The sheer amount of fail in this thread is making me ill.

 

Jorm, were you actually expecting anything other than fail on your way in?

 

Apparently it is a cross between a lion and a raccoon.

sauce http://quaxorascal.devianta******/art/Lizzie-the-Lycoon-205951057

 

Correction: Awesome fail.

 

Duderino, your name sounds like a spanish transgender with an identity crisis.

Escape, Greengrass, Vodka by toujours-eccentrique
Draco meets his future wife for the first time. One shot.
Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,030 - Published: 8-16-11 - Draco M. & Astoria G. - Complete

It's not a terrible summary, but... I can't make sense of the title. I envision a huge vat of distilled potatoes, and a Draco that doesn't know how to swim.

So therefore...

Disclaimer: This is not the story I have posted as a "Worst Summary" Entry.

It was over for him. He knew, deep in his heart, that he would pay for his actions in the war. He also knew that he should have never let Potter talk him into "drowning out our sorrows in alcohol".

The Boy-Who-Surpassed-Him had apparated him to a Vodka factory and dumped him into a vat.

He was a Pureblood, beyond swimming or other muggle nuisances.

And he was paying for it now. The Dark Mark, now just a raw cut, burned in a way that the Dark Lord could never have envisioned, or such a punishment would have been implemented previously.

He thrashed and thrashed in the distilling vodka to no avail. Very soon, he'd run out of energy, and he would die one of the worst deaths known to mankind.

He heard a pretty giggle above him.

"Potter?" he shouted.

"No, not Harry Potter. Polyjuice."

Draco thrashed harder and managed to get a glimpse of her before submerging again.

"Y-you", he sputtered, his throat full of vodka. He was thankful he had managed to close his eyes in time.

A rather beautiful girl stood above him on the observation platform.

"Me."

"You're the younger Greengrass!" Draco shouted, careful not to look up again lest he sink. "Wh-what do you want?"

"For you to marry me, Draco Malfoy."

"Are you insane?" Draco shouted, chancing a look at her.

An ugly look had entered her previously beautiful face. "Yes", she spat. "Very much so. Incendio!"

Thus, Draco Malfoy was burned alive.

Harry Potter was confirmed to be doubleteaming Fleur Delacour and Hermione Granger during the time of his demise, and the mystery was never solved.

And no children named Albus Severus, or Scorpius were born.

 

The fact you haven't seen The Big Lebowski makes me not care to read the rest of what I'm sure would have been a scintillating and riveting post.

 

Unreasonable expectations are unreasonable.

 

66. The Element » by harry-for-hermione reviews /watch?v fXWsDn3Sdpw My first fan fic i hope you guys like it its full of action,drama,romance just a little bit of everything. Warning:charecter deaths. Rated T just to be safe. Rated: T - English - Chapters: 13 - Words: 8,576 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 8-15-11 - Published: 8-18-10 - Harry P. & Hermione G.

I should probably be happy that there are people out there that sucks more than me.

 

Not with grammar like that, not really.

Also, the pomegranate in your Location is spelled wrong.

 

This was kind of :awesome

 

Is that in regard to the stories or the lack of format in the majority of the posts?

Rhetorical question is rhetorical.

Wow. With a description like that, who could resist... passing this up and moving on to a story with an even vaguely interesting summary?

Edit:

Wait... so the main character is named after the author? Wooo! Fuck yeah! Sign me up for those updates! There's absolutely no way that this could be a flimsy piece of shit fic acting as a delivery system for a Mary-Sue author-insertion.

 

The story somehow manages to be worse than the summary.

 

That's chapter 1. T__T

 

I was smart enough not to read it.

What part of "The summary is so bad that the story simply MUST be garbage." don't you people understand?

:fire :awesome <-- This is me watching you read that fic.

 

Surprisingly, the grammars good. Especially since it's probably a twelve year writing.

Though when I was 12 and in my Draco/fem!OC days, my grammar was passably good too.

 

You were a girl when you were twelve?

 

Don't even start.

 

33. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone Reading » by Lovewritingstories reviews
What if Severus didn't hate Harry, what if they were in a relationship and they were forced to read the Harry Potter books by people that wanted to show them that they weren't suppose to be together, but will it work or will love concur all.
Rated: M - English - Chapters: 16 - Words: 117,621 - Reviews: 60 - Updated: 8-26-11 - Published: 7-20-11 - Harry P. & Severus S.

Que lo que es esto?

36. The Most Dangerous Teddy Bear » by Stealing the Moonlight reviews
All Tom wanted was someone to call an equal. All Harry wanted was a real friend. Both got what they wanted but not how they expected. TR/HP future male/male. Contains fluff, angst, hilarity, BB!Harry, and Teddy!Tom. There will be smut later on. R&R
Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 20,572 - Reviews: 49 - Updated: 8-26-11 - Published: 9-13-10 - Harry P. & Tom R. Jr.

Because there is no such thing as childhood innocence any more.

37. Daddy's Little Love » by AiUchihaUzumaki reviews
The real reason why Sasuke left Konoha that night was because Naruto had dumped him, not believeing that he was pregnant with his child. Now years later Sasuke's daughter runs away but to where? NaruSasu, mentions of mpreg
Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 57,652 - Reviews: 222 - Updated: 8-25-11 - Published: 1-22-11 - Sasuke U. & Naruto U.

Ah, the familiar taste of bile, welcome back.

 

What does the baby come out of for mpreg fics? I'm quite curious.

 

They deliver rectally. This is the source of the term 'ass-babies' for the children of Draco/Snape/Harry/Dumbledore/Sirius/Remus or any combination thereof.

It has a superficial basis in reality- both birds and lizards release eggs from the same orifice they use to defecate (called a cloaca, which is Latin for 'vent'). Of course, since their offspring are protected by a shell, sending them out the same pipe isn't quite as inherently risky for giving the fragile proto-creature an infectious disease from waste residue.

Disturbingly educational? You're welcome.