It doesn't really, the fic was titled "The Twelve Days of Christmas by Voldemort", which doesn't really say much about it.

That just sounds wrong as an HP fanfic.

Ummm, w00t, doesn't attract me in the slightest.

That says ANGST FEST to me.

Tells us everything we need to know, Im sure it does, somewhere, maybe in the small print?


EDIT: I should also add that I found each and every one of these on the first page of the HP listings on ff.n

 

Follows HBP. The night of Dumbledore’s death, Draco is given to Snape to mold into a better Death Eater. However, Snape instead abandons Draco at Number 4 Privet Drive. This is beginning of a most unlikely alliance. Ferret!Draco HarryDraco SLASH

Um.....that doesn't mean what I think it means, right? Nobody could be that....that's to say, I'm sure that......They just couldn't.........
Oh god, I've gotta go give myself a concussion, that way I can forget that I just read that and save myself the agony of mental pictures......

 

I need the link to that fic, please, give us the link so we can see how bad it is.

 

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2989999/1/ madeye to the rescue.....enjoy mordecai my most loyal fan

I'd like to dedicate this song to mordecai

"Can you feel the love tonight"

your face:

my face: :lol:

 

i didn't bother to finish it, i nearly fell asleep reading chapter 4

 

You made it to chapter four? That's pretty impressive. I was dead by this line:

"oscillations" is a word I could not be bothered to look up.

 

I remember seeing that when i was searching through for new fictions... what the hell do they mean by draco!ferret, is that implying something? Especially when they say harrydraco SLASH right after it?!

heres another one, "Another child of sugar high me. Pleaze excuze the random and crazynezz of it. Or don't. Whatever. Just az long az someone rrz thiz thing. BLEH! and thanks"
does this mean he gets high on children of sugar?

just found another, "Draco feels pretty, like he can bring the world to its knees. Involves makeups and dreams of the past. Life isn't always all it's made out to be."
this one is just plain creepy...

 

Harry's 7th year no Hermione…yet, then comes gangster, tomboy, rapper, pureblood, drug & alcohol user, straight from the hood Hermione Granger with an attitude that could scare the teachers out of their wits in no time!

I bet even the most hardcore H/G fangirls cringe at this one.

 

Sadly once you started reading the story wasn't that bad. There was just always the worry that the next chapter contained the nasty guy on guy action the story promised. Like playing Rusian roulette, except the stakes aren't your life. Just the contents of your stomach.

 

For some odd reason, a couple of these summaries made me lol at the idiocy of them. Is that bad?

 

Are you kidding? I was laughing for ages at some of them. I even tried sharing them with my sister, who doesn't read fanfic and thought I was a huge loser.

Here's another one:

Now THAT's a writing strategy I've never seen before.

 

its the mystery, the hope that since a summary of the actual plot would put folk off, making it very hysterious will make folk read it to find out what happens. Fails all the time, but its a decent enough strategy.

 

Here's one that just makes me want to shoot the author.

What can you do when you shut yourself from your family, marry a muggle, and lie to your daughter about your life? Send her to Hogwarts, of course! As Ginny tries to sort her life, her halfblood daughter Holly tries to fit into this ambiguous, new world..

 

Albus Dumbledore sends to Hogwarts Princess Alia Vanessa Throne is Goddaughter to teach Harry Occlumency and to take over D.A.D.A. as a Studnt teacher. But what problems does the ministry of Magic Have with her?

This story is obviously a Mary-Sue, but usually even those have a few fans. This one however, has a total of 3 reviews and all of them tell the author to stop writing, because the story sucks

 

that last one is funny, well the summary is, not read the fic.

 

"Rebecca is Voldemort's daughter, will the rest of the students be able to look beyond her name and help her in the fight against her father? This is an Alternative Universe fanfic. Harry, Ron and Hermione are in 6th year whilst Ginny and new girl Rebecca"

Now I remember why I stick to DLP and favorites of decent authors. Main page be damned!!

 

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at the sheer badness of some of these. They toe the line between 'so stupid they're funny' and 'so stupid they make me despair for the future of the human race.'

OK, he gets points for recognising the badness of the Halfbaked Plot, but from the sound of it (I'm not reading that fic, no way) it's not even HP fanfiction, just him trying to diss JKR for something he imagined she did. Or something, I can't really comprehend the stupidity.

Normal. Riiiiiiiight. Also, hyphens? Spaces? Please?

It's worth noting that this fic was titled 'The Marauderetts'. Yes, that's right, the author can't even decide on the spelling for their crappy bunch of OCs/Mary-Sues. Also, she goes by the penname 'LilyflowerJamesprongs' which I think deserves some kind of dishonorable mention all by itself.

If only summaries were all you sucked at...

Yes, that's obviously very very AU. Actually, I guess if Lockhart's actually teaching it kinda is, but still...

Somehow I just know it's not going to be her getting hit by a train and dying in agony. But even so, I keep hoping.

The phrase in question was 'Both alike in dignity', but the concept of Ron/Draco slash is making me think of poisoning myself.

They've been in the ground 13 years and they've only just reached that level of decomposition? Nice preserving charms, I guess...

I can't help but wonder how the hell the first fic read if we (and by 'we' I mean 'people who aren't me and thus may actually stoop to read this drivel') didn't find out what Sirius was up to (assuming 'our favourite marauder' is Sirius) at all in the fic.

Now I actually quite like Garbage, which only adds to my intense desire to go back in time and not only delete this fic but actually stop it from ever existing.

I'm sorry, what? Hermione's a gryffindor princess since when? And where did Draco get the balls to become a 'slytherin rebel' from?

Confused on so many levels here. Since it's marked PostHogwarts we can assume it's not some sort of weird AU world, but if that's the case why are Hermione and Ginny running a restaurant? And why is Malfoy working? Isn't that against the fundamental code of the Malfoys or something? Let alone in a job where he'd have to wear one of those ugly hair nets that are *soooo* unflattering and no good for his hair whatsoever?

'We have just lost cabin pressure'. Seriously, that has just plumbed a new depth in abhorrent fanfiction. I feel like going out and bleaching my brain to remove that fic from it. I can't even begin to think of sarcastic/funny comments, it's just too godawfully wrong.

Finally:

I find that fic summary especially amusing for personal reasons, but I think the last line 'Or will she grow in to her inner warrior goddess' is an absolutely brilliant piece of writing. Seriously, it's inspired several fits of laughter when I've seen it before. As a sidenote, I had to take that summary from Ficwad 'cos the FF.net one was too short and didn't contain that glorious last line.

Well, that's it for FF.net tonight, if I'm feeling particularly masochistic I may take a look at Ficwad for some more horrible notgoodness later.

 

HAHA! The head of a lizard, the body of a cat, the wings of a bird and the legs and butt of a human. Careful, she may try to eat herself!

Edit: Sorry, that's pretty crass, but I'm not entirely sober and that is the picture that popped in my head when I read that.

 

Lmao.

*Would rep Vayne if he could*

The knowledge that people write, read and enjoy those types of fics is a burden on my soul...