Harry is only Simon because he has glasses. Its a genuis idea for a fic. I'm not going to look at it though, for I fear the disappointment from such potential could be there and it will be enough to turn me into an emo, or at least do the stuff they do to their own wrists

 

. Summer in a Skirt » by FgsDgs reviews Harry returns from a drama-filled fourth year at Hogwarts to spend his summer sigh with the Dursleys. Fortunately, things get a little more interesting when Dudley makes a deal with Harry...to pose as his girlfriend! Crossdressing! Sequel to HoHH!Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,861 - Reviews: 37 - Updated: 12-16-08 - Published: 6-18-08

 

Somebody quick! Gouge out my eyes!

Imagine the above summary as the future of the English written language; scary isn't it?

The summary isn't the only horrendous thing about this fic; my eyes are still reeling in shock from the god awful spelling in the fic itself among other things.

...Where the hell do these people get their education?

EDIT:

Thi-this is just...wrong on levels unprecedented; I'm...speechless...

 

Dare to Dream » by riverdancer-4-moony reviews Harry/Carlisle. After the defeat of MoldyPants, Harry, Siri, Remmy, and Sev al escape to Forks,Washington. They stay with the Cullen Family, old time friends of Siri's, Remmy's, and Sev's. Harry falls in love with Carlisle while there.....................

Joy, not only a Mary-sue, but several annoying nicknames all in one.

Harry's Role in the Nativity Play by Healer Pomfrey reviews Hermione suggests to have a nativity play at Hogwarts on Christmas Eve. Will Harry be able to play a shepherd? "I'm going to play Baby Jesus," Harry mumbled dryly... Completely AU, set in 7th year post war, de-aging, baby fic. Merry Christmas to you all!

I vote Harry plays the sheep, or perhaps a camel.

Remember the Name, Malfoy by Exactly.As.Planned reviews I was inspired by a YouTube video. Link is on my Profile. Draco teases Harry about his anme and pretend to forget it and Harry sings 'Remember the Name' By FortMinor to Draco. HPxDM if you squint DMxBZ squint with a large magnifying glass. M for profanity

err..ok other then this being a crappy songfic...the whole "HPxDM if you squint" thing annoys me. Seems to me if the characters aren't smuting it up that perhaps you should leave it to the reader to pick out things like that.

From The Same Apple Tree » by Socks17 reviews What will happen when Ron and Ginny find out that they are destined for each other?

ewwwww....an incest soulmate fic?

So anyways...Merry Christmas folks

~Kitti

 

Dance! by Naia reviews
Hogwarts is the most famous ballet school of Europe, and Hermione is proud to be part of its graduating class. But this year, the young prodigy Harry Potter, son of two ballet stars is coming to Hogwarts... This is a year everyone will remember.

When Ballet is Life by Summer Dancer
Lily is remembering her time at Hogwarts, the famous dance school. Please review. I LOVE DANCING ballet rocks the world! LilyJames, SiriusOC, and RemusOC. Have fun reading.

Our Year at Hogwartsby hermione8meg
This is a story about my friend Serenity (who i refer to as nin) and i going to Hogwarts. i meet Harry at ballet camp(heehee) and Nin falls in love with him and we follow him to Hogwarts...will anyone notice? Mitches on the loose! what's a mitch, you say?

Mania at Hogwarts by Leah6
Teachers doing ballet? What's with Draco and Barney? And what about Harry and Ron?

(Slash Draco/OOC, Harry/Ron too - oh joy...)

Ron's Thriller Night by WeirdnessTimesTwo
As a sequel to 'Queers are here,' after Dumbledore refuses to do stuff with Ron, Ron cheats. They break up and Ron will do anything to get a new boyfriend. Watch Potter Puppet Pals first! If we owned PPP, it would go something like this. COMMENTS R GREAT!

 

Pretty sure this is a Twilight Crossover. Although bizarre the pairing, (Is slash and Carlisle is a 300 something vampire) Still, I'm slightly relieved it isn't a 'Harry luvs Edward' mess.

And Joy! Siri, Remmy and Sev, all together for the holidays. Rolls eyes.

 

Did someone ask for a Harry luvs Edward mess?

Wanted by RebelxAngels reviews HP/Twilight Crossover. The night Voldemort attacked was the night Harry’s twin was dubbed the boy who lived. Six years later he was abandoned on the doorstep of his relatives who brutally abused him. An abuse gone too far leads...EC/HPFiction Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,571 - Reviews: 42 - Updated: 12-26-08 - Published: 12-26-08

 

Well no shit Sherlock. If Voldemort wasn't evil, he'd be Dumbledore. Ohwai-

I am about to read the first one out of pure spite for myself. Wish me luck.

 

14. A Better Childhood » by grugster reviews The ministry forces Severus to decide between getting de-aged or go to Azkaban. He chosed Azkaban but Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall and Alastor Mooody disagree with it. So he is 4 year old now and lives with Albus and Minerva.Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,168 - Reviews: 80 - Updated: 1-15-09 - Published: 1-7-09

I'm sorry butthis just brought a tear of ludicrity to my eye.

 

This had me roaring with laughter and screaming with anger in a span of half a minute.

Now I'm all for Gambit going as far away from Rogue as possible, but this shit just sucks.

 

What.The.Fuck? That reminds me of the funniest chapter of nonjon's Dimension Hopping for Beginners. It also reminds me of an on-going string of bullshit on the Portkey website:

Last Dance by Amynoelle and Heaven - Reviews(11595) - H/Hr
SPOILERS: Books 1 - 5 Contents: R
Description: A collection of stories ranging from right after Hillsdale Nights to twenty some years later and involving all your favourite characters from the Dirty Dancing series.
Published: 05/06/05 Updated: 25/01/09 Status: In Progress
Genre: Romance / Humor Words: 1796572 Chapters: 275 - LATEST

Pay special attention to the NUMBER OF REVIEWS. How is that even possible?!?

Anyway, to add some summary gems here...

Baker Street Irregulars » reviews (author Kneazle)
Wrongly imprisoned in Azkaban, Harry escapes with the help of his friends. Harry then forms the Baker Street Irregulars, a group of radical misfits whose sole purpose is to ruin the lives of Fudge, Dumbledore and Voldemort
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Action/Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 24,849 - Reviews: 159 - Updated: 7-20-04 - Published: 4-26-04

Two words STRIP POKER! » reviews (author Queen of Cliffhangers)
Kittyluver87 and WiLdWiTcH are back with more STRIP POKER! *cackles* hey...who are those men with that weird white coat coming towards here. Huh? Strait jacket? Read this while I'm fighting here*punches man* Complete - Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,326 - Reviews: 66 - Updated: 12-3-01 - Published: 12-2-01


[NOTE] The author's picture is kinda hot, in my opinion, but WTF?

Harry Potter and the Deathday Curse » reviews (author Malena)
AU! This story involves a curse that is over 10 times as powerful as Avada Kedavra. No one has used it in over 500 years. Voldemort wants to use it now. Can Harry keep the book that holds the spell away from him, before it's too late? RR Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 52,478 - Reviews: 436 - Updated: 5-25-01 - Published: 2-10-01


Oh No! Not 10 times more powerful than the AK! It leaves you 10 times as dead!!

Day Planner » by Xaviera Xylira reviews
One for Voldemort, one for Harry, one for Snape. I'm not continuing this. You'll live, I'm sure.
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,047 - Reviews: 75 - Updated: 12-16-01 - Published: 12-13-01

Strangely enough, yes, we did live.

Here's one I came across while actually LOOKING for bad summaries. I think that if there is a Yahweh, this author will find himself roasting for eternity. Enjoy!

Things to Come » reviews (author Padfoot Reincarnated)
The soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. DavidJonathan slash.
Complete - Bible - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,488 - Reviews: 44 - Updated: 11-10-06 - Published: 11-2-06

The same author has really outdone himself to piss off anyone and everyone at DLP. Behold!

Sometimes Left reviews
He always keeps his eyes open when they kiss. If he doesn't, it's too easy to forget who he's touching, to call out the wrong name. HPDM, slight HPGW
Complete - Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,323 - Reviews: 64 - Updated: 8-19-06 - Published: 8-19-06

Not only did he put Harry with Ginny, but he added Harry and Draco! Christ!!

In all fairness, the same guy has femmeslash Luna/Hermione and Luna/Ginny stories, but I haven't read them.

 

Heads and Tails » by Sightxd reviews Ugh...Baka why you drink that for! Sasuke drinks a cup of water and now Naruto have to be rape! sorry my summary sucks. read this and find out.Complete - Fiction Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,930 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 1-27-09 - Published: 1-13-09

And then Naruto was rape

 

Mistaken Identity » by AmanitaMuscaria reviews Severus has plans for Harry. Somewhat altered to allow further chapters. WARNINGS - chan, underage sex, non-con, please don't go here if you don't like these things! They're not mine; I just take them out and play with them. I clean them off when I'm done

Al I can say is ewwww.

Add New Contact by The Original Slyffindor Based On ASOAI. Part 1 - Maddy discovers the wonders of Hogmail on Wizardows 54. Part 2 - Rhi cruises dating sites and reads some "interesting" profiles on fellow Hogwartians. Part 3 - Rhi & Maddy 'Hooogle' themselves and find some weird HogSpace blogs.

*groan*

And my personal favorite:

The Sore Bottom Chronicles by JennlovesHarryPotter Different characters in Harry Potter will get a spanking, starting with year one and going through all the books, except maybe DH. Rated T for because the story has spanking in it.


~Kitti

 

This summary just made me laugh. Not enough to actually check the fic out, but enough to snicker imagining the sudden surprise yelling at the end:

Mother by strangeseraph
What defines what a mother is? Harry Potter gets a lesson in what being a mother really means when he's adopted...by an acromantula!
Fiction Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/General - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,273 - Reviews: 35 - Updated: 12-19-08 - Published: 7-8-08

 

Alright, so I did read this fic. And it was... not so good.
"
She wants to take care of me, be my Mother. And I agreed. What am I getting myself into?
But in his heart, Harry knew somehow that this was right."


And this:


"He woke with a frenzied start, gasping and grabbing his stomach. Fear and panic filled him. Fear and dismay."


The whole thing goes like that. Ack. THe worst part: 35 positive - yes, they're all positive - reviews. Are we all really that stupid?


Alright, so for my contribution, here it goes:


rabid underwear reviews ([FONT='Times New Roman','Times',Sans-serif]Iorek Byrnison[/FONT])
the adventures of the rabid underwear! Hermiones escapades with biting boxers!
Complete - Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 370 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 10-28-04 - Published: 10-28-04


Biting... boxers? I really don't want to know.

Roses Blooming In December » by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma reviews Draco needs protection from Voldemort and the only one who can supply it is Sirius. Will Draco be able to look past his hate for Harry and will Sirius be able to look past his contempts for Draco? SLASH! Sirius/Draco, Harry/Remus, Snape/PercyHarry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,684 - Reviews: 57 - Updated: 4-18-03 - Published: 1-14-03

This is wrong on... so many levels. Incest, anyone?

 

First Line

Oh God

 

jvjifjdsf dsf harry lyks pie by Luvv
harryeatsppllolololgygg

I call troll.

Along Comes Malfoy by BeckyHerself.
Harry is curious to meet his new neighbour, Mr Malfoy, in change ofpace of his dull existance with the Dursley's but what happens when Harry begins to get a crush in the older man? Does Mr Malfoy feel the same... Or is it something else?

The Girl With The Scar » by Ellie14x reviews
Lizzie always knew she was connected to Voldy, she just didnt know how. Dumbledore invites her to Hogwarts... and meets *sigh* Harry Potter. Double coincidence he's got her scar? hehe... much better inside I promise!

Because of you by CullenHalegurl13
A girl catches her Mother cheating on her parents get divorced and she lives with her Mother.She goes back to Hogwarts.Diferent.The one boy she never thought of.Is the one she had so much in common with.I own nothing.

Fairy Potter and the Chamber of Victoria's Secret » by VVel Zen
A parody of Harry Potter 2, and the sequel to Fairy Potter and the sWHOREcerer who got stoned. In this exciting story, Fairy Potter and Ron Weezy search for a chamber built long ago by a kid to hide his porn in.

The Day Voldemort Killed Harry Potter » by xxxReTaRdEdxxxTuRtLexxx
From resceduling his hair appointments with Pierre, to killing Harry Potter, Voldemort still has time to star in his favorite Broadway musical "Mamma Mia!"

 

I haven't read the entire thread or the one that preceded it so I don't know if Adultfanfiction.net is disqualified because it's a treasure trove of these.

Fatherly Feelings by Serene

Arthur Weasley loves children. Codes eventually Anal, HJ, Inc, M/F, M/M, Minor, Oral, Spank, WIP.

I thought those were illegal?

 

Thicker Than Water » reviews Voldamort finds out he has a family, what is he willing to do to insure that he can keep it? Contains Spanking dont like dont read Feed the writers reviews are filling and non fatteningHarry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - General - Chapters: 6 - Words: 31,618 - Reviews: 76 - Updated: 5-3-08 - Published: 3-31-08

LOLOLOL

EDIT: I just noticed what other fics the author has in his/her profile.

1. The ReEducation of Tommy Weasley » reviews Tom Riddled is de-aged as part of an intensive rehabilitaion program which was of course Dumbledore's idea. The idea for this story comes from the Rejuvenation universe and thus the rules come from there thus of course there will be spankings. PleaseRevieHarry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 4 - Words: 29,729 - Reviews: 89 - Updated: 2-12-09 - Published: 9-12-08


2. One Hit Wonders » reviews You can say this is plot bunny storage for one shots I didnt want to have clogging up my page. I put it under HP becuase they are mostly HP but there is also Stargare, Doctor who, probubly M*A*S*H in the future as well as Full Metal and others. Riveiw plsHarry Potter - Fiction Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 12 - Words: 29,298 - Reviews: 124 - Updated: 2-10-09 - Published: 2-29-08


3. An Alternative to Azkaban » reviews Some how Severus thinks kissing a dementor would be more plesurable, for them both! Please feed the writer Reviews are tasty and non fattening! Warning: Corporal punishment in future chaptersHarry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - General - Chapters: 24 - Words: 124,091 - Reviews: 415 - Updated: 1-13-09 - Published: 12-9-07


4. Last Resort » reviews What happens when Severus Snape can simply take no more of the abuse? Please leave feed back Reviews are the sustinance that keeps us writers going, plus they are filling and non fattening!Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 9 - Words: 57,062 - Reviews: 156 - Updated: 12-6-08 - Published: 10-3-08


5. The Great Snape Escape » reviews Harry tries to Escape Snape, when Snape catches him he allows his consern for Harrys well being Escape! Severus adopts Harry fic. Warning:contains spanking. Please Feed the author reviews are tasty and non fattening!Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 10 - Words: 50,151 - Reviews: 192 - Updated: 10-13-08 - Published: 10-18-07


6. Double or Nothing » reviews Harry gets what he wished for more than anything but it isn't as easy as anyone would think. Warning for spankingHarry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 5 - Words: 37,303 - Reviews: 53 - Updated: 10-11-08 - Published: 8-17-08


7. A Tiny Problem » reviews A Potions accident leaves our potions Master...out of commition...this is a de aging fic and will contain spanking, you have been warned!Feed the auther reviews are filling and non fattening!Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - General - Chapters: 10 - Words: 32,822 - Reviews: 150 - Updated: 5-20-08 - Published: 12-6-07

OMGZ

 

Only in Australia.