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WIP Forging the Sword by Myst Shadow - PG13

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by DreamRed, Jun 3, 2007.

  1. M. Shadow

    M. Shadow Squib

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    But Deathly Hollows would imply that I bought into the mythological backstory. Deadly hollows is a more accurate representation of how they seem to function (because everyone who touches them, really, seems to end up dead. Except maybe Harry, but I believe that's because he has inherent power from having his name in the title of the book, rather than an accomplishment on his own merit.)

    Nonetheless, you are accurate in that I probably shouldn't use friend-slang in public posts. I shall make with the edit function.

    And I don't argue that Ron matured. Some. He probably wouldn't have abandoned Harry without Horcrux influence. He did came back quicker than he did in book four when they had their little spat, (I think). And came back without an outside force smacking sense into him. (OMGZ! Drag0nz r d4ng3rous!) But I'm not sure that really wins the argument that JKR didn't keep his character crippled, weak, and somewhat inconsistent. It just means he was a little less crippled, weak, and inconsistent for having an additional three years of age.

    Less bad does not equal good. (To my dismay, because there are so many things I get "less bad" at, that I never actually master.)

    You're probably right in that she painted him in a weak light because he is weak, but that's actually my point. She had him hanging out with a friend that routinely attracted government conspiracies, non-government conspiracies, murderous beasts, murderous Dark Lords, random weirdos, and petty heckling. By all rights, he should have either grown up or broken down. Instead she seemed to keep him as a sort of mediocre token sidekick. Just saying, by all rights he could have been a lot more than he was.

    But then, that's true for Harry too. (Thus my story.)

    More insights are, as always, welcomed.

    --

    Final note, to confirm I have this down:

    It's "I don't know," she whispered, "it could be?"
    And "I don't know," she whispered, looking down. "It could be?"
    Not "I don't know," she whispered. "It could be?"

    Ty for grammar tips. Self-education isn't always a good thing. I only really polished my academic writing and that, alas, lacks dialogue. (It would probably improve it.)
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2009
  2. JWH

    JWH Unspeakable

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    Good story so far. I didn't have to re-read the whole thing to understand the latest update, which means this story is pretty memorable.

    I also enjoyed the fallout with McGonagall and Dumbledore. It should lead to interesting confrontation later on. I'd love to see this self-righteous McGonagall take responsibility for her own inaction.

    Wonder where you'll go with the new DADA teacher. Another opponent or an ally among the adults, or something else entirely ?

    Anyway, nice to see a story that gets a good plot out of a Ginny kill-off ;)

    4/5 because of the slow update rate.
     
  3. Banner

    Banner Dark Lady

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    The last update was thoroughly up to the standard I've come to expect. The characterizations are good, leaving me pleased with all the kids. They aren't overly mature, they aren't tempermental asses either. That they don't understand why the adults are refusing to take action against Malfoy works well with the plot and their level of maturity. The wandless magic twist is carefully explained.

    4/5
     
  4. Juggler

    Juggler Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    Nice new chapter. I wasn't happy that it ended so soon, but I guess it was getting pretty full.

    I was sort of confused about the time passing, because it jumped from one day to the next, and I didn't recall the armoury for a bit, but all's good. I noticed words being stuck together twice, and what was either overcapitalization or undercapitalization at one point, but apart from that no errors. 4/5 overall.
     
  5. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

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    Nice update, Myst. The new chapter was pretty impressive, rounding out the characters somewhat, and using old plot-lines in new ways. Hermione's timeturner in the hands of two other murderous kids could be one hell of an interesting development.

    Not only that, but I can't wait to see Hermione's indignance and anger at having to be asked come to a head. Wonder if she'll even think about the fact that they were giving her a way to keep her record clean in case it all comes back on them.
     
  6. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    Quoted because I couldn't have said it (much) better myself. I was wondering how Harry's and Ron's secrecy and distance would play out with Hermione. I'm overwhelmingly glad you didn't just have the Trio fall apart or drift apart because of this.

    And let me say that I really appreciate the nuanced way Hermione was treated, in that she isn't gung-ho for killing but at the same time realizes that Something Must Be Done, and since no one else is stepping up, the three of them will. I also like that there's absolutely no mention of romance or infatuation; it's just three dedicated friends, and Hermione is simply, at this stage at least, one of the three.

    Again, quoted for the truth. I think it goes to show how much more Hermione trusts her friends over the faculty and/or authority figures that she shows Harry and Ron the Time Turner.

    I had thought that this story was abandoned when it went so long between updates, and I can't tell you how pleased I am to know it's still ongoing. Please, please keep up the excellent work, and we'll all keep reading. Well, I will, anyway.
     
  7. M. Shadow

    M. Shadow Squib

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    Er, >.> Updated?

    If anyone's around who still cares.

    Though I should warn anyone impatient that, in all likelihood, I'll be continuing my oh so very slow update schedule. I'm in awe of our more prolific brethren (especially those who can create 12,000 word chapters on a biweekly basis), but know myself well enough to realize I could never aspire to become one of them.

    I satisfy myself by trying to avoid the very worst of the cliches instead. I don't think avoiding all of them is even possible.

    And I never noticed how much of a complete non-entity the History of Magic class is in the actual series, until I went scouring through the books trying to find scenes of it. It's mentioned, like, once a year.

    For that matter, despite the entire series being set in a magic school, only like five percent of it focuses on Harry learning magic.
     
  8. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

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    Nice update, Shadow. The way you lay out the time-turner's use is nicely done, and so is the interaction between Harry, Hermione and Ron. I'm still a bit leery of the wandless magic, but I really liked the way you show Harry (through Flitwick) how to show advanced control of simple charms...as well as how this helps him to improve in transfiguration. I like some of the changes you've made to canon, mostly among the teaching staff.

    I like that Kettleburn stayed, since it seems that he'll be a much better professor of CoMC than Hagrid, laying all sorts of groundwork for student competence with magical creatures. Also, I like the DADA professor. There's some slight intrigue with not knowing his motives or anything, and he definitely seems more competent as a professor than we're used to from canon or fanon. Your AN summed up the Sirius-Remus stuff nicely, too.

    Honestly, the piece you showcase from the next chapter seems more interesting than this one was. While you gave us all sorts of information and helped Harry to advance a bit magically, the idea that he may find some way to improve himself even more (whether through potions or rituals) is intriguing as hell.

    Anyway, I'm going to keep my fingers crossed (even though I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment) that your next update will come much quicker than this one did. Even considering the update rate, this is an excellent read.

    Nicely done.
     
  9. psihary

    psihary Groundskeeper

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    Yes, pretty much that ^...

    Of course the new Defense teacher and the "mystery" behind his interest in Harry, though it could be explained as a simple worry by teacher to his students who can potentially harm themselves if not supervised, it still is a nice setting for a plot of some sort.
    Liked as well that you have got Kettleburn to stay, and I wonder for the reason you kept him as a teacher instead the goofy half-giant. Wasn't he a supposed supporter of Voldemort's agenda, or is this fanon?

    Anyways, good update, and here's to a less time before we see the next one! Cheers...
     
  10. Khazad-Dumb

    Khazad-Dumb Loves the Gay Porn DLP Supporter

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    You hadn't updated in so long, I had to reread this to remember everything. I'm glad that I did, this is a great story, despite that it's short. The fact that you started in second year and haven't made any major time-skips makes me wonder how long this'll take to get resolved. If it's going to be a long story with multi-chaptered years, I'm going to quickly lose interest at this rate of updates. In short, I like this story, but I want more.
     
  11. Hugo

    Hugo Second Year

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    I agree with General Custer, you have a great plot working right now but I think that the way you're angling it, you're trying to make it into a long muti-sequel fic. (ignore this if I'm wrong). Its amazing how you're changing Harry's mindset so smoothly and effortlessly. I also had to reread evrything just to remember what exactly was going on but I'm glad I did. Its like breath of fresh air compared to all the shit thats being posted up lately on fanfic. Ugh, the retards could learn a lot about spelling, grammer, punctuation, how to write a story, how to move a plot etc. etc...

    Other wise, its all good! Keep updating! :)
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2009
  12. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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  13. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box ~ Prestige ~

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    Good chapter I thought. It got the balance between conflict and angst just right, and I liked the bonfire/blowtorch analogy for wandless magic. The fact that I didn't have to reread the previous chapters to refresh my memory was a bonus. Really, the only problem I have with this is the update rate. Ah well.
     
  14. Inert

    Inert Headmaster

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    Good chapter as usual, though I wonder where exactly you plan on going with the third year. The lack of Sirius was well explained in one of your ANs so I look forward to an original plotline for the third year.

    That said, I can't wait to see what you're going to do with the Triwizard tournament.

    I would compliment you on the characterization of everyone, but everything that I might say has already been said.

    Keep it coming!
     
  15. Sir Chris

    Sir Chris First Year

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    I am strangely pleased with the chapter titles being the function of actually forging a sword; I am going to chalk that up to being a bit more tired than I should be while reading.

    Read this from start to finish in a couple of days while I was between other things, and I enjoyed it immensely. I think the story is original, has merit, and gives a unique insight to an offshoot of canon that I personally have not seen done before. An easy 5/5 for me as long as this continues to produce (any sort of) updates and the plot does not crack into a wall.
     
  16. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage ~ Prestige ~

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    Exactly the story I have been looking for, Harry gets stronger and takes Ron and Hermione with him and they do it together without all the blaming and hating. Dumbledore is neither the super-bad puppetmaster nor the super good grandfather. Also, it has excellent writing.

    5/5 from me, I hope this continues with faster updates.
     
  17. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

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    You are doing a very good job making Harry, Ron and Hermione believable third year students while also keeping them on the path to becoming much more. You do a great job making their actual schoolwork and pursuit of knowledge more interesting than - Harry receives 100 EXP. Harry moves to Level 15! My only worries with the direction you're taking this story is that it will never actually get there, but what you write is very, very good.

    It's a 5/5 work; you should be proud of it.
     
  18. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I've just caught up on this story - I stand by my initial comments, but this story has gotten REALLY good. It has two things I really like:

    1) Characterizations - Harry, Ron, and Hermione actually seem like real people, reacting to difficult circumstances.

    2) No Ridiculous Bashing - I am very glad that no one is being attacked unnecessarily. I am so sick and tired of all those stories that turn Dumbledore or Ron or Hemione or anyone into hideous monstrosities.

    4.5/5
     
  19. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    The description turned me off when this thread was posted, but I've just read it and loved it. 5/5.
     
  20. The Greek

    The Greek Second Year

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    It's top notch work. I've been following it from the start and it's one I'm eagerly waiting for updates but I don't think it will ever be completed. 5/5
     
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