… I hate to disturb your little chat, but what the bloody hell are you doing in my room. And who am I talking to anyway?”
A cloud of whispers rose around her, until a low and ominous sounding voice stopped them:
“Silence! And get me some light.” Few quick Lumos spells were cast by some of the other men in the room. The owner of the voice was standing at the end of her bed. He was dressed in a luxurious crimson colored robe and his dark, long hair was tied in a ponytail – Hermione supposed, that he was the leader of the little group of people in her room. The other five were wearing similar garbs, just simpler.
“We are the crew of “The Crimson Rogue”. And we are here with a proposal for you, Hermione Granger.” The leader spoke again.
“The Crimson Rogue?”
“It’s a wizard pirate ship. The most powerful that has flown the skies, I dare to say. And as I said – there is an offer for you.”
“It’s not polite to rush into people’s bedrooms in the middle of sunrise.” Hermione was talking calmly, but as loudly as possible, hoping, that someone will hear her.
The man seemed to be ignoring her sayings and continued with his talking: “It’s been a time since the man of science of our crew suffered from an “accident” and we were searching for an addition for out team. After a long search we have selected you as our perfect candidate – you are still young and have much strength in you, you are naturally smart and the most important thing – you are alone. You won’t be missed, when you come with us.”
“When I come? I think I have a word to say in this.” Hermione raised the volume of her voice.
“Please don’t try to scream. We have put on sound-proof wards on this room. And about the proposal – it’s really a “Take it or we take you” thing. Either you join us peacefully or we take you to our ship, torture you, ‘till you join us. The choice is up to you.”
“I think there’s a third option” Hermione’s hand reached toward her nightstand, where her wand lied.
“And what would be that, young witch?”
“Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy! Stup…” Hermione managed to send out three precise spells, before she herself was put out by one.
“Wake the fallen ones.” The Captain of The Crimson Rogue came closer to Hermione. “It would have been easier for all of us, if you had come peacefully. But if you wish to do in the hard way – so be it.” He turned to his men. “Take her to the ship. We have to leave, before the house awakens.”
Hermione woke up in, what appeared to be, a quite small, slightly darkened chamber in something that seemed to be moving. There were some empty, broken boxes around and she was sleeping on a large, old wool blanked, placed directly on a cold wooden floor. Memories slowly started to come back to her – another bad day at work, coming home and drifting to sleep, magical pirate crew, and sending out some spells, before it all went black.
After rubbing her hurting temples for a while, she remembered something. She checked her left leg and couldn’t suppress a grin - a leather strap, holding a spare wand had remained intact, during the travel from her house to... this place, wherever this was. She had taken up the habit of keeping a spare wand on her body during the war in some of those nights, when she got a decent bed to sleep in. It had saved her life once before, and it appeared that now it would be the second time.
The young woman got up to her feet and checked for bruises and lacerations. If not polite, at least those pirates hadn’t been rough. Yet. She remembered the promises of torture and shivered in disgust. It appeared they were using some of Voldemort’s “recruitment” methods. Sure, they wouldn’t be as ruthless as death-eaters once had been, but still she wasn’t ready to undergo that torment again.
“Too bad I can’t be staying for their attempts to convince me to join their crew one way or another. I have to get away and return to that damned life of mine.” She tightened her grip around her wand and cast a teleportation spell. Nothing happened. She repeated her attempt, but still with no result. Her next target was the cellar door, but none of the unlocking spells she knew worked. Incendiary spells did only make a small flame, which was extinguished the moment, when it reached the floor. And plain old "running into door with your shoulder" didn’t work either – it just showed, that the door was unbreakable, as all the wards put on this room appeared to be.
After some other fruitless attempts to change something, Hermione helplessly sat on the cold floor, twisting the wand in her fingers and going over all spells she knew in her mind. Apparently, she couldn’t use any spells to teleport herself away from here and destruction and unlocking spells didn’t work also – so she had to find something else.
After a great deal of time, a thought came across her mind. “Of course! Why didn’t I think of it earlier?” She had remembered a spell she had created some time ago, while thinking about muggle devices, particularly, a cell phone. But the spell was left incomplete, since Ministry had banned its usage, because of the small flaw, that instead of a cell phone battery, its user’s energy was used to power it – and the spell required pretty large amount of energy to be cast. And it was quite unpleasant for the receiver of the message as well.
“Now I have a spell, but no one to call.” Hermione thought. “Ron? He’s an idiot. Harry? He’s dead. As are many of my past schoolmates. The Ministry wouldn’t care – I’m just another replaceable employee. So it leaves me with only one more person.” It was time to visit a certain potion master’s thoughts.
She settled as comfortably as she could and started chanting, her silent voice accompanied by waves of her wand.
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Banner · Feb 5, 2008

A seasoned veteran wakes up to find strange men in her bedroom. She doesn't appear to have ANY defenses or alarms set up. Instead of attacking, she engages them in conversation, and then this supposed adult woman makes the same mistake that she and all her friends made as children at the Department of Mysteries, by using harmless spells against known enemies, and not putting them down hard.
She deserves be raped, tortured, and murdered at her kidnappers' leisured convenience.
What will probably happen (based on two-inch thick paperbacks that I outgrew when I was fifteen,) is that she'll end up in the gorgeous hunk o'man captain's cabin, where he'll repeatedly rape her until she falls in love with him. Then she will bear his children and live happily ever after as his fluffy pet.

* storms off *

Bratling · Feb 5, 2008

Hm. Y'know, I refused to read those kinds of books at fifteen...

Banner · Feb 5, 2008

Bratling said: ↑

Hm. Y'know, I refused to read those kinds of books at fifteen...
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One of my sisters was a bad influence. So were my hormones.

Bratling · Feb 5, 2008

My grandmother still reads 'em. She'll tell me that suchandsuch book is horrible, but she just has to finish it. I wonder... is it the train wreck syndrome? I used to watch Smallville occasionally for that reason; it was horrible, I knew it was going to be horrible every week, but I just couldn't look away...

Mindless · Feb 6, 2008

. A Romance Gone with the Wind » by clarinet-alto-4ever reviews
Hermione and Snape are thrown into the classic novel "Gone with the Wind" when an experimental potion goes awry. Post Hogwarts and Voldemort. HPHGSS, HPGW. AU and not HPB and DH compatible.
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,951 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 2-5-08 - Published: 1-8-08

I giggled.

“Miss Hermioine! Miss Hermione! The day had done broke and it be time to be gettin’ ready for Mr. Potter’s barbeque!”

Hermione blanched at the outrageous lack of grammar. The door burst open and Hermione saw Madam Pomfrey come in with a large tray of food. “Come now, Miss Hermione, it’s time for your breakfast. Eat up now so you don’t go a eatin’ at that barbeque Ain’t fitten’ for a young woman to be a eatin’ in front of all those young gentlemen.”
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She dun gone black! She can't be goin' back!

Minerva’s eyes widened as she turned to Albus, “Albus, shame on you. You’ve been allowing her to ride horses again. Hermione, dear, did you fall and hit your head? Whatever are you doing calling your poor mother by her maiden name, and professor no less?”
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I seriously can't stop laughing. This is the greatest story of all time, forever.

The Doctor · Feb 6, 2008

It would be nice if you provided a link.

So who's Rhett supposed to be? Harry or Snape? I can easily imagine Harry as him, but Snape?! I'd prefer him to be that whelp that survived three weeks in the C.S. Army and died of flu.

Mindless · Feb 7, 2008

The Doctor said: ↑

It would be nice if you provided a link.

So who's Rhett supposed to be? Harry or Snape? I can easily imagine Harry as him, but Snape?! I'd prefer him to be that whelp that survived three weeks in the C.S. Army and died of flu.
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I think Rhett is Snape, and I'm not finding that again. Use FFN's search function.

I always win » by black111star reviews
Ginny’s 5th year, Draco’s 6th, she is no longer the little Weasley girl. It started as a little challenge than became more. War is raging outside, Hogwarts attacked. School taken over. Girls as rewards. not like the 6th book R&R
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 24,302 - Reviews: 60 - Updated: 2-7-08 - Published: 11-3-06

What? "Me Ug, girls as rewards!"

Oh, the Woes of Me » by serioushahx33 reviews
Hermione and Ron have been married for three happy years, but they can't have a baby becuase Ron can't. They resort to the last thing Ron wanted and things take a turn for the worst. Need I say more? DRAMIONE
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,349 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 2-7-08 - Published: 1-30-08

Wait, Ron can't?

Banner · Feb 7, 2008

Mindless said: ↑

Oh, the Woes of Me » by serioushahx33 reviews
Hermione and Ron have been married for three happy years, but they can't have a baby becuase Ron can't. They resort to the last thing Ron wanted and things take a turn for the worst. Need I say more? DRAMIONE
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,349 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 2-7-08 - Published: 1-30-08

Wait, Ron can't?
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Apparently, Molly used up all the fertility in the family...

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v2.0

Spokojnyj Squib

Eaglette Second Year

Banner Dark Lady

Eaglette Second Year

PsychicLunar Third Year

Eaglette Second Year

lilyqueen777 Banned

scaryisntit Death Eater

Inferis Second Year

Eaglette Second Year

Banner Dark Lady

Bratling Professor

Banner Dark Lady

Bratling Professor

Banner Dark Lady

Bratling Professor

Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

The Doctor Unspeakable

Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

Banner Dark Lady

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v10.0

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v9.0

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v8.0

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v7.0

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v6.0

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v2.0

Spokojnyj Squib

Eaglette Second Year

Banner Dark Lady

Eaglette Second Year

PsychicLunar Third Year

Eaglette Second Year

lilyqueen777 Banned

scaryisntit Death Eater

Inferis Second Year

Eaglette Second Year

Banner Dark Lady

Bratling Professor

Banner Dark Lady

Bratling Professor

Banner Dark Lady

Bratling Professor

Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

The Doctor Unspeakable

Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

Banner Dark Lady

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v10.0

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v9.0

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v8.0

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v7.0

Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v6.0

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