1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Abandoned Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived by The Santi - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by ulkser, Sep 11, 2009.

Not open for further replies.
  1. Böhser Onkel

    Böhser Onkel Second Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    79
    Location:
    Germany, Dortmund
    To be fair who wouldn't like making evil zombies.:awesome
     
  2. Carmine

    Carmine Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2010
    Messages:
    728
    Location:
    University of Nottingham
    Great chapter, Santi. My one issue was the scene in the private box at Krum's match. I wasn't fully aware what was and wasn't spoken in German. Otherwise, very good.
     
  3. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    1,865
    Location:
    The Playhouse
    Honestly I kept waiting for Sirius to turn around at the end of the Quidditch match and tell Harry, "I did mention that my mother was going to send me to Durmstrang, didn't I?" Sirius pranking moment turns into epic shitstorm for Harry.

    Regardless, very good chapter. I'm a little bit unsure of what's going on with Harry's animagus transformation though, since I was under the impression that he could now transform into a Doberman at will. What exactly is Sirius helping Harry with? Turning back? Controlling himself in that form? Maintaining his human consciousness? A little more explanation would be helpful.

    Concerning Calypso's book, The Santi only mentioned that the last chapter of the book dealt with Inferi. I'm guessing Harry is interested in it for the content in earlier chapters.
     
  4. The Santi

    The Santi Professor

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Messages:
    478
    Location:
    Library
    Much like Viktor, Harry found his form, but he doesn't control the ability completely yet. He still needs practice (refer to the scene with Rosemburg explaining the final step in the process), and that can take time and be dangerous if he screws up.
     
  5. Rakkety Tam

    Rakkety Tam High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2011
    Messages:
    513
    I have. I was just too busy to reply and my first read through was quick due to things that I had to get done. It obviously goes back to his discovery in transfiguration and the potential to transplant zombie parts onto humans who have been badly injured by the Dark Arts thus making them otherwise debilitating injuries. It could potentially cure Calypso as well. Assuming the zombie parts wouldn't negatively effect the reproductive process...Given that Inferi essentially don't die or run out of magic over time. They must be destroyed (and it is made of actual human parts) which means it could get around some problems that may occur from transfigured materials such as reversing the transfiguration.

    I think that you meant "what I want" not "want I want."

    I'll sit down for a careful read through later, and I'll see if I notice anything else.

    Great update. I wish I had more free time right now.
     
  6. diesIovis

    diesIovis Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2011
    Messages:
    206
    Location:
    Poetovio. Pannonia~
    Path to the dark side secured and the acquisition of his first little minion, yes, yes.

    If Fleur ever shows up, she's so going to be on his list for "unintentional" deadly accidents , we can't have vermin like that walking around school can we? Ditch Calypso and go for Umbridge? Just joking.

    All in all a wicked chapter~
     
  7. Celestin

    Celestin Dimensional Trunk

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    4,707
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Poland
    A great chapter with many awesome moments like Kreacher finding a new Master or Harry's first time drinking. The origin of the Map is interesting if a little disappointing. Still, it makes sense that four students created something having that much power over Hogwarts (showing all its secrets and people in it) by accident, not intentionally.

    Also, Harry is definitely not gonna like Fleur.
     
  8. thebrute7

    thebrute7 High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2011
    Messages:
    500
    Location:
    Newberg Oregon
    Wow, I just finished reading the whole story and I have to say I love it. How could I have possibly waited this long to read this story?

    Anyway I like everything that is going on. Still a little confused about what the book could mean and whatever is going on with Calypso, but maybe I'll figure it out...

    Also I can't wait for the holy mother of god shitstorm that is going to occur when james and Lily meet Calypso I-am-your-son's-boyfriend Rosier. I am sure that will be awesome on a number of levels.

    Can't wait for more, but I guess I'll have to.
     
  9. CleanRag

    CleanRag Professor

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2009
    Messages:
    420
    Location:
    --> ? <--
    Yeah, that shitstorm would be epic.

    Good update. Ron was better than usual. But I am still dreading the fourth year with him having a larger role.

    The way Rosemburg described why you cant just transform back into a human made me feel that occlumancy would allow harry to skip the last step almost entirely. As it would put him in a meditative state of mind and block out the panic from his new body.

    Not sure why Harry doesnt ask his mother for help with the water charm. I wonder if Mr. Rosier is helping Voldemort over the summer. Calypso noting his absence struck me as odd. Also I am starting to think that Calypso's identity will be revealed in the forest before the dark mark is sent up.
     
  10. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2005
    Messages:
    1,302
    Location:
    United States
    The first part of this update really does a lot to remind the reader of the fact that Harry is truly loved by his family and has great relationships with both them, and Sirius, it really reminds us that while Harry may have some dark tendencies, and may not see the world in the same black and white viewpoint that seems to cloud the minds of his family members, that he still truly cares about them and vice versa.

    The meeting of Calypso and Sirius was fairly anti-climatic and uneventful but that’s to be expected of a brief introduction. The real interesting part of the scene is seeing both Sirius and Calypso’s reactions to the Veela charm, Harry’s response to the creatures clearly shows that he is beginning to develop a superiority complex as he clearly doesn’t like those who can’t protect their minds. The scene clearly shows that those close to him are starting to notice a significant change in Harry’s persona, one that his friends wouldn’t generally notice because they see him on a daily basis, but a change that Sirius can clearly see. It’s going to be interesting to see how Sirius, his parents, Nathan, etc. act around him as he becomes more prevalent in their lives. I also enjoyed seeing Harry’s hesitancy to learn the spells that Romulus gave him at the end of term, it shows that while his viewpoints are changing, it’s going to be a slow process, which is a nice change of pace since most authors have Harry jumping straight into the dark arts and never looking back.

    I find it interesting that when learning of the situation w/ Peter Harry is more enthralled by the Marauders Map, and the fact that it was simply forgotten about, while Harry still cares about his brother it seems more and more apparent that he is starting to care more about knowledge than his own family; and why was Nathan at Hogwarts?

    I really loved Viktor's gift; very clever and the shock from Ron was great. Overall a very solid chapter that advances the plot nicely.
     
  11. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2008
    Messages:
    3,534
    Gender:
    Male
    It's on the same level of fiendfyre. Would you expect him to ask help on that too?
     
  12. Carmine

    Carmine Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2010
    Messages:
    728
    Location:
    University of Nottingham
    The Durmstrang school year ends before Hogwarts, IIRC. So Harry was at home, while Nathan was still at school.
     
  13. Rakkety Tam

    Rakkety Tam High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2011
    Messages:
    513
    Now, that I’ve had some free time to sit down and read things again more carefully, I can give a full review of this latest chapter.

    I loved how you handled Calypso. We have a girl that pulled one over on Sirius by pretending not to speak English, and she is known to be exceedingly intelligent. The gradual introduction will allow them to get to know her before they find out who she really is.

    Trouble in paradise for Viktor and Kira?

    This makes me curious as to why such magic is frowned upon. Obviously, it isn’t illegal, but it must contain an aspect of it which is somewhat dubious. I do enjoy the Dark Arts not being limited to curses, but having darker aspects of other fields of magic mixed in with it as well.

    I can see why this would be tempting for Harry on an intellectual level if it helps him understand transfiguration or look at it in a new way. The potential applications could be quite amazing.

    I would say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but we have already seen that using the Dark Arts does not equal becoming evil. So, I’m interested to see where Harry takes this. Will he go too far like Tom did or will he be able to resist the temptations offered by the darkest of magic?

    Aqua Eructo being easy to cast but hard to control was brilliant. I wouldn’t be surprised if that becomes a widely used fanon spell. The failed version also has potential use against fire that a flame freezing spell won't stop. Being surrounded by water would do that.

    This seemed like a weird comment to me. She goes to Durmstrang which is notorious for only accepting purebloods or the occasional half blood with a proper family name. I believe you made a point of talking about this in the early chapters of this story.

    This chapter did a lot to reaffirm Harry’s relationships with his family as well. I particularly enjoyed the scene with the Marauder’s Map as it shows how disappointed he was that nobody thought to use the map or tell Dumbledore so he could create something similar to help protect his brother.

    I think it shows that while he loves magic and learning, those who are important to him still come first. Actually, the desire to protect those who are important to him seems to make him lose his inhibitions about learning certain types of magic. This characterization goes really well with his animagus form.

    The real point is how this will effect the school year. Dumbledore has the map so I don’t think that we will see an imposter this year. The map is set to alert Dumbledore if Peter appears, but if someone were to put Nathan’s name in the goblet it would no doubt warrant Dumbledore’s checking of the map. This combined with Peter’s statement about them not being able to see Peter coming the next time makes me think that we will see Peter sneak into Hogwarts to kidnap Nathan using a method of hiding from the map granted by his master.

    This chapter also has an extended period of Harry and Ron being civil to each other. Hopefully this will squash all Ron thinks Harry is a dark wizard who wants to corrupt Nathan talk. It probably won’t, but I can dream.

    I’m not as sure of my analysis of why Harry could use the book on Inferi. I think, perhaps, I was being hasty. I’ll have to go back and reread some of this story’s magical theory a bit more and think on it for awhile. I think it is still a very real possibility that it could be used this way, but I think there might be something else it could be used for besides the mysterious Dark Arts project that he didn't have ready at the end of last term. I don't want to comment on what just yet though.

    Now, I've avoided my work for long enough. I just couldn't resist the reread and full review even if it is a massive tl;dr.
     
  14. Nooblet

    Nooblet Sixth Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2010
    Messages:
    181
    Location:
    Canada
    My favourite moment of the chapter.

    Frankenstein has found his Igor.
     
  15. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2006
    Messages:
    2,839
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    High Score:
    13,152
    The problem with your proposed use for the inferius knowledge is that the limb, though animated, is still dead flesh. Not exactly the kind of thing you want attached to yourself.

    I liked that Harry didn't get the water spell on the first go. I liked even more that again he was good at self-evaluation, leading us to feel that progress has been made. I like the idea behind the spell in general. However, I'm not sure if I like it that the water comes out of the wand. It kinda limits the amount of water that can be materialised at once. I prefer the idea that the water just unfolds out of the surrounding air. You can get a lot more water very quickly that way, and it also makes it the more suitable counterpart to Fiendfyre.

    Also, fuck Kira. I really hope at some point in this story Harry stomps on her and wipes the self-satisfied look off her face.
     
  16. CleanRag

    CleanRag Professor

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2009
    Messages:
    420
    Location:
    --> ? <--
    No, but fiendfyre is dark magic. It would only take a mention of the Tri-wizard tournament to have her bending over backwards to teach Harry advanced magic. Which she has been willing to teach Harry regardless of the danger involved with enchantment.

    Not sure if you are aware of this but you use a lot of adverbs in your writing. You should try to reduce as many as possible. Nine times out of ten they can just be deleted. If you have time I would recommend you take a scene and just delete every adverb not in dialog then read it. It is always a more concise read without them. If you find something lacking in description then do it right and add a sentence to take the place of the adverb.

    Edit:
    That is wonderful that Harry knows but I dont have a fucking clue. I could make a few guesses but they would be based on other stories that I have read. Being vague and surprising with the plot is good. Like Ivan adding a memory during detention. Didnt see that coming and enjoyed the twist. This just crossed the line between vague and annoying. Please expound on this, since the main character knows we should as well.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2011
  17. Carmine

    Carmine Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2010
    Messages:
    728
    Location:
    University of Nottingham
    If Lily wouldn't allow Harry to go to the match without a chaperone, I doubt she'll be happy or supportive of the idea of him entering a tournament which has a reputation for competitor deaths.
     
  18. SeethingWells

    SeethingWells Muggle

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    4
    My prediction is that the Inferius theory is in there because the book talks about putting will, or just animate something, like Earth Elementals. I don't even know what an Earth Elemental is exactly, but I think I have the right idea.
    I liked the interaction between Harry and Kreacher in particular, but the whole chapter was good if slightly vague. Would have liked to know how far along he is with the Animagus, if he tried the water spell again and other things.
    Thanks for the post The Santi, I can't wait for the next one.
     
  19. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2006
    Messages:
    585
    Gender:
    Male
    For those subjects in which the protagonist is going to be in sixth year neat year, are his end of year grades the same as his OWL scores or does he have to take separate government exams? If he has OWL scores, those maybe should be mentioned.
     
  20. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2010
    Messages:
    494
    Location:
    Germany occupied Greece
    High Score:
    4495+2362
    First, to get it out of the way:
    "what"


    Having said that, goddamit man, you totally creeped me out on this chapter. Oh it was awesome alright, the best in recent memory. The buildup and summer activities are flowing nicely, and it seems like it won't stretch for long, which is good. Also, Kreatcher is win.
    No, what freaked me out was the fact that I actually live in Crete, and I fucking know a girl named Calypso that spends her summer vacations here this year.
    Dude, not funny.
     
Loading...
Not open for further replies.