Tinn, none of us can match your flamey goodness. Actually Lord Voldemort probably could(where the hell did he go, anyways?), but eh. You turned flaming into an art form.

Andro: Better a goat than a sheep. Around here at any rate.

Edit: Dammit, I couldn't help it. I had to see this travesty. I wish I hadn't, but now I feel this insatiable urge to indulge in FAMIB. I flamed, but not posting. Not worth it.

 

I'm not certain I should be upping this necro, but although my flame is comparatively mild, I feel like sharing.

Realizations @ 8 2008-03-282008-03-28Congratulations. You have successfully turned me off this story. The interruption in narration and unnecessary break for substandard poetry is pretty much the last straw.

 

I'm just surprised you reached chapter 8 of that abomination.

And lulz, she inserted her own poem into it.

 

Yeah, well, I was bored and due to my home-boundedness, I sometimes have a high tolerance to crap.

 

I deserved this for reading any and all azkaban fics I could find.



The Chimera's Call @ 3
2007-04-032007-02-25

Did you make Harry into the most feminine character ever, or is it just me? Yes he is even more feminine than a woman.

 

I've done that, too, though I'm fairly quick with the X when it turns out to be a really bad Azkaban story.

 

Speaking of which, I have an idea for an Azkaban fic... but it's not exactly DLP-worthy.

Well, realistically, I suppose you could write one where Harry comes out batshit insane and go from there. If you were writing a Neville-as-BWL, it might work.

 

Yeah, well, I have a massive plot bunny for an absolute alternate universe that I doubt would be something friendly to DLP. No ships, but no Dark Lord, either. It's one in which Tom Riddle was adopted from the orphanage at a very young age and never became the Dark Lord... There's more politics and such in it, but I doubt that many DLPers would be interested.

 

That's called "Altered Destinies."

 

Well, I finally gave in and flamed the brain-dead reptile who wrote "The Poker Game," which is currently being demolished in the review thread.

Props to BJH for pointing out 'Number Four' in the review thread.


Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4081016/1/The_Poker_Game



I rarely flame, but I'm mildly obsessed with poker, and I cannot - and will not - let this one go.

Number One: Odds.
The odds of getting a full house in 5-card draw poker are, including the draw, approximately 530:1. Unlikely, but it does happen. That, however, means that the odds of two people having a full house in the same round is approximately 285000:1. Odds of two flushes in a round is only slightly better. Odds of 4 of a kind- without accounting for the other insanely unlikely hands that round - are worse than 2500:1. Odds for Harry's 5 of a kind: 2869684:1. Couple that with the 4 of a kind... well, it MIGHT happen every couple centuries or so. Maybe.

Number Two: Game Type.
5-card draw is emphatically not suited to high stakes games; it is far less a game of skill than community card poker variants. Omaha would work, as it relies heavily on reads. Hold 'em is the current favorite for high stakes, and is a nice bled of odds, reads, and luck. Stud, razz, or any of the innumerable other variants would have worked better.

Number Three: Skill.
The best hand doesn't always win, ESPECIALLY in high stakes games. When playing amongst friends with no money involved, there is no reason to fold - no incentive to avoid a loss - so the best hand generally does win. With a monetary incentive included, that changes; the mathematical odds of a loss and the read of your opponent become very important in determining how much, if any, you are willing to risk.

Number Four: Epic WTF moment.
This was pointed out to me by others on a forum I post at. Said forum will not be named for fear of my being blamed for inviting fuckwits to the party. 11 players. 5 cards each. 55 cards total, BEFORE the draw. Even with jokers - and jokers are essentially never used in moneyed games - there are 54 cards in a deck. Are you seeing the discrepancy here, or should I send you a calculator?

Number Five: Suit Ranks.
They don't exist. Period. Flushes are ranked numerically only, not by suit. King high hearts flush beats a low clubs flush. Always, and Utterly.

Onwards beyond the travesty of a poker game....

The Firewhiskey, ye freakin' gods: the Firewhiskey. I'll be reasonable and assume the alcohol content of Firewhiskey is roughly equal to normal whiskey. I don't care how much Harry drank as a child - and I'll be nice and ignore the random insert into canon - half a handle of whiskey will make anyone drunk. A bottle, in the time frame we're talking about, would drop a 300 lb Irishman. Starting on a second bottle, particularly for a small individual like Harry - is death. Literally. You pass out, and either you get your stomach pumped, or you die.

The plot: Cliché. Note the capitol letter there. I'll read Harem! fics every now and then, but this just bites. No character development, no identifiable plot - just Harry moaning and bitching about his willing servants not going free, and being too 'noble' to sleep with them. Sorry, seen it before. Far too many times, actually. Bastard!Snape defending Malfoy is equally, if not more, overused. I felt my IQ drop, and after suffering through the entire poker game, that's quite the accomplishment.

If you don't play poker, don't write poker. An original idea or two might help as well, though thats the lesser of the offenses for once. I assure you that is not a complement to your plot, but rather an indication of my indescribable disgust with the poker game.

A.R.

 

No, it's not. Neither Harry nor time travel were involved. Neither Voldemort war ever happened, though WWII did. And it's set in the same time peroid as the original stories--when Harry begins Hogwarts in 1991.

 

One I just submitted to this piece of shit, courtesy of WTF! Fics.