Umm...what are you talking about guys? What Nancy?

 

That's Nancy. Any more posts regarding her will be deleted. Back to topic!

 

Aah thanks. On topic, all that needed to be said (and more, courtesy of Jigokuno) has been said and discussed to death. And I can't wait to see what the Author does with Durmstrang...

 

This scene is really well done, as is the story in general. The dialogue here is particularly great, and you convey the characters personalities/emotions perfectly. Nathan's reaction, in my opinion, is spot on. He feels responsible for his brother's unhappiness at Hogwarts, and it is only at the last second that his guilt overtakes him.

I wasn't reading for anything but pleasure, but I did catch one small instance where you forgot a space:

"Lily pulled her older son into a tight hug. 'Harry, please be safe, and write to your father and meoften. We want to know that you’re alright.'"

Well done. I look forward to more.

Cheers.

 

Nice final scene. Pretty much what Rymrock said.

Also, nice av Rymrock. It's been awhile since I've seen it, but that was one of the series that got me seriously into anime.

Have you made any progress into chapter 4 yet Santi?

 

Yeah, I've got some of chapter 4 done, but it is heavy in description, which I tend to dislike, so I'm trying to edit it so that it flows better.

Also, does anyone have any thoughts about me switching out Astronomy for Spell Creation? When I first thought of it, I thought it might make Durmstrang a bit too much of a super!school, but I've actually become rather fond of the idea. So while I'll be sticking with the class, I'd like to know your opinion about it.

 

To be honest the first thing I thought of when I saw Spell creation, was UberDurmstrang!. But it is something that I feel should of been taught at Hogwarts. I guess seeing as Arithmancy was never really discussed (it's meant to be fortune telling with numbers I think) most people go that route but there should of been some sort of lesson on how a spell is created. Perhaps it is imbedded in the overall curriculum of the school, covered in DADA, Transfiguration , and Charms. Snape had to learn from somewhere. Big leap in logic but only thing I can think of.

In terms of getting rid of Astronomy I think I would like it if you demonstrated a drawback of not having the class. Make it seem more important so it balances the fact that Hogwarts doesn't have spell creation. You might be able to argue that some magics need to work in the right astrological signs, or star positions, so Harry might be at a hindrance not knowing them.

Good update I like Nathan's characterization, but what the hell is a tsigeika coat? I tried googling it but I couldn't find anything. From what I remember the coat Durmstrang students wear are thick, red, fur ones.

 

Well to be honest I am extremely wary of any sort of mention of Spell Crafting as it just screams ubersuper1337!Bull Shit, especially when it is something that is mentioned as something so casual as to be taught to 11 year olds. Still, you have shown yourself as more than capable thus far so I'll just wait and see.

Other than that this scene was perfect, I especially liked Nathan's depression at his brother leaving, it seemed to 'feel' right.

 

"tsigeika coats" - when a google seach reveals the word is used only 50 times in the whole indexed web, and only on Harry Potter movie reviews, one concludes that someone made a typo and the others used copy-paste. I was born in Leningrad and I have no idea what that word means. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telogreika , http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afghanka , http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Overcoat

"your father and meoften" - missing space

Spell creation is good. I don't know what astronomy is used for in canon, it might just be an aid in divination.

 

Spell Creation does sort of set off the super school alarm, like the above posters have said. I agree with what Anlun said, perhaps minor spell creation should be a part of the charms/DA/Transfiguration curriculum, and then a 5/6th year elective or something similar.

 

I'm ok with spell creation, though it really should start from basics, like combined runes and arithmancy, and how they affect magic, with the actual creation part starting later. Maybe some enchanting included.

 

"Because of that, he had been granted tentative acceptance into third year classes in Transfiguration and Charms. If it appeared that he couldn't keep up with the practical work, the instructor had the option to send him down to the second year class after a month. Harry also managed to enter second year classes in Potions, History of Magic, and Herbology. His final two courses would be first year Dark Arts and Spell Crafting. "

No defensive magic classes? Wouldn't they still have to learn the stuff that Hogwarts did in DADA class? I always thought Defensive Magic classes sounded better then DADA. Or would those spells be learned in another class?

"If Harry was honest with himself, he admitted that he could have tested better than he did on his Dark Arts exam. He certainly felt that he could have tested into his second year for that class, but with his father standing in the room watching him perform the spells for the Durmstrang representative, Harry was hesitant to show just how much Quirrell had told him about the Dark Arts."

This makes sense. However he should probably breeze through first year Dark Arts when he is at school since it would be silly if he held back his knowledge while at school.

"Professor Dumbledore had visited for at least an hour every day since Harry had sent out his acceptance letter, and he had personally been helping Harry learn how to read, write, and speak in German. "

I knew Harry had to learn German before going to Durmstrang the rest of the people didn't believe me they thought he would learn it while at Durmstrang.

"Unfortunately, it seemed like Harry was on the other side of the spectrum as he had the charm placed on him for well over ten hours, and he still only had a rudimentary grasp of German."

Glad Harry isn't good at everything this makes him more realistic which is what I think you were going for.

"Lily sighed. Sirius and Remus had told her that they had used an eavesdropping charm and that Nathan was taking Harry leaving very badly. “Nathan, this is your brother’s decision, and your father and I support him.” "

LOL I didn't see that one coming. The eavesdropping charm makes a good deal of sense for them to use. Also was Nathan listening in as well or just Sirius and Remus? You didn't make that clear.

"“Harry, I’m sorry,” Nathan blurted out. "

I am guessing this means Nathan was also listening in on the eavesdropping charm and feels guilty about how Harry was treated because of his fame.

Spell Creation is okay because you took another class out to replace it. Astronomy always sounded like Centaur dung to me anyways.

I liked the ending a good deal.

9/10

 

Ack! I was "ok" with spell creation until i read:

Runes and Arithmancy aren't even taught in Hogwarts until third year and up so anything that talks about combining the two as the basics shouldn't be anywhere near the first year curriculum.

I get that the two schools are different and that i wasn't quoting the author, but the more I think about it the more something like spell creation should be restricted - not by year perhaps but by prerequisite. I mean first years are supposed to be just doing their first spells! They've only just gotten their wand, so they are still finding their legs casting premade charms, they don't need and don't have the background knowledge go around creating new ones!

We are talking about learning an art (science?) where a simple mispronunciation or incorrect wand movement could be catastrophic, so I would imagine that fist years would be watched like hawks when they are doing anything with a wand.

Of course the fact that Harry is taking is taking "First Year Spell Creation" doesn't necessarilly mean that it's taught to first years, but just that it's the first in a series of classes about Spell Creation....meh.

Just be careful with how you write it - if Harry creates a Wrath of God on his first try it's going to rather disappointing.

 

I don't think a Spell Crafting class would mean SuperSchool, though it does set off the alarms as everyone has said.

It could be really quite good depending on how you go about doing it. I wouldn't want Harry creating alternative Fiendfyre during his first year (or any time during his school really).

I think Spell Crafting should be considered a third or fourth year course, which given the system in Durmstrang that you've described Harry should be able to take if he proves himself advanced enough. Even if it is a fourth year class imo should focus on the complex theory of creating and modifying simple spells like a dish washing charm or w/e.

Difficult spells like the patronus should probably be completely out of reach for a student and perhaps even give someone like Dumbledore a hard time in creating as I imagine there would be many more unbeatable uber spells being created by Voldemort and his camp were it simple.

Great final scene to chapter 3 by the way XD

 

Great chapter. I think spell creation is a great idea, but still it seems a little uber for eleven year olds. Maybe have it as an advanced course for fifth, sixth and seventh years? With spell creation so early I can see many ways it will come off as a super Harry/Durmstrang.

 

Perhaps First Year Spell Creation is comprised purely of theory and hypotheticals? I would doubt teachers would allow students the 'keys' to magic so early and no doubt creating spells at such a young age, (1st - 3rd year) would be beyond them.

That way you could have thrid year/5th year pertaining the more heavier stuff. This is all assuming that spell creation plays a part in the story.

Another great chapter.

Edit: Also, it's amazing to see how much you have progressed as a writer. I remember the time where I used to love your Dark!harry fics.

After six months at DLP, suffice to say, my standards as a reader were raised and your other fics lost a lot of points. Yet this new story is miles beyond your previous and you shold be incredibly proud.

 

True, unless its a vital part or something you really want I would ditch it. To many chances of people getting panties in twists from a super powered Harry.

 

I was thinking Spell Crafting in years 1~3 to be a "dissection" of the mandatory spells to be learned for the respective years. For example, a student in 2nd or 3rd year who needs to learn the Stunner would in Spell Crafting pick apart the spell, learning the magic behind the spell, how and why the incantation, intent etc etc results in the spell, the variations and different results of different magicians casting the same spell. After 3 years of picking apart many many spells a student would hopefully have a good enough grasp on how and what makes magic tick most of the time to start constructing spells of their own.

This seems boring and difficult enough to take away from the Super!Subject Spell Creation seems to be.

 

Excellent update, Santi.

Now as to people talking about Astronomy, I guess it'd have a lot to do with Potions as well as Divinations. We see from Book 2 that the polyjuice potion requires a long time and adding certain materials around full moons. Other complex potions would no doubt require similiar circumstances.

 

Not gonna lie, I really found the last scene of your chapter to be both well-written and something that you could empathize with. Nathan's reaction was superbly written, and frankly, it'll be interesting to see how the characters of Harry and Nathan diverge. I don't know how much you're going to focus on Hogwarts during Harry's time at Durmstrang, but if you go the all-Durmstrang route and only show their reunion at the Triwizard Tournament or something (or on holidays), it'll be interesting to map their progress.

Looking forward to the next chapter.