1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Abandoned Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived by The Santi - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by ulkser, Sep 11, 2009.

Not open for further replies.
  1. Schmango

    Schmango First Year

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2011
    Messages:
    25
    Location:
    New Zealand
    I'm thinking if Harry had his OWL scores based on his Durmstrang marks it would've been mentioned in the story. Also I'm pretty sure Durmstrang doesn't do OWL/NEWT testing as they are english qualifications; just like Beauxbatons doesn't do OWL/NEWT testing. I'm guessing Durmstrang has exams in its 7th year subjects.

    Edit: And great chapter Santi!
     
  2. Celestin

    Celestin Dimensional Trunk

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    4,707
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Poland
    It will be funny if in a few days you will have no recollection of her, wondering who are taking about in this post. :)

    Also, I'm trying to guess which spells Harry has learned will become Chekhov's gun for the Tournament. Aqua Eructo for a dragon seems pretty obvious (if there will be one, of course).
     
  3. KillerEggLord

    KillerEggLord Third Year

    Joined:
    May 12, 2008
    Messages:
    108
    Location:
    Denver, Colorado
    Great chapter,

    Two thoughts,
    1) I hope the whole earth elemental, ritual Dark Arts thing isn't so powerful as to screw the balance of power between 'Hogwarts magic people' (like Dumbledore and the Potters) and 'Durmstrang magic people' (like Rosier and Harry). I like that Dark Arts are powerful and dangerous, but not to the point that Power as a wizard can only be accessed if you're Dark or Dumbledore.

    2) I liked how you handled the Marauders Map thing, though I would have thought that Harry would have tried to get a look at it. Also I am totally calling that Harry makes a Durmstrang Marauders Map as a final project one of these years.
     
  4. Pirazy

    Pirazy Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2010
    Messages:
    380
    Location:
    Internätet
    Chapter was so fucking boss I read it twice when I should've gone to bed instead.

    Too bad we missed out on Lily having a very unpleasant conversation with Sirius and Harry about how it's not cool to take your 13-year old godson out for a round of alcohol poisoning, hilarious stuff. Oh well, could've been worse, Sirius and Krum could've, in a moment of drunken wisdom, decided to plant a fresh pair of Veela-panties in a passed out Harry's robe pocket which somehow manages to make an appearance right after he hurled all over the living room floor.

    @Rakkety Tam
    Really? Pieces of rotting cadaver transplanted to the happy places? Do not particularly want..:puke:
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2011
  5. Greener

    Greener Sixth Year

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    184
    Location:
    Toronto
    Really enjoyed the chapter - it was nice to see some interaction between Harry & Sirius. Partially because we haven't seen too much light-hearted moments between Harry's family members. I'm looking forward to seeing James & Lily's reaction to his animagus form too.

    The spells/magic that you have Harry & Co. learning are getting much more powerful now that they're older, as should be expected. I like the idea of ritual magic, or rather forms of magic that are uncommon and hidden. Harry & Calypso starting to actively explore them makes me wonder how far you're going to take it and what heights they may achieve. Voldemort liked his rituals too.

    Kreacher is great in this, I hope that Harry's making copies of the books that he's borrowing.
     
  6. The Santi

    The Santi Professor

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2009
    Messages:
    478
    Location:
    Library
    I actually originally wrote the scene with Harry casting the magic and the water just appearing everywhere around him. Kind of like he stood in the eye of the hurricane.

    Can't quite remember why I changed it, but I did. I do still like the idea though, and I might work a variation of it into the story later.
     
  7. masteraleph

    masteraleph First Year

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    40
    A few thoughts:

    1) The Map has made its entrance into the story. Going back a few pages of discussion (or more than a few), there was a lot of speculation about Calypso's identity becoming known at Hogwarts. It seems like this is tailor made for just such an occurrence.

    2) It's interesting that Professor Rosier is giving Harry spells to look up that Calypso doesn't know yet, even though Calypso's more advanced in the Dark Arts. Might just be his skills with charms and transfiguration, but I'm wondering if he's intentionally leading Harry away from spells with which Calypso has some expertise.

    3) Might just be me, but isn't it a little odd for Calypso's father to leave her home alone for an extended period of time? I mean, she's a 14 year old, and it seems like he's leaving her for weeks if not months on end.

    4) Finally, I don't buy the explanations that have been mentioned so far for the inferius bit. The transplanting idea doesn't make much sense, and linking it with the earth elemental seems a bit too pat. She has brought up fiendfyre, which could be tied in, since it would be a great defense if controlled. Also, looking at the description of the book as "somewhat old," but in the Rosier family library and well cared for...could this be a book written by Grindelwald? We already know that the Rosier family was close to Grindelwald, and he did try to put together an inferius army...Harry might be more interested in the author, rather than in that specific last chapter.

    Edit: Scratch that last idea. The book seems to be in English, because Harry's worried about others reading it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2011
  8. Rakkety Tam

    Rakkety Tam High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2011
    Messages:
    513
    On the subject of OWLs and NEWTs, I thought it was understood that they still happen during 5th year and 7th year at Durmstrang regardless of what level you have tested into in the class. I believe it was mentioned in one the chapters that when a student finishes the 7th year of the class early at Durmstrang, they do not give up taking the class. They work on independent study in the subject until they graduate.

    As for the rotting flesh, I had assumed it would be a somewhat fresh corpse with a preservation charm of some sort on it. Obviously, you wouldn’t want rotting zombie flesh on your arm…well, Albus might prefer it to what happens to his hand in HBP. But as I said, it was an initial assessment on the first read through which was done at an admittedly accelerated pace.

    I do have another theory about it that isn’t related to earth elementals, his unfinished Dark Arts project, or his previous discovery. I’m just not comfortable with presenting it until I can reread a few things to further confirm my suspicions which at this point could still be very wrong.

    EDIT:
    You are late to the party. I already called it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2011
  9. knuckz

    knuckz Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2011
    Messages:
    234
    Location:
    Flatland
    To be honest, I didn't enjoy this last update as I did the rest of the chapter. It's kind of hard to explain really, because there wasn't anything wrong with the content. The writing just seemed a little... off when compared to how it's been written this whole time.

    It might just be that the plot isn't moving forward fast enough for me. Still, this story is still leagues above many others; definitely amongst the greatest HP fics, I'd think.

    Good stuff.
     
  10. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    4,001
    Location:
    Australia
    No, that hasn't been mentioned in the story at all.

    From one of the early conversations between Harry and Calypso, we know that "the standard owl system" is used for tests, but there is no mention of when it is used.

    OWLs might have been sat at the end of a student's fifth year classes, but there was no mention of Harry sitting them for Charms and Transfiguration so that seems unlikely. They may be held at the end of a student's fifth year at Durmstrang. Or something else entirely.

    There's not been any mention of NEWTs.

    The way Calypso talks about OWLs, they might be more than just a one-time exam in every subject.
     
  11. thebrute7

    thebrute7 High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2011
    Messages:
    500
    Location:
    Newberg Oregon
    I genuinely hope you plan on doing more with the Triwizard tournament than canon. It always annoyed me that the Triwizard was supposed to be some great tournament, and there were only three events, two of which could not even be watched by the spectators. What the hell kind of events are those?

    If you are going to keep the events the same, could you at least make some mention of a some sort of viewing orbs or something that would actually allow the spectators to see the events of 2 and 3?

    I always thought that the tournament needed more events though...
     
  12. syed

    syed Supermod

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2011
    Messages:
    944
    This is awesome!

    So there are three types of dark magic: Things only for evil, magic needing negative emotions, and magic that so powerul or dangerous, if done badly will mean great destruction and death. For the water curse, why not get a bubble head, then let it submerse you, so easier to control as the worst is over.

    Crouch Sr. could make a case that durmstrung famous student would more then likly know the magic for the dark mark, but the fact his brother is the chosen one puts a dampner, but he could believe his friends were covering for him.
    Boy, will Nathan get it from his brother for loosing his wand, by harry.
    I wonder if Calypso would join the Potter celebrations, or Harry join hers or Vctor. Lily and James will worry about her research.
    Is Harry still betting on victor catching the snitch using his hidden account? You have to wonder how much he has by now. Would he use these funds for his own experiments or help the joke shop.
    So Harry will be seeing the Twins again, i wonder will he be fascinated by their products, due to the ingenious magic. Could help them out during the year as a hobby.
    I bet harry will taunt ron about how victor has to be evil as he is at durmstrung and studies dark arts.
    Will harry either attack the DE or save the muggles.

    Are we seeing the begining of the end for Kira, do we know if she got picked for the tornement. Calypso will be eager to get Victor another girl.

    So Kreacher is on team Harry, i wonder i could be sold to his god son. As a future gift to the elf, a new uniform with the Black Creast, with a small enchanted blade, whip and mask to help get rid of magical pests and protect the noble house of black. So with access to a huge liabrary, I wonder what harry will do next. Possibly trick his god father into giving him command of the elf, so free access to the house of black. Also assitant at durmstrung.

    So a map and a broom are the next projects. There is not enough time to make a durmstrung map, so it would have to wait for later. Map could also track, spy and target. Also encorparate detection and sensory magics. Dumbledore said his position was important, i guess it was because he had control of the wards. The broom could have other features, stealth, autopilot, voice command. Another project would be improving portkeys- what if instead of holding one, you were inside them, protected from the spinning sensation.

    Her father vacation is likly him trying to find a way to help her.
     
  13. knuckz

    knuckz Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2011
    Messages:
    234
    Location:
    Flatland
    Also, there are a few mistakes that you might want to look at: professor Dumbledore = Professor, and didn't invited = didn't invite are the main things that jumped out at me. I believe there was also a broken sentence when Harry was talking to Kreacher about what he would say to Sirius.
     
  14. Rakkety Tam

    Rakkety Tam High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2011
    Messages:
    513
    No, I've seen a comment or two about this already. It is actually because he is punishing her for not going to their meetings.

    Yak, I'm glad you dug up that quote. I remembered it incorrectly. I thought she said they took the OWLs, but it really seems to just say they use the grading system for the tests. I extrapolated based on my false belief that they took OWLs and the fact that Harry didn't take them to assume that they were taken in their 5th year at Durmstrang.
     
  15. oephyx

    oephyx Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,006
    Location:
    Not Europe
    I really like this chapter. More meat than previous ones, and everything is coming along nicely. The relationship between Sirius and Harry, the introduction of Kreacher, and the new magic all work quite well.

    I have some occasional issues with the writing, but most of it is pretty good:

    "Regardless of what Calypso thought, his lack of progress over the summer and winter with the Dark Arts wasn't completely due to his family's stance on the subject. No, it was simply a lack of material to study and learn from. Oh, he had his school books, but it wasn't like he could just go to Knockturn Alley and buy some supplemental Dark Arts books – his parents would freak!"

    This paragraph jumps out to interrupt an exchange between Kreacher and Harry. I think it breaks the flow, almost as if you went back and decided the dialogue needed more background information. It's not very well written either. "Contrary to" would work better than "Regardless of", and "Oh (...) his parents would freak!" was awkward.
    _

    “I still don't understand why you actually want to do homework on your birthday,” Nathan said in disbelief.

    Grinning slightly, Harry replied, “Oh, I think you'll figure it out eventually.”

    “You didn't work on our little project did you?” Sirius whispered intently. -Random suspicious behaviour, seems pointless.

    Shaking his head, Harry said, “No, just some transfiguration stuff, don't worry.”

    “So, Harry, Nathan, now that you're fourteen years old do you feel any different?” Remus asked. “Had any great leaps of magical power? Maybe the knowledge of Merlin dumped into your head?” -This is the least natural dig you've taken at fanon clichés. It's amusing, but there's really no reason for Remus to say that, so it breaks the flow.

    Nathan laughed. “Come on uncle Remus, everyone knows that happens when you turn sixteen.”

    Smiling, Lily said, “I still can't believe how grown up they are now. Pretty soon they'll be getting girlfriends.” -This line isn't very well disguised, seemed weird to me.

    “Funny that you should mention girlfriends, Lily.” Sirius grin was reaching epic proportions as he looked at his wide eyed godson. “I was just about to ask Harry here why he didn't invited his girlfriend over for his birthday.”

    Burying his face in his hands, Harry mentally cursed Sirius. He had wondered why his godfather never said anything about Calypso after the match. At first he had hoped that Sirius had forgotten with everything that happened, but, after Sirius mentioned Calypso during one of their animagus practices, Harry knew that wasn't true. Apparently, Sirius was just waiting for the best opportunity to embarrass him. -Harry's not stupid. Of course Sirius hadn't forgotten, of course he was going to tease him with it.
    _

    “Eh, she's a little cutie alright.” Sirius smirked. “Dark hair, greyish eyes. Most definitely a pureblood or recent halfblood. She's got those high cheekbones that's so common in a lot of the old families.”

    Someone else mentioned that this wasn't very good. Seems out of character too; apart from the fact that I don't think Durmstrang accepts Muggle-borns, Sirius wouldn't care about it enough that he would mention it first.
    _

    As he stared at the harmless looking book, Harry knew why Calypso had chosen it, and a part of him was even thankful that she had sent it to him. It would be useful – that did not doubt – but if the wrong person found it...

    "he did not doubt" is what I suppose you meant.

    Keep up the good work.
     
  16. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    4,001
    Location:
    Australia
    I disagree. You're correct that Sirius doesn't particularly care about blood purity, and all of the adults present are aware that Durmstrang only accepts halfbloods and purebloods.

    That isn't the point. Sirius is trying to build up a mental picture of Calypso for James, Lily, and the rest, who've never met Calypso and have no idea what she looks like. It is likely that Calypso has a cast to her features which is common in some pureblood families. In conjunction with the rest of her description, this will allow James and Lily to get a better mental picture of what the girl looks like.

    Sirius isn't using the term pureblood as a pejorative against those who aren't; he's using it as a descriptor of a tendency towards inherited physical characteristics which is as neutral as describing a girl's hair colour, skin tone, etc.

    Sirius might have been using the pureblood/halfblood appelation to describe Calypso's attire, much as Harry's hair style was described as being slicked back in the pureblood fashion in one of the very early chapters, but I believe that Sirius was referring to Calypso's physical build/facial features with the comment.
     
  17. oephyx

    oephyx Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,006
    Location:
    Not Europe
    There's really two things that bother me about those lines. Firstly, "those high cheek bones that's so common in a lot of the old families" automatically brings to mind the overused "aristocratic features" cliché. It may not be impossible, with enough inbreeding, but I don't like the idea that purebloods have specific physical traits.

    Then there's the way he says it: "most definitely a pureblood or recent halfblood" isn't necessary for the physical description when you already have the second line, but it puts emphasis on the blood status. It's exactly how I expect someone who cared would speak.

    That said, not a very important point of criticism.
     
  18. Dark Raku

    Dark Raku Second Year

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2010
    Messages:
    71
    But why couldn't he care to some degree?
     
  19. Schmango

    Schmango First Year

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2011
    Messages:
    25
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Personally I didn't have a problem with how Sirius described Calypso. My train of thought was in line with yak's. Sirius was just describing Calypso for James and Lily.
     
  20. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2010
    Messages:
    1,217
    Location:
    Between here and there.
    Because he's Sirius. A fair bit of his character is all about disliking pureblood tradition, and not caring about blood purity is a big part of that.

    That said, I have no issue with the line. After all, they're probably wondering who the girl is. 'Defiantly a pureblood or a recent halfblood' narrows down the list a bit, and being slightly redundant in dialogue is fine. Makes it sound more human, so long as it's not overused.
     
Loading...
Not open for further replies.