Nonfattening! Harry? Does he get eaten or something.

 

"Reviews are nonfattening" and then the Harry Potter section cuts his/her summary off.

 

I wish to know what the hell is up with all this spanking?

I mean I sometimes feel my cock twitch when I'm slapping the shit out of a girls ass, but I don't see how textual-slapping is all that exciting.


EDIT: My post is ironic because of my avatar. That shit doesn't count though.

 

Wot? That's a first for me.

 

There's an evil Neville in jbern's "To Fight the Coming Darkness", but that's the only one I can recall.

 

In Amer's story Lost Time, too.

 

Harry's Birthday Orgy
Harry has a second birthday party for male friends only. It's his orgy party. HP/SS/RL/RW/NL/FW/GW/BW/CW/PW/KS/others? Anal, BDSM, Bond, CBT, D/s, DP, Fet, Fist, HJ, M/M, Moresome, Oral, PWP, Rim, S&M, Spank, Toys, WIP

This made me throw up a little bit. Believe it or not, a reviewer sent the link of this to me in a PM. I had to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.

 

Point of no return? » by HarrySnapeAlways reviews
Severus let Harry believe him dead but now he is back and wants his fiance back. But what happens when Harry's new boyfriend enters, Lucius Malfoy. Can Severus win his soul mate back? slash HP/LM, HP/SS Snarry please review
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 62,357 - Reviews: 140 - Updated: 10-15-08 - Published: 8-13-08

I was not aware that Harry and Snape were at any point engaged. I must have missed that chapter. The scariest part of this is the word count really. She managed to drag this drivel out 60,000 words.

 

Against my better judgment I clicked to see just a little of how bad it can get.

Now I know, and regret doing so.

Once again I dared to click.

And once again I highly regret doing so, and am rendered speechless by such mind-boggling shit.

 

Good finds, Matt.

Although in my opinion only the second one qualifies as a bad summary. Both fics, however, would have also fit into the 'Awesomely bad fanfiction' thread.

Am I the only one who will never understand why people put 'I suck at summaries' into what should be the advertisement for their stories? It's like walking around with a big 'I'm a crappy author and need moar attention' sign tattooed to their foreheads.

But the second one is clearly a troll. There is no way someone would actually take this shit seriously.

 

They just happened to be the latest updates on ff.net in the Harry Potter section, so it wasn't hard to find.

Good point - I didn't think of putting it there.

No, you're not the only one - if they admit to sucking at summaries, then chances are they suck at the actual story too. What I find worse though is when they say that they suck at summaries, but say that the story is better than their sucky summary (which makes it sound even more desperate).

Someone needs to slap that troll with fire.

 

Lol, ff.net doesn't disappoint. That place is 99,9% bad nonsense, but some of it is actually so bad it's funny.

Yarrrrr.... kill it with fire.... or write flames at the troll's crime against good taste.

 

True Family » by Death's Silver Shadow reviews Harry has a twin who is the BWL. Harry is put in an orphanage where Snape adopts him. Harry meets his twin at Hogwarts. Will Harry stay with Snape or will he be forced back into his old family? Powerful!Slytherin!Harry Sexy!Snape Manipulative!DumbledoreFiction Rated: K - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 823 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 3-9-09 - Published: 3-8-09

I think...I'm going to be sick. uke:

 

I'm seriously sick of all the Manipulative Dumbledore's out there, the Twin Boy Who Lived and the Abandoned Harry fics.

Next time I see one in my inbox folder, I'm going to flame the hell out of them.

 

Most annoying is when it's an established author *cough Bobmin*, one with thousands of reviews and who is considered by many to be an accomplished fanfiction author. Case in point:

Summary: Potter/X-Men cross over. Harry/Ginny ship. This summary sucks. If there is a lesson to learn from this summary, it's that you shouldn't try writing one at 2am.

Yeah, I know I've pretty much blackballed myself from ever getting an invite to FFA.

 

You somehow say that like it's a bad thing...If people like that are getting invited, not sure I'd even go there to read, let alone want to post my stuff there...If I had stuff worth reading, at least.

 

I was looking through mctabby's Summary Executions and found these beauties.

• In and out. That's all this is about. A proposition, a means, an inclination. Lust, maybe, on a stretch. But maybe they're right. You know them. They say 'in and out' is a system fallacy in flaw. They say that 'in and out' isn't enough. They say that 'in and out' is a blessed perfection marred by tangible miscalculations and erratic instabilities. Pox on them. In and out, assuredly.

• It all starts with a Harry's abused thingy, but it will continue to something else.

• Lily meets an italian speaking student playing the piano one night in the castle while looking for the tiolet, James meets an language blocked girl, with an attitude one night exploring, can the language of love help the two students find their true love

• Remus and Harry are married and Harry is pregnant and carrying triplets. After they're born, the wolf in Remus forces him to reject the youngest of the three because she almost died and was the weakest. The wolf couldn't take it if he lost a pup so remus

• Ron and Hermione battle to sustain their urge to be all over each other. However holding it for so long may make it explode.

• The Muggle tale of Little Red Riding Hood, where a wolf walking on his hind legs like a man eats a little girl's grandmother may seem just a fairy tale for children, beginning with the fundamental overtures of "Once Upon A Time", but it is more than just a story. The descent of an evolutionary human being back into his ancestral state of bestiality is hardly any joking matter. Couple the intelligence of a human with the animalistic ferocity of a wolf, and a formidable weapon is forged. The werewolf is not a myth, but a beast that lives within each and every one of us.

• The Jesus of Surburia is Ron

• The Seed of Rubeus Hagrid

 

*head asplodes*

 

Yes Oz, you win...For now.