What I left on a D/H fic

I'm going to post a link in the awesomely bad fan fic post.

 

Can we say that it's cheating to post flames for My Immortal? I mean, talk about shooting fish in a barrel, especially considering how many times she's threatened to stop writing and/or kill herself if "prepz" don't stop reviewing and/or (uh, strike out the /or) flaming her fics. I have to admit that she does have a very convincing persona set up, but . . . I mean . . . really.

And . . . here's an excerpt from the aforementioned chapter:

There are more ones than exclamation marks. Just being dyslexic wouldn't make it difficult to hold down the shift key.

Also, having spoken a few times with people who are genuinely hxc, there would be more x's in the name. It would be more like

xXxbloodyxristsx666xXx.

With that said:

I don't flame people anymore. I decided it was stupid and immature. I do have some favorite reviews, however.

Here's one of my favorite pieces of constructive criticism. I've taken to giving Old-Crow my best pieces of constructive criticism because, well, he can grow, and listens to his readers.

edit: I forgot how much I was sucking up to him! Wow.

and . . . what would have been a flame if I still did them . . .

 

Holy Schizzle! These damn near burned off my eyebrows. Amerison, can I use your MPREG flame? Perhaps DLP should have organized flaming, to scare off realtively new shitbaby authors (love the word).

 

Alright, I know this post is damn near ancient, and that the flame I'm going to give isn't an HP flame, but I like writing it, nonetheless.

Check one in each category-or all if need be. The more checks you have, the more problems you have...

Dear Sue/Stuthor, you have demonstrated by this...

-crappy story
-same old fantasy that no one cares about
-waste of bandwidth
-source of frustration for the REAL Avatar fans everywhere

fanfic that you are...

-an illiterate imbecile
-a crappy writer
-a disgusting pervert
-a sex-deprived jerk
-a multiple offender
-a disgrace to all fanfic writers
-a narcissist
-(hopefully) a troll
-stupid
-a waste of oxygen
-a virgin for a reason
-a bad writer
-the village idiot
-a whiny git
-being MSTed
-being mocked.
-ignorant of Avatarverse canon

and your fanfic has caused this flame because of its...

-blatant disregard of the English language (spelling, grammar, syntax...)
-disregard of the Avatarverse which the story is set
-disregard and lack of knowledge of canon
-use of jargon that doesn't suit the fic's setting
-lack of formatting
-lack of plot
-unamusing and/or disgusting "humour"
-clichés
-nauseating metaphors and comparisons
-ridiculous sex scenes
-insertion of yourself into the Avatarverse
-distortion of canon characters's personality (OOCness)
-character bashing
-masturbatory fantasies about Zuko, Sokka, or Aang (they would be ashamed of you)
-disturbing events
-use of serious issues (rape, torture, mental illness, death) as plot devices gratuitous depiction of violence
-So-called random shit that is supposed to be amusing but is in fact the opposite
-So-called original characters which are actually poorly-disguised self-inserts

All of this is so unbearable that...

-I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spork after I read your story
-I was left with the deep urge to vomit (preferably on you)
-my cries of horror and indignation were heard halfway across town
-the canon characters would probably kill themselves (or you) if they read this fic
-you should never be allowed near a keyboard again
-all fans of the Avatar fandom are screaming and writhing in pain
-DiMartino and Koneitzko will set their lawyers on you.

As penance, you must...

-take down this story at once, or expect more flames
-watch The Teletubbies and Super Milk Chan and Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo continuously for a week
-apologise to your readers for your ignorance
-smash up your keyboard and insert the pieces into any chosen orifice of your anatomy
-Watch every episode of Avatar until you know them all by heart
-give up all your worldly possessions and become a monk/nun
-have your hands cut off so you may never besmirch the literary world with your garbage.
-throw away your vibrator and stop masturbating to impure thoughts of Zuko

In closing, I'd like to say...

-The spacebar is your friend, as is the Enter Key. Use both.
-Netspeak is a unacceptable form of writing. Netspeak is Netspeak and should not be used for anything else.
-Format your story properly. use the Enter key when neccessary. Don't smush your words together. And USE SPELL CHECK.
-don't post a fanfic before you've had it beta-read by someone who knows better than you
-keep your fantasies about Zuko or Sokka or Aang or any other AtLA character to yourself
-Aang's siblings (if he has any) are dead. Aang doesnt know his parents so he can't know your sue-sibling
-Good fic has plot, tension and good writing. Your fic has none
-you owe me a new computer screen because I vomited on it.
-don't ever reproduce. The last thing we need is more Suethors.
-take your crap somewhere else (wait, don't. No one deserves to be terrorized by this)
-Stop wanking to the screencap of Zuko shirtless in the Agni Kai.
-No one cares about your fantasy
-The genre of people getting sucked onto the Avatarverse is old shit. It should be avoided at all costs.
-There is only one Avatar. ONE. Only He/She may bend more than one element. Repeat after me. There is only ONE avatar.
-There are only four elements to bend. No more. No less. Fire, Earth, Air, and Water. NOT Shadow, Light, Love, or some Sparklypoo shit.
-Zuko does not belong with any form of original character. He belongs with Katara or Toph or even Aang. Anyone that is a canon character!
-Zuko is NOT a pussy who will slobber over any girl, nor is he a OMFG wangst kind of guy. Katara is not a PMS bitch, nor is she a nonexistent being that needs to be discarded when the Mary Sue makes her appearance. Iroh is much more than some tea-swilling old man. And Aang is NOT a ADHD kid who has had too much sugar. Don't assrape the characters for your twisted purposes.
-Fantasies are just that-fantasies. If you want to fantasize yourself in the Avatarverse-by all means, go ahead. It IS fun. However, keep it to yourself, and your notebook and/or sketchbook.
-If Zuko saw how you treated him in this story he would set you on fire. Seriously. His character has been raped and twisted so many times into OOCness that even Ozai and Azula would feel bad for him.
-The only people who review your story are your little sockpuppet Suethor friends. You are not taken seriously by anyone else. Keep your fantasies to your little cliques.
-Learn from this list. It is designed to help you. Yes, it is brutal but the truth hurts, sweetie.

And last but certainly not least...may Azula use you for target practice.

This is pretty much my all-purpose you're-a-shitty-writer flame for the Avatar section. I'd get around to making one for the Potterverse, but...meh, I'm lazy. Later!

 

Not bad, let me try this game, it looks like fun..

alright this isn't mine, i actually just read the summary, which had a shit load of mispellings and new right away that i would find a good flame, it didn't disappoint...

a harry/gaby story..
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3182564/1/

 

Woah!

Such creativity!!

I really hope you never find my story...

 

Well i didn't know i could check my old reviews so i found a few decent ones nothing to good.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3133593/1

from "His Destiny" again..

 

just a couple of shorts

For the illiterate.

For those oh so wonderful lets have teachers fucking first years fics.

Standard

My Immortal

I do loath that girl, mostly because it is people like her that ruin things for anyone that actually enjoys darkwave.

 

Alter: Brilliant one w/ the one about abortion stance, i might have to use that one..

 

Code:

Thank you for this wonderful piece of literature. 
                  - And that, my friend, contained more words spelled correctly than your whole fic. 

Short and sweet.
You really can't get more ownage for as many words.

Ps. Have they reset the FF.net profiles? I'm sure I've posted More than five reviews.

 

This is what I gave to a HP/Spyro the Dragon/Sabrina/Stargate crossover. I need mind bleach. I hope you don't mind that I used your flame, Alter Alias, but it needed to be done.

 

Brazilianpimp deleted his story. I'm actually hurt, I was just about to post a second flame.

Ah well, I'll just post it here then... It was great fun, I needed a break from my serious reviews.

First, a semi-serious review for his first chapter (the crapfest he had worked on after being flamed).

Then... Enters the second chapter.

The 'author' of the Thing just followed Step One. All isn't lost.

EDIT: for those wondering, the 'I can't find the pr0n' line is Xiph0's.

 

You, my friend, have done DLP proud. Rep for that.

EDIT: As if you needed it; just as a sign of ultimate respect from me

 

Probably the best flame i have ever read, congradulations.

 

There's a reason why she's called the Review Goddess.

 

One of the few flame-like reviews I've ever given outside DLP.

For "Harry Potter and the Secret of the Prophecy".

 

Sree, if you were a chick, I'd stalk you. You are now my favorite flamer. In the context of this thread, of course.

Hmm...I was checking out those flames on toohot2handle, and this was one of her replies:

Wow...just wow.

I left my own bit of criticism at the end; truly, i feel that it shows a mastery of the english language that is beyond the author's primitative comprehension.