Egads man. I'd rather some stomach cringing descriptions of blood and tearing than to highlight those things and find FLUFF.

And that's not an invitation for someone to quote anything cringeworthy!

A lovely story about a young man in love and the lovely sex... Can we pitch in and buy the pre-teen girl a thesaurus? And maybe hollow out the pages and put a grenade in it?

 

Who the hell are these people that write that stuff and more importantly that enjoy it.

I think I'm to be sick.

 

Wow...that was bad. Really bad, actually.

That's the last fucking straw. I can handle the slash, the fluff, the eye-fucking, etc...but when you have Harry reading a slash romance novel IN your story and dreaming about Snape while he reads about a 15 year old fucking a 40 year old...

/me pukes all over the place.

 

HP/SS romance novel day dreaming probably outnumbers even H/G 2:1.

Life is just not fair by arabian00glow reviews

HPSS. What happens when a very rich magnate, Severus, falls in love and gets in a relationship with a simple person with a complicated life involving bad people, with guns and attempts of killing Harry? Will their love survive? Based on a true story.


Not only bad people! But Guns too! And a true story that they decided to turn into fanfiction, WTF is wrong with people.

 

38. Harry Potter and the Obvious Solution by sadisticblondlettes reviews

CHAPTER 19 IS UP! 6th year. Lord Voldie's newest plan transforms our Boy Wonder into...Girl Wonder! Hilarity ensues as Harry discovers the world of gossip, bra shopping, and crushes. Slash HD SD RH Please R&R
Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 29365 - Reviews: 268 - Updated: 11-2-06 - Published: 2-18-05

Yes, the author apparently thinks that slash is when a male and a female have sex.

Harry Potter and the Obvious Solution: I shudder to think what the solution is.

Harry discovers the world of gossip, bra shopping, and crushes. KEWL!!!!!!!!11111111 I always wanted to read about what this - it's my life goal.

But how in the world did she get 268 reviews? It seems all you need to do is write crap to get reviews on fanfiction.net

52. Haunted Jaded Eyes by Slytherins Rock reviews

Post OotP, Not HBP compliant. The summer after Harry's sixth year he is kidnapped, but by who? Harry breaks free of Dumbledore's manipulations what will happen to the war when Harry creates a side of his own? Manipulative!Dumbledore Slash, Mpreg.
Fiction Rated: M - English - General - Chapters: 15 - Words: 28795 - Reviews: 144 - Updated: 11-2-06 - Published: 4-15-06

Mpreg and Independant!Harry DO NOT go together.

67. Muse by lostvoices reviews

non magic, Harry goes to boarding school and during his hol’s he lives with Remus. Remus is an editor of a well known printing label. Severus is a renowned Romance novelist who is in search of a muse… maybe he’ll find what he’s looking for…
Fiction Rated: M - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 20311 - Reviews: 41 - Updated: 11-2-06 - Published: 8-15-06

What about I change three words in this story? Let's do it: George goes to boarding school and during his hol’s he lives with Roger. Roger is an editor of a well known printing label. Bobby is a renowned Romance novelist who is in search of a muse… maybe he’ll find what he’s looking for…

I've just created my own original story!

68. A Change of Identity by Willowcharm reviews

Sort of inverted Severitus. Harry's world is turned upside down at the start of First Year when it is revealed that he is the son of James Potter and not Severus Snape.
Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 20105 - Reviews: 88 - Updated: 11-2-06 - Published: 9-19-06

What a shock! Harry's the son of James Potter! You would never find that out by reading the books!

It's sad; I was browsing fanfiction.net and found all this crap in only one page.

 

58. Gummy Bears by the coffeemaker

Oneshot. Gen. Seven year old Harry Potter opens a bag of candy and steps into the future.​

Complete - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 724 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 11-5-06 - Published: 11-5-06​

- ...because I can see how that would happen. It's happened to me many times before - opened a bag of skittles, and there I am, standing next to Bender in the year 3000...

 

laserquestbattle against the darkside by emofish
well this is random. Basically its dumbledores birthday and hes treated to a day out at laserquest by his supporters, unfortunately as a huge coincidence the dark lord and his minions are bored and y am i writing this im sure you can guess whats coming

 

The fic itself is about premonitions Harry experiences while eating different coloured gummy bears. So, yeah, it might happen if someone describes Harry as seer. It has nothing to do with stepping into the future but it is not THAT bad. Some [censored] left an at least partially inadequate [censored] review.

Oh xXx_A_xXx ... if it happens the next time, please give Leela my best regards.

 

... I hate gummy bears.

After the war. Society is reshaped. 25yearold Ginny is thrown into poverty. Without a formal education she can’t get a decent job. Still, there’s prostitution….GinnyDraco

I was under the illusion that she already was a poverty-struck prostitute.

this is basicly da 7th book if J.K.Rowling were to get drunk and or high while riting it. if the actual characters were to read it, i'd be so dead. ronXhermione. feel free 2 suggest anything in reviews...except harryXhermione. u guys suck.

I found fourteen errors already.

Set in the next generation, Malory Malfoy falls in love, but with someone her father would not approve of... DUNDUNDUN!

Pardon? Who's Malory? Oh, and the title's "Forbidden Love". Isn't that just so original!?

HarryTom. Lily isn't dead Harry's Dark since birth and raised that way. But No One Knows. Year 1 through 4 are pretty much as they are in the books except for some major changes. SLASH AU Dark!Harry Slytherin!Harry

"pretty much as they are in the books except for some major changes"? How are they pretty much the same if there are major changes? People keep contradicting themselves...

 

This thread is funny.
Actually, im not suprised about all the horrible crap on ff.net.
Less then a 1/5 of the stories are worth reading.
But some times there is a gem in a pile of shit, or at least like a nickel or something.

 

Oooh, your naïveté is charming. This thread is for the worst summaries ever, and sometimes, a horrible summary leads to a fic that is not all that bad. Want to see really awful fictions? Fictions that make you die of laughter over the author's stupidity or hit frenetically the "back" button in order to preserve your sanity?

The "awesomely bad" HP fanfics thread v3.0

Back on topic:

That's a scary summary, which probably leads to an absolutely frightful fic. Harry was born in 1980. James was 21 at the time. As for Tom Riddle, he was a snake-like thing, age 53. Imagining the... circumstances that must've led to Harry's conception in such conditions is just painful.

Of course, it raises the question: did Riddle got James pregnant--the medicine student I am suffers at the mere idea--or did they manage to put the embryo in Lily without her noticing, since "know" one really knows about Harry's true parents?

Ignoring the innumerable plot-holes both ideas suggest, it would require a great deal of courage to click on the link and actually find out. Alas, I just had lunch, and it would be a bad idea.

 

I clicked the link and it had one of those dialouges with Harry, Draco, Snape, Seto Kaiba from Yu-Gay-Oh and the Author. Basically the author was just squeeing over Kaiba and snape.I didin't read the actual story, I stoped after the dialouge part.

Look at the reviews everyone who reviewed said stuff like: Y0r S0 0rGiN@l!!!11, Brilliant, I lurv it Iv'e never seen a story like this before, and update sooon!111Eleven ONE110ne!!!


It makes me sick.

 

@Dark Minion, if you're talking about the person who left a flame in that Gummy Bears fic, then it was me.

 

I just did..only this time it was with Jelly babies...
She told me to tell you... "The world is soon to be taken over by the evil cats...keep your dogs inside!"


7. Twice in a Lifetime by Ptath reviews

The new DA teacher is an old friend of Sirius and Remus. So what does he have to do with the disappearance of Harry Potter?​

Fiction Rated: M - English - General - Chapters: 13 - Words: 30972 - Reviews: 134 - Updated: 11-3-06 - Published: 8-30-05​

I wonder... because the title and the summary didn't give it away...

93. The Hardest Battle by Ramzes reviews

Regulus... Sirius whispered incredulously. Remus shook his head. No, it's not Regulus. It's Cane.
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Drama/General - Chapters: 8 - Words: 38066 - Reviews: 29 - Updated: 11-6-06 - Published: 8-26-06​

Who's cane? Sugar Cane?! Malfoy's pimp cane?! What Cane dammit!
​

 

The poor girl/boy/whatever has just published his/her/its very first fanfic of her whole desperate life, and he/she/it has even managed to post it with correct grammar and spelling. And the first review the author receives is a flame which traumatises him/her/it for life and might even cause the poor thing to jump out of the next window.

Okay, it has one - one - slight hint of H/G. And I agree the whole thing is rather pointless. But it's not that bad that it legitimates such a crude flame.

For instance it is nowhere near as bad as things like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like this or like ... err ... does anyone get my point?

 

Too...Many...LINKS!!!!

>_<

*Breaks down having a fit and moaning about links*

P.S The fourth one is FUrNyLOLOLOLOLZZZ!!!11111!!!

P.P.S that was intended

 

Well, since this thread is alive again, I figured I might as well contribute.

bdasjksan by Uriuken Kazama
as hermoine was talking to bellatrix, she got a pleasurable urge in her clitoris. whats this? she wondered, i've never felt this before.
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 19806 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 11-6-06 - Published: 11-6-06

 

Dear Lord. Clitoris???? What the hell? Who says that get a urge on their clitoris??? I am a female and I don't even know how you would get a urge in your clitoris. "Urge in loins" okay. Cliched, but okay. Clitoris though?? That's like using your Bio100 book to write a sex scene. It's just wrong.

 

Sisters by Allura99
“Sisters are connected throughout their lives by a special bond... whether they try to ignore it or not. For better or for worse, sisters remain sisters, until death do them part.”
Complete - Fiction Rated: K - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2363 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 11-7-06 - Published: 11-7-06

Sisters? Wtf?

. Highly Unexpected Help by bardsgrl4evr reviews
Okay here's the deal, I got this prompt from a fellow fanficer. It's a crossover of three shows. HP, BVS, and XMen. Hope you enjoy.
Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 12 - Words: 9110 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 11-7-06 - Published: 12-10-04

Tells me jsut enough to know not to read the fic.

And 9K words in 2 years is even worse than me!

eaving the Dursleys by Colie reviews
Harry Potter...need I say more?
Fiction Rated: K - English - General/Action/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 539 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 4-8-03 - Published: 4-8-03

...Yes