Title: Full Capabilities
Author: WallToCeiling
Rating: NC17
Genre: Romance, Smut, BDSM, Kink
Status: Abandoned
Library Catalog: Restricted Section
Pairings: Harry, Hermione

Summary: After the war, Harry discovers that he's a metamorphmagus. Kinky sex with Hermione entails.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3643995/chapters/8050443?view_adult=true

Been lurking for quite some time. First time posting -- is everything alright?

Well written porn w/out plot; negligible conflict. There are sporadic grammatical errors and poor word choices, but the explicit scenes have very erotic imagery. WallToCeiling avoids repetition, and one would appreciate the variety of action verbs scattered throughout the smut.

5/5 for erotic imagery!

 

I can't decide if this is a troll post or not. This 7k word ficlet doesn't belong in the library, but it's hilarious in its own special way. It's set in Harry's 'eighth year' of Hogwarts after the war. The gist is that Harry discovers he is a metamorphmagus and undergoes training to master his new abilities. Here is part of the opening scene:

Okay then. Naturally Harry trains his new abilities and has a sexual encounter with Hermione later:

A two-foot long grapefruit? I had no idea Hermione was such a size queen.

Now that is one impressive orgasm. I'm feeling a little resentful of fire hydrants.

SPOILER ALERT: Harry's new metamorph ability also means he's a plant!magus. He can sprout vines and tendrils from his nethers and pin his lucky lovers to the wall, where they will be penetrated in every orifice by plants and tree branches. Hot stuff.

2/5 for unintentional comedic value.
1/5 for quality.
5/5 for writing a story where Hermione gets fucked by a plant.

 

I'm fairly certain this is satire.

 

Welp, don't take this as word of God or anything, but here goes.

It's clearly satire, but that doesn't excuse the lack of quality. This is pretty much the textbook example of "tell don't show", and with the exception of a few short scenes that's really all there is to the story. Those few scenes that actually focus on dialogue and "action" are far too short - I mean, since when has a paragraph been enough for a scene?

In terms of writing it's readable only because the reader isn't looking to be immersed, but to see what stupid idea the author has thought of next. In a way it's refreshing not to have to wade through a bunch of shit to get the originality, but quite frankly this would be better told through a 4chan greentext in bullet point form; it would deliver the same story but better.

In short, it doesn't belong on any part of the forum to which quality is a requirement for entry, but its surprisingly readable, if only because its so easy to skim.

1/5 - but it's pretty funny. (2/5 if making me snort is enough for that)