1. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hey DLP authors, there's a bit less than a month left to wow us with your story about Daphne or Azkaban.

    The Author applies the words to the paper or it gets the hose. Write or die! The more the merrier.

    Click here for more information!
    Dismiss Notice

Complete Hallows and Pathos by Perspicacity - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Voice of the Nephilim, Feb 28, 2009.

  1. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    980
    Location:
    Where idiots are not legally permitted to vote
    High Score:
    3,994
    I think "diminutive" is the word you're looking for.

    Kaz Hirai makes several good points (e.g., the underwhelming battle scene; the unsatisfying ending) that others have touched on. The ending in particular wasn't optimal, in part because of SIYE site requirements. (There had to be something of a happy ending for the two). Now that the piece has been judged there, I plan to tweak the posting on ff.net to make it more satisfying.

    I think she misses one point, however. Nearly every religious tradition personifies death in some fashion, so it shouldn't be too much of a stretch to think that Harry, who is the Master of Death, is destined to be its avatar. nonjon's point that Harry doesn't lose enough in the process is apropos, something I expect to fix. (Also, I'd point out that in my story Death was an angel, not a parakeet. Both have feathers, granted, but they evoke somewhat different things in the mind of the reader).
     
  2. Dareycow

    Dareycow Fifth Year

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2008
    Messages:
    141
    Like a lot of others I thought the story was great except the extremely unsatisfying ending. Execution, quality etc. of the story is way above average for fanfiction. The fight scene between Harry and Dumbledore/Rowena/Merlin seems a bit weak, but still good.

    The thing I dislike the most like others is the repercussions Hermione receives for her actions. What fucking repercussions? She goes physco, kills one of her best friends and her daughter and is forgiven just like that?

    An explantion as to why Dumbledore did what he did to Hermione wouldn't go amiss either.

    Chapter 1 and most of Chapter 2: 4/5.

    End of Chapter 2 and Epilogue: 1/5.

    Overall: 2.5 (Rated on personal satisfaction, not quality)
     
  3. Bittersweet

    Bittersweet Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    323
    Wow.
    That is all
     
  4. Khazad-Dumb

    Khazad-Dumb Loves the Gay Porn DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2008
    Messages:
    1,417
    Location:
    Clutch City, USA
    Damn good stuff Pers, damn good stuff. The end battle and the epilogue were rather weak, but altogether, it was good stuff. 4/5 from me.
     
  5. royalduke

    royalduke Backtraced

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2009
    Messages:
    37
    Location:
    New York City, United States of America
    Very good story, even though I didn't read it.
     
  6. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    980
    Location:
    Where idiots are not legally permitted to vote
    High Score:
    3,994
    Thanks, um, I think.
     
  7. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    8,887
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Baile Átha Cliath
    What Pers is too polite to say is that you're a fucking moron.
     
  8. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    So far you've had a 100% posting fail rate.

    If you've spent a year lurking and you're still this fucking stupid, there's no way you're going to get any smarter.

    So please stop posting.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2009
  9. Portus

    Portus Heir

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2008
    Messages:
    2,553
    Location:
    Music City
    I finally got round to reading this piece. I'd been putting off reading it for two reasons: one, I thought it was going to be longer than it is, and two, I don't like Dark!Hermione as a general rule. Yes I know, both reasons are stupid, but there they are anyway. Now that I've read it, I'm kicking myself for not doing so as soon as it was published, as I could've read and re-read this jewel numerous times by now.

    I find it hard to believe that you crammed that much story into just two chapters, or what amounted to 32 pages when I printed it to a PDF. Amazing. The characterization was very, very good, and I liked that everything wasn't just hunkey-dorey a-okay for all involved once Voldemort had been defeated, that there were in fact mental and psychological scars for almost everyone involved. I was a little surprised at first that Molly was in denial or a bit crazed or spell-damaged about Fred being dead, but that simply added to Harry's guilt, having to endure Molly's fresh realization and everyone else's heartache over and over again.

    Another nice touch was how Harry was trying to move forward with his own healing in a natural way, by getting on with his life, while it seemed to me that Hermione was subtly trying to use the "emotional scars" angle to get Harry to give her the Hallows. Nicely done with the hints at obsession and manipulation if that's what you were aiming for.

    I have a few of the same nitpicks as previous posters, such as arguably letting Hermione off the hook somewhat at the end, but I definitely understand all the reasoning with the site to which you were submitting the story, etc. My thinking about Harry versus D'dore, Merlin and Ravenclaw, though, was that had Hermione really meant to demoralize Harry, she should have brought back D'dore along with, say James and Lily Potter, or perhaps D'dore, Voldemort and maybe Sirius. I'm saying that assuming that Hermione could make any of the puppets resurrected into over-powered puppets as well.

    I do have a few questions that I didn't see asked or answered in this thread, so forgive me if you've made them clear already.

    Why did the Cloak and Wand touching cause Death to come and kill the house elf? I ask because surely at some point while he had the Cloak, D'dore (who had the Wand) would have inadvertently brought the two into contact, and at some point while wearing the Ring, D'dore would have touched the Ring to the Wand, and D'dore was never the Master of Death, so why was D'dore not struck down by Death as well? By the same token, as Harry walked to his "death" in DH, he had the Ring with him under the Cloak, and he wasn't struck down either, but then again, perhaps Harry was already the Master of Death, having mastered the Wand when he beat Draco, and having just gotten the Ring from the Snitch? Maybe I'm being too picky or something, but I was confused and wanted to know what you thought.

    What is your take on the ending, as far as the Hallows? Do you see Hermione again trying to unite them, as she immediately opened the book to the correct page? What happened to any of the three, because no way would the Ministry allow such powerful artifacts to escape their "control" unless Harry took one or more of them through the Veil with him or Ron somehow hid them from everyone (not likely).

    Anyway, that's my two cents, and let me say again that it was a stellar piece of work. When are you planning to post the reworked version? I won't stall on reading it next time.

    5/5 from me, even though I want the darker version.

    Belated Congratulations.
     
  10. Mage

    Mage Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2006
    Messages:
    1,517
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington, DC
    Well, I've finally gotten around to reading this and I must say it's excellent. Even more so considering it was written a year ago and I still haven't seen a story like it. I do have a couple of questions though, the first is the one asked by Potus (maybe you recieved an answer on irc or through a pm, but I'm pretty curious.

    Is the only thing special about the elder wand that it's core is a feather of death? Or were there some other things that special about it that Hermione was able to figure out because of all the research she had done? Also, when the owl that looked like Hedwig died was it because Harry's powers as death were fluctuating out of control? That's what I took away from it, but I wasn't quite sure.

    Overall, an amazing story that really is a unique take on the hallows. The characterization was really well done, especially Ron. I would highly recommend that if you haven't read this that you do so.
     
  11. EthyleneGlycol

    EthyleneGlycol Second Year

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2010
    Messages:
    57
    Location:
    The States
    I say, unreservedly, that this is quite possibly one of the best pieces of fanfiction I've ever read.

    The characterization was deep and well-developed; the plot was dark and well done; and the character interactions were well done. I loved the take on the Hallows and how both of Harry and Hermione's defining traits (selflessness and intellectual curiosity, respectively) were there undoing.

    I also liked the ending as well. I don't think Harry striking down Hermione would have fit with who Harry was at all. He had fought so hard against becoming Death, and when he finally accepted it, he used his powers to not strike down his best friend, but to give his other friend another chance to live. Also, I feel like Hermione's feelings of guilt would torture her throughout her life, which is why the last line of the story was the perfect note to end on.

    5/5