Or he's so horrified that he's retching blood.

 

I'm not sure if this is epic fail or epic win... but:
Carlisle Consumed » by Richard Burns Your Time of Day
Carlisle is crossing the Channel to France, looking for knowledge. There is a fire breathing Super Shark. What's there not to like?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/General - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,873 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9-22-09 - Published: 9-19-09 - Carlisle

Really, what's there not to like?

 

o-O. Seems to me that if she could see the future, she'd already know the answer.

Wow. Methinks Richard was dropping acid when he watched the Twilight movie. Seriously, a fire breathing Super Shark? WTF is that, anyway?

 

Its a crossover with Austin Powers, apparently.

 

Carlisle is a city. Unless it has somehow managed to sprout legs and walk down to the south coast, it ain't getting anywhere near the Channel.

 

This is fan fiction, logic holds no sway here.

 

... damn. How can you guys criticize a book you clearly don't know shit about? At least when I hate on Twilight, I do it on its actual faults. To explain, Carlisle is the Vampire daddy of the sparklies in Twilight. He is the one who made Edward into a vampire. In this fic, while swimming the Channel, he gets eaten by a fire-breathing shark with delusions of grandeur.

 

Conspiring For Happiness » by Dream-Like-State reviews “You know, Helena, we don’t HAVE to marry those dolts.” Alice tells me, eyes just screaming conspiracy. But what happens when they DO get free? Chaos, I tell you, complete and utter Chaos. Oc/AdrianPucy Oc/MarcusFlint Oc/OliverWood NEW SUMMARYRated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,670 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 8-19-09 - Published: 4-12-09 - OC & Adrian P.

Yeah, my eyes scream conspiracy all the time as well.

 

1. Freaks and Geeks » by Hello Moto reviews
Au Non Magic. Draco Malfoy was born deaf, and now he is being forced to go to a boarding school in New England for the first time. Things aren't going his way. Then he meets Harry Potter, a boy with more than his fair share of secrets.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 54,529 - Reviews: 722 - Updated: 8-26-08 - Published: 9-22-05 - Draco M. & Harry P.

 

Wow, 722 reviews. The slash fangirls must be out in force for this piece of shit.

 

First three words make me not want to read it. I mean, this is Harry Potter fanfiction after all. Magic is its lifeblood.

Next five words scream "must sympathize with Malfoy!". The six words afterward further this aim, particularly with the word "forced". Then, we surmise the first sentence with "things aren't going his way", just in case we missed it. I'm too jaded about slash, and have been for a long time, for the last line to make me feel anything.

722 reviews... I suppose the summary is effective in making fangirls sympathize with Malfoy.

 

I disagree. It's a wonder this author somehow manages to get less than 50 'reviews' per chapter despite writing Harry/Draco slash... She must really suck (or Harry doesn't suck enough, if you get my drift). Besides, by calling fangirl squealing as reviews you are seriously overestimating them.

 

Ooh, ooh! Look at what I found!


Draco's heir (M+) by DelilaGrace | Reviews - 113 | Words: 23941 | Completed: No

Harry and Draco where once blissfully happy, until Harry does something so devastating that it tears them apart. Never telling draco of their oncoming child will draco ever find out about his child? how and when? come, read and enjoy!


113 reviews. Day-um.
The author apparently lost the [shift] button after the first nine words. He hasn't grasped the concept of "sentence." Is it *possible* to correctly spell "devastating" while being unable to distinguish between were and where?

 

With the spell checkers on most word documents, it's easy to see how they can spell the words correctly, but use them in completely wrong places...

 

The Third Time is a Charm » by lady.edgecombe reviews A child was born to return the pureblood ways of long ago, what would you do to save him? His inheritance stolen and his friends are traitors who can he turn to? A strange woman appears-friend or foe? Warn-language,child abuse, M/M AD/RW/HG bashing

I reread it 3 times and I am still confused.

Sucks To Be Me For Want Of A Better Title by In Need Of Slash Fix reviews When Harry tells Ginny and Draco as well, what secret will Hogwarts be itching to tell? Okies. Epic fail on trying to be ... whatever that WASN'T. Read on DD

err ...what? Is it so hard for someone to make their summaries coherent?

~Kitti

 

The quality of shit like this is ... amazing?

Talkshow 5! by Htaed is Death backwards
Talkshow with Harry, Draco, Sirius and Voldemort.

EDIT: Scratch that this shit is ridiculous.

 

That shit was plain stupid. Not even funny in a weird sort of way...

 

The Distance in Your Eyes » by Pfeifenkraut reviews Fucking him in a damn cornfield was not an option, damn it! It was definitely not an option when your mate was laying unconscious at your feet with a gaping wound at his neck, spraying tremendous amounts of blood at your feet. No, it was NOT an option!

There are no words...I am speechless


~kitti

 

I actually read that for the lulz.

 

Well, what's your verdict? Is it so bad it's good, or is it just plain bad?