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Harry/Fleur Community

Discussion in 'Fanfic Discussion' started by Methene, Nov 22, 2007.

  1. Maelstorm212

    Maelstorm212 Squib

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    So can we get some recent recs of Harry/Fleur and actually answer the question?
     
  2. Sey

    Sey Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    Well, Flayer is writing a good story at the moment. It is not long enough for the Library yet, but it's quite promising

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12733439/1/Blood-of-the-Tide.
    --- Post automerged ---
    The only Fleur smutfic he recc'd was one that was H/F/Gabriella. The link is https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-w-bt80EWqTHL8VdrANYU1QStEVBh87ahPiIqLHC41c/edit
     
  3. JusticeRings

    JusticeRings Muggle

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  4. Sey

    Sey Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, your story would greatly benefit from the WBA. It's already Riddled (see what I did there?) with grammatical issues on the first page -- just screams inelegance to me.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2018
  5. why?

    why? Seventh Year

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    JR isn't consistent with tenses.

    Fleur referring to her dad as "my pere" is incredibly jarring. If you really want to go down that road, try "Papa taught me the bubblehead charm last summer, so I could watch...".

    If you don't speak French yourself, maybe you'd be better off avoiding this altogether. If you want to make her sound like a French person who has trouble with English, then go on forums and watch YouTube vlogs of French people speaking English until you can start figuring out how they sound. The most obvious one would be sentences that appear to be translated literally. For e.g, "You think yourself clever, no?" ("Tu te prends pour un p'tit malin, non?")

    Anyway, there really is no need. Some authors handwave it with language acquisition potions. Just mention that she has an accent or something and leave it be.

    From what I remember of canon, there's very little known about veelas. A lot of the things you bring up are fanon ideas. Nothing wrong with that, but then I find myself wondering why I'm reading the story when there's not much of a hook. What exactly separates your story from the rest? The letters are just about all I can think of, and really, they are sort of sweet. But everything in between letters just falls flat.

    If you really have read "everything", and "nothing worked" for you, why don't you write out your own veela lore, instead of using tired cliches?

    And have you read What You Leave Behind? If not, you really should. Harry and Fleur exchange letters there.

    Ah, another thing that stood out was that Fleur accepted Voldemort being alive way too easily. She knows who Harry Potter and Voldemort are, so presumably, she knows the latter's been dead for a while. If you wanted to say she was more concerned than anything else, because of Harry's recklessness, then you didn't do a good enough job of showing it.

    If you want to improve your story, post in Work by Author.
     
  6. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros.

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    From a brief skim of chapter 1, it was...dry and boring. Which is a shame because your summary was actually decent so I had high hopes for it. Linking my Writing Advice Thread further down if you want a more in depth explanation on my criticisms.

    You Start Strong with your summary (although i disliked your title), but your opening line is weak as can be. You tell us a bunch of things (Show, don't tell) which we already know. You are also scared of your saids as well (Emphasis Fatigue is a thing). You also need to space out your story better, especially when it comes to dialogue. The whole thing is just walls of text.

    This is one of the few hard rules in writing: a new character talking should be a new paragraph.

    @why? covers a lot of problems (from more a story telling perspective) and he probably read a lot more in depth than I did. His advice is solid all around. Seconding it.

    Seen better, seen a lot worse, ultimately nothing special. 2/5 based on a brief skim of the whole thing.

    TLDR: Meh.
     
  7. JusticeRings

    JusticeRings Muggle

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    It is a first draft. Cheers.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2018
  8. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Tactical Tomato DLP Supporter

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    Revise, edit, revise, edit, repeat. Keep at it.
     
  9. why?

    why? Seventh Year

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    Anything new in this space, guys? I'll take something average.

    Please not The Life He Leads though. That was too melodramatic.

    Sophprosyne's looks promising and the reviews have gotten me excited, but I'm waiting for more updates before starting it.
     
  10. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I'll never actually write this out, but after watching the trailer for FFXV I was stuck by the dynamic of the younger, black-haired male in a relationship with an older, attractive blonde. A Noctis reincarnated as Harry and Lunafreya reincarnated as Fleur story could be interesting to read...if an author with more talent than me piloted it.
     
  11. Renaissance567892

    Renaissance567892 Muggle

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    Hey Guys,
    big fan of Harry/Fleur pairings here.

    Was reading A Snake is Born by Chaos and Tranquillity. While there are a few occasional mistakes/plotholes of a beginner writer, I gotta admit that the idea he/she uses to bring Harry and Fleur together is an excellent one:

    For one, its not another fucking soul bond/marriage contract/life debt story with a noble Harry. It’s a more realistic(-ish, like I said some plot points aren’t clearly explained) take on a previously abused and Voldy influenced Harry - making him darker and more mature, while less noble.

    In addition, the different characters also play into a very interesting and at odds with itself world. I won’t spoil it, but DEFINITELY check it out. Great idea if nothing else....

    I will say right now that this fic DEFINITELY won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and I admit it’s not perfect. BUT as a budding idea ... it is one of the best Harry/Fleur fics out there IMO of course.

    It unfortunately seems abandoned/on hiatus (unfortunately). I’m new to this forum so I was going to ask: Anyone know what happened? Did the author lose interest? Will the story be continued? Has someone adopted it? Would anyone here be interested in adopting it? Would anyone be interested in writing a fic based on a similar idea? Does one like that already exist? Etc...

    Like I said. I’m new here so don’t tear me apart pls. I’d adopt it myself but I unfortunately can’t write very well. Just not a creative writer.
     
  12. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros.

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    Chapter 1 is named Chapter 3. The author has no idea how to use punctuation marks. Walls of text. Manipulative Dumbledore.

    Skipped to chapter ten, problems with formatting got even worse.

    I'm pretty heavily in the camp of it's not the idea, it's the execution, so that might be coloring my own opinions, but I didnt really see any merit to the story. The beginning is a mess that's difficult to decipher what in fact happened. And Harry is entirely unsympathetic that I could not care less what happens to him in the story.

    I don't believe this story has come up before in the forums, or at least never with significant discussion. Thus, I don't think anyone would know why it was abandoned. We're not mind readers, but if I had to hazard a guess, statistics suggest the answer is probably Author lost motivation / real life issues got in the way.

    If someone has adopted it, a quick Google search will tell you. I am unaware of any story that merges the idea of a darker Harry being influenced by Voldemort ending up with Fleur. For a darker Harry / Fleur story... Probably Wastelands of Time and its sequel (although arguably not Hp/Fd).

    If you want to write it, write it. Dlp is here to help authors get better. The excuse that one isn't good enough isn't an excuse: newsflash, everyone starts off not good enough. You have to start somewhere.

    Now if the real answer is I don't want to put in the time and effort to become a decent author, there's no shame in that. Lots of people don't and it is a huge ask. But if you're not writing because you're afraid to fail, you shouldn't be. You will fail. Embrace failure as a chance to grow.
     
  13. Renaissance567892

    Renaissance567892 Muggle

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    If there are camps, then I’m definitely in the idea > execution camp, so that probably changes our view of this story.

    Like I said in my original post, I admit there are grammatical errors, and problems with the story.

    I know the “manipulative Dumbles” has featured in some stories before. That’s not what I meant when I said the idea is good. By ideas I mean:
    1. Harry is independent, and doesn’t blindly rely on adults around him all the time (like he does in 99.99% of other HP/FD fics). He can actually think for himself.
    2. HP and FD aren’t brought (forced) together by soul bond/marriage contract/life debt/etc.... They actually interact and talk and do stuff like ACTUAL HUMANS.
    3. I think adding the whole Fleur is a shady mafia heiress and Harry has been heavily influenced by Voldy is a cool idea.

    Basically it’s a breath of fresh air from the usual HP/FD fic. The only other fics that I read that are more or less similar in terms of having the ideas I listed ^^^^ are When a Veela Cries by E.C.Scrubb and Dagger and Rose (I think) by someone-who’s-name-I-forgot-sorry (the one where they fuck around w runes or something).

    I might take up the fic but I’ll have very little time for it. Uni, national level sports and part time job all take a toll.
     
  14. Anarchy

    Anarchy Totally Sirius DLP Supporter

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    execution is EVERYTHING. so many stories fall by the wayside because of poor planning, no matter how interesting the idea is.
     
  15. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros.

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    The more you try to describe it, the more garbage it sounds to me tbh.
     
  16. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

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    To be fair, I think you lost all credibility when you referred to Voldemort as "Voldy."

    Now I just see a drivelling idiot. You can turn this around, prove me wrong.
     
  17. Renaissance567892

    Renaissance567892 Muggle

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    True, but it gets boring reading the same thing over and over again, especially when it’s a niche pairing like this.
    --- Post automerged ---
    The fic or my explanations?
    --- Post automerged ---
    The fic or my explanations
    I came here with a question, not to be insulted. If you have criticism of the story, go ahead and post it - I don’t mind... not my story after all.
    At least answer the question though.

    If you came here just to throw insults around then fuck off.

    Cuntbag
     
  18. Microwave

    Microwave Sixth Year

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    Both.

    And your attitude.
     
  19. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Are those still around? Fuck me, I thought we'd gotten past all that a decade ago.

    Don't do that.

    It's half a step from Moldyshorts, and you're gonna catch a neverending stream of shit for it.

    But I can understand it, because -

    You aren't just new to DLP.
    You sound like you're new to the Fandom.

    You're basically the average DLP member circa 2007 - Tired of the massive amounts of garbage out there, and looking for something better.

    My advice? Lurk and Read.

    DLP has a massive catalogue of excellent stories for you to enjoy, and a Work By Author section that features the best authors in the entire Fandom. Reading the comments will also help in understanding the general mentality of the forum and why you got the response that you did.

    Since you enjoy Harry/Fleur, might I suggest The Half-Blood Romantic from WBA.

    In answer to your question - No idea what happened to the story/author. As for finding someone here to adopt it... Unlikely, based on the sound of it. Though I wish you the best of luck.

    Edit: Grammar and phrasing to be less of a cunt.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2018
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