Ok this is better but my first question would be how he would have gone on vacation that summer? The Dursley's would never take him and Dumbledore wants him to stay put and safe so unless he "runs away" on his own I'm not sure how I could see him doing that. If you can come up for realistic reasons to answer those question it might work.

I'm going to warn you right away that some people will be put off the story right away with this. Multi compartmental trunks have become very very cliche over the years. Since it's just a trunk and or backpack I think it will be ok but don't fall down the trap of making the trunk have an apartment in it. I am usually ok with cliched writing but that it one thing that has gotten to me, so I know if it bugs me, it will bug others. The magical tent is fine. Again having it warded by Goblins will annoy some as it is another cliche element. At least make Harry pay for it. This whole be nice to the Goblins and they will do anything for you is very non-canon.

The rest of this seems ok. I'd add another major plot element though unless you are planning on writing just the Harry/Fleur relationship and nothing to do with Voldemort. If your planning on writing through the TWT, I'd change it up a bit. Make new tasks or at least new ways of beating them. There aren't many stories out there with different tasks so I enjoy them when I can find them.

 

I'm partial to Metamorphmagus!Harry. Could be interesting.

Yeah, could work.

Bloodwardsayswhat.Dumbledoresayswhat.Siriussayswhat.

No.

Dursleys aren't going to fork out for Harry to learn French and it isn't taught at a primary level in Britain as far as I know.

No. Thirteen year old kid saves Gabrielle from force that can overcome whatever protections she has? No.

Yeah, could work. But seriously, spelling and grammar. They're not optional here.

Slice of life. Sounds boring, but could work.

I strongly recommend you read some of the more recent high tier fiction. The DLP C2 is a decent place to start.

 

Let's... just take this bit by bit, okay? Ignoring all of the misspellings.

I wonder why you make these changes to canon when as far as I can tell they have no effect on the rest of the idea.

That's mighty convenient. Why would Harry know French? I'm not entirely up-to-date on British school curricula, but I doubt they offer comprehensive lessons in French at the age Harry would've been to know the language before he came to Hogwarts.

Furthermore, why would he leave on a vacation to France, all of a sudden? I know I sure wasn't heading out to foreign countries when I was 13/14-ish all by myself.
You have to consider the blood wards, too. And the fact Pettigrew is still on the loose. And the whole Quidditch Tournament.

Even more convenient, I guess, that he just manages to stumble across a kidnapping attempt.

I suppose that's a decent reason for a kidnapping attempt to be made, at least. Fleur's father having a high position in the French magical government is popular to the point of being cliché, though.

Not much to say about this bit, really. Honestly it sounds pretty boring.

Altogether, it's not unsalvageable - a talented writer could do a decent fic with it. Provided the bad bits like the magical trunk or the "suddenly Harry is a metamorph" thing are left out.
The main problem is Harry's sudden decision to go to France for a vacation, IMO.

One solution I could see is Dumbledore tasking Sirius with some sort of mission in France, and he takes along Harry to bond or something. Depending on the mission, there's no need for the kidnapping thing or whatever. It's an easy way to nudge Harry into whatever direction you want him, and you're not reliant on clichés like the trunk.

Ditch the fucking trunk, if nothing else.

 

We're either dealing with a troll or an idiot. Not sure which bothers me most.

 

Thats actually not a bad idea. Probably one of the only ways I could see this happening unless he gets invited to go on vacation to France with Hermione's family but even that doesn't deal with the Blood Ward problem. The vacation to France just seems totally random. I think Harry being kidnapped over the summer and taken to France for some reason is more believable than his sudden vacation.

I couldn't agree with this more. When I first got into Harry Potter Fan Fiction last year I couldn't understand why some people got so angry about "cliches" in stories because I was just seeing them for the first time and I'm even ok with a lot of them to an extent now. I'm still a fan of a good Indy!Harry fic once and a while but I really can't stand the trunks. I think I enjoyed it the first time but after that it makes me want to nope out of a fic as soon as I see it.

 

I despise Rescue-induced romances, this is a cheap way for the character to win a LI's affection without effort by the author to develop their relationship, it's one of the most used and abused clichés in history, it's a little sexist considering the whole 'women must be rescued', it makes the relationship unequal with one in debt with the other, it adds nothing to the characterisarion of characters like Harry who we know is a hero and rescues people.

I want a Fleur who is like Mab. Mean, bitch, deliciously so, knows she is boner-induncing stuff personified and uses it, no, rolls on it, has a reason to be like that and is so with no regrets, and is more competent then Harry. And that's fine. Being better at magic isn't everything. Harry's charm was never that he had the biggest stick around.

 

So relevant question for Europeans/British people on the forum: How common is it to be multilingual in your area? In America, it really varies based on location since it's a big-ass country full of immigrants, but what are the odds that Harry would end up speaking French? (Ignore any Dursley influence of xenophobia or wanting Harry not to succeed, etc.) Are foreign languages something taught in school?

 

Vernon Dursley is a businessman. He works for a drill company. So, from that, how often would he come across someone from France during business deals? England and France is not that far away.

 

He's also a bigot, so I can't see him learning French. More the type to hire a translator.

 

Completely agree.

Don't agree as much here. It can be sexist if it's written in the way you described, but it doesn't have to be written that way. She can do the heavy lifting in any fight scene, for instance, and it's simply the presence of a second person that tilts the battle, even if Harry's not as strong magically. He still "saves" Fleur, but not because Fleur's helpless.

It can also help characterization, especially if told from Fleur's POV—not that Harry rescues people, but maybe she sees his confidence in such situations. Or, in a negative sense, she thinks he's not "man enough" to do what needs to be done when he stuns someone, instead of injuring or killing them and assuring they would survive. (Of course, if you're just referring to what's been written in FF, then yeah, there's too much "Oh, my savior!" crap going on.

Interesting. How would you keep her as a character that readers would actually like to see Harry with? Or would you?

Absolutely.

Unless, of course, you have Harry learning French because you're entire fic is about Harry pissing Fleur off every chance he gets until he has her so thoroughly twisted about that she finds herself starting to like him, and gets even more pissed off at him for it.
Invictus That could play into your "mean bitch" idea as well.

At least, that's my view on it.

So, jedielfsorcerer, if there isn't a reason for Harry to be something, don't give him the trait. If you're trying to round out a character, fine, but don't make it a "THIS-IS-AWESOME" trait.

If you're going to get Harry and Fleur together (meeting each other) before fourth year, please don't do it by him saving someone. It screams Plot-Device! And doubly-so if he's on a so-called vacation.

Oh, and the whole "Dances with Goblins" is just craptacular. Goblins run a bank for wizards. They do nothing else. Going to Gringots has pretty much become a Deuce Ex Machina - yeah, deuce, because it's twice as slit-my-wrists-to-make-it-end as pretty much any other cliche outside of Ron!Bashing or Manipulative!Dumbledore.

 

We do but A) its only enough to know how to ask someone to pass the croissants, and B) I'm talking with a naughties perspective, I've no idea what it was like in the late 80s when Harry would have been going to primary school.

Then again, from what I remember of Philosopher's Stone Little Whinging seemed to be a fairly typical middle class, commuter area of southern Britain so I wouldn't count them teaching French in primary school as impossible.

Honestly, reading that story idea, the bit where he already magically knew French was one of the less appalling bits.

 

Different idea then:

There are some stories, like:

This Means War
(harry\ginny pairing)

or

Blue Steel

where Dumbledor is NICE person. That type of Albus works for this one.

There are others stories that Albus is the person who takes care of the Potter Estate WITHOUT stealing from Harry. Paying the bills that the estate has, etc.

This Albus is needed.

.........
Once Harry reaches Hogwarts, Albus, on the weekends has been teaching Harry about the Potters, the Potter Estate, etc.

After 2nd year, Albus takes Harry to France for 2 reasons:

1) The usable parts of the serpent king--selling them to different governments and good people, etc. Harry needs to see in action how things like this is done.

2) There are business deals, allies, etc. that the Potter Estate has, that Harry is needed to be there to work.

Through meeting these people, and bumping into other people in the french ministry of magic, Harry meets the Delacours.
Could have it where Fleur's grandfather was friends with Harry's grandfather, etc.

Harry has an interesting time talking to the Delacours. And after talks between the Delacours, Harry, and Albus, they agree that Harry and Fleur become penpals.

Albus takes Harry to France for few deals and such few times in July.

 

My second primary school had us learning French from Year 3 (age of 7/8), but not to any real amount. Basic conversational language, and simple words. My first primary school didn't teach any secondary languages.

High School (only one for about 10 miles in any direction, so everyone goes to it) taught everyone French in Year 7 and 8 (being 11-13), and then added German in Year 9 for the top set. You then picked one or both to do at GCSE. You couldn't pick neither.

However, very few people took it further. And very few people bother speaking it after the fact.
So most people in my local area will have a basic smattering of French, and some will also have German.
Can't speak for elsewhere though.

 

With the kind of competition Harry is up against (potentially) for Fleur's heart, minding the age gap (~ 4 between fleur and Bill) - curse breaker, Head boy, dragon fang earring, etc. he would have to do something fuckin' amazing to be evaluated FAVORABLY as a 14 year old vs a 22 yo who has all this going for him.

Especially with someone who's the equivalent of an entire country's prom queen (i exaggerate a bit, but she's run into a LOT of dudes).

Harry would have to completely shed his leetle boy instincts and establish himself as a man in her eyes.

Anyway, plot points:
1. I think after the Department of Mysteries is a great time to start. Harry + 5 vs the biggest and baddest of the Death Eaters, and even though Sirius dies, Harry has done at 15 what most men can't do at 25.
2. Taking Umbridge (from WBA) seems to roll with this already, but the main question is, why is Fleur in proximity with Harry? Is there a way to do this without pulling off a Weasley bash? Disagreeing with the Order's way of hiding info is one valid approach IMO, thinking he's not learning enough is another.
3. Summer past 4th year, Fleur is in Gringotts bettering her Engleesh. Runs more into Bill. Why NOT Bill? They have a full year before the DoM incidents happen.

At least, these are the sticking points for WHY HarryXFleur.

Maybe they find Harry performing some (feeling the symptoms of) forbidden magic that no one else can identify because it's French, and Fleur happens to recognize it and corner him about it.

After the DoM + death of Sirius, Harry wants to spend his summer somewhere safe, completely away from familiarity while he comes to terms with all this. France is an option, no one tells the Delacour girls much, they find out AFTER he arrived about the events at the Ministry.
Now the angsty quiet teen is not a leetle boy, he's seen things a man's seen.

Maybe he saves her once too?

 

oh my god stop

I love the enthusiasm but continuously taking a mishmash of clichés and positing the result as an original plot bunny is utter tomfoolery.

 

To be honest, the best way I see it happening is post Hogwarts, with Harry being a tad more mature than we see in canon.

One such idea that popped into my head was Harry not being the focus of the prophecy, Neville taking his place, and having grown up normally- raised by Sirius or the Potters themselves, whatever. He graduates from Hogwarts and ends up working in Gringotts as a curse breaker or an enchanter or even as a liaison from the Ministry (which is far more interesting imo).
Either way he ends up meeting and working with Fleur, building a friendly relationship with her as he does so.

Meanwhile, the war with Voldemort is picking up with him having revived later, and through a different route from canon. Harry, naturally, joins the Order, with Fluer getting caught up as well.
There are a lot of ways to progress from there, but it's a solid base. To be honest, you can make it work even with Harry being the boy-who-lived, but I always liked the idea of a relatively more normal Harry who might not be the main character, but still has a solid role as the hero of his own little story.

 

The biggest problem in H/F relationship is to get them into same room, and talking to each other. After that there's many qualities in Harry you can use (and amplify...) to eventually make Fleur attracted to him.

To me the obvious solution would then be to change the Tournament. Add tasks that require co-operation. Make it into even more of a death trap, that forces Fleur to change her view of Harry as a "leetle boy" and show her that yeah, Harry just might not be in this for personal glory. Change the events so that Harry helps Fleur instead of Cedric with his inside information. Get Voldemort resurrected already in the first task, and get the Order formed early.

And even if the H/F part fails in the story, at least you get to show new, awesome magic instead of simply going over and boringly repeating the same old canon tasks.

 

I've been toying with a post-Hogwarts idea, Harry in his early twenties. Say, canon compliant for the most part, except that damned 19 Years Later epilogue, and perhaps Fleur not being married, though that can change, as well.

We've got Harry sorting out Voldemort. He's commitment free for the first time in his life. Sure, there's Ginny. But I think most of us know that high school sweethearts rarely if ever work out. God bless the ones that do.

He doesn't do much to mend Wizarding Britain after Voldemort's fall. Indeed, why would he? There are a plethora of competent people, far more competent than Harry, to mend the government. He could, perhaps, be vocal against moves he doesn't see as helping - and his voice sways public opinion - but I imagine Harry taking some time out after Hogwarts/Voldemort.

I mean, what do most kids do after high school - they go abroad, they plan either further education or they pick up a trade. Harry happens to be wealthy enough to go and do whatever he wants.

He leaves Britain. He goes off to see the world, because he can and, let's be honest, he's earned it.

He sets up shop somewhere nobody knows his name. Somewhere warm, on the beach, perhaps. Any of the coastal cities in Australia. Maybe not Darwin. And starts building a life. Falls out with Ginny, of course, because that was never going to last, but they part as friends. He keeps in touch with everyone - and his friends and extended family visit him often. He hasn't gone into seclusion.

He spends his time learning a bit of magic here and there, consulting via owl post with the Ministry and declining job offers/endorsements, and makes friends/a life with the wizards/muggles in whatever hot part of the world he's settled in.

He has enough money to live more than comfortably but takes the odd job - bartender, perhaps, something that's friendly. He learns how to cook - and invites people over weekly for small dinner parties, so on, and so forth. Indeed, he has as real taste for cooking, without magic. And wants to show off his skills.

That's where the story starts. We've got a real world Harry - not some saviour, not some prophesied Chosen One. That part of his life is over, now we get to see his real character.

Of course, Fleur attends one of his dinner parties. Most likely unmarried. She's mid-twenties and Harry's early twenties, so the age thing doesn't mean a thing. They connect over a great dinner, in Harry's house overlooking the sea. The sunshine and good people have worked wonders on our pale English lad, and he's genuinely happy for the first time in his life.

He cooks delicious food, there's plenty of drink, and perhaps a few young kids/toddlers in attendance from some of the Hogwarts crowd, which Harry gets along with amazingly. Let's the kids help him in the kitchen, video games set up, snitch floating around, and he has a few dogs that are absurdly playful and friendly.

From this opening scene and a bit of back story, we get Harry meeting Fleur in an adult setting. We have a Harry with his life together. Fleur wants to come back, they strike up a friendship.

Of course, there's an inciting incident.

Perhaps a series of magical murders in Harry's home city, and one of them touches close to home - a friend he made or something - and it pulls him back into the darker side of the world. Perhaps he's secretly employed by the magical government of whatever city he's in, keeping an eye on wizards/witches that are showing signs of going bad. There's something there to get him back in the game.

Like the real world, Harry builds up this happy (but not quite fulfilling) life after Voldemort's downfall, but every road has a few potholes. The Boy Who Lived doesn't just get to disappear, and indeed, after all the adventures and upheaval in his formative years, could he even settle for good food, good drink, and good company?

Of course not. You either die a hero, and all that tosh... So there's the story.

 

You bastard. The story is already igniting my imagination. Glimpses, images, how things might unfold. And then there's the murders; a compelling narrative for the rest of the story to unfold around. Why aren't we reading this now?

Argh.

It's like seeing a mind-blowing movie trailer three years before the release date. I wish I hadn't seen it.

But oh, such wonders do you hold within you. Like a piñata.

 

It's Saturday arvo where I am, and I'm neck deep in a whole lot of scotch-fuelled re-writes and gin-fuelled angry letters to the Prime Minister, so this is the best I can do. It's me, as a HP piñata:



Y'all just take a bat to me - I'm full of poorly executed story.