Title: Foolish
Author: DGD
Rating: M
DLP Category: Dark Arts
Status: Complete
Summary: The final... battle?
Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=6406

A ficlet I worked up today while I was bored, hope you guys like.

 

I don't know, I just wasn't feeling it.

More description to give it a gloomy atmosphere would help more than anything. It just seemed that, despite the fact that you say the Ministry and Order have been more or less destroyed, the reader doesn't get that feeling at all. A more in depth look at inside Ministry walls (perhaps through Percy Weasley?) or the remains of Grimmauld Place, or Diagon Alley, or any number of Wizarding places, would have helped to get the point across.

I would have liked to see Harry suffer more, and without the customary "Your father was weak as well" speech from Voldemort.

As it is, I'll give it a 3/5 just because it was readable and different.

 

Decided to just give the same post I gave over on Work By Author:

I thought the simplicity added to the story. The whole point of the plot was just how easy the world went down. Every battle that we would think would be glorious and romanctic was easily won by the dark side. I think if you had added much more detail the light side's defeat wouldn't have seemed as quick and crushing. 4.5/5. The very beginning seemed sort of- meh - and that's why I didn't give this 5/5.

 

A little dull and pointless in my opinion. This would have been better as a play on that old Civil War story (the name escapes me at the moment), where the protagonist is moments from being hanged, only to pull off a daring escape. The hook comes at the end where we find out that his escape was just a fantasy that flashed through his mind between the time when he was dropped and the noose tightens around his neck. Do it with Harry while the Killing Curse is streaking towards him and you have a winner.

3/5

Big D

 

You're thinking of "An Incident at the Owl Creek Bridge" by Ambrose Bierce.

Edited to add: The better known title is "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge." For some reason, I was thinking "Incident," which is an acceptable alternate title according to Wikipedia and other sources. I remember seeing an awesome episode of Twilight Zone that's based on the story when I was younger.

Searching the web... Ah, that episode was originally released a couple years before it was originally shown on television (in 1964) and won an Academy Award for best short subject in 1963.

 

Thanks. It's been years since I read that. Maybe I'll take my own advice and adapt it.

Big D

 

First off, this one-shot was very well-written. It was a bit dull but I still knew how bad the characters felt about the situation. The battle itself could of had a bigger twist at the end. However, since it seems sort of pointless, and there was real no twist like one-shots have, I'd have to give it a 3/5. Average, but nothing amazing. I probably would of given it a 4/5 if it were longer or a twist of sorts was added.