I don't know if this was intentional or not. At the beginning of the piece, Harry agrees to keep Krum's animagus difficulty a secret from everyone.

Harry said, “Alright, I'll keep it between us for now,

But a minute later he doesn't recognise that telling Calypso about it would be breaking his word.

of armor

The first letter isn't italicised.

I'm not certain that there's anything grammatically wrong here, but I think it'd read better with 'follow' instead of 'followed'.

The cheerful greeting seemed to dim somewhat when he saw Krum follow Harry into the room.

Animagus

I think you mean "notable"

Rosemburg

Viktor said
Viktor admitted

vice versa

Given that there's no doubt as to Calypso's marital status, and that Rosemburg is working in a very conservative school, and the culture allows girls to be married to men they don't want via marriage contracts, I find it awfully surprising that he's using the title "Ms." in the manner of muggle feminists.

sir,” Viktor said

that,” Rosemburg said

“No, sir,” Harry said.

Given that this is a letter by James Potter, I'm going to assume that most of the grammar problems are supposed to be there. Did you intend for him to forget the fullstop at the end of that sentence? That one stuck out.

Calypso took one of Harry's hands
Calypso took Harry's hand

Shluga is a very unusual name. Where did you get it from? Every time I read it, I feel that it would fit neatly alongside the names of the other Lovecraftian horrors. Yog-Sothoth, Cthulhu, Tsathoggua, Dagon, and Shluga.

papers,” Calypso said.

discuss

disapproving

Mr. Potter,” Professor Rosier said

he'd seen Calypso

“Thank you,” she whispered

“Yes,” she said

“Wow,” he said

not?” she asked.

“Are we still friends, Calypso?”

girlfriend and boyfriend

DAWWWWWWWWWWWW. So cute. Evil cute.

Missing comma.

to come true, she didn't know,

 

That's actually quite the mystery. I spent a lot of time looking for various German, Swedish, and Norwegian names when I first started the story, but a lot of people have asked where I got the name Shluga from.

My old beta was a linguist and she asked me about the name last year, and I couldn't remember then. My currently theory is that I screwed up when first writing down the name. I think I was probably tabbing between various websites with foreign names, and I probably started writing out a name, accidentally closed the website, and just finished the name from what sounded good or mixed in another nationality.

But, honestly, who the fuck knows. I might have been especially creative/drunk one night and decided to make an anagram for the world laughs...

You know, I like that idea best. Let's go with that one.

Shluga = Laughs

 

I read this as soon as I saw it, and enjoyed several parts of it more than usual. I felt that the Legilimency use at the end of the chapter was a great addition. After the amount of time that Harry spent studying and developing his Occlumency in the previous chapter, I am glad that you waited a little bit before his legilimency kicked in, especially how you prefaced with the fact that he constantly had his mental shields up. I guess that could be seen as a progression of his use, and I felt it was very well placed.

I also realize that most of this chapter was aimed at the relationship between Harry/Calypso, but I did enjoy the way you handled Krum and Calypso's interaction.

Great work Santi

 

I was disappointed harry didn't do the kira


DAMN YOU GUYS YOU I GET EXCİTED FOR NOTİNG.




But seriously very good chapter.

 

Harry should definitely DO Kira. In many ways...

...

That aside, a nice finish to the chapter. The most frustrating part of second year and consecutive summer got somewhat resolved and Krum more resembles a Triwizard Champion rather than a Broomloom.

Rosier also seems less antagonistic towards Harry which prepares the setting.

But really it's the small things that sometimes matter. Suits of armour guarding the door, yet more effort involved in the animagus transformation (which means Harry isn't out of the race) even Calypso's appreciation of 'making a wish'.

Great update.

 

Eh, it still reads awkwardly. Why not:

Or:

@Santi: legit update is legit. I don't have any spotty/randomshit predictions to make, content as I am in the knowledge that I already run shit.

 

inb4 Remmy gets bashed for commenting in the story thread.

 

She knows she goofed and is fixing it.

 

Dunno if someone pointed this out.
Solid chapter, though it felt slow to me. I hope the next update doesn't take as long to come as this one.

 

Yep. And he's actually a guy. There are no women in the internetz.

 

Decent update, not much to say. Fluffier than I expected, but it works. I found the repetition of the word 'kiss' slightly irritating towards the end.

I also expected some consequence to the Calypso/Kira event. The fact that this is supposed to be the end of that same chapter makes it harder to just forget about, because we assume there isn't a big time lapse.

Redundant pleonasm.

Not exactly a big deal, but I think it would read better as either "[he] must have been a genius" or "I swear [he] was a genius". Beyond that, I don't really get it. Either he's being ironic, because he's pissed (pun intended) he had to go back to his side of the corridor to find a bathroom, and if that's the case the tone doesn't convey sarcasm well. Or he's actually serious and slightly stupid, because it's a terrible deterrent - people don't need to go to the bathroom every ten minutes. Or it was just a filler comment to explain where he was, and I'm wasting my time trying to analyse it.

 

...Or he's making a light-hearted joke. Didn't stand out to me.

 

Hold up. You gone fucked up BIG this time, Santi. Jesus, man. How did you manage this one?

There is an inconsistency with the location of the photo of Harry and Rosemburg in Transfiguration Today. Some lines indicate that the photo is on the cover, others that it is on page 5. There may be a photo on both the cover and page 5, but that doesn't fit everything that's written either. This is major. You've ruined my immersion in the story. Don't bother writing Chapter 12. No one's going to want to read that shit now.

You broke the HPatBWL world.

Chapter 10:

If Harry was on the cover, then surely he should have noticed it when he looked at the magazine.

Interlude:

It'd be odd to frame a magazine for display if it wasn't showing Harry on the cover, wouldn't it? This seems to indicate that Harry's mug made it to the front.

Shouldn't Minerva have seen Harry on the cover when she first looks at the magazine. It's possible that she'd miss it, but unlikely. This indicates that Harry probably didn't make the cover.

Here we go. It explicitly says that "the photograph" of Harry and Rosemburg is in, not on, the magazine.

And now Harry and Rosemburg are back on the cover again.

Part of the same scene; included for completeness. This is the final reference to the photo, and it seems likely that the photo is on the cover here.

This is some serious shit, Santi.

 

FIRE ALL BETAS. HIRE ME INSTEAD.

 

I support this message.

Taure would never have let this gaping hole pass untouched.

 

When I read that part first, I thought that Harry's picture wasn't on the cover, and assumed that only his name and the nature of his discovery were printed in bold text. That merits framing, even if his picture isn't there.

Harry gasped since he did not have an idea how large the picture would on page 5.

 

Great Update!
Getting closer to the tri-wizard tournament. I am hoping that Harry will be entering in it.
The animagus part is still not complete, looking forward to what his transformation would be like.

 

Taure never lets a gaping hole pass untouched.

 

A great update. The only I thing I have to add is that I found professor rosenburg came of a little petulant in the scene with krum. I got what you were inferring by his attitude, but I think you could have gotten away with making his dislike a little more open. Perhaps a barb at all the extra tuition he is being forced to give.
All the sarcasm seems a little empty without him really saying anything.

 

... It's stuff like this that reminds me just why I joined DLP.