Title: Freedom Of Thought
Author: malaga
Rating: Looks to be G
Genre: General
DLP: General
Pairing: Uknown
Status: WIP
Summary: Harry decides to go to Beauxbatons rather than Hogwarts. Free of foolish prejudice and Dumbledore's influence he develops into the man he could have been...
Link: http://www.ficwad.com/viewstory.php?sid=60496

This story seems to be a bit different than most with Harry NOT going to Hogwarts. Pairing isn't available yet.

Richard.

 

To short, to fast, not enough detail, to predicable, to many powers/hidden family/anything that is cliche.

 

Hmm. I hate to say this but I was not overly impressed. The story seemd rather poor to me starting with Dursleys happily sending Harry off to any magic school that is not Hogwarts to some other odd stuff.

I mean what is up with stuff like this:

Banshees allied with Snape? I mean what in the world?

All in all cannot say that I was impressed.

 

Darakim got some of the main issues down with that quote, I just don't put details into things that don't have effort in them in the first place.

 

Just thought I'd see if anyone liked it. Oh well. Doesn't matter much.

Richard.

 

One star. Really? I mean, I knew it wasn't good enough to go down too well, which is why I didn't post it, but one star? My god I'm bad...

 

Yeah, the story had some potential but it's very rushed and feels more like a set of pre-production notes. What I'd suggest is to develop these ideas into something more solid and concrete.

 

Just looking at the quote provided by Datakim and the part of the summary that said "Free of foolish prejudice", it is obvious that you have a French USA; the perfect society where every race and mixed bastard live together in perfect harmony, with a perfect social system et al.

Added to the fact that the very idea is total bullshit, we know that it is not the case in France as we have seen the Beauxbatons headmistress hide her ancestry.

 

I don't really even know where to start with this one. As a few folks have said it was rushed. The OOC nature of several characters combined with ridiculously weak plot points and character conversations made me want to cry.


2/5 - At least they spelled Beauxbatons correctly.

 

Well, there is a point of completely sucking while writing something and completely sucking and not putting any effort. Since I don't see any effort it does get a one.

 

I liked it, it wasn't that bad. And when you think of it, they are only kids, so I thought the alliance thing was kind of them just having 'fun'. Like those secret clubs people have. Or the treefort in your neighbors backyard.

I mean, they want to feel important like their parents, so they made a way to simulate it.

Thought it was still a bit over the top.

I thought The Dursely's characterization was kind of neat, letting him join just to spite the headmaster seems like something they would do. Add to that they have some none freakish classes that might just show him the error of his ways, and it's a done deal.

Harry's character was good too.

But you did make the children too adult.

4/5

 

...


Might I remind you that Tobias Snape, Serverus' father, was MUGGLE.

 

Yes, Snape's father was a muggle. A few people tend to forget that. Although...why that comment?

Richard.

 

The following is why:

Snapes are therefore not a magical family to be allied to, unless she is an ally of a filthy muggle.

Everyone is equally allowed to nitpick canon points. As you yourself did here and I quote:-

----

Malaga~ Stalicon's review has made me curious, I will read your chapters and edit with a review. Incidentally, if you want to improve, posting in 'Work by Author' section is always a good idea. People offer help free of the consideration if the actual piece belongs in the library or not. There's also a channel on dlp IRC server where you can talk about help. Comments in a bit then-

 

Oh, I see.

Richard.

 

And lets not forget the idea that a pureblood could be part Banshee. That's a winner. It's not even worth questioning how a banshee - which is a spirit - manages to get involved in bloodlines.

 

I thought that was more of a 'gift' or something. You know how in most fairy tales the hero gets a blessing for his work? And it never said he married the thing. Only that they got it's power.

 

That may work for attaining powers of said faerie, but not the bloodline itself. That I know of, at least.

 

Huh, it says inherit, but that could strengthen my point more than weaken it. It doesn't say it was inherited from the Banshee, but the great-grandfather who tamed the thing.

Though how is still rather unexplained, how does taming it give him it's power? This isn't 'Pokegirl', it's HP. Maybe it was a ritual? Malaga, you care to share any light on this?



P.s: Dig your Avatar, Vash.