This made me wonder if one wizard ever murdered another with the Tickling Charm or something. All you have to do is disarm the person and you can literally suffocate him to death in one of the most humiliating/disturbing ways possible, with what is perhaps the most harmless spell taught at Hogwarts.

Sorry for the randomness.

 

I changed his age so he was born in 1977 and his seventeenth birthday is only a little more than a month away. I believe that being in a corporate position such as the one Harry is in required an age boost. I mean, a 14 year old as a CEO? At least be close to his majority (17). Plus I didn't want to deal with the whole age gap with Fleur.

I see. Hmm, I'll play around with the tone and phrasing to see if I can make Harry a bit more informal.

I also see your point. I can write arrogant and narcissistic, but I'm not very good at mocking. Probably will need a little help with getting Harry's character completely nailed down.

Fleur... IMHO, I've got some interesting things planned regarding Harry and Fleur's interactions.

Thanks! I'm really interested in continuing this so I'm going to ask if anyone is willing to beta my work. I need help in fleshing out a very nebulous plot and making sure I don't screw up my characters like I did in my first draft. :facepalm. That was terrible.

Once I get the first chapter completed, I'll make a Wba thread. I won't post it on FF until it is complete.

 

@Halt: Interesting. I like it. Harry definitely seems to be apathetic and amoral towards what his product is used for. He also has a womanizing quality and touch of dry humor that fits him very well.

There is a distinct lack of context and background so far, but since this is the very beginning of the story, that's perfectly excusable.

I would definitely add some more narrative description about the settings and the character's appearances. There is little to no elaboration over what things look like which IMHO definitely needs to be there.

I would give this story around a 3.5/5 if I were to rate it now Good, with a nice take on Harry's character, but lacking in narrative description. More story is necessary for a proper rating.

BTW, I posted half the first chapter of my take on a Tony Starkish Harry earlier in the thread. What do you think about it? Since we have similar stories, we could work together and help each other out.

 

Really nice, I love Orlov. I would also give a 3,5. I don't think an Argentinian accent makes sense, and spanish one would make more. Also, I think Argentina is yoo boring, Peru, with Sendero Luminoso, Incas and a part of Amazonia is muuuch more interesting. And they have dragons! And a great quidditch team, I know, I know, wtf?!, right, Peru seems to be the only South American country Rowling likes.

 

Thanks!

I'm working on adding humor to his character, but I can't crack a joke to save my life. I'll do my best. Also, considering he's sixteen, I thought the innuendo's would be inappropriate and that he should not be a playboy.

I do plan on making Harry a bit careless and in the moment. We'll see.

There is a little history between Harry and Dumbledore that I haven't got into yet. Lucius is Harry's Obadiah. He does handle a lot of the intricacies that Harry has no patience in handling.

The Deluminator Bit? I do have plans for future things involving that breakthrough. It's not complete though so don't expect much from that in the future.

It is a bit small, something I'm trying to rectify. Thanks for the opinion!

---------- Post automerged at 06:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:26 PM ----------

Zenith's first chapter has been completed and a Wba thread has been posted. Here is the link.

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=636385#post636385

Thanks!

---------- Post automerged at 07:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:21 PM ----------

Here is the last part of chapter 1. The first part can be found on the previous page.

EDIT: Modified the introduction to remove hints of the custody battle

“Harry James Potter,” the man began, instantly quieting the crowd. “was born on July 31st 1977 to James and Lily Potter during their sixth year of Hogwarts. A prodigy from a young age, he performed his first act of accidental magic at seven months and made his first potion at age three. The elder Potters loved their child and did their best to provide for him in a time of war against He Who Must Not Be Named,”

Harry's parents appeared on the screen, smiling gently and holding a three year old Harry, who was triumphantly holding a potions bottle. Harry could remember that day when he managed his first potion. His parents had been so proud.

“Then tragedy struck and the elder Potters were killed on October 31st 1981, a few months after Harry's fourth birthday by the Dark Lord. He Who Must Not Be Named then turned his wand on Harry Potter, but the Killing Curse failed. The Dark Lord was defeated and Harry Potter became the Boy Who Lived.”

A picture of a young Harry Potter appeared, smiling widely next to a younger Lucius Malfoy in front of Malfoy Manor.

“Harry Potter was then taken into the care of the esteemed Lucius Malfoy and shined underneath his care. At the age of eleven, Harry went to Durmstang for his education.”

“And that was where Harry Potter truly bloomed into the man he is today. May I present to you, the head of Potter Industries, Harry James Potter!”

Harry got up, straightening his robes and smiling at the crowd who roared as the teenager made his entrance on to the stage.

“Thank you!” Harry replied, trying to remember what he was supposed to say. What was it? Lucius was supposed to go over this with him. Whatever. He'll wing it like he does most things.

“I would say a lot of things about today's award and how thankful and honored I feel about receiving this Order of Merlin, but I'm sure that's copyrighted somewhere,” Harry grinned as the crowd chuckled. “So I don't think I'll stick to the cards this time” More laughter.

“As you know, my company is preparing for the reveal on the latest line of our products. I'm sure that everyone is excited for my reveal or else my marketing department slept on the job” Harry replied, chuckling.

“But of course, I couldn't have been here today without Lucius Malfoy. Please give a round of applause!”

The crowd clapped for Lucius who got up and approached the podium. As he did so, Harry leaned in and whispered to Lucius. “You remember the specifics?”

Lucius merely stared at him and said softly, “Of course I do, Harry. You're the one who has me do the dirty work,”

Harry grinned and replied, “I have you do the boring work. See you later, I'll be home.” Harry backed away from Lucius and waved again as he exited the stage, his mind already tuning out the ceremony he had just been a part of. Time for some fun stuff.

It didn't even cross his mind that he forgot the award the ceremony had all been about.

Daily Prophet
Young Prodigy graces Britain's prescence

Just this afternoon, business tycoon Harry James Potter, 16, returned to the country of his birth and was greeted by a standing ovation of the few witches and wizards who were personally able to see the celebrity.

Harry Potter proved most thankful and humble over the award he received toady, feeling “thankful and honored” over the award.

Mr. Potter also continued to hint at the revealing of the latest line of Potter Industry products whose hype has been growing for the past two months. This reporter is most eager to see what amazing innovations this young genius brings.

Lucius Malfoy was also present at the ceremony, giving the public more information about the current goings of Potter Industries. Before the Malfoy scion left, he had these words to say.

“I'm honored that Harry places me in such a position of trust. He's a brilliant child and one that I'm glad that I raised to be the person he is today”

The future of Potter Industries looks bright and private donations to the company are expected to rise.

In other news, French authorities continue to deny the existence of a rumored terrorist group operating within their borders...

Fin

Thoughts?

 

So, I'm thinking about writing a fic, and I need what you guys think about the way I want to write both Harry and Fleur. I want her to be a Classic Byronic Hero. Like Stark, House and others. A Byronic Hero per se is someone extremily talented, arrogant, lonely, cynical and sarcastic. He also is a rebel, against society and everything., he is moody and prone to brooding He has his own code and many times hi is bitter. He also has an Dark and Troubled past.

As you can see, a Byronic Hero is very common nowadays, specially TV. They usally are men, atound late 30s to late 40s. I never saw a true Female Byronic Hero, and I thought Fleur would make a fantastic one. Harry would be counter foil to her, he will be extremily hard driven, confident but above all, a man with a objective that refuse to give up his morals.

I wish to write him with a behaviour akin to a britsh gentlemen, specially the stif upperlip thing, so wonderfully written in Invictus. But above all, I want his main inspiration to be Sophie Scholl's speech, "I choose my own way to burn" and Jack London's "I would be rather ashes than dust". I want him fearless, unbowe and loving every second of life. I know it sounds paradoxical, but I want to believe I can pull it of. The gentleman thing would be the surface, I like too imagine him behaving like Alfred in Justice League, a master deadpan and classy as shit.

The fencing would be more to build this personality and the confidence that Harry really needs.

The clash of these two opposites world views, for me, have a lot of potential. And I'm also thinking about adding an OC, his femcing teacher, to be the opposite of Dumbledore. An Übersmensch in all of his glory, akin to Captain Wolf in Seawolf.

Edit: And just saying that to me fleur is like young Diane Kruger, she is german, so almost french, classy, beautiful and very sexy.

 

It sounds like you're taking Harry's personality, adding a few things to it, and putting it inside Fleur, then transferring Post DH Neville and putting inside Harry (or, at least how I invision post-DH Neville).

I'd think about keeping Harry more rebellious and emotive, and let that be the central conflict between the two of them. Then use a third character for the stiff-upper lip, classy character. There'd have to be a world of explaining for me to accept Harry in the context you've put him in. Either that, or it'd be AU to the point that it's really your storyworld with a couple borrowed characters names and general backgrounds.

 

Harry's personality does resemble a Byronic hero a few times, but they are fundamentally different. Harry broods and has some angst? Yes, but he isn't defined by that, he isn't a genius nor arrogant, so no, I'm not putting Harry personality inside Fleur. You could argue that I am putting Tony's personality in her and I would agree partially. An also, no sane person would say canon! Harry is bitter, cynical or lonely.

I am doing that because I feel that canon! Fleur is at first shallow and then nothing more than the woman that love's Bill. She should be the champion because she is the best in her school, not because JK wanted to show how Harry can melt shallow bitches hearts.

So I want to add an AU personality to her, that would make her very compent, add conflict to her and Harry's relationship and make me able to write scenes with her that don't rely on Harry. Since guys here are writing Byronic Harry, I want to make it different from them. Plus, I never saw a female character written that way, I want to see if I can pull it of.

Now, Harry is a very nice guy in cannon, and he have his deadpann moments, but I want to take him to another direction. He had no major mentor figure in his life until he met Dumbledore. Amd look how Dumbledore influenced him! So I wan to add a new one, one that appears when he is young, like 7-8 years old.

He would change Harry behaviour and outlook, but not his core. And being a fencing master, and a war veteran, I imagine that making him classy, magnificent bastard, strongly influenced by Nietzsche and his Übersmench, could change Harry. Make him more confident, more strong willed and by constantly challenging Harry's ideals, make them even stronger. Make Harry also have a more realistic world view, less inocent, more jaded.

And the fencing matches and tourneys would do that. They would give Harry a bigger world knoledge and experiece. He wouldn't be more just the little boy under the cupboard. He would be someone with ideals and beliefs, strong ones that were tested repeatedly by the mentor figure. I plan to make the mentor an Spanish, not only a fencer but also a swordsman, old, a veteran from the Spanish Civil War.

An later in the story, introduce Dumbledore and his views, the redemption and more pacific ones. I want him to give the two wolves speech, it seems to me like something he would say. But overall, I want build Harry by clashing the assymetrical ideals of his two mentors and his own views. And after the three years, take a mature! Harry and throw him in the Tri-Wizard Tournament against his will, and see him and fleur interacting, the Genial Last Man, and the Compassionate and Equalist Übersmench.

---------- Post automerged at 11:23 ---------- Previous post was at 00:09 ----------

Following @Halt simple but great suggestion, I decided to write someyhing. An what better place than the beginning? Here is the first half or third of my first chapter:


It was a beautiful Sunday morning in the town of Little Whinging. The sky was clear and bright blue, not the little boy with messy dark hair cared. The little boy that right now was running away in a suprising speed.

Behind him a group of not-so-little boys chased him, screaming and trying to throw things at him. Unfortunately for the scrawny kid, he didn't see the stone that was in his path.

The crash wasn't a pretty one. The first thing the dark haired boy thought was that this was going to hurt tomorrow, but not as much if he didn't got up now and started running immediately.

But today wasn't a good day for him, something that soon became clear for him when a tall and rat-faced boy tackled him. They grappled around the street, while the rest of the kids arrived.

Harry Potter didn't like fights, specially because he usually lost them. But everyone has a breaking point, and he reached his. He was hungry, tired, hurt and had to listen to Aunt Marge 2 long hours rant about how the Dursleys were great and kind people and his parents were two useless drunkards.

He stuck his thumb in the thin boy right eye, making the boy release him, after him started scream in pain. Another one, this time a fat brown haired one tried to punch him in the face after he got up. But he quickly dodged him, stomped his right foot and pushed the bot, knocking him.

The rest of the little gang was frozen, never had the "freak" reacted in such a violent way. The tallest and fattest one was the first to react. He kicked the freak in the kneecap, knocking him down. But to Dudley's surprise, his cousin immediately got up and jumped at him, using the momentum to knock them both.

Harry, knowing that he would pay dearly for what he was about to do, bit the blond boy right ear until he tasted blood. The piercing scream that little Dudleykims let out gave him a grim satisfaction. He rolled of from above his cousin and started running away. To where, he didn't know. But as far away from the Dursleys as he could.

That is, until a steel grip got his right arm. The strong hand turned him around, and Harry saw himself facing a tanned, tall and very scary looking old man. The old man was at least 190cm, and his face reminded Harry of that old Roman statues he saw in the museum during his last school trip.

He had short white hair, a clean shaved face and a nose that strongly resembled a falcon's beak. His eyes were grey and hard looking. Harry started shivering, something in that man made his whole body shivers, he was afraid, more afraid then he ever been.

The old man spoke with a sligh spanish accent, "So you are the hit-and-run type, huh Cuervito?". That made Harry's blood boil, then he shouted at the spaniard, his fear momentarily forgotten, "So what? It's not like they fight fair, they beat me all the time, and always in group! And if I do anything they run to tell their parents and I'm the one that gets in trouble."

And them he remembered he was afraid of that man as the spaniard gave him a hard piercing look. He made Uncle Vernon's glares look lovely. And then, the tall man laughed, it was hard, short and cruel. When he looked at the scrawny kid again he had something that may have looked like a smile in anyone else. In him, it only looke like a rip in his face.

"Where do you live niño?" Harry just gave him a blank look. "Apressa niño, where is your house, I wanna talk to you parents!". The dark haired boy words were barely a whisper "My parents are dead, I live with my Uncle and Aunt."

The old man answer annoyed and hurted Harry, "And how is that stopping you from saying where it is? Come on, is it close?" The boy nodded. "Show me the way" Harry nodded again, unable to deny the scary man and started walking towards Privet Drive.

After 15 minhtes, they arrived at the neatly trimmed and clean entrance of the Number 4 house. Harry hesitantly ringed the bell. He knew he wasn't going to enjoy the next weeks, if he survived today.

The door was abruptly opened, and a huge walrus of a man appeared, when he spoke it was clear he wasn't in a good mood.

"Yes, what can I..." But he stopped when he saw Harry. And then he made a fairly good imitation of a rainbow, as he quickly changed from red, to purple and then to a blue color."Y-y-you, you dare to show up here after you done to Dudley! You will stay in your cupboard for a month, on water and bread only, and thank God I'm not dumping you on the street".

He roughley grabbed the boy by the scruff of his neck and was about to throw him inside when he felt a jab of pain in his wrist. That's when he finally remembered the tall man. He tried to free his arm, but the grip was inhumanly strong, and the pain was getting worse quickly, he soon dropped the boy and kneeled in pain.

"Ah, may I introduced myself, I am Don Cyrano Montoya, you may call me Don Montoya or sir, which one you prefer."

Vernon suddenly felt an even worse pain, and heard the tanned foreigner speak again,

"Since you proven yourself to be an uneducated fool, that doesn't know proper etiquette, I will teach you the basics. First, when someone introduce themselves you also introduce youself." He felt the man twisting the grip, Uncle Vernon pratically spit the words, " V-ver-vernon Dursley", "Oh, he can learn, lovely",
"Now you offer me to enter your house, you can't leave in your doorstep can you?"

Uncle Vernon nodded painfully. Don Montoya grabbed the fat man and easily got him up with only one hand. They entered the house, with Harry following, feeling giddy, terrified and very curious at the same time. Don Montoya quickly released Uncle Vernon, which dropped on the floor painfully.

He quickly turned around to face his agressor. "How dare you touch me and threaten me! I will see you jail you damn spanish buffoon, I will..." His rant was suddenly stopped when he felt something cold an sharp pressen against his throat. "Quiet" was the only thing the foreigner said. And then Harry saw a damp spot in his Uncle's pants.

He knew he should be terrified, but he could only be amazed by the speed that the man took out the knife.

Right after that, they heard a female voice talking
"Vernon, I just dropped your sister in the train station, where are you?"

Aunt Petunia's face was something that Harry would never forget. For one minute she simply stood there, gaping like a fish. Then the foreigner took the initiative, makin a "shhh" motion with his hand. Aunt Petunia nodded, still gaping.

Then he motioned her to sit on the couch, after she sitted there, he motioned to Uncle Vernon do the same. He stood there and sat on Uncle Vernon's armchair.

"Now, let's pretend we are all civilized beings and talk. You are this boy's uncle and unlce I am correct? Yes, bueno, bueno. And from what I understood he lives in a cupboard, is that also true?" Silence followed him.

He gave a terrifying glare to Harry's relatives, that made them tremble. Aunt Petunia slowly nodded.

"Interesting, now I am curious, what have he done to make you so angry?"

"He bit our son's ear" this time, it was Uncle Vernon who answered.

"Ah, so the puerco with blond hair was yours?" His answer this time were two indignant and affronted faces.

"Let's get to the point then, I don't wish to remain in such distasteful company any longer than necessary. This boy, I will train him in fencing and swordsmanship, and you! You will feed him and give him a decent place to rest, and..."

"I won't pay any lessons to the boy! And why do you even care how he lives? Or why do you want to train him?" Uncle Vernon has lost his fear after hearing such ridiculous things.

Then, he felt a painful jab in his right knee, there the little knife was stuck, with a hand still holding it. Aunt Petunia could merely gasp. Both Harry's relative got white really quick after this.

"Don't ever interrupt me again." Don Montoya said wiyhou even change his voice tone. "What I do or why I do it, does not concern you in any way, understood? Sí, bueno, muy bueno. Now, I will check him sometimes, and I don't you to do nothing beyond feeding and attending to his needs. I don't him to be influenced by things like you. And if I find myself, dissatisfied, with anything, it would be a shame if I had to visit you again, in less than ideal circunstances, sí?"

"You, cuervito, your name?"

Harry jumped on surprise, since he almost forgot where he was, after paying so much attention to the surreal talk happening in front of him. "Harry sir, Harry Potter"

"Come with me Mr. Potter, I will show where is my house, I expect you there every day after school, and in saturdays and sundays after luch."

Harry nodded and started following the men. Now that he was back to reality, his doubts started nagging him, Uncle Vernon wasn't wrong, why was he interested in him? He often dreamed in someone appearing and taking him away from the Dursleys, but way woukd he do that?

So he asked, "Uh, sir, why are you doing this, why are you, uhn, helping me?"

The older man turned his head and gave another of his feral grins, "Ah, Mr. Potter, I won't pretend that I'm doing this because I care about your well being or that is my duty as human being to see that all childrens are happy. No, I am, for reasons mine and mine alone, stuck in this damp and cold country, and to my eternal destaste, specifically in this pathetic little town. You are the first interesting being that I come across since I arrived here, months ago. I am bored, and my only two joys in life are swordsmanship and knowledge, and since no one here seems to understand any of those two, I decided that I will try to teach someone. And lucky you, I've chosen you. Or are you happy with your life? Because what I will teach is not simply fencing, no, I will teach you about life and what it entails, cuervito."

Harry simply nodded, he felt that the man wasn't talking the whole truth, but he knew better then to press him, specially after what he saw. After that, they walked in silence for some time.

Suddenly they arrived at a big white house with two floors. The house reminded Harry the ones the bad men in Zorro had. It was very big, with a tiled flat roof, there was one big balcony on the second floor of the house. The windows were square, with wooden parts. The first floor front was completely made of wide archs. The house had a white bricked wall around it. The house's gate was made of pure iron and had a beautiful pattern. It was amazing.

"This is my house, and yes, it is that style. It is a classic for a reason. Now, I already told the hours I expect you. Arrive late and you won't enter. Miss class or keep getting late, don't show up anymore. Get in stupid problems, don't annoy me, I don't care. Are we clear ?"

"Yes sir, but how many hours will the lessons be ?"

"The necessary amount, now get in, we will have lunch and then start your first lesson."

Again, Harry nodded, the amount of things happening today was too much for him. His head was spinning. He was sure that when he went to bed today and everything hitted him, it would be overwhelming. He was already getting dizzy. So the two of them entered the house.

Criticise at will, but please, detail all of the flaws you see. Put effort on it, I ask.

 

Just post it in WbA already.

 

Height should be in feet, not cm.

 

It doesn't have to be. Brits use a jumble of imperial and metric, although imperial is generally favored for height.

 

I prefer metric, and I thought only USA used imperial. Would be better simply put on WbA? First fic, don't really know. Wanted a little input before posting it, but you guys are the veterans.

 

I can't find too much fault with it considering English isn't your first language. A bit dull, I suppose. Putting it up for review and Library admittance probably isn't going to go too well for you, but no one should have a problem with you posting in WbA.

 

Also, It's better than posting it in this thread. Please don't continue posting it in this thread.

Please.

 

I wasn't. I'm not retarded, trust me, if I was going to start posting a story it, wouldn't be in a Discussion forum. This is barely a third of a chapter and is huge compared to the other posts. Again, new, but not retarded.

 

Harry Potter/Fleur Delacour Smut List

For Anyone who is looking for some Harry Potter/Fleur Delacour Smut, Here is a few to read.

Harry and Fleur's Private Lessons


Open Your Eyes


Cuckolding at Shell Cottage


Imperio


Harry Potter: The Burrow Again


Harry Potter: Party At The Burrow


Harry Potter and the Spellbook of Desires: Chapter 28


The Bet


Harry Potter Sex Story


Harry and Kiki: Tales of a Boy Necromancer


Harry Potter and His Brainy Girls


Three Sheets


Potters Palace of Pleasure


Harry's Luck: 4


Harry Potter Adventures: Fleurs Gift


Twenty One Nights Of Paradise


Pottercest, Except When It's Not


The Shimmering Mermaid


Lucky Harry

THANX, LordArcturus

 

Oh good god, why?

Why, why, why?

Why do people do this?