143. My son » by SlytherinBloodRules reviews
AU/OOC What happens when Harry finds out he is no Potter, but a Malfoy, and Draco's twin brother,Lucius' sons with secret lover? And what does Albus have to do with his kidnapping when he was a newborn? warn slash, manipulative Dumbledore, child abuse
Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 22 - Words: 27,302 - Reviews: 223 - Updated: 12-17-09 - Published: 9-6-09 - Harry P. & Lucius M.

How can he both be Draco's twin brother and Lucius' son with a secret lover?

146. An Insane Potter? » by DebsTheSlytherinSnapefan reviews
Harry was missing, they have looked for him for years...they find him when he is fifteen! in a mental hosptial! is he insane or not? might be SS/HP Mlreg depends on what direction the story takes Severus Snape finds him will they hate each other at first?
Rated: M - English - General - Chapters: 14 - Words: 16,440 - Reviews: 343 - Updated: 12-17-09 - Published: 1-16-08 - Harry P. & Severus S.

 

guess: no, they'll love each other and live happily ever after. such a shame i don't have time to read it all till death do them apart.

 

So wrong. I just found the following gem, and I have to ask myself, is this a growing trend?

The Dobbydore Lore by AlbusGrindelwald reviews
the story of dobbydore the son of dumblore and dobby , from his birth to his death, with all the drama and suspense and magic and romance and stuff inbetween.Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 645 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12-4-09 - Albus D. & Dobby - Complete


Dumblore indeed.

 

So much win :awesome

This is the fic I have been waiting for my entire life. Shame its only 444 words so far.

There is no magic except for Quidditch and a few classes...pretty much self explanatory really.

The only way this could be any better would be if Severus didn't refuse to delve.
and last but not least:

I vote for Lightening Strike.

 

If only they had spelled lightning correctly I might have to read it. But, woe, the author is a dumbass.

Remember children:
Lightning = the shape of Harry's scar, electricity from the sky.
Lightening = a charm to make things less heavy, lighter.

 

Sadly, he thinks he's doing us a favor...

 

Hermione's Shocking Third Year » by Harpygirl24 reviews During Hermione’s third year she finds out that she’s Harry’s sister, Remus’s goddaughter, and Snape’s daughter. Add an escaped prisoner and Dementors and it will be an interesting year.
Rated: K - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 10 - Words: 15,472 - Reviews: 105 - Updated: 12-23-09 - Published: 12-16-09 - Hermione G. & Severus S.

Clearly a classic in the making; I mean, Hermione looks so much like Harry and Snape that it should've been obvious from the early parts of Philosopher's Stone. This jewel has 10 chapters, only 15k words, but already has over 100 reviews. I ask you: Where is the justice?

I'm assuming that Lily is the mother of both Harry and Hermione, while James is still Harry's dad. How in god's name is Remus the godfather though? Wouldn't he have to know something was amiss, or at least be friendly with Snape to be the godfather?

Anyway, since Hermione is just 10 months or so older than Harry, it seems that James didn't wait long to start fucking Lily after she popped out her and Snape's daughter. I don't know about you guys, but I doubt I'd be all that keen on banging the chick who just had a kid with my hated rival, barring things like a grudge-fuck of course.

EDIT: I simply HAD to add this one...

Ronald's twilight » by evetswee reviews In the past, Ronald had been possessed by the dark force that he did murder. Next forty years, he is a happy muggle civilian, rich director of Interior Design. And he met spirit guide, what is his new fate afterwards?
Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,520 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 12-23-09 - Published: 9-18-09 - Ron W. & Harry P.

Uhh, what. the. fuck.

 

Surprise Inheritance » by mafan823 reviews Harry has come into inheritance on his 16th birthday. But here's the kick Dudley came into his own inheritance along with him and a demon inheritance at that. But to make matters even worse Dudley has a mate, can you guess who that is?Rated: M - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,668 - Reviews: 32 - Updated: 12-23-09 - Published: 9-26-08 - Harry P. & Dudley D.

ew ew ew...least when it is Malfoy, it isn't incest.

Couldn't help myself:
The Shattered Soul Of A Girl! x by xXTheIcePeaPrincessXx She Was Broken! Her Intire Soul...She Felt Exactly How She Was Treated...Worthless! She Is The Potter Child Left Behind And Unwanted...Sent To Live With Her Aunt And Uncle And Their Child, Her Cousen, Who Didn't Want Her Ether...But She Ran Away - Where?

The horrible grammar and bad spelling breaks my "intire" soul too.

Incestuous Royalty by Traumheim Bastian recalls on a vow made long ago, a vow he made to a six year old cousin... to marry her when they had another chance. He was thirteen at the time. seven years have passed. It is time to claim her.

This is Harry Potter fanfiction...how? Hey wait...6...+7...13 years old? This 20 year old wants to marry his 13 year old cousin? ewww

 

Meet The Maruaders by Leedle-leedle-lee DA Pie Lover
Summary: READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS! READ THIS!

 

7. Chaged » by puddle-of-lemonade reviews
The prophecy came too late and the world forgot three children – left them behind to drown in hatred and their pain. Revenge is what they seek and they will do all to get it. Dark!Trio, Boy-Who-Lived!Neville - the title is a made up word -
Rated: M - English - Horror/Angst - Chapters: 35 - Words: 124,914 - Reviews: 305 - Updated: 12-26-09 - Published: 3-29-08 - Harry P.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4163045/1/Chaged

The title is a made up word? Instant fail, it could be the best story in the world but IMO the title should never be made up, as an added bonus, the A/N in the first chapter contains the warning "forced canabilism" something that is a turn off for me.

 

Okay, I cheated and looked at Harry Potter/Twilight crossovers. If you're feeling masochistic it's a trip. Here's a gem.

. Not Gonna Get Us: Divine Goddess » by ImmortalRoseOfTheThorns reviews EDWARD/GIRL!HARRY. "When I first met you, I thought if i kept my distance...stayed away, then I wouldn't hurt anybody. Espescially you" "Its a little too late for that, dont you think?" rating may changeRated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 51,169 - Reviews: 264 - Updated: 12-5-09 - Published: 2-2-09 - Harry P. & Edward

*Face palm* I don't even want to begin to list the problems with that.

I'm sorry, but I had to post it.

Amnesia » by Tyi-Maxwell reviews Harry hits his head hard and forgets his life.Voldermort steps in and tells him that they are spouses. One hundred years later with his memories returned Harry is transported back in time to make a new beginning only he doesn't want to. HP/EC TR/HP HP/LVRated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 85,020 - Reviews: 53 - Updated: 11-29-09 - Published: 8-2-09 - Harry P. & Edward

Now if that isn't a love triangle from hell.



Edit: Found a new one.

 

I don't even need to look, first fic on the HP section.

1. Half Breed Cousins » by Tala Prince reviews
Harry meets his soul mate, but it is complicated. She not only is a half breed just like him but she is his youngest sister's sister and is Tom Riddle's oldest daughter. Not to mention his cousins that aren't quite human, and Snape is his true father...
Rated: M - English - General - Chapters: 5 - Words: 25,603 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 12-27-09 - Published: 12-21-09 - Harry P. & Hermione G.

Also, Harry is his own grandfather.

 

10. Submissive Wonder Boys by lordhellebore
When Severus is sick, Percy makes a discovery that won’t leave him alone. Later, it proves to be just the help Percy needed to make Christmas unforgettable for both of them.

11. Blood Bond » by Forgiven Entity reviews
Severus Snape recently finds that Harry Potter is his fated bondmate. However, while fighting off his urges, Snape finds that being with Harry and bonding are coming at quite the cost of himself. Can he succeed in getting Harry to finally bond with him?

29. Severus New Daughter » by HarryGrangerDumbledoreSnapeFan reviews
Hermione is abused and raped by her father and what if Severus finds out about it what will he do? PLEAASE R&R the more reviews I get the more I will want to write this story

37. This Isn't Going To Work » by x-CompletelyBroken-x reviews
Snape is using Hermione for his own pleasure. But how pleasurable is it really, having to deny his feelings?

49. Forgotten Past » by Wings Dipped in Silver reviews
When Remus comes to Grimwald Place with a photo album filled with photo’s of a girl no one there knew, he ends up telling a story about a past that should never been forgotten and a love that should have lasted forever. Addopted from Luna Nera

50. Makin' it to the movies: how to become a porn star » by Rock Junkie and DikiCat reviews
When you walk into a cloth shop, you'd never think that your life is about to change, do you? slash malemale, cross dressing, bookworm ,weasle and dumby bashing, minor BDSM and hot! sex. hpmulti, oocness

Just from the first two pages on FFN at the moment. And the worst thing? I probably skimmed past a few that are just as bad, possibly even worse.

 

Engaged? WHAT! » by cedric-and-me4ever reviews story about Harry's cousin Jade and Cedric who doesn't die. James and Lily r alive, Sirius is married! think i shoul add more Edward and riley, tell me if they remind u of Edward and Alice cullen caus to me it doesRated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,050 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 12-29-09 - Published: 12-27-09 - Cedric D. & OC

Can anyone follow that?

 

In which Snape befriends an old grey donkey by GMWeasley reviews
Crossover: Harry Potter x Winnie-the-Pooh. In which Snape befriends an old grey donkey, and life is gloomy, as usual. Snape and Eeyore gen.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Winnie-the-Pooh - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,891 - Reviews: 29 - Published: 3-5-09 - Severus S. - Complete

Magic Me Away » by ShatteredRhapsody reviews
Set after GoF, Harry wants freedom. Dumbledorkwad won't give it to him for free. His friends are getting annoying, and his enemies are oddly more appealing. Add in a new acquaintance who happens to be sort of dead and he's all set to fight a war.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Spirited Away - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,227 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 11-14-09 - Published: 6-5-09 - Harry P.

Vampires in Hogwarts! » by Alla-Aku2 reviews
There is an attack at Hellsing Manor and Integra is killed, who is the next in line? And why is it that Harry will never drink pumpkin juice again? M/M Slash in future chapters. Alucard/Harry
Crossover - Harry Potter & Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,337 - Reviews: 28 - Updated: 7-29-09 - Published: 7-23-09 - Harry P. & Alucard

Aeolus » by Ciega Chica reviews
Harry while bored finds a way to possibly kill Voldemort. The catch, however, is that he has to have sex with his soul mate--Jack Sparrow. HP/JS Explicit material!Crossover -
Harry Potter & Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 21,245 - Reviews: 64 - Updated: 12-11-09 - Published: 9-8-09 - Harry P. & Jack S.

 

Look the fuck out, Christopher Robin. Sooo, is the Hundred Acre Wood actually the Forbidden Forest? I actually want to read this now.

Maybe it's because I'm not up on Hellsing, but Integra? Really?? All I can think of is the '91 Acura a friend of mine once had.

I was somewhere between and until I read this. Now I want to puke. What.The.Fuck?
Me: Surprise buttsecks with a stranger who looks a lot like Keith Richards and happens to be your slashy soul-mate?
Retard!Harry: But it'll kill Voldemort! Possibly. Maybe?
Me: It might also make the rest of us die a little on the inside.

 

Reading this thread has given my eye a persistent twitch. Especially this one:

 

I just doused myself in petrol and burnt my own face off. Thanks Aekiel.

 

A Consummation Devoutly to be Wished (NC-17) by mirasfics
"Um... dracoisaveelaandharryishismate. Shut up."

Berlin, In The Year of Our Lord (PG; link is missing) by Are
"Harry is a green-tea addict. Draco stalks him."

The wizarding world has green tea? I thought all they drank was Pumpkin Juice, Fire Whiskey, Butter Beer, and Water.