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Complete Hallows and Pathos by Perspicacity - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Voice of the Nephilim, Feb 28, 2009.

  1. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    I assure you some of the PM I've received have been at least as entertaining. (I'd post them, but I don't share private messages as a rule).
     
  2. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    You're too honorable.
     
  3. silverlasso

    silverlasso Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Some of your physics/math background seems to have made its way into the story. I found all of this particularly enjoyable...especially "Mathemagica." (May I ask who developed it?)

    Great characterizations; the entire Ravenclaw/Merlin thing at the end could have been expanded upon, but other than that, I found everything simply delightful.

    5/5
     
  4. Rhapsody Belle

    Rhapsody Belle Sixth Year

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    Solid writing, refreshingly new premise, enough magical technobabble muttered insanely to really show Hermione lost it... The ending was a bit wan though, exactly as other people had said: "and it was all a dream."

    4.5/5 from me.
     
  5. Random Shinobi

    Random Shinobi Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    Hermione went from obsessed to Mad Killer in a single paragraph. Insane Molly. Weird superpowers. Depressing end.

    Do not want.

    However, it's still well written, which makes it head and shoulders above the average FF.net trash and so I must grudgingly give it 3/5.
     
  6. Shadowglen

    Shadowglen First Year

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    This is a decent story.

    While the genre itself is not really my cup of tea, this story's length and overall feel made itself stand out. The writing is excellent and the content is just baffling enough to keep the reader hooked and in suspense, but not too confused. Dark and dreary, it is a refreshing look at an admittedly humdrum character.

    I will again compliment this story's length, as it was just right. Long enough for a good story, but served as this style demands. In small doses.

    4/5.
     
  7. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

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    It was excellent! However, I do feel that, especially after the murder of Ginny and Harry's daughter, that Hermione deserved quite a bit more than her memories of the traumatic experience. I developed quite a well of hatred for her while reading the story, as I'm sure many others did, and you didn't give us an outlet to relieve that tension.

    I personally thought Harry being giving the chance to be reunited with Ginny killed the build up to Chapter 2's final scene. Hermione having to deal with the consequences of not only ruining her best friend's life, but sentencing him to an eternity under Death's control would be much more sickening... and fulfilling.

    Merlin was bogus, but the revival of Dumbledore was cool. I think that part would be better done with Harry v Dumbledore (long drawn out end of the OoTP-type duel) and Hermione sadistically mocking him, occasionally throwing something at him just to fuck with him. Harry, barely alive after defeating Dumbledore, gets to see Dumbledore revived once again. Then he has to make the proverbial deal with the devil...

    Still, this story was fucking awesome, dude. I wish I could write one this well! 4.5/5, and I honestly believe the "rewrite" will be a 5/5.
     
  8. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Oh, wow. Won't waste time rehashing what's been said already.

    1/Planck's constant out of five. :awesome
     
  9. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    The story is good, but what really makes this great is this review on SIYE:

    http://www.siye.co.uk/siye/reviews.php?sid=128352

    Lulz.
     
  10. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

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  11. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    For what it's worth, SIYE announced their winners in the contest where I entered this piece.

    Hallows and Pathos won "Best Overall" and "Best Drama".
     
  12. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Grats!! You definitely deserved the win there.

    Now hopefully you'll get some more flames. They entertain me.
     
  13. Silens Cursor

    Silens Cursor The Silencer DLP Supporter

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    Great work, Pers... your story definitely earned those awards, even if they are coming from SIYE. Props also on handling yourself so well over there after that review - I can't see how anyone can publish fics there, but then again, I can't write any H/G to save my life.

    If this story doesn't make it into the library, I don't know what can. Keep writing, and I'm still looking forward to that Dagger & Rose sequel...
     
  14. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Lawl, I don't know whether to congratulate or commiserate with you. I think I'll settle for a 'well done'. ;)
     
  15. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    Thanks, Oz. For your enjoyment:

     
  16. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Lawl. Reply with "Apology accepted." Never hurts to be polite. :p
     
  17. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Registered an account and replied:


     
  18. Kaz Hirai

    Kaz Hirai Squib

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    As someone who thought of the Deathly Hallows as nothing but the panicked contrivances of a writer who realized, too late, that she had written herself into an unsatisfying corner, I really like how you've expanded on their powers and made them genuinely interesting magical artifacts. The way they slowly obsess their holders and drive them to madness was fittingly Lovecraftian.

    That said, certain elements of the story detracted from my enjoyment. Personally, I believe that the personification of death is inherently ridiculous and therefore deleterious to the quality of a work, but have made peace with the frequent use of this awful trope in otherwise readable stories. Still: Death as a bird-person? Really? Not an unimaginable eldrich horror from the void between worlds, not a formless madness from beyond the veil, the endless tortures from which it was coalesced reflected in its hellish, unnatural geometries, not the cold darkness itself, wearing down the clockwork of our world with its uncaring, inexorable entropy, a bird man. A bird man who molts constantly and keeps leaving feathers of infinite power everywhere it goes.

    Also, the all-star confrontation between Harry, Dumbledore, Merlin, and Lady Ravenclaw was overambitious and ultimately disappointing. It's the equivalent of suddenly pitting the protagonist against Superman, Neo, and an atomic bomb simultaneously only to have him handily succeed during the first round. Harry never realizes the gravity of the fact that the most powerful and knowledgable wizards of all time (and Dumbledore) were ripped from the clutches of death itself so that they could superhero-team-up in order to kill him. He putzes around for a while, dies, comes back, and instantly defeats Dumbledore and Merlin in rapid succession.

    Finally, after Harry Accepted The Darkness, Became That Which He Fought Against, etc. the lightning-quick transition to the story's bittersweet conclusion was extremely jarring.

    Kabbalistic incantations older than time itself: Do it.
    Harry: No.
    *Harry walks into afterlife with Ginny, Hermione is instantly re-accepted by Weasley clan despite her murder of Ginny, Ginny's unborn child, indirect murder of Harry, attempted murder of Arthur*

    TLDR: 3.5-4/5 Would read again despite flaws.
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2009
  19. Shadowglen

    Shadowglen First Year

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    I'm going to chime in with Oz here and say "well done". I can't for the life of me understand why you would post anything at SIYE at all, ever, but what really blows me away is that they actually gave you an award. That site is the antithesis of this one, and probably more nazi-ish with their messed up values than most DLPers, to boot, but hey, just goes to show, right?
     
  20. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    Fixed that for you, Yoko. You never use a big word when a miniscule one will do, right?

    Pers, I do believe you hurt that bitch's feelings. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you.