Marietta » by Dylan09 I haven't read JK Rowling's stories in a long time so please do not blame me if some detail is wrong. It's mostly alternate universe, anyway. Just for fun and to test. I'm not sure if i'll actually write a real story. We'll see.Rated: K+ - English - General - Chapters: 2 - Words: 906 - Updated: 11-9-09 - Published: 11-8-09 - Marietta E.

o-0

Didn't even have to leave the first page of FF.net's HP section to find this.

I can't for the life of me understand why people aren't tripping over themselves to read it; no way will this go off the rails or be abandoned, amirite?

 

I just love how the even the author doesn't think they can write.

 

My first thought was, how do you write two chapters in 900 words, so I checked out the first chapter. It's a 300 word long introduction, half of it author's notes.

 

My Mate, My Father, My Love (MV) by LightVamp | Reviews - 4 | Words: 5124 | Completed: No
Ebony has just turned sixteen and her vampire instincts are as strong as ever, except her need for a mate has kicked in. She has to find and claim her mate before the vampire mating season at the end of March. That gives her six months before her lack of mate drives her to blood lust and she goes on a killing rampage, but when she finds her mate, what will she do? What can you do when your tie to sanity is the only father figure you've ever known? P.S. I just put a rating down, don't hold it against me


Ebony...does anything else really need to be said?



The Malfoy-Potter Family (M) by hpgeek512 | Reviews - 23 | Words: 27667 | Completed: No
The lives of a family of 10, the Malfoy-Potter family can only hope to survive everyday life with a set of twins and sextuplets. Join Draco, Harry, Nathan, Alex, Leelah, Hayden, Jacob, Hope, Bethany, and Lucian through their lives as a family of ten. Slash! M/M. Warnings!: Violence of a child's level, name calling, tantrums, screaming, crying, headaches. Non-magic! AU

Sextuplets...and the names make it even more hilarious.

 

Those titles alone are sickening.

 

God, isn't mpreg bad enough? Why go for multiple births to add insult to injury?

 

It's the wizard version of the octomum. I wonder if they're on welfare...

 

Wait a sec. That says non-magic... So how the hell do octuplets from gay parents work?

 

That isn't harry potter fanfiction, that's someones fantasy with harry potter names attached to get a wider audience. I doubt the characters are even remotely like those in the series.

 

Why the author feels like warning the reader that there is name calling I don't understand.

It seems that this is a Harry Potter/Jon & Kate Plus 8 crossover, judging from the rave reviews. WTF?

 

29. A Summer Escape » by enchanted nightingale reviews
After his 4th year the Delacours see Harry alone at Kings Cross and decide to take him to France where an unusual romance blooms between Harry and Rabastan Lestrange. But will it last longer than the first night? SLASH.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 7 - Words: 20,532 - Reviews: 147 - Updated: 10-18-09 - Published: 6-11-09 - Rabastan L. & Harry P. - Complete

I couldn't believe this when I read it. It just seems so preposterous and insane, and the non sequitor between the first and second halves of the summary doesn't help. Again I have to ask, how could someone possibly think this was a good idea?

 

It's supposed to be cute get it? Domestic craziness! Oh noes! It's the non magic thing that takes this from simply fucking stupid to surreal. Since its always Harry that spawns I wonder how they pulled that off.

 

Black Order » by Silverneko9lives0 reviews
HPLotR Xover. COMPLETE! Harry is Gandalf, Hermione is Sauron. Gandalf loves Sauron, but does Sauron love him back? Obviously NOT slash.
Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 34 - Words: 31,290 - Reviews: 46 - Updated: 5-22-07 - Published: 12-21-06 - Harry P. & Sauron - Complete

She (I'm assuming it's a she) pretty much lost me at "Harry is Gandalf". Seriously, wtf. I'd rather read Harry/Draco than Gandalf/Anything (female or not). It's much less likely to make me hurl.

 

Alphabet Blocks by LolitaPop Young love blooms at a Tom: Detestable muggle preschool. Tomione fic based in preschool, no hogwarts but Tom's plans are given less maniac-ly. Includes ridiculously cute and downright fluffy moments. Each chapter is a different letter. READ AND REVIEW !

How creepy. Do people not realize that preschoolers don't know what the heck love is? At that stage in a kids life they are just egocentric. They care more about who is playing with *THEIR* toy then feelings of others. *sigh*

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets » by CaspianMiraz24 reviews It is Harry's second year at Hogwarts and a houseelf warns him that there will be danger if he returns. Harry now discovers a secret that he never knew, he can speak Parseltounge and he has some of Voldemort's powers.

Hey wait...Isn't that already the plot of CoS?

Phoenix Tears » by slytherin-nette reviews To Draco Malfoy, his given orders were simple. Turn Harry Potter into a woman. Get her pregnant. Resurrect Lord Voldemort’s soul into the baby’s body. The plan was flawless. He just never planned on falling in love. DM/femHP. Post-DH Hogwarts.

...

 

Commericals from Middle Earth by sparklegirl13
The Lord of the Rings characters try their hand at marketing. Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 117 - Published: 11-19-09

Why? Just... Why?

the lost boy » by loekie reviews the usual... Draco get's abused by his father... Harry steps in to save the day no slash as of yet.... rated for child abuse and languish... Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 24,835 - Reviews: 40 - Updated: 11-19-09 - Published: 7-6-08 - Draco M. & Harry P.

Yeah, just the usual stuff, nothing special. Apparently even those who like angst and child abuse are getting bored of it. And how precisely do you rate for 'languish'?

Severus Snape's new wardobe » by yamiyugi23 reviews The Hogwart students and staff are feed up with Severus Snape's fanshion sense of only black so what might of happen when they decied to add some style and colour into his wardobe? Rated: T - English - Humor/General - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,322 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 11-19-09 - Published: 11-18-09 - Severus S.

They're eating his 'fanshan'? Well, according to the first chapter, this is largely Luna's decision, so you never know... But I did love the (mid-story) A/N, explaining that 'In England mad is another way of saying crazy, not only the angry mad'.

The Truth About The Gryffindor Princess » by voldyismyfather reviews Hermione has a secret, she is actually a Malfoy, Draco's twin sister, shes been spying on Harry and Ron. shes had enough of being a mudblood and wants to be in slytherin where she belongs, EVIL HERMIONE, EVIL SNAPE,EVIL DRACO, EVIL BLAISE.. Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,960 - Reviews: 21 - Updated: 11-19-09 - Published: 11-2-09 - Hermione G. & Draco M.

Speaks for itself, I think.

 

Well now I'm definitely not reading it...

 

I suppose when you rate for child abuse you rate it K+ now-a-days. Seriously, what would now be considered mature content other than any type of sexual relation?

 

58. Kitty Paradise » by phoenixmaiden13 reviews
Thrid part of the Kitty Series. The war is finally over and Harry and Tom are finally free to do what they want. First thing on the agenda: get married. Join Harry and Tom in the planning of their weddding and the raising of the twins. TRHP
Rated: M - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,054 - Reviews: 174 - Updated: 11-12-09 - Published: 7-19-09 - Harry P. & Tom R. Jr.

 

How did the war end, when both of the avatars of the opposing philosophies are still alive?

Why do I keep asking these questions?
Why? Why?

 

A review...

I feel that everyone is likely in character in this fic.