As with several others, I noticed the "around new years" prediction rang true. I actually thought about that and checked at the start of 2013 and 2014, but didn't think to check this year. Thanks for updating on FFnet at the same time to clue the rest of us in.

It's been great to see a couple of inactive/abandoned greats come back to life in the past few months. I hope things are going well and look forward to your next update.

 

That was quite a surprise

I like that you made those tasks more threatening and difficult, in canon they are shown in such a way that they look almost simplistic. Nathan looks rather pathetic through Harry's eyes, and the funny thing is that Nathan is actually the orginal Harry... I think that if I read Harry Potter books again, it just won't be as enjoyable as it used to when I was a kid. You are partially the one to blame

Anyway, the (mis)journalism of Ms Skeeter is the thing that I enjoyed the most. Can't wain to see more of it.

 

woooooo!
Happy New Year

I'm so glad I subscrbied to that thread


That's exactly the kind of posting that gets you banned.
Minion

 

Great to see this updated. It was a great New Year's surprise. I am honestly starting to think that Harry will get his first kill on Rita... after practicing the cruciatus on her first. That is just where I think this will go though. I could be wrong. The Krum/Kira breakup was forewarned a bit. I remember in the last chapter (I think) that there were hints that not everything was alright between the two.

Hopefully we can all see a new chapter within a month or two... hopefully.

 

I couldn't really see any grammatical/spelling flaws, aside from referring to Ron as the youngest Weasley (which someone above already mentioned). I agree with Marsupial in that the Krum/Hermione relationship feels a little forced, but canon shows that there was something about Hermione that attracted Viktor; I wasn't surprised by the Krum/Kira breakup, so I guess it shouldn't stretch the imagination that Krum and Hermione still get together.

To my knowledge, Harry hasn't had an interaction with either Fleur or Cedric. It'll certainly be interesting to see the dynamics between them and Harry.

Happy to see this updated, glad to see you back, etc.

 

Spotted a typo. Should be the Waltz.

 

I found the link. A Half-Blood Prince Indeed is a masterpiece.

 

Wow, dude also finally put up chapter 12 on FF.net, heh.

 

Was hoping for a different take on the TWT. Canon works too.

Rache, formerly known as mohan..., was warned here https://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=563706#post563706 to never post in this thread again. Now he has 7 days off.

Minion, Jan. 4, 2015.

 

Omg. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. HAHAHAHAHAh. I'm tearing up. I am so happy!!!! Dude fantastic update and I can't wait for more. Thank you for this wonderful new years present.



That's exactly the kind of posting that gets you banned.
Minion

 

Loved the new chapter! The first task was spot on with the writing and I loved how it played out.

A few people mentioned the Krum/Hermione relationship felt rushed, but I think it was handled well. Kira and Krum were rocky, and they didn't break-up in this chapter, but probably catalyzed the break-up. Though I wish we (as in Harry) is cleared up more on Hermione and Krum, as well as Nathan and Cho. Do Nathan and Ron both actually like her?

I'd love to see more Harry/James interaction, I feel like his character has disappeared. It did surprise me a bit that Harry and his parents didn't have a frank discussion over the article, it seemed like a good opportunity to talk about Harry's Dark Arts class. I wonder when that is going to happen...

Final thing: I feel like one of the things Calypso and Harry bond over is a sadistic impulse. Does anyone else get that feeling?

Anyways, loved the chapter, can't wait to see Harry's next interactions with anyone, because your writing is that amazing.

Happy New Year =)

 

Holy shit, this made my day. Completely forgot this fic even existed. Saw the update notification come through, and thought it was something else. Then I realized what it was and went and reread half of it just to get back into the feel of it to better enjoy the update. Still one of my favourite HP fics ever.

The use of canon strategies for the first task actually worked pretty well. Same thing really, but with Harry helping both Viktor and Harry, it felt like a lot more impressive somehow.

I actually kind of feel sad for Kira. From her point of view it must feel like Viktor is dropping her for some silly infatuation of a girl he just met. But I suppose from Viktor's point of view, just the fact Kira doesn't get on with his friends would have to be grating in their relationship. And he's very much the peacekeeper - regularly diffuses issues that pop up, so I can't imagine Kira would be that aware of his issues with their relationship.

 

I look forward to the evisceration of Draco and Rita.

Nothing of real note happened in the chapter, but there was some good character development. The Krum-Kira breakup is going to be deliciously messy.

I think you should have written in Skeeter's article as well. As it is, the scene seemed to be missing something.

I was slightly disappointing that Harry didn't get to fight the dragons, but I guess its been done too many times. Also, Mentor!Harry doesn't seem to turning out too well for Nathan. Sometimes seemingly good advice turns out bad. Its always best to play to one's strength. Nathan would have been perfectly fine sticking to just his flying skills. I'd like to have seen Nathan scream at Harry for it.

I am not a fan of the Harry-Dumbledore interactions. Dumbledore seems to be perfectly OK with Harry learning the Dark Arts and desperately trying to gain power. He always seemed to be leery of others with power (He didn't even tell Canon Harry about the Deathly Hallows directly, remember?) and not dispensing unwanted words of caution to Harry regarding the Dark Arts seems OOC to me. Plus, I have always thought Harry and Dumbledore getting along perfectly well to be a waste, especially when there are good reasons for tension between them.

I don't like your interpretation of the Dark Arts either. All that seems to distinguish them from normal magic here is that you need negative emotions to cast them. It is a perfectly valid interpretation, but it doesn't really justify all the dire warnings about it, and seems too close to "Dark Arts are just misunderstood" and "Levitation charms can kill as easily as the Killing curse, so what's the difference?" territory. I personally prefer the interpretation of other stories like On the Way to Greatness, where practicing the Dark Arts have consequences.

On the other hand I love Harry and Calypso's relationship and it progressed really well in this chapter. They should totally go on a romantic date solely involving cursing Draco to pieces.

Voldemort's return should be all kinds of epic. I assume this is where the major plot happens? I look forward to any and all future Harry-Voldemort interactions. Also, it would be good for Harry to finally get into some real fights with dangerous opponents.

Anyway, good chapter. Please update sometime within the next few months. Happy New Year =)

 

I could hardly believe my eyes when I first saw this, but it's true, you finally updated, after almost four years! This just made my day!

I agree with what the other people above said, we need more of the article Rita Skeeter published, but you haven't updated for over three years, so it's understandable if you're off your game.

I'm finally glad Krum broke up with Kira. I never saw any redeeming features to her as she seemed to fill the role of merely being a racist girlfriend. I mean, what was the point of Kira? One interesting aspect would have been if she had hated Harry and then one day that racism turned into wild hot passion and they ended up in a love-hate relationship, but I saw Harry/Calypso coming from the moment you introduced her. Then again, Kira's run isn't over yet, and she may have something huge cooked up as revenge against her boyfriend for abandoning her for a "Mudblood."

As for Harry/Calypso, I dunno, it doesn't seem like that great of a couple to me. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad or horrifically awful; I've seen tons of other worst shippings in anime, literature, and TV shows, but they just don't seem to have the extra something that makes me want to see them be together. As it stands now I'm more like, "Meh."

I totally loved the interaction between Amos and James. Personally, I wish James had taken down that pompous blowhard, but ah well.

All in all, I have to say this chapter was a bit rusty, but it was still pretty damn cool and I can't wait to see more!

 

I'd argue that Dumbledore probably realizes trying to stop Harry would just alienate him. He obviously does feels concerned, as we saw in that earlier scene where reading about Harry's exploits led to recalling memories of his previous endeavors with Grindelwald and burning that book. He probably thinks that the best way to deter Harry from going down a dark road is to keep those bonds positive and alive. Keep Harry's interest in the Dark Arts to remain more academic in nature. Harry respects and trusts Dumbledore at the moment - trying to control him would just lead to Harry to isolate himself.

If there were significant consequences for using Dark Arts, then I doubt it would be part of the Durmstrang curriculum. They wouldn't be teaching it if it led to people likely to go into the world and start wantonly killing things.

That being said, I can also see the reason why they'd be banned in Hogwarts. We've seen Harry do mildly morally dubious things, and I'm sure as the story gets on, the scale of immorality will continue to increase in his quest to power. Killing rabbits, torturing frogs now and casting malicious curses against his own girlfriend now, what will he do later? While there doesn't seem to be any inherent magical consequences, there are certainly some psychological ones, particularly for someone like Harry.

 

Rita Skeeter you horrid b*tch! Let's see, what's bad about this chapter?:
Nothing that actually stands out anyway. The chapter is, as usual wonderful, and the only (very) minor 'bad' thing that I can find is you ended the chapter like the last chapter... Wait what did I just write? Anyway, it's not anywhere near a big deal.

 

True. You don't need blatant magical consequences for Dark Arts to be dangerous. Constant use of negative emotions in spells would have psychological consequences. The problem is that these consequences haven't been addressed in the story at all. The Dark Arts professors haven't said anything about it, Dumbledore hasn't said anything about it and when Harry's parents and Nathan say something about it, they sound more like prejudiced idiots than intelligent people who know what they're talking about. Considering all the dark magic Harry has been practicing the last few months, he should be overloading with negative emotion by now. Yet he has been remarkably controlled, all things considered and there haven't been any signs of an impending breakdown.

Hmmm... I always thought Dumbledore was constitutionally incapable of not meddling in everyone's business. Plus, subtlety is not exactly his strong point when someone goes against his principles. It would have been much more advantageous to either seek a truce or manipulate Fudge at the end of GoF, while keeping the public uninformed. Yet Dumbledore gave him an ultimatum instead, instantaneously alienating him. Also, had Dumbledore spoken before, Harry would have probably listened to him - it took Calypso a lot of time and hard work to get Harry to embrace the Dark Arts.

I'm sorry, but there was a reason Dumbledore was so against the Dark Arts in canon. Him not speaking to Harry about it at all and hoping the problem would solve itself seems incredibly out of character to me.

 

All right, while everyone else is gushing I thought I might do something useful

(It's a good chapter, and it's great to see you back, but I'm a picky motherfucker. Apologies in advance for lacking Warlocke's amusing and sarcastic commentary.)

I thought this could be a good opportunity for a little more description. Half of the goat's innards are lying on the floor, after all. You could describe them flying back into the goat, beginning to transform back into wood along the way.

As it is, it reads like the corpse turns back into a desk with its innards still on the floor. Which is an interesting take on transfiguration that I could probably get behind, but I'm not sure if it's what you intended.

This section feels a bit unnecessary. I feel like you're explaining something that didn't need to be explained. There's a practice room, Harry is practising in it. Other students are around and he doesn't want to show them what he's really working on, so practises some intimidating spells instead. That seems good enough for me. I don't need to be told why he's not practising somewhere else.

This should either be "...that you didn't learn years ago" or "that you haven't learned already". The time marker "years ago" places us completely in the past, referring to a specific, complete past event without a connection to the present, and so should be used with the past simple.

Of course it's speech so Harry could just be speaking badly... but Harry doesn't strike me as the type of person to do that.

After Hermione's introduction ("I can't believe..."), the actual crime (calling Harry anti-social) seems a bit incongruous. It's not exactly making us gasp in shock.

This doesn't quite work. It's grammatically correct but it reads badly, because we read it with a pause where there is no pause in Nathan's speech. Two alternatives:

“And Malfoy,” Nathan muttered darkly. “He's going to get his. I promise.”

Or:

“And Malfoy's going to get his. I promise," Nathan muttered darkly.

Punctuation needed. "Nathan, vanish the quill." or "Nathan: vanish the quill." or even "Nathan--vanish the quill."

A bit wordy. "Er, we haven't started vanishing yet" seems more natural, or "Er, we're not starting that til next term."

"This tournament is no joke," Harry said. "You could get hurt--"

"Or worse, expelled!" Hermione added.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, he seems more the pegging type."

The comma here doesn't feel like strong enough a pause for what you're going for. Perhaps an ellipsis.

“Viktor,” he said, hesitatingly, “I know you'll be able to figure something out. Nathan... Nathan won't. A dragon will kill him.”

Same problem as above with us reading the sentence with a pause when it doesn't actually have one. At the moment it reads like Harry is saying the Killing Curse is obvious, where actually what Harry is saying is Viktor not using the Killing Curse is obvious.

Basically, the word "obvious" needs to be closer to the thing Harry is calling obvious.

When addressing a person by name in speech, there should always be a comma after the name. "Viktor, how far along have you gotten..."

Not a serious sin, but it's unclear here if Harry was having a sexy Calypso related dream or a dream involving dragons, which then reminds him of the situation.

"Not now, Nathan," Harry snapped.

"Would admit" works better than "admitted" here. "Admitted" makes it sound like Harry has said as much and it's simply been told rather than shown.

That's a serious quantity of dots right there.

Any particular reason you changed it from the specially-designed enclosure of canon?

Where's

Someone needs to add a "revocation of equal notoriety" subsection into that legislation.

"That woman has issues, Harry," James repeated. He was now of an age where such jokes were not only acceptable but expected, and he would take full advantage of it.

I'm torn between if this should be "stupefys" or "stupefies". If we're treating it like a proper name (e.g. Weasley) it should be the former; if it's any other noun (e.g. baby) it should be the latter.

But honestly, both of them look a bit stupid. "Twelve Stunning Spells" works best, I think.

"I wonder if her tits are boosting the effect," Harry speculated.

"No doubt," James said, and Lily rolled her eyes.

An idea occurred to Harry. "Maybe that should be my next journal article... the magical significance of magnificent tits."

James snorted. "I'm sure Ms Rosier will be happy to help your research."

James said, unable to keep the unease out of his voice.

"I can see that" seems unnecessary/unnatural. Just have her assert her observation, we know she's using her eyes.

Didn't

Comma, not full stop.

This section feels a bit like it's labouring an already well-established point about the differences between Hogwarts and Durmstrang.

(Also, Hermione doesn't seem to offer the obvious counter: if Hogwarts prevents wizards from reaching their full potential, then how is it that Dumbledore went to Hogwarts and yet is considered the most powerful wizard in the world?)

Hanging comma.

"Fuck her right in the pussy!"

I wonder if you can obliviate someone's knowledge of breathing.

Take out the second comma unless you want Dumbledore to sound like he has a stutter. If you really want a dramatic pause, then use ellipsis and exclamation mark.

The beat here needs punctuating differently.

Normally, one would do it like this:

"While you were trying to act all intimidating--" Harry playfully scowled at Calypso "--I was using Legilimency on that dumb bitch."

Unfortunately, the fact that you already used a dash to set off "nice job by the way" makes this inelegant. Triple dashes are ugly, like double colons. There doesn't seem a way around it, so I'd recommend rephrasing to avoid it.


General comments

Just two things.

Firstly (and I'm not sure if this is the result of the long update time) I have to say my mental image of Calypso is rather hazy. All I really know about her is that she has black hair. Her height and body type are a mystery to me, as are her facial features.

Now, I understand that you don't want to look unclassy by describing Calypso in more detail, but it seems likely that Harry, a teenage boy, would notice and appreciate certain parts of his girlfriend. As for facial features, I'm not saying that we should get a guided tour of her entire face. Those don't work anyway. But maybe just pick out a single striking feature--lips, freckles if she has them, or whatever-- to cement her in our minds.

Secondly, in canon the First Task only allowed entry with a wand. Enchanted clothing would not be permitted. Now, of course they can cheat, but it should probably be mentioned that they are doing so.

 

I'm curious as to whether the next skeeter article will tip off Harry and Calypso as to someone spying on them. Because without prior knowledge it could just look like the work of a reporter with partially good digging skills. Although seeing as they think it's a Dursmstrang student ratting them out I am expecting her father to get involved.

 

I'm happy to see the update.
It's a pity Nathan forgave Ron immediately. Maybe Harry should have mentioned Pettigrew, and that Nathan doesn't need friends like that.
I hope you are not going to forget the plan of 'teaching Malfoy a lesson'. The ferret should learn not to mess with Durmstrang students.